I struggled with mental health from nineteen years old. This pandemic excruciated my signs of anxiety and depression their were days I did not get off the sofa. I was sent to the hospital two times because I barely would eat and was not sleeping for weeks all leading to hallucinations. For my mothers fiftieth birthday her present was sending me to the hospital because I was hallucinating due to weeks of not eating or sleeping. My hallucinations and depression symptoms worsened in the pandemic. I have never felt worst about myself. I struggled with not believing in myself. Which was not something common before and I am social and had confidence for most of my life. My life changed when I was asked to participate in Muslim student association at Chapman university as vice president Fall 2019. I accepted this during my sophomore year and I was ready to be in a leadership position. Before Spring of 2020 I received a called from the President Summer who was accepted into USC law school and told me she quit the position. I was then told I had to take on her role. This was something I was not comfortable with as I was more shy and a introverted person who did not know how to lead meetings. However I had help and support and recruited another leader Maha we had virtual meetings online during the pandemic. She was going abroad and 2 months in also had to leave the position. I mentally struggled leading MSA meeting virtually. I did not feel like I was the correct leader of the organization. There were individuals more religious more important. Why did I have the chance to be president? I am not a great practicing Muslim. I used to be very practicing but went through psychological distress after breaking off a relationship with someone who I saw building my life with. I did not follow my religion completely since the age of 19 and I knew that. I know my mental health struggles are not necessarily linked to my lack in practicing of my religion. However, I know that any faith helps people Christian, Jewish, or Muslim get through pain. An that’s what I relied on my whole life. I will say I felt like an outsider leading as the Muslim student association President because of my lack of practicing religion caused me to feel anxiety, and depression. I saw myself living a double life. Once I accepted that I can have these issues and lead I had more inner peace. I continue to take sertraline 50mg daily. An continue with daily walks, self help and meditation practices. However, the two years I was President and leading those students my mental health was the notably the worst. I know it is important to help those in need and those who deserve it. However I learned from my mental health struggles that placing yourself as first is the most crucial component before helping others. As cliché as it is “You cannot pour from an empty glass.” So I learned to help myself first before I help others.