I’ve spent a lot of time scrutinizing, obsessing, and criticizing this body. My body, the only body I have, has been used and abused by me both mentally and physically since adolescence. So many women and young girls (and men and non binary people) share the same story and I wanted to shed a little bit of light on mine. Since middle school I have dealt with body dysmorphia and eating disorders. Internalized fat phobia (just calling it like it is) propelled me to eat, restrict, binge, and purge to satisfy the little voice in my head. The voice constantly nagging, “you’ll never look THAT good in a swimsuit” or “you ate way too much and you know it” or “you’ll have to run 6 miles to work that off now” presented itself every time I had an opportunity to nourish my body. High school definitely was one of the WORST times in my life. Both my physical and mental health suffered greatly because I had unrealistic expectations of what health looked like. Fast forward 10 years and we’re here. After deconstruction of my faith, many doctors visits, sessions with actual mental health and medical professionals, I wish I could proudly say that I’m healed. Healing doesn’t actually work that way. I still have that little voice in my head but it’s much quieter now. A different voice resides now and is much louder saying things like, “health looks different on every body!” Or “the BMI is inherently racist and was originally created to promote eugenics!” or “I know today doesn’t feel great, how about just some light stretching today to get some movement in” or “You made a great meal for your family today, you deserve to eat this meal!” It’s not perfect. Every day has different challenges. This isn’t to say there is some magical fix for ED or any other mental health issue, you should always seek professional help. What I am saying is that there is hope for people like me whom struggle in this capacity. I try my best to outreach on social networks as often as I can to help others like me feel less alone. I even have resources ready and available to give to those needing financial assistance or other resources for mental health in the Olympia area. I want these people to know that there are others like them whom want to cheer them on and let know know that you don’t need diet culture or social media to define who they are or what health looks like for them. I am here to let them know that they are loved, beautiful, and divine in whatever body that they live in. While I am in college I plan to continue my outreach in this way. I am currently in school for a nursing degree and have every intention of having a focus and career in Psych nursing after I graduate in order to further help people whom struggle with their mental health and the stigma that can prevent some from reaching out for help in the first place.

Multiple sources that I have researched describe perseverance as the ability to rebound. While I believe an eventual rebound will happen for me, it has not always happened right away. I have struggled with my mental health since before adolescence. I didn’t know it at the time because my parents didn’t have the ability or the belief that I needed help. It wasn’t until more recently that I knew to seek help and what all was accessible to me. With the help of quite a few amazing healthcare professionals I now have the knowledge that I have ADHD and OCD. Some things are still quite difficult for me to process I now have access to medication, therapy, and other really helpful modalities. Because I wasn’t diagnosed until later on, I went through my entire previous education experience without any help for my struggles. It was extremely difficult. I struggled just to get assignments done, focus on school, maintain good grades, work full time, maintain relationships, and even get out of bed. I don’t want to say that everything about my life was hard, but a lot of it was. I didn’t understand that it didn’t have to be that way. Now that I have access to the things I need, life has gotten substantially easier to manage. Looking back on the situation, I really have to give my younger self so much credit. Even though I struggled massively, I still managed to achieve several degrees including my Pre-nursing degree, and accepted into nursing school which I've been trying to do since 2015. It’s taken me a while but I’m extremely proud of my ability to continue on and persevere through my health struggles to achieve my dreams.

Many of the healthcare jobs that I have had in my life have been in retirement communities, assisted living facilities, and long-term/memory care. I have had the opportunity to care for seniors in quite a few different settings and roles and I can honestly say that I have loved and found value in each job setting. From serving and cooking their food, to cleaning their apartments, to providing daily care and Nursing Assistant care I have been able to observe a wide spectrum of what it means to care for seniors. Along with my ability to observe and learn the spectrum of types of care for seniors, I have also been humbled by the vast variety of people that I have met. I have always done my best to learn and respect each one's culture, belief system, and life experience so that I can provide the most individualized care. I currently study nursing at South Puget Sound Community College. I am in my first quarter and for clinical we are focusing on community care. I have had the opportunity to re-enter the memory care setting at a long term facility and in this experience I can still say that I love and have a huge heart for seniors with degenerative brain disorders. I've spent quite a few years serving them in the capacity of nursing assistant and I really enjoy utilizing my nursing assessment skills and "nursing brain" in this setting still. I plan on spending time in memory care/long-term care for seniors after nursing school because it is a place that I already know that I am passionate about. I would be grateful to be considered for aid in helping me to achieve this goal.