Mental health is something that has taken a loved one from me, and also something that impacts me in my everyday life. My family has had a history of mental health struggles, things including alcoholism, depression, and schizophrenia. And then you have me, who was diagnosed with anxiety and ADHD. Needless to say, mental health is something that has always had an effect on my family and me. I saw the downfall of untreated mental health problems, manifesting in actions that cannot be reversed. It is one of the worst types of pain to believe that maybe things could have been different if you had done more. What if I had reached out more? What could I have done differently to prevent it? Was I at fault? These are the types of things I asked myself when losing my loved one to suicide. Nothing prepares you for the everlasting changes it has on you, and I can say I came out of the worst of my grief a new person. After his suicide, it had me thinking about my own mental health. It was something after this experience that I realized that I might have been leaving unchecked as well. Throughout my senior year and my college career, my grades took a huge hit. I had a bout of depression that left me tired and anxious. And I do believe a lot of opportunities were missed during that time because of my poor mental health. My grades prevented me from many scholarships, internships, and club activities. I was even placed on academic probation in college, restricting how many course hours I could take a semester. There were a lot of real-life consequences to it all which only made the problems worse. It was after college that I loved one’s suicide happened, and left me at my lowest point. But, it was what inevitably sparked my drive to finally get the help I needed, because seeing myself ruin my life and seeing what unchecked mental health could do, I knew I couldn’t let it get any worse. I thought about how my family would feel if anything were to happen to me, and how much it could hurt them. After some hesitation and nervousness, I finally started with therapy as a baseline to at least have someone to talk to. I started therapy, which was a huge help and tool to help me with my grief, and anxiety, and also was the reason I ended up getting put on the path to getting diagnosed with ADHD. I was finally putting the work into improving myself. Now after years of mental health care and advocating for myself, I am in one of the best spots in my life. I have learned a lot of useful tools, and gotten the medical care I needed. So now, while some of my problems won’t ever truly go away, I cope and deal with things a lot more effectively. Now, I can finally focus on my studies without as much trial and tribulation and have the resources to succeed in my future endeavors. I am going to cosmetology school because of this, as I have learned that my ADHD makes my current line of work not suitable for me anymore. I am going into something that speaks to my strengths and accesses my creativity, something I have learned I really value in my work. Which will only further me in my profession.

I remember my junior year, as it was one of the lowest points in my mental health journey and the start of snowballing mental health issues. This year required a lot of work in terms of classes and had undiagnosed ADHD at the time. I ended up drowning in it all and failed my first class out of my whole high school career. Before this, I was on the honor roll for a while. But during junior and after, my grades suffered. It caused me a lot of shame, my parents would get angry with me that I wasn't trying hard enough. My teachers would pull me aside and ask why my performance was lacking, seemingly disappointed I had changed in my academic life. It caused me to doubt my abilities and left me with a looming sense of shame. Towards the end of my junior year, I was so burnt out and tired, I gave up. I felt worthless, alone, and confused. In conjunction with the fact I didn't know what I wanted to do after high school, everything added up. I would sleep more often than not during this time. Waking up for school felt like a monumental task, and felt like I just wanted to curl up in a ball and hide wherever I went. I ate very little, lost weight, and generally began a depressive episode. If I had gotten help or therapy during this time, I would have been in a much better place. Then maybe my grades would not have been so impacted. I look back and regret that I didn't, because it affected the opportunities I would have in the future. Your grades directly impact what colleges you want to go to, and what scholarships you are eligible for. I feel like more doors could have been opened if I had just realized I needed to reach out. The damage had already been done though, and I knew there was no fixing it anymore. I fortunately graduated, but I felt like I could have done so much better. That is why I feel like mental health is so important. Someone may want so badly to put their best foot forward, but their mental health may hold them back from life's many opportunities. It is a huge barrier to entry for many, and there is very little support for people struggling like this. And many don't know how to reach out for help. It is left to fester, causing potentially even more problems down the line. You may burn bridges that you never wanted to be burnt in the first place. When I finally did get help, everything changed. I was diagnosed with ADHD, which explained a large part of my struggles and gave me a starting point to work on myself. I started taking the medications I needed and focused on improving my mental health. Cut to now, where I am the happiest I have been in my entire life. I finally found peace within myself. I do still struggle from time to time though, but to maintain my mental health there are a few things I do. I started regularly going to therapy, eating better and working out, and letting people know if I am struggling. These things together led me to reach this point where I am happier than not. I realized I didn't have to do these things alone, and found the value in asking for help when I need it.