Ripple Effect Choices come and go... laughing and dancing around. Some made in flight, some with thought. Choices do create us, they lay our foundation. Created with thought or flight, yet created by us. Each choice made... ripples around our life. Each ripple small or large some reaching far and wide. We have power to choose. For our choices are our own. In the end the ripple goes out... where it lands, we cannot know. When you choose in flight, ripples go out without thought. Landing in places unknown. To create laughter or tears. When chosen with thought, ripples go out where they go. Some landing in place, others find the unknown. Choices come and go, they created and shape us. In the end the ripples go out where they land we do not know. © 01/30/2018 Emma J. Willden

What excites me most about college might be different then the average college student. My college experience is not the typical one that many students will have. I started college as a mom, and I have four little ones who need my time and attention as much as my classes do. The thing that excites me the most about my college experience is being able to share it with my children and teach them how important it is to create a dream, and work towards it. My passion, drive and dedication to my classes has taught my children how important school is. They are excited to come home and do their homework as I do mine. It might not be the typical way other families spend their evenings together but the season I am in allows me to have something in common with my children. We both have teachers to listen to, knew things to learn, and assignments to complete. So we make it fun, and sit down together to get it done, and support each other in the struggle that it can be. Life is far from perfect. Working full time, being a mom of 4, a wife, and a college student is no fantasy. It's stressful and insane, however its finding these little things that help me the most. Sitting and spending time with my children helps me relax even when its stressful. However one of the biggest things I have learned is that being organized, planning and making and keeping my own deadlines helps me have a healthy mind.

When I was 17 years old a friend of mine convinced me to step out of my comfort zone of being the shy girl in the corner with my nose in a book. She asked me to do the Miss Sevier County Pageant with her. I did not get a crown, but I learned something more valuable then winning ever would have been. The previous year's Miss Sevier took me under her wing, and in the week leading up to the pageant she showed me what being a leader meant. I was a book worm, t-shirt, sweats and jeans type of girl. I had never spent more then 20 minutes getting ready in the morning, and the only talent I had was writing poetry. Miss Sevier took me and helped build me up, teach me and encouraged me to grow into someone I didn't think I could ever be in that 1 week time. No I didn't suddenly start wearing make up, but I was able to gain confidence, and the ability to believe in myself. In the following 11 years I have been able to do so much with what I learned in that 1 week time frame. I have also sought out more knowledge, not only in books that I read but in how to interact with others around me. A few years back I took a step back from my life and asked myself what I was doing, and where I was going. I was a young mom of 2 at that time, and my husband and i were both working two jobs each. I looked at my parents and in-laws and saw that they were still working 2 jobs each and that the example they had given to us to learn was hard work. Yet at the same time we had learned to just work what ever jobs we could, even if it was slowly gonna kill us over time. I told my husband that I wanted to learn to do something different, and I wanted to learn so that our children could learn from our example, to work hard but to do so in a way that wouldn't sacrifice our bodies and mental health. A year latter I found myself in college, working a new job that I had never considered myself worthy of, and working towards something better. Today I have spent the last four years in college, and am looking at spending a few more as I complete my bachelors and then reach for my Masters degree. I have learned so much about how the world works though the work I do as a registered behavioral analysis and I want to learn more. I make enough at this current job that I could have quit, I could have stopped school and stayed in the position I am in. However, I am seeking something bigger than myself. I want to learn more, and in order to do so I need to be able to do more in the filed of applied behavior analysis. I want to do more and learn more not only for myself but so that I can help the families in my community more then what I can in my current role.

This last year has been challenging and full of opportunities to grow. I am a mother to four children ages 8 months to 8 years old. I am working full time in the applied behavior analysis filed with children and I am working on my bachelors degree. Life is insane and busy and there have been times that I have felt like I am not meeting the expectations I need to be. This last month I realized that I have spent this whole year burning both ends of my rope as my mom says. When in reality if I took a step back and allowed myself to say "It's okay, to not be perfect", it would have helped me even more. In the last month I have spent time accepting my season in my life. Doing this has helped me do better in my classes, be a better mother and wife. It has also helped me leave work at work and say no when I am not able to do something. By accepting that at this time in my life I cant juggle the world, it has opened up so much time and has given me so much peace. Being a mom is a full time job, being an employee is something I can and should know how to leave at the office. Recognizing that something's like yardwork can wait while I am getting my education done is important. Its silly to think that this mindset is the biggest growth I have had this year, but in all reality its given me the freedom to set boundaries for myself and not feel guilty about it.

The quality that I value most about myself is that I have the drive and ability to help others around me. Every job I have ever had I'm what you might call the office therapist. I get along with most everyone, and most co workers when working with me open up to me about thier lives and seek advice from me. It was because of this I decided to seek an education to go into the Mental Health field. When I started my associates I decided to seek a position in a psychology related field in order to get my foot in the door. I wasn't sure where to start, and was blessed to run into the hospital psychiatrist one day. My family loves the game Pokémon Go and getting out into the community with it, and ironically so did his family. One day we crossed paths and he was able to help me get an application into a company that does Applied Behavior Analysis with autistic children, and also has mental health specialists. I have worked with this company since 2018 and I love it so much. It has opened doors, and shown me things about myself I didn't know were there. I have been able to see the joy, an amazement on the faces of children and parents when a child is able to puzzle something out and accomplish it. I have seen the impact of teaching a child how to sign, and the joy that comes with seeing them be able to communicate. I have loved working with these children so much that my career goal has changed. While yes I could do mental health in this office, it would take longer for me to get there. I'm working towards a bachelors in psychology of applied behavior analysis so that I can help build programs for these children in order to help them succeed more in life. I love the work my office does, and the quality I love most about myself is that I am able to listen to what is not said by these children. Most cant express themselves, and a lot of them are nonverbal. Often we tend to over look these individuals, and not really take the time to know them or to hear them. In my office I am one of the staff who is able to connect to those who have no voice, and I have been able to help them have a voice. Either through technology of a picture exchange program, or American sign language I let them talk to me. The quality I love the most about myself is that I can listen to them by watching their body language, which helps me be able to show them how to ask for what it is they need. The biggest reward from this is seeing a child who had a robotic personality learn to sign, and then tell me "no". Might seem like a small thing, but for that child they had never been given the chance to say no or yes, they suddenly had the ability to do so.

In 2017 I was a mother of 2, a wife and working full time as a hospital housekeeper cleaning patient rooms and the OR. I loved what I did, but I wanted to do more for my small community then clean and sanitize. Despite all those who told me not to even try becaue I was a mom of a 3 and and 1 year old, I jumped in head first and started my Associates degree. I am a mom of 4 now ages 7, 5, 2 and 7 weeks and I have not only my Associates degree completed by have started my bachelors. I am working towards becoming a Board Certified Analysis (BCBA), so that I can help serve the Autistic community in my area. I currently work for a company who has a spot open for me once my bachelors is complete and I'm excited to get to that finish line next year. As a mom this journey is harder, meaningful and worth each sleepless night. I want my children to grow up seeing that they can accomplish hard things. That no dream is out of reach if they apply themselves 100%. I grew up watching my parents give up on dreams when things got too tough. When I graduated high school, got married and had my oldest I gave up on my dreams because the stigma of a mom in college. I found a dream big enough and important enough for me to run forward and hold on tight. The last few years have not been easy. I have gone to college in person and online. I was a single mom for 6 months in that time when my partner decided to make choices that separated us for that time. It was in that 6 months that I finished my Associates, and then started my bachelors. I had so many people tell me then, that I should take a break and stop school. However I am of the opinion that if I stop now, I might not continue on. If I stop the finish line moves further away, while once I get there it will change my future and the lives of my children. I'll be better able to help my community, my work, and my children and that is why I am pushing forward. One step closer, means one step closer to showing my children that impossible is possible. One step closer to a better income, and a career that allows me to help change the lives of those who need a positive change.

I grew up in a small community, with little to no opportunities and a that has the highest suicide rate in the state I live in. When I was a child I had circumstances happen that changed my life forever, at the age of 8 and again at 12 I was a victim of sexual assault, at the age of 11 my older sister was diagnosed with cancer, and then again at the age of 18 I had my brother battle stage for cancer. Watching these events, and experiencing them opened my eyes to the concept and difference between being as victim versus being a survivor. There are so many around me who have allowed themselves to remain victims of life circumstances and have allowed it to road blocks them into jobs, life's and circumstances they hate. I'm going to school so that I can help others, and that I can return the favor my counselor gave to me. The concept that life is up to me, its hard and I cant choose what happens to me or those I love. However I can choose how to react to it, and I choose if it stops me from progressing in life. I am a mother of 4, going to college and working full time with children in the autism community. Life is hard, but I relish in the challenges of it all. Because I hope to one day be able to help more people, and do more to help my community and its suicide rate. I want my children to also see me and know that just because your a mom, or dealing with life doesn't mean you cant work towards and accomplish your goals and dreams.

I grew up in a rural community in the middle of Utah, about a 30 minute drive from Fish Lake and within an hours drive of multiple National Parks. I still live in this small community and find that being able to step out my door and into nature is amazing. I grew up going on hikes on the local mountain trails and one thing I was taught was to appreciate nature and clean up after those who didn't. Often times we will go up the mountain to find litter and even graffiti up the canyon from us. I take my own children up the canyon and I do what my parents taught me to do with them. As we walk, and as we take in the beauty of the wilderness not far from our home we find time to clean up trash along the path. The local community doesn't have anyone who does this so if those of us who go up there don't clean up the mess we make and or find no one else will. We were blessed to have such a vast amount of empty land here in the area that is full of surprises to be found. Sometimes those surprises mean we have to clean up, and other times we get to see things like Elk, Deer, Birds, and more as we take in the area around us. As a mother one of my few life goals is to instill in my 4 children the importance of our world around us and that it needs to be appreciated.

I wake up each morning excited and energized to go to work. I work as a Registered Behavioral Technician in the Applied Behavioral Analysis field. What that means to me is I get to go to work in a clinical setting with children's ages 2-17 and I get to support, love, encourage and teach these children's how to live with autism, mental disorders and other behavioral problems that prevent them from interacting in a home environment and in the community. My favorite part of this job is being able to help show a child who cant talk or communicate how to. Seeing a child go from being unable to talk, to singing ABC's and asking for food is something that doesn't happen every day and when it does knowing I had a hand in that is an incredible feeling. I'm excited at the prospect knowing that once I am done with my schooling I'll be able to jump in and be able to do more for these children's then I can in the position I know hold. Being able to give support to my clients is my favorite way of helping my community and the families we work with.

In 2017 I started looking into myself, looking at my life and I wanted to know what was missing, why it was missing and how I could find it. I had a situation happen with an individual who because of life trauma they were so self destructive and destructive of others I had to take a step back. I too have had life trauma from childhood but I was able to realize that I healed from it, and instead of being a victim from it I had become a survivor. This realization had me taking a step back from my life even more and revaluation it. I decided that I wanted to help others overcome trauma and heal like I had. I started college with the goal of becoming a counselor. I started work in the Applied Behavioral analysis field to get experience in a work field similar to counseling. While working with these children I have found something deeper within myself I didn't know I had. I grew up with a little brother who is nonverbal, he is often overlooked by others because he cant talk. Because I know nonverbal cues from him I was able to connect with the nonverbal clients more then others who had little to no experience with them. Learning this about myself helped me realize that these children, need an advocate, and a voice even within the field of work I am in. It’s so easy to say “they cant talk, whats the point?”, “they don't understand”, ultimately they understand more then we give credit. I learned that I have an ability to understand nonverbal children and with this I have been able to help them communicate. I think this more valuable then me being able to walk away from trauma of my childhood.

What legacy will I leave behind on this world? I want to be remembered by my children and their children as someone who didnt quit, and as someone who accomplished what I say I will. Each day I sit down to do my homework, knowing the goal I have in my mind. However as I sit to do my classwork my children watch me. I have had many people tell me that because I am a mom of 4 ages (newborn to 7) that I cant do school. However one thing they dont know is this is something I want to leave for my children. In a way me taking this journey, accepting this challenge is one thing I want to leave with my children. When I am long gone, I want my children to realize the value of goals, dreams, and that it is hard but worth accomplishing them. I want my children to learn and remember that no matter what road blocks life throws your way you just pick up your feet and keep marching on. Due to circumstances in my life when my 3rd child was a baby I ended up a single mom for a year. During that time I had many tell me to give up school because working 2 jobs, going to school, and having 3 little ones was impossible. It was in that year I was given my Associates Degree, and was able to start working towards the next goal of a Bachelors. Its that example I want my children to remember when I am gone. Dreams, goals, aspirations are important but require sacrifice, time and dedication.

At the age of 11 I watched my older sister go thru brain cancer, at the age of 18 I saw my 16 year old brother battle stage 4 cancer. For a year of my life I was a single mom to children ages 1-5, due to my husband getting himself put in jail. Each of these situations in my life helped me build a stronger foundation with a simple phrase I used to whisper to myself when I was 11 years old. I used to tell myself “One second at at time, life goes on”. I whispered this to myself when I woke up at night hearing my sister scream from the pain she was in. I told myself this when I was bullied in middle school and high school. I kept this saying close to me as I watched my little brother breath with a chest tube in him as he was in a coma state. I discovered this saying at the age of 11, when my life and world flipped upside down and in and out. Because of this saying I am still alive, when I thought of suicide at 13 years old this syaing helped me look towards a better future. One second at a time because life goes on helped me recognize that today is hard, but tomorrow might hold something better.

What makes me happy? Each day I get to wake up and hear the pitter patter of little feet above my head as my 2 year old and 5 year old wake up and jump from bed excited to start the day. Its seeing my 6 year old be excited that he is big enough to get cereal for himself and him wanting to get cereal for his siblings too. Seeing his need to help and give to his younger siblings brings me joy. I’m brought joy from my goals, and the ability to accomplish them step by step despite being told by others to not try because I’m a mom. Being able to work with children with disabilities and find ways to help them connect to our world brings me happiness like nothing else. Imagine living your whole life unable to communicate your basic needs, let alone other things. Then one day someone sits down with you, and shows you how to communicate with them, and they hand you a key to open that door. Being able to give the kids I work with that key to communication has brought me more joy then I can ever explain. Taking someone who sits in the corner and is robotic, and in a month them being able to say “no”, “yes” and to say their name is something that no amount of words can explain. The thing that brings me happiness is seeing others be successful from my children to the children I work with at work. Knowing that I can do more once I finish my degree for these families brings me excitement and joy for the unwritten future.

Music is apart of my everyday life, and the lives of my children. I’m one of those weird people who if asked “what type of music do you like?”, cant really answer with one or two types. I tend to gravitate to all different types of music, as long as there is a connection from me to the song with or without lyrics included. One song I wish to share that I have a strong connection to is a song called Without You, and its is of the songs sung by for King & Country. This song is about how Luke one of the singers in the group had battled illness and him and his wife were worried he wouldn't make it. As you listen to the words its about his wife not wanting to live without him. When I discovered this for King & Country as well as this song I was going thru a dark period in my life. I was a mother of 3 at the time ages 1-5, working, going to school and my husband was in jail. Having to go a long time as a single mom, not being able to have my husband home with us really made me realize the value of having a partner in your life to help support and uplift you. Some of the lyrics say; “so lets dance a little, laugh a little, and hope a little more”. This became a motto for me during that year of my life to just keep on hoping. This essay was hard for me to write, because truthfully all the songs this group has written have inspired me to wake up and take a chance on tomorrow. To pick just 1 song was hard.

Growing up I watched my mother sacrifice not only for my 4 siblings and I but for others. She taught me the importance of not judging someone first, but instead to open your arms and door wide open and then let them choose what to do with that opening. Sometimes people will surprise you, take that opening and create a better path for themselves using that little support to build a better life. Other times it doesn't play out that way and you have to recognize when you have to close the door and let them learn on their own. When I was 11 years old my mother sat me down with my siblings and explained to us that my older sister at the age of 13 had a brain tumor. At the age of 18 my brother was ambulanced to a larger hospital 2 hours away and the next day my mom called to tell us that at the age of 16 he had stage 4 cancer and the doctors didn't think he would make it. Through both of these situations I watched my mom give to others. While at the hospital watching her children go thru Chemotherapy, radiation treatments, surgery's, ect she gave to others. She sought out others who were in that hospital or at the Ronald McDonald House where she was staying and she gave to them what she could. She gave a listening ear, hugs, support, time and most importantly a genuine love. I remember one day in the cafeteria she saw a young couple who were upset. She asked if we could sit with them, and she learned that their toddler had not been watched by the babysitter and had gotten her entire body burned when she pulled the pot of water off the stove. The parents of this toddler felt like the worst parents in the world and were very upset by what had happened. I watched my mom offer support, comfort and love to these two individuals who we had never met and to this day haven't had any contact with again. But I watched my mom love them, listen to them, and she shared stories of accidents us 5 children had gotten into as children and let them know its okay, accidents happen and all we can do is learn from them. They left that cafeteria feeling a little better then they did when they arrived, and it was because my mom took the time to listen, understand and comfort 2 strangers she didn't know. When this happened my little brother was on a ventilator, had a chest tube in him, and had only just woken from a coma state. Yet she still reached out to them, and gave them comfort when she herself was going thru something no mother should. My mother has impacted my life by her love for others, and her ability to give unconditionally. I have seen her get hurt and burned by people who have taken advantage of her love and caring. But at the same time I have seen her take a step back and say “thats on them not me”, and she is able to accept that they choose to do with her gift what they did, and she moves on stronger then she was before. If I could obtain any quality from my mother it would be the ability to give unconditionally to others no matter my own life circumstances.