With booming bass that sends chills and heartfelt lyrics that are capable of jerking tears, summing up so many emotions and feelings into one song, Billie’s music is some of the most relatable music there is for me. Billie Eilish says it best in one of my favorite songs, I Love You. “Never been the type to let someone see right through.” Well that was always me until someone entered my life who told me for months I could trust them, and I started to, and I started to forget how to love myself and others because I was so absorbed with this person - for all the wrong reasons, which I didn't realize till after they were gone. The moment I let them see right through, they tore me apart and hurt me physically and mentally. I had always been the type of person to keep my walls up at all times especially around new people who entered their life. I learned the hard way after being hurt in many different ways that sometimes in life you have to let people go, and realize you're better off without them before you fully show yourself to them and allow yourself to get hurt mentally and sometimes physically like I did. We put up walls around ourselves and pull them down when we feel like we've found someone who understands us. All it takes is that one person who you feel like you can trust so you pull down your walls, letting them see right through you to all your flaws and insecurities. After having your walls up for so long and keeping so many people from entering in your life, you start to wonder if those who say they love you actually mean it or if they just say it. I've fallen into this trap one to many times and Billie’s lyric in idontwannabeyouanymore, “If I love you was a promise would you break it if your honest,” resonates on a million different levels for me. I constantly think about if those who say I love you- even the ones who have said it for years just say it and if they had to be honest would they still say it or would they break it and not. Last but certainly not least, Listen Before I Go, encompasses my biggest fear in life. Anytime I hear this song I instantly think of my answer to the question “What do you fear most in life?” Not getting to say goodbye to the people I love most in life is my answer every time. With the sirens faintly droning in the background, I immediately feel like the world is ending and I can’t help but feel less alone that Billie must be feeling this in some sort of way too. The song gives me hope that maybe just maybe I’ll have the chance to say my goodbyes in some perfect world. “Call my friends and tell them that I love them, and I’ll miss them.”

Broken guitars… stolen guitars; After having one of my own stolen, I learned just how much I took certain instruments of my own for granted, when in reality they are all just tools despite the sentimental value they may hold. After nearly giving up on my musical pursuits I realized that sometimes losing something is the beginning to something new- a growth in character in both myself but more importantly for me, a musician. While spending the summer at Berklee College of Music for a 5 week summer intensive program, honing in on my craft and skill while treading lightly on the waters of college, did I learn that college was not for me; especially music school. I've gained a newfound respect for those who have the grit and dedication to pursue the 4 years of schooling in a music institution. After my newfound knowledge, I began to lean into what felt to be more of a hobby at the time, but one that required creativity and precision- that of luthiery. Despite these fallbacks, I have learned that like all things in life, you have to learn how to adapt and overcome things in order to grow as a person and musician and that sometimes along the way, you run into others experiencing their own setbacks and you have the option to pour into them and help or continue on your own journey ignoring those around you. As a female musician oftentimes feeling defeated and unnoticed in the tsunami of many male musicians throughout the industry, I strive to carve my own path, and embrace being the fish out of water when needed. My goal is to craft beautiful and functional guitars that will ultimately empower women to reach their full potential, expressing each instrument's unique quirks through the player's artistry. While representing the many women alongside myself who strive to make a difference in the industry, my hope is that the other women who feel overshadowed by male dominance feel comfortable expressing themselves with an instrument that truly represents them. As one of 15% of female luthiers competing with the remaining 86% of males, I hope that my name will solidify its place among the many other luthiers and that I will be seen as equal in skill and craftsmanship to those males in the industry (Decker, n.d). By crafting a beautiful tool that can be used by both men and women alike, fulfilling their needs and then some, I aim to bring my artistic and unique touch to the music they create and cultivate an appreciation for the skill, time, and love that is put into handcrafting instruments. It wasn’t until I had encountered many other musicians from various backgrounds and of similar age, did I realize that we all share the same common desire - to be seen, known, and heard. As a female, encountering others like myself made me realize how difficult it is to stand out. I hope to create instruments for those who struggle to find their place in the industry, giving them the confidence to be authentic while having a beautiful handcrafted piece of art, made by someone who values true beauty, craftsmanship, and is still learning to navigate the waters and create their own place in society and the music industry while encouraging those who need it along the way. Decker, I. (n.d.). Who are today’s luthiers and guitar builders? https://blog.anthonythomas.com/who-are-todays-luthiers-and-guitar-builders#:~:text=In%20terms%20of%20gender%2C%2086,luthiers%2C%2041%25%20are%20female.

The sound of strings vibrating in the air, a melody that once felt like home, was abruptly silenced when my guitar was stolen shortly after the pandemic. It was early 2021, a time when isolation and uncertainty loomed large, and I found myself grappling not only with the loss of my instrument but also with my identity as a budding female musician in a male-dominated industry. This theft ignited a fire within me—a determination to carve out my own path in music, even if it meant working with limited gear. As I navigated setbacks and skepticism from others, my dreams began to shift; instead of fame, I envisioned a future as a luthier or touring guitar tech, embracing resilience in the face of adversity.   The day my guitar was stolen felt like a dark cloud had descended over my world. I remember standing in my room staring at the empty guitar stand in which it sat, the echoes of past melodies haunting me as I searched for answers that wouldn’t come. It wasn’t just an instrument; it was my voice, my escape, and the embodiment of countless hours spent honing my craft. In that moment of despair, I could have easily succumbed to frustration and given up on my dreams. Instead, I chose to channel my grief into something productive. With my first guitar, chunks of wood missing with cracks in the smokey blue paint- I began experimenting with sounds that were foreign yet exhilarating. “Why don’t you just give up?” a friend had said, their tone laced with skepticism. The words stung, but they also ignited a spark within me. I realized that while I might not fit the conventional mold of a successful musician, I had something unique to offer. Each note I played on the guitar became a testament to my resilience, a reminder that creativity knows no bounds. As I navigated this new terrain, I found solace in online communities of female musicians who shared similar struggles. Their stories resonated deeply, reminding me that I wasn’t alone in facing the challenges of a male-dominated industry. We exchanged tips, celebrated small victories, and encouraged one another to keep going despite the odds stacked against us. This camaraderie fueled my determination, transforming my initial setback into a stepping stone toward a more profound understanding of my passion. I began to see my journey not as a series of obstacles but as an evolving narrative—one where every challenge was an opportunity for growth, leading me closer to my ultimate goal of becoming a luthier or a touring guitar tech.  As I reflect on my journey through the upheaval of losing my guitar, I realize that this experience has shaped me in ways I never anticipated. The theft forced me to adapt, pushing me to explore new avenues within music and embrace my identity as a female musician in a challenging landscape. Rather than giving into doubt, I transformed setbacks into stepping stones, igniting a passion for luthiery and guitar tech that I hadn’t previously considered. This newfound direction feels empowering, reminding me that resilience can lead to unexpected paths. In the end, I learned that dreams may evolve, but the essence of creativity remains steadfast. With each strum on various instruments, I discovered not just my voice but also a community that uplifts and inspires. I hope to inspire many female musicians with my story and show them that they can overcome anything they may face in the industry just as I've had to adapt to do.