Someone who is strong enough to help those around her and create entertainment that helps the world.

Love for others makes me want to serve of course I first must love God. I love God therefore I love others. That being said I recognize there are a lot of hurts in the world and if I can help get rid of some of that hurt and help people, why would not I? If I get involved with those around me and in my community and help people, how could I not? My parents also inspired me to get involved. I have been blessed with two loving and very giving parents. They have continuously served in the church and I have watched them time and time again gladly sacrifice whatever they wanted to do and go help others. I am a pastor's kid and through that, I was able to see people's struggles, yes, but also their needs. My family as a whole has often helped with their needs whether it be a simple thing of having them talk with you or helping people in our community get food. Needless to say, I have gotten involved with the community ever since I was little. Once again, I was born into a pastor's home and so service was always a prevalent thing. As I grew older I realized I could do service more on my own. And serve I did. It started with the small stuff of helping run my youth group every Wednesday and being on the student government in middle school. When I went into high school I was the go-to help in my drama club and became the president eventually along with the director of our skits and plays. At 16 I volunteered my remaining summers as a high schooler at a summer camp. In this camp, I helped with the kitchen. Each meal would average about nine hundred plates of food with four hundred staff and about five hundred campers. Although not a glamorous job, I am so glad I did it. Although behind the scenes, I was able to support the people making a difference in kids' lives. You see, this was a Christian camp and their goal was to help kids from ages six to eighteen learn more about God and grow in their faith. I was able to support the people making a difference even though at first it seemed to me I was not doing much of anything compared to them. That could not be further than the truth, however. The truth is we all serve just in different ways what matters is we are serving. I am proud to say I will continue serving with this camp this summer. Although I do not know what is next after that I can promise I will always seek to serve.

“I swear the map said to go left.” One voice muttered. “Well, the map must be wrong then.” The other voice snapped. Two lost souls stared into the middle of nowhere. The road stretched in front of them and was seemingly endless. “Well. Maybe there’s like a gas station or town we can run into to ask.” Nahir suggested while flipping through the well-worn map. “It’s fine, I know where I’m going. I’ve been on this road like a million times.” Drew gripped the steering wheel so hard, Nahir swore it would leave indents long after he let go of it. “Well forgive me if I have my doubts when all I see is grass and fields instead of I don’t know- a city? Do you know where the con is supposed to be held? What are we taking the scenic route?” That last comment is what did it for Drew. “Hey- I said I would get us there in one piece and be on time so far I’m succeeding.” Drew quipped back. “Well, it certainly doesn’t look like it... Besides, it's getting dark and I would prefer to get to the hotel sooner than later.” She let out a long yawn. “We’ll be fine, I know where we’re going-” “Well, the map says-” “To hell with the map! Here give it to me-” Arms flailed in the car over the poor paper map. “What? NO!” “Come on just-” “Nope”. “Fine, I’ll just pull over then.” “Oh come on-” Nahir grunted. “Besides we’re just about to make it anyway-" “Make what?” The car came to a halt on a seemingly forgotten dirt road. The driver's door slammed shut. “Come on, just get out of the car for a second. I want to show you something .” “Fiiinnnee.” The passenger door cracked open and Nahir peeled herself from the leather seat. “See look, the sun's down now so you can actually see them.” Both friends looked up to see a beautiful scene of nothing but stars. They looked like someone had taken a paintbrush and flecked them up into the sky. “See this is what I wanted to show you.” “This is amazing but-” “But what?” “You quite literally took the scenic route .” The friends grinned at each other as if nothing had happened in the car. They once again turned their attention to the tapestry of the night sky.

"Emma, Jim Stevens is dead." Those were the first words I heard that Sunday morning. In the grogginess and already denial I did not even process what had been said. Then it sank in. Jim Stevens, a man who I had viewed as family, had seen every Sunday and loved like a grandfather... was gone. No warning just ... gone. I stayed in denial for a while. I expected to see him places and when he was not there it would all come crashing down. I expected to see him at his normal church pew. To see him next to his loving and now crushed wife. But it all hit months after the funeral when I left home and received a letter. A letter from Mrs. Stevens and was shocked I was to see it was only her signature. The world swirled around me but as I was processing my grief I realized a few things. The first and most horrifying of them was how quickly and suddenly my breath could be taken just like his. A chilling thought to say the least. Death could just whisk me away. It has made me appreciate every day I have. Good or bad. It has also made me realize how little time I have. This probably makes no sense to someone much older than me. An eighteen-year-old saying she has little time but it is true. It goes too quickly for it not to be called short. The next realization is a bit happier. You see, John was a happy and cheery man. A man who loved to laugh even if the joke was on him. After the realization that life is short, I decided that the little time I had should be spent laughing as much as possible. Just like John. Months and months after John's death, I had been going out to breakfast with his wife, Linda. A wonderful woman whom I had spent time with before but never this frequently. I got to spend so much precious time with her. I would not trade it for the world. In our mutual grieving, I have learned just how incredible this woman is. How strong she is. In this way, I want to be like her. Strong despite the loss but still feeling. There will be more loss in life and eventually I will lose my own. But if I am like John and spend most of laughing and like Linda where I can still feel and be strong, I will be just fine.

College in itself is exciting to me. The independence, the atmosphere, and preparing to go into my career field. All these things are just exciting unto themselves. I am an incredibly independent person and I can not wait to have even more independence. I am also getting exceedingly excited to enter the working world. I can not wait to work and start my life being independent. That being said school can be stressful. I handle this stress by journaling and making sure to have plenty of time with friends. I find my mental state tends to tank if I do not allow time for fun. Journaling has also helped immensely with stress. It's as if I flood the page with all my emotions but then afterward I just leave it there on the page instead of my mind. I journal in all types of ways whether it be in the traditional sense of just how my day went and how I am feeling or through poetry. I love poetry. It is a way to get my emotions done in a creative and stimulating way. It allows me to work through my feelings in a way I enjoy. This next one helps my body in obvious ways but my mind too, working out. I work out every Wednesday. Yes to keep my body in shape and for all the health benefits but for mental too. Wednesday tends to be my most stress-filled day for one reason or another. So when I work out it is like I am working off the stress. I also work out on the weekends but in different means. Recently I have been working at a Rockwall that is about fifty feet high. The job requires I go up that wall multiple times. This might sound like a drag to others but for me it is fun. It works especially on my grip strength which I normally do not get in my normal workout. As for the most important thing, my soul, I seek God. I am a Christian and therefore take the matter of my soul very seriously. I find when I let the Bible sit and collect dust I get a sense of dullness in my life. A dullness that makes me feel lost and empty. I combat this by carving time out in the morning, every morning and reading a portion of the Bible with a reading plan. I find it enriching. It is not enough for me to just read the words; however, I must ask myself two questions once I am done. The first is obvious, "what is the text saying." The next question is imperative otherwise it would not be worth reading at all. "How do I apply this to my life?" College life is not easy and time seems to be a thing running away from this but it is not impossible to have your health of mind, body, and soul amidst the chaos. These things help me deal with the chaos. Careful planning and time management although difficult skills to learn have helped me accomplish all of this.

Like any 13-year-old girl, going to High School was terrifying. I should have been more fearful of other things that would come that year, however. You see, I thought it was lucky that an older boy that was 18 going on 19 was giving me attention and was there to "guide me" through this new challenge of high school. The first week of my high school career, he asked me out. Luckily my parents made me say no and if I was honest I was a little uncertain too. But I should have felt sick. Now I do. In the months to follow he played the part of "friend" and attempted to groom me. I say that word attempted only because he never got that "end result" that he desperately wanted. In fact when I told him no to that "end result" almost at the end of my freshman year... he became both furious and pitiful. I got text messages that could be the size of novels blaming me for everything bad that had ever happened to him... not to mention the disgusting things he wanted from me written alongside that. I ignored it but it not only hurt that this was happening but that this was supposed to be my "friend." This shattered my trust in people for a while... especially men. It warped me in a way that without meaning to I would end up thinking about him with the knowledge that if he could... he would have me and I still had a couple of months of school with him. It was a long road but I went to therapy which helped immensely and through the help of reassuring friends by my side I was able to get slowly but surely better throughout the years. I do not think I will ever quite understand why this happened. All I know I have become stronger and can help others who have gone through it. I can help my friends who have cried in my arms over a boy who intended or did wrong. I can help the few good men in my life who are my friends understand the all-too-common struggle of being a woman. I think that is how it affected my relationships. The ability to help and make aware. It did a number on me for years with trust and being able to have friends but no more. I refuse to let it hurt me any longer. I refuse to let the hurt, hurt my other relationships.

Out of all the books I have read in my life, the book I most likely would have everyone read is The Screwtape Letters by C.S Lewis. The book is just an absolute genius explanation of what to do and how to handle everyday life even if you do not believe in the spiritual. Not to mention creatively told. I love the format of the letters being sent out. It is truly something I have never seen before in storytelling. Sure the occasional story might have some passing of letters or the sharing of one but to tell a completed story using letters alone is quite impressive and enjoyable. The story moves you along through the lens of a demon trying to destroy this young man's life. The demon tries through any means possible. Through family, love, sin, through arrogance, and loneliness. Yet at every twist and turn, for the most part, the human is able to evade this demon quest. This only makes the demon more and more aggravated. I think if everyone were to read this book it would add a layer of understanding throughout the world. I think we would be able to look at each other and say "I don't know exactly your struggle but I know of others like it." That we would be able to help each other more. Because at the end of the day, this book is about life and all the things in life that try to tear not only you down but everyone else down too. Because of that, I think this story is beautiful and worthy of the world's attention.

This poem is called "11:54 pm on a Friday": I'm so tired of being pul led in every die rection I'm so tired of having all my time sp l it into frac / tions I'm so tired of ignoring so many Dì$tr Actions I'm so Tired. This poem is called "Calm": Calm The slight breeze that kisses my cheek The slight warmth of the shining sun on my face A duck waddles with something in its beak. The birds that sing lightly on the breeze It all seems to make time itself freeze. All in a little world to call my own. A sort of home away from home. The grass: soft and green Laying down All I have to do is look at the sky As I watch a soaring songbird making lazy circles All I have to do is watch the world restfully pass me by. This one is entitled "Who Knows..."

Throughout the years I have been affected by depression and generalized anxiety disorder. For years I did not even know what it was. I would get random waves of depression followed by even stronger waves of anxiety and had no way of explaining it. It was as if depression and anxiety were screaming at each other in my head. It was such that nightly panic attacks were a normal occurrence affecting my sleep and performance. This went on for about five years without me saying a word about it to anybody. I was worried I would be looked at as weird by the few friends I had and felt I could not reach out to my parents as I felt they were too busy. I did not want to worry my parents more than they needed to. It was not until the spring of my freshman year of high school did I reach out for help. Luckily my parents were understanding but it took the whole summer to find a therapist where I was then diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety disorder. Now the question comes, what exactly does that mean? It means I compulsively worry about every little thing. I take small problems and snowball them out of proportion. As you can imagine this made school and life very stressful. I would have episodes of just running with nothing but anxiety in my heart to keep me going followed by crashing depression out of pure exhaustion. Luckily therapy helped but as I was getting settled into it was when COVID hit. So I stopped going and sure enough, the spiral continued. Eventually, I went back in the spring of my Junior year which helped tremendously. It was then that I was encouraged to get blood work done and discovered I had PCOS, which stands for a poly-cystic ovarian system that produces excess testosterone which was causing these random waves of emotion. I was then put on medication which has helped these past couple of years. I still struggle but because of the meds and methods I have learned during therapy, I have been able to get better. But getting better doesn't mean it has stopped. I still worry. I still crash. This then makes me worry more. Questions of a negative swirl in my head that seem to continuously keep me up at night at points. And the worrying does not stop in one area of my life but spreads to everything else. That is when I need to stop for a while, rest and calm myself down. Things are slowly but surely looking up and I know that although I will always struggle, there is always a better day coming.