Most people wouldn’t want to be a mom. Some people don’t have a choice. I didn’t birth any children though but I am the oldest of 9. It’s not bad. Maybe a little hard. But it has taught me to hold myself accountable and mature at a younger age and even though i wanted to have more of a childhood i feel like i did. Even if it seems as i didn’t. Growing up the oldest has taught me how to have motherly skills, how to clean, how to communicate, how to be accountable and how to not look down when things get hard. This has helped me succeed in many ways. It’s helped me with my connections with friends, with growing closer to family, being able to move out on my own at 18. Life is crazy but everyone should take a minute and look back at their own actions because you might not realize it yet but you could be doing something that is hurting someone else. An example of when i had to hold myself accountable was in arguments with my friends or when i crashed my car into ice. You need to be accountable and i was because both of those things i had to factor in what i did end what decisions i made and how my actions affected things and people around me. There’s also the people who will never take accountability, just because someone can’t or doesn’t know how to take accountability yet it doesn’t mean you treat them with any less respect. You don’t need to keep them in your life but you do need to be respectful and kind because they’re on their path of learning about themselves and how they manage to hold accountable for themselves and others. I’m grateful for the fact i am able to hold accountability as much as i do because it’s helped me grow and change as a person and i hope it will do the same for you! It brought me to college and gave me a life i never thought id have and meet people i never knew id connect with and thats the exciting part is learning and taking steps to newer and better things in life and forever to that i am grateful and thankful i get to share that experience here today, writing this essay. Thank you. Sincerely Emma cardwell

My life feels like a story, which is the best way to start this honestly. Mental health has always been hard for me. I'm the oldest of 9 kids, only 18 years old. I've gone to over 10 different schools growing up. Already, life has been confusing. Just last month, I lost someone like a parent to me: she was my aunt, Melika Besic. My aunt was more of a parent to me than my dad, who was her brother. My aunt turned to drugs a little past 2020. I've seen her occasionally throughout the years, but I never would've thought she'd lose her life. A mom of 3, an aunt, a daughter, a friend, and an amazing person. Melika was a dental assistant and she wasn't always on drugs. She got introduced to it when she and her husband got divorced, and her sister, Zerina's ex-husband, Steven introduced it to her and she ended up getting addicted. Even while on drugs and living on the streets, she made time to FaceTime and check in on her kids constantly. She was an amazing mom. Melika lost her life while in police custody, in jail having withdrawals, and she died from dehydration. This broke me and my family. My whole family's mental health spiraled. I have never seen my grandparents and my father hurt as badly as when this happened. As crazy as this may sound though I had a dream she passed a day before I got the call. When I got the call I felt my stomach drop in a way I've never felt, the world got dizzy in a way I've never experienced before. With all of this happening I wondered why? what made her go this deep into drugs? how can I help this in the future? For starters, after this experience, I am going to do a double major in psychology and healthcare management. Hospitals need to be more aware of situations like this and suggest help and there should be some therapeutic support groups where people can go to get help and express their problems. I am fully aware and there is AA like meetings but do they help? Drug addicts aren't treated as people, homeless people are treated terribly. They are people, some have kids and families who care about them. Her life didn't deserve to be lost and I want to help others live who have similar experiences. I know a mom would try her best to get clean for her kids, she just needed a little more support from everyone around her. I will make a safe place for people to go to. Sincerely, Emma Cardwell

Could you imagine being 18, the oldest of 9 siblings, well let me tell you about it. Growing up as the oldest of 9 kids has always been hard. My mom is a single parent so in my sibling's eyes, I'm and have always been seen as another mom to them. Having motherly responsibilities at a young age would be hard for anyone especially me, we've always struggled with money and moved constantly I left my friends and connections all the time, and I never knew what true stability was. As I'm getting older I'm learning how to be my person, not a mom, and not always putting myself last, these last couple of years I've gone through severe depression, almost ending my life at some point and self-harm was an issue. Instead of help from family, they said it was my fault, I was doing it for attention, it was my music, my mindset, my attitude, being in my room all the time. At this moment in my life, I'm currently getting ready to move out be my person, and live my own life. Even with all of that, I can't say I'm excited. I'm scared, nervous, stressed, anxious, sad and emotional. My family is the most stable thing in my life right now and I'm leaving it. Terrifying. I can say I've grown a tremendous amount. I'm able to see growth and love in people. I love the person I have become. I am a strong independent woman. I am brave, I'm extroverted, I'm happy, I'm grateful, I'm all grown up. As I'm getting ready to leave for college, Ive already ran into many problems and the only thing going through my head is stress. Will I ever get it easy? life is full of roller coasters and even after everything I've gone through or been through I'm still struggling. I want to cry every day, I know I've grown a lot and have become a better person but that doesn't mean problems disappear. I wish they did but even with my choice of college, I'm trying my hardest to make it happen, to make it possible. which leaves me here. Applying to this scholarship, telling a short story, about the long life I've already lived, and opening up about my past and things I've done. Life isn't easy by any means. I wish I never come across the idea of ending my life but life isn't like that that's unrealistic. The best thing to do Is get up find people in your life who will help and support you as a person and help you heal and grow. Work for what you want, and do more than you need to if it's getting difficult but always remember that if you try hard enough you can succeed and things will go right eventually. Live life to the fullest, move on let us all succeed and grow together. Sincerely, Emma Cardwell.

My life feels like a story, which is the best way to start this honestly. Mental health has always been hard for me. I'm the oldest of 9 kids, only 18 years old. I've gone to over 10 different schools growing up. Already, life has been confusing. Just last month, I lost someone like a parent to me: she was my aunt, Melika Besic. My aunt was more of a parent to me than my dad, who was her brother. My aunt turned to drugs a little past 2020. I've seen her occasionally throughout the years, but I never would've thought she'd lose her life. A mom of 3, an aunt, a daughter, a friend, and an amazing person. Melika was a dental assistant and she wasn't always on drugs. She got introduced to it when she and her husband got divorced, and her sister, Zerina's ex-husband, Steven introduced it to her and she ended up getting addicted. Even while on drugs and living on the streets, she made time to FaceTime and check in on her kids constantly. She was an amazing mom. Melika lost her life while in police custody, in jail having withdrawals, and she died from dehydration. This broke me and my family. My whole family's mental health spiraled. I have never seen my grandparents and my father hurt as badly as when this happened. As crazy as this may sound though I had a dream she passed a day before I got the call. When I got the call I felt my stomach drop in a way I've never felt, the world got dizzy in a way I've never experienced before. With all of this happening I wondered why? what made her go this deep into drugs? how can I help this in the future? For starters, after this experience, I am going to do a double major in psychology and healthcare management. Hospitals need to be more aware of situations like this and suggest help and there should be some therapeutic support groups where people can go to get help and express their problems. I am fully aware and there is AA like meetings but do they help? Drug addicts aren't treated as people, homeless people are treated terribly. They are people, some have kids and families who care about them. Her life didn't deserve to be lost and I want to help others live who have similar experiences. I know a mom would try her best to get clean for her kids, she just needed a little more support from everyone around her. I will make a safe place for people to go to. Sincerely, Emma Cardwell

My life feels like a story, which is the best way to start this honestly. Mental health was and has always been hard for me. I'm the oldest of 9 kids, only 18 years old. I've gone to over 10 different schools growing up. Already life has been confusing. This year just last month I lost someone like a parent to me, she was my aunt. Melika Besic. My life feels like a story, which is the best way to start this honestly. Mental health has always been hard for me. I'm the oldest of 9 kids, only 18 years old. I've gone to over 10 different schools growing up. Already, life has been confusing. Just last month, I lost someone like a parent to me: she was my aunt, Melika Besic. My aunt was more of a parent to me than my dad, who was her brother. My aunt turned to drugs a little past 2020. I've seen her occasionally throughout the years, but I never would've thought she'd lose her life. A mom of 3, an aunt, a daughter, a friend, and an amazing person. Melika was a dental assistant and she wasn't always on drugs. She got introduced to it when she and her husband got divorced, and her sister, Zerina's ex-husband, Steven introduced it to her and she ended up getting addicted. Even while on drugs and living on the streets, she made time to FaceTime and check in on her kids constantly. She was an amazing mom. Melika lost her life while in police custody, in jail having withdrawals, and she died from dehydration. This broke me and my family. My whole family's mental health spiraled. I have never seen my grandparents and my father hurt as badly as when this happened. As crazy as this may sound though I had a dream she passed a day before I got the call. When I got the call I felt my stomach drop in a way I've never felt, the world got dizzy in a way I've never experienced before. With all of this happening I wondered why? what made her go this deep into drugs? how can I help this in the future? For starters, after this experience, I am going to do a double major in psychology and healthcare management. Hospitals need to be more aware of situations like this and suggest help and there should be some therapeutic support groups where people can go to get help and express their problems. I am fully aware and there is AA like meetings but do they help? Drug addicts aren't treated as people, homeless people are treated terribly. They are people, some have kids and families who care about them. Her life didn't deserve to be lost and I want to help others live who have similar experiences. I know a mom would try her best to get clean for her kids, she just needed a little more support from everyone around her. I will make a safe place for people to go to.

Could you imagine being 18, the oldest of 9 siblings, well let me tell you about it. Growing up as the oldest of 9 kids has always been hard. My mom is a single parent so in my sibling's eyes, I'm and have always been seen as another mom to them. Having motherly responsibilities at a young age would be hard for anyone especially me, we've always struggled with money and moved constantly I left my friends and connections all the time, and I never knew what true stability was. As I'm getting older I'm learning how to be my person, not a mom, and not always putting myself last, these last couple of years I've gone through severe depression, almost ending my life at some point and self-harm was an issue. Instead of help from family, they said it was my fault, I was doing it for attention, it was my music, my mindset, my attitude, being in my room all the time. At this moment in my life, I'm currently getting ready to move out be my person, and live my own life. Even with all of that, I can't say I'm excited. I'm scared, nervous, stressed, anxious, sad and emotional. My family is the most stable thing in my life right now and I'm leaving it. Terrifying. I can say I've grown a tremendous amount. I'm able to see growth and love in people. I love the person I have become. I am a strong independent woman. I am brave, I'm extroverted, I'm happy, I'm grateful, I'm all grown up. As I'm getting ready to leave for college, Ive already ran into many problems and the only thing going through my head is stress. Will I ever get it easy? life is full of roller coasters and even after everything I've gone through or been through I'm still struggling. I want to cry every day, I know I've grown a lot and have become a better person but that doesn't mean problems disappear. I wish they did but even with my choice of college, I'm trying my hardest to make it happen, to make it possible. which leaves me here. Applying to this scholarship, telling a short story, about the long life I've already lived, and opening up about my past and things I've done. Life isn't easy by any means. I wish I never come across the idea of ending my life but life isn't like that that's unrealistic. The best thing to do Is get up find people in your life who will help and support you as a person and help you heal and grow. Work for what you want, and do more than you need to if it's getting difficult but always remember that if you try hard enough you can succeed and things will go right eventually. Live life to the fullest, move on let us all succeed and grow together. Sincerely, Emma Cardwell.

In the future i will be the happiest and best version of myself, i will be kinder, thoughtful, considerate, mature, fun, happier, and grateful.