My family is littered with a number of mental health diagnoses, ranging from depression to bipolar to substance abuse. I have spent the last 4 years battling depression, anxiety, anorexia, and substance abuse, with meager success. My friends have faced a number of other mental health issues, which have broadened my perspective and ability to empathize with and understand different mental health challenges.
As someone who has experienced consistent depression since 2018, I have learned not to criticize those who appear lazy or unmotivated, or those whose unrelenting pessimism becomes frustrating, or those who cannot act upon advice given to them. I have learned perhaps the most empathy in my deepest depressions, when I considered that perhaps everyone around me is on the brink of suicide, and that I might treat everyone with kindness and understanding rather than judgement and expectation. The empathy was always there, but its intensity used to fade as the depression lifted enough for me to see through the fog for a few weeks. Now, I have experienced so many cycles through tolerable and hopeless moods that I have learned to hold onto this empathy, regardless of my suffering at the moment. I have listened to enough people disclose their proximity to suicide when I had not suspected a single worry in their mind. It is all too common, as I very well know, as do many others. Who am I to assume that the person I am connecting with is not very much in need of an act of kindness to combat their unrelenting hopelessness and paralyzing mental health struggles. My relationships have deepened, as I have talked many friends through their rock bottoms, who have in return coaxed me away from self-isolation in the darkest of my depressions. I have watched a number of my relatives dwindle into dysfunction as a result of their mental health problems, and have mourned their joy and prospects, along with the rest of my family. I do not blame them, nor expect more productivity and happiness of them than they are capable of. It is heartbreaking to be criticized and ridiculed for your dysfunction when you are barely hanging on by a thread.
I have learned not to comment on how others eat and exercise, and do not care to ever utter a single word that might trigger or enable a person's eating disorder, or disordered eating. I simply choose to model impartial enjoyment of food for its flavor, the process of cooking, and the connection that ensues from sharing a meal with another person. I will never comment on another person's insecurity, especially if it is weight-related, for I do not care to further the self-criticism and self-hatred that results from so many mental health struggles.
I have learned not to make generalizations about diagnoses, behaviors, and outward appearances, because so often a person's inner world is wildly different from our perceptions of that person.
These understandings, from my own experience with mental health and my interactions with loved ones who have experienced mental health, have inspired me to go about life with kindness and forgiveness, because I truly believe that most people are functioning as best as they can, and their behavior most often reflects their inner turmoil. I have spent a lot of time trying to be mindful, for the sake of myself and others, through active listening, empathy, and reflection. I hope I may be of service to those around me, in the ways I am able to, and this desire has shaped my goals in my career, my personal development, and the life I will create for myself. As of right now, one of my three life goals is to help others, and I imagine I will learn to do this in a lot of ways. I already do help others, though I know there is always improvement to be had. Perhaps I will help people through service in the Peace Corps or other non-profit organizations, or perhaps I will learn another language to be able to help those who I previously could not communicate with, or perhaps I will pay attention to how the different people in my life express their needs and fears, so that can better understand how to be of service to them. I do not know.
I have become to approach the world with an attitude that many would describe as overly forgiving. I choose to give people the benefit of the doubt, and to bring empathy to as many interactions as I can, without neglecting my own needs. I understand that many people in this world face a number of different mental health struggles, some of which I can only attempt to understand. I try to have conversations about mental health, in hopes of normalizing its prevalence and creating a safe space to give and receive support. I encourage those around me to seek out counseling, medication, and whatever other resources they may need to feel better. I try to speak without judgement, and I often wonder what internal struggles drive a person's behavior. Sometimes, I ask, if I have reason to believe it will not add to their stress. I intend to practice giving and receiving support, and hope to guide my younger siblings towards greater coping strategies and awareness so that they can have a head start on battling any mental health challenges they may come across. I want to do better, by myself and others, because mental health struggles are brutal, and no one should feel as if they are alone in a hopeless world.