First Generation Waking up every morning to provide For a family, she holds up high with pride Ever since I was a little girl, She would tell me I was her entire world She never had much when she was younger Living in Mexico, She always had a hunger Leaving as a kid, finding a new place For a country called the United States She pushed me into being something exceptional Trying to find careers where I would be a professional Although I never saw myself in an office I figured I'd find a job that needed some college By searching and searching for a field I can find Always trying to keep an open mind One day I found what I wanted The career I chose was Graphic Design. Having a passion for design and writing Showing her these poems, it's quite exciting Always accepted my interest since I was a child From drawing to writing, it's all so wild. Soon to graduate and I'm so grateful For the mother I was given, the one I'm so thankful Getting that Diploma is one of my dreams One that I surely am aware I can achieve

Having Major Depressive Disorder during an influential part of my life caused me to believe in things I never knew I genuinely needed in my life. I had MDD from freshman year until junior year of high school. During those years, your surroundings and the people you are friends with impact you into adult life. I had no belief, I did not have a great relationship with my parents, and I did not have any career aspirations. I had not a bright future for me and I did not believe I would live for my 18th birthday. During this influential time in my life, I had a friend who unfortunately passed away during my Sophomore year of high school. We have been best friends since elementary school and her death caused me to go into an even worse spiral of depression. When she passed, sadness hit my body like a bullet. I felt guilt, shame, sadness, anger, and so many other emotions and I could not control them. For the next few days going into weeks, I could not get out of bed. All I could do was sleep, cry, and text my other friends who were also grieving. I was a mess but I had to continue moving forward. It caused me to be a horrible person on the inside. However, I knew I could not stay like that for long. I've never been religious but having to go through a death helped me bring comfort into my life and more faith. Gave me comfort knowing that she didn’t just vanish into thin air but rather a place where she was given a better life than the one she was while living. My mother took me to therapies and that's where I began mending my relationship with my family. My mother was never the best, she has her flaws. But as a mother who had a kid at 16 and never was able to go to college, she did what she could. She pushed me to do better than her. She never was able to go to college, all she could do was find whatever opportunity she was given as a job and took it. She pushed me to finish high school and pushed me to go to college for a career that I love. She was the one person who believed in me and pushed me to do better. Without my mom, I do not believe I would be pursuing higher education. Especially finding a career that I learned to love. Wearing my graduation cap and gown and walking to get my diploma is something that I know my mom would be proud of. Sending me off to college like a mom to her baby bird is something she would think that in the end, all she did was worth it. All the hardships she had to go through to give my siblings and I a better life will be worth it, starting with me. In the end, having Major Depressive Disorder impacted my life negatively during the majority of my high school years. However, I had gotten the help that led me to get out of the ditch I was in. It helped me find belief, helped me find a career I want to get into and mend the relationship I had with my mother.

Losing someone is a heartbreaking experience to go through during an important time in your life. During your preteen years to your teen years, you go through a lot. Going through puberty and adding loss to it, could cause a person to go into a spiral of depression or lashing out. Many things contributed to my depression, it wasn't only just losing a friend. School, family issues, and so much more contributed to it. From 8th grade to my Junior year of high school, I was severely depressed. I self-harmed and had many outbursts. It wasn't until 10th grade my mother took me to therapies that I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. When she passed, sadness hit my body like a bullet. I felt guilt, shame, sadness, anger, and so many other emotions and I could not control them. For the next few days going into weeks, I could not get out of bed. All I could do was sleep, cry, and text my other friends who were also grieving. I was a mess but I had to continue moving forward. I had many regrets about the things I said to her or things I did to her. One thing I would regret was being upset with her over a silly argument. A week before she decided to run away, we would argue about schoolwork. I would do hers but she wouldn’t do one assignment that I asked for her to do. The reality was that she was so busy she didn’t have time to do it and got upset. Her home life was never the best either and she wanted to leave her reality. She had a kind heart and a sweet soul. While she did not hang out with the best crowd or make the best decisions, she still had a heart of gold. I knew that I couldn’t stay in bed and stay stuck in these feelings. I decided to get better for her. What else could I do with the fact that she was gone? I couldn’t get her back alive, all I could have was the memories and smile about them. Changing my mindset and getting out of that ditch, helped me get through her death. I often find things that remind me of her. Instead of being sad, I choose to smile and think about her memories. In the end, what can you do about the deceased?