I had just stepped inside the car when my mom gave me the news. I was getting ready to ramble on about how I had an especially rude guest at work and how I was starving because I hadn’t eaten before or during my 8-hour shift. Before I could open my mouth, she said “Emily, Erick is being accused of the shooting that happened last night at Speedy’s.” I was about ready to break down in tears. Erick is my stepdad. I haven’t known him for long, he’s been in my life for around 4 years but he is an incredibly loving, supportive, and great stepdad. He did and continues to push me towards following my dreams and making sure that I prioritize myself and my ambitions. He changed my life in more ways than I can ever imagine and for that, I can say he is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me. When I was told he was being accused of a crime that we honestly couldn’t even confirm he did or not, I felt a part of my heartbreak. My stepdad was pronounced guilty and was to serve 7 years in prison. Ever since he was convicted, my family had been struggling with the effects of having only one parent’s income. We had to give up our truck and I would assist my mom in paying half of our Buick, as well as putting in money for our laundry and groceries. In the time that my stepdad was with us, he had always strongly encouraged discussing how we felt. The small family interventions we have now as just However, my mom, my sister, and I have all been doing well. As life went on without my stepdad being present at home, we learned to work our way around life. It wasn’t our first as just us three, therefore finding the balance of being just three girls wasn’t too hard. One of the things I can say I am most grateful for is my motivation to push forward and get into a good university to pursue psychiatry. My stepdad constantly sends letters telling me he’s proud of me, telling my sister and me to help our mom and not worry about him. Of course only two of those things I can do, considering I don’t quite feel at peace with the thought of him in jail. The more letters he sends, and the more I have pinned on the wall beside my bed, the more I begin to think about how I hope to make him proud. I hope that when they let him out of jail, he can say he is happy for me and how far I’ve come. My career ambitions have only grown stronger because of the need to make my stepdad proud when he gets out of jail, but also because I want to be able to support my mom so much more while my stepdad is away.

I have visions of me standing alongside my family, in the backyard of my house with a drink in my hand as we all laugh at something my step-dad and we're all happy, satisfied with how far we've come and the battles we've fought.

When I was younger, going to school meant dreaming of having the newest game console or American Girl doll, throwing funerals for a stuffed toy that was lost, and feeding the stray dogs that wandered into our schoolyard. The field days at my small public school weren’t grand, we didn’t have 3 bouncy houses and potato sack races, but we did play scrimmage soccer games and compete on who could run the fastest. I would spend class periods in the corner of my counselor's room which she decorated with such care or I would stay on the small playground with my best friend because we didn’t like all the yelling from the other kids. I remember having the Hello Kitty and Friends DVD to play on my small television and running around with the puppies my parents would adopt. Sometimes I would invite my friends to my house because I lived right across the street from our school. I was a part of our soccer team, and I distinctly remember the first time I made a goal after 2 years of playing. Such memories are what inspired me to be involved within my community because although we were an underfunded, title I school the adults in our community tried. They pushed us to be more than what we thought we could be and always told us we were made for great things. My teachers, counselors, and after-school program educators supported us emotionally and physically. Making sure we ate and were able to talk about how we felt about certain things, whilst also ensuring we performed well academically. My parents let me participate in however many things I wanted, always supporting me in pursuing my love for soccer. My mom came to every game and watched as I played while my sister cheered. I want to grow to become someone that children can depend on. When my uncle was the manager of a soccer league, I would run around with the children in the playground or play basketball with them. At school, I would eat lunch with my brother and the other special education children and enjoy the minuscule conversations with them. I would babysit with my sister and we would let them ramble about little things without interruption and ask as many questions as they’d like. Although this may seem basic and unimportant, such small things are what affect a child’s growth and ability to communicate efficiently. That is an ideal that I have always and will always keep with me. That is why I want to become a psychiatrist. Children sometimes don’t have people that they can depend on and I hope that by pursuing higher education, I can become that for them. Although my change may be small, I know that in some way I have helped these children understand that there is someone who wants to listen to what they have to say. No matter how big or small, if they have something they want to ramble about, I will gladly listen.

There are many things in my life that I live for. My mom, my siblings, and my grandparents, for example. My friends who care for me and my co-workers who have changed my life, as another example. However, they are not the reason why I want to become successful. Yes, they inspire me to want to grow and become a better person, however, I do not intend to pursue a career in psychiatry for them. No, I intend to become a psychiatrist because there are people out there who feel alone. People who don’t believe that they have someone who cares for them and wants to hear their story. I intend to become someone that can positively impact their lives and enforce the idea of healthy communication between the body and the mind. Growing up, I struggled with maintaining a healthy lifestyle. I fought against both anxiety and depression because I felt as though I had no choice but to fight. I struggled with understanding my emotions and how to communicate them, thus straining many important relationships. Considering I felt as though I had no one to talk to, I never realized how the way I was coping with my mental illness was unhealthy. Constantly losing a noticeable amount of weight, and gaining all that weight back and more illustrates one way in which my declining mental health negatively affected my body, as well. Learning to move past my trauma and grow from all the hurt and the pain was difficult, especially because I was alone. Of course, my mother and sister were there to pick me up when I would fall, however, I never truly told them how I felt. Learning that I shouldn’t fight against my mental illness, but understand and heal alongside said illness was difficult for me. I didn’t want to live with my mental illness, I wanted to completely terminate it. I wanted to be rid of the burden of doubt, greed, insecurity, anger, vengefulness, jealousy, and so much more. I wanted to be at peace with my body and my mind. The journey never truly stops. Living alongside your mental illness is difficult because of how strongly mental illness can impact and change your life. However, I was able to heal from the past and look forward to my future. This is what motivates me into wanting to become successful and thus the reason why pursuing an education is important to me. I was able to fight my battle alone, and even then I still struggle today with maintaining a balance between my mind and my body, however many other individuals can't say the same. I want to assist others in fighting their internal battles and prepare them for what life has in store. I want to support children and adolescents when they are young and demonstrate to them that they are more than their mental illness because I know how mental illness can impact young minds.

I was twelve years old when my father left and I felt as if my whole life was crashing right before my eyes and there was absolutely nothing I could do as I watched him grab his keys and drive off into the night, never to return. He had burdened my mother with his debt and inability to go through life independently, and he had burdened her with his unhealthy communication. However, I still loved him because what else was I supposed to do? As a result of growing up in a broken home, I never found healthy ways to cope with my negative emotions and found myself bottling up my sadness and anger in fear of receiving a negative reaction from my family. I struggled with opening up about my emotions as I entered my teenage years and my life began to change. I would yell when I was angry and stubbornly lock myself in my room when my parents attempted to find the root of my irritation. I would sob when I felt especially horrible about myself and as I wailed in my mother's arms, I would tell her about how much I missed my father. Now, this may sound cliche, but it is a part of my life that defines who I am and how I have grown. When I was younger, I wished I could find the help others had to properly care for and stabilize my emotions and understand why I expressed them so violently. When I was 16 years old, I was able to help myself by talking to my parents and expressing how I felt to them, because they were able to create a safe and open environment for me to freely express myself. This is where my dream of becoming a psychiatrist stems from. From being able to find peace within myself and wanting to help provide others with such peace. From dreaming of being able to provide children with the help they need to freely express themselves and figure out why they feel a certain way. From wanting to positively change their lives as they are young so that when they grow older, they can find healthy ways to cope with their internal and external problems. I dream that as a psychiatrist, I can also assist adults in finding the closure they need to heal. To help them understand why certain things happen to be as they are, but that it is okay to not be okay with them. That they do not need to change their being simply because they feel as though it is not right. I hope to truly change people's lives and help them in the best way that I can.