Addiction is the sort of thing that creeps up on someone, creating some twisted sense of comfort. For me, addiction came from the sensations of drinking and smoking. I was only fourteen when I first began falling into this cycle. I remember the first time I smoked weed, I was staying the night at my sister’s house, and I had heard everyone had been smoking, so I wanted to try it too. With only the first inhale, I could feel my entire body give way to the new sensation, feeling almost as if I was floating. Floating far away from the issues at home and the intense social images at school that I couldn't seem to fit into. I wanted to keep this sensation forever, and overtime, smoking became a regular event. Eventually, however, the high from weed had lost its exciting thrill and instead became routine so that I could eat and sleep. I wanted to feel that feeling of excitement again, and since the weed couldn't give that to me, I turned to alcohol instead. Throughout the entire summer of that year, I began drinking and smoking everyday, turning into a sense of normalcy. I was so distracted by the action of it all, which I guess is what I wanted to begin with; distraction. I even discovered vaping from some friends of mine, which I justified because it couldn’t possibly be as bad as smoking a cigarette. Or at least that’s what I convinced myself. Nights at my sister's house turned into expectations of partying, drinking, and smoking, but that quickly came to an end. It was one day towards the end of summer that she had decided to cut me off until I stopped using her. It hadn't even crossed my mind that I was using my own sister. In fact, I became so defensive and hostile that I threatened her for what she had turned me into, but deep down, I knew that only I was to blame. Still, I carried on with my drinking and smoking habits, turning to my friends to get my supply. Hangouts with friends only consisted of smoking and drinking, and none of us could even begin to recognize what we were becoming. I had been so far gone for over a year that everything I was doing seemed normal, but I was quickly knocked out of that trance the day that my parents sat me down at the table with a drug test in hand. I remember the shock of fear as I saw the anger and distrust in their faces, and I knew I was done for from that moment on. I was naive thinking I could continue drinking and smoking without being caught. In fact, I wasn't thinking at all. The entire time I hadn't even been in control of my own actions. Even to this day, I still suffer the mental and physical consequences of my choices back then. The difference now is that I can control whether I choose to engage in them or not. Recovery for me hadn't been easy, and it took a while for me to find answers, but more importantly, it strengthened my relationship with my family. Throughout the entirety of my recovery, my parents had kept me in check, while my sister and I turned to exchanging books to connect rather than substances. Books will always be a symbol of my sister and I's recovery, and I hope that I can be there to help others find their light in the dark during their recovery process.