By the time I was a teenager, my family had lived in nine different places. Not because we were military, or addicted to moving, or any specific reason. That is just simply what life seems to have handed us. For many reasons, different ones each time, we never stayed in one place very long. My parents have always had a lot to carry, and over the years my Mom has willingly made many sacrifices for my siblings and me. What has left the biggest impact on me as I have grown up, however, has not necessarily been the actual sacrifices (though I will always be forever grateful), but rather the perseverance with which she approached each new challenge, and the unwavering faith in God she continued to show no matter how difficult our circumstances were. Anyone can make sacrifices for their kids, but very few do it without showing any of the anxiety, frustration, and stress they feel might toward them. In truth, some of my most peaceful memories are a result of her making the best of difficult circumstances: When I was four years old, I used to snuggle up with her on the couch in the late mornings. She would have just gotten home from the night shift she had been working so that she could take some of the burden off my dad while still being a stay-at-home mom. Later in my life, when I was around nine, my siblings and I would all sit cross-legged next to a construction paper Christmas tree while Mom read to us about Julius Caesar or Martin Luther. Our bare house from a recent move surrounded us, and stacks of various schoolbooks had slowly begun appearing since Mom and Dad decided to homeschool my siblings and me. Then there were the evenings we spent filling coloring books while Mom read aloud Western novels with kerosene lanterns or headlamps because the cabin we were staying in during those months did not have electricity. Throughout the years, wherever we landed, she would always turn it into home. Without fail, she has always gotten up early, cooked us breakfast, and then led us in Bible study and prayer, before helping us kids with our schoolwork and giving gentle, wise words to whatever struggle each of us was facing in our lives. While I did not have a strictly normal childhood, I grew up learning invaluable things from my mother. She has taught me so much about what unconditional love looks like, about how to be joyful in all circumstances, how to be content, and how to persevere in hard situations; but most importantly, she has convinced me by her own example that no matter how demanding life seems, I can live in confidence, because the God of peace will walk through every difficult situation with me. That knowledge alone is worth more than life itself, and there is nothing on earth that I can do to properly show my gratitude to her.

Five months ago, my mentor Christie, had been planning a mission trip to visit some churches in several countries in the West Asia area. It was one she had done several times before, and now as she was getting older and preparing for retirement, she wanted to do this one last trip. However, she needed someone to go with her. When Christie invited me along, I was ecstatic. Ever since I was a little girl, I had dreamed of being a missionary in a foreign country. This felt like the next logical step on that path. However, the closer the departure date grew, the more unsettled I was by this trip. I went back and forth between being nervous, talking about my misgivings, having a good cry, and then being at peace with it all. This trip had some very real risks. All of the countries we were going to have outlawed most, if not all, church denominations, as well as foreign missionaries. There was a very real threat of arrest of both us and the people we would be visiting. I kept praying that God would give me peace about the issue if it was the right choice, and wisdom if it was not. Finally, I came to the decision that I didn’t have the certainty in this venture to continue. I felt awful about it because I knew that if I did not go, Christie would not either. I texted her to ask if we could meet. A couple of hours later, she said she would not be able to make our meetup and that she was on her way to the hospital. Her husband was sick, and the trip would have to be canceled. I did not cancel the trip. She did not cancel the trip. God did. A few weeks later, at a wedding I would not have otherwise attended, I was recommended New Saint Andrews College. I had not planned on going to college, but I figured why not give it a tour since I was in the area. By the time I went back to my hotel room, I had a new direction in life. Touring the college helped me realize that right now, the best thing that I can do is focus on strengthening my foundation in Christ, addressing personal weaknesses, and learning new skills so that I can prepare myself for whichever path God leads me on. And I saw myself doing all of that at New Saint Andrews. I applied, and now a couple of months later, I have been accepted into New Saint Andrews’ Associates program. Overall, I do not have a fun, inspiring story of “unwavering faith.” I have read all the missionary biographies, where the person in question was faced with impossible situations, but they were completely at peace because they had “unwavering faith.” The times in my life that were closest to what the heroes of old might have faced (and really do not even compare) are the times when I have screamed and cried and questioned the most. These were times when my answer to “Do you trust God” was not a resounding “YES!” but rather an “I don't know”, or maybe a simple “I’m trying”. But as I embark on this next path in life, I know that despite my struggles, the same God who walked alongside David, Daniel, and Paul, was the same God who was with Hudson Taylor, Gladys Aylward, and Jim Eliot. And that same God is guiding my nervous, unsteady steps through his perfect plan.