Life is a precious gift. One we don't all cherish, and some don't get to fully experience. I've struggled with many things throughout my life, and while each one left an impact on the person I am today, nothing compares to the loss of my mother. A year ago, my mom got diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, and five months ago, she died. Losing my mom has completely changed the person I am, as well as the way I see the world and the people around me. After loss, your community is supposed to surround you, support you, and uplift you during this treacherous time of need. However, I did not receive that. While there were people around me, they were not really there for me. Everyone treated me like an inconvenience, because for them this was just another sad story of a young girl who has to live the rest of her life without her mother, but for me it was my life.
During my junior year of high school, I had taken a CNA course and even obtained my license, however, I had realized during the course that CNA work was not something I wanted to pursue. Little did I know that the skills I had obtained would be put to very good use. At just nineteen years old I became my mom's primary caretaker. I dropped out of college and put everything I had into taking care of my mom, just like she had done for my brother and I. I am incredibly grateful to have had the ability to care for my mom the way I did, but that also means that I watched her slowly die. I was the first person to notice every decline. It started with her memory, then her ability to use her left side well, then her voice started changing, and then before I knew it, I watched her slowly lose the ability to walk. After she became bed bound, I watched her slowly slip away mentally and physically until her last breath. And then, I had people who had never experienced what I did tell me that I needed to move on from the death of my own mother. I have never felt more alone in my entire life. When I opened up to my therapist about how I felt, she too made me feel like I was wrong for how I am grieving, but at one point I credited my therapist with helping save my life as she's the one who helped me leave my abusive relationship.
I still think fondly of my therapist as she has helped me get through many overwhelming battles and she is also the one who got me interested in social work, but my reasoning as to why I will continue to strive to become a social worker has changed. I want to honor my mother's life, and I know no better way to do that than to help others just like her daughter. There is very little good that I can find amidst all the darkness that has consumed my life, but the one good thing is that I will do my best to never allow someone to feel alone no matter what they are going through. As individuals, we can only fully understand what we ourselves have been through, and while that sucks, I have grown to possess a lot of knowledge that others do not have, knowledge that will serve me well throughout my career. I just hope to always have grace, compassion, and empathy, for everyone I meet.