I always was confused by the term "normal." I thought I was normal. Until I began to spiral last fall of 2023. It turned out to my surprise as I wondered why my mind was rambling so painfully. As I began to cry by myself in any seclusion I could find. What's different about this is, I never cry. Crying was rare to me. I had struggled at a young age prior, to ideas without action in regards to self harm, and even consideration of worse actions to myself. I asked my mother to please sign me up for therapy. I felt so alone, so confused, I felt so hated even in some terms by my own self reflection. Did I truly hate myself? Was there something wrong with me? I walked into my therapy office, sat before me was my doctor and his assistant nurse. I spoke, I cried, through all of this I could never make eye contact for longer than three seconds at a time. I fidgeted, as I always had. At times my focus couldn't even stay on what he was saying. He began to help me with so many things as we progressed session through session. Early on he asked me a question. "Do you have ADHD?" Surprisingly I said, "Maybe, I've never been tested." The next session I brought it up, I was intrigued. My doctor agreed to test me. He told me to just sit for a few seconds, to notice what I felt in the room. Immediately the slight flicker of the light fixture buzzing truly did stand out, then the noise of a clock. He asked me what I noticed, I told him. He asked me "a clock?" At this point I was confused by why he was questioning the validity of my statement. He began to shuffle looking for a clock. There were no clocks hanging on the wall, but he managed to find one. Tucked between a bookshelf and a wall, he told me he thought that clock had stopped working. At this point he knew, but he ran more tests. Eventually he told me I have prominent ADHD. I had never known I had it, never known I could possibly be "different." As I continued my research on the matter, I did know my mother had it. This began to make me question, is that why she left me? She had left me to the care of my grandparents the first day I was let out of the hospital as I had just been born. That I am still unsure of, my best assumption can be she was dealing with heavy postpartum, as I was her only child my parents didn't want. I began to progress out of the slump I had felt, but I began to realize a lot of ADHD symptoms I have experienced for a long time. Shortly after I had a different doctor test me where she found I was dealing with depression, and anxiety as well. Gears began to turn and click, I may have been different for longer than I thought. I never did fit in, throughout my childhood years. I was always striving for emotional availability of some sort of friend. I couldn't focus in class, especially as the day progressed. I remember being called "annoying." I never meant to be annoying, I was simply excited. My overstimulation, as I came to learn, was so prominent it stuck with me my whole life. I remember flashbacks of crying in Walmart because of the amount of people. I remember yelling at those I loved, wholeheartedly I never meant to be mean. I just could not regulate my emotions. Oftentimes I couldn't build true relationships, no matter how hard I tried. Like a flash of cycling I remembered all the times I had experienced symptoms, constantly fidgeting, being unable to concentrate on tasks, excessive physical movement, excessive talking, etc. Many of these symptoms I believe are why my mother and I have a hard time building a relationship. I oftentimes found myself getting taken advantage of emotionally. By people I consider to be friends. I always wondered why it always ended with me being alone in the end. With the consideration of anxiety, depression, and ADHD. I could understand why I was an easy target for anyone cruel enough to consider. My romantic life as a teenager never thrived, I always found myself avoidant of my feelings. This being the lack of ability to love, as I had never experienced in depth these feelings with my fathers passing, even before then both my parents had mental "illness" or difficulties of some kinds. As I progressed through life since my diagnosis of my "triple threat" which has defined my life for so long. I do find control in some aspects, I continue to strive for control. I have learned what works for me and what doesn't. What to avoid, and what not to. I have accepted it is most likely my ADHD, causing lack of dopamine for correct function will always be with me. As I continue to find myself, my individuality and learn about myself I do find a sense of resilience. Resilience against ADHD, depression, and anxiety. I never wish to be locked away in my own head, without control. I have been on optional medication, stimulant wise. I have found myself growing and blossoming in some aspects. Blossoming into self acceptance, self love, and determination. I am so grateful for my opportunities to pursue my education. I want to experience the joys of college regardless of my mental "differences." I never have had much money, but I have had determination and grit. To prove even someone like me, who has struggled with mental health his whole life can do it. I wish to prove to all those who hold these differences, they can succeed. I want to prove, your resilience through the hardships of this life defines who you are.

As we think of environmental challenges oftentimes the general public immediately stigmatizes change for the better as an inconvenience especially in the agricultural industry. The agricultural industry has many pressing problems which put strain on the climate and environment which these operations are produced in. What can be done? As the Agricultural industry strains and damages their very own areas of production. The answer being, Indigenous agricultural methods. Native agricultural practices are often less extractive, renewable, and promote healthy ecosystems long term. These practices are ecologically adapted to the environment of implemented growth. Oftentimes we see agriculture as long rows of crops. Indigenous agriculture revises this narrative. "Agricultural expansion is a major driver of deforestation and other ecological destruction, decimating habitats and biodiversity." As stated by the World Wildlife fund. Through crop planting methods such as the three sisters method, of planting three crops together for symbiotic growth and benefit, biodiversity is implemented, less land expansion is implemented not allowing damages such as deforestation to occur. Not only this but natural fertilization occurs without toxic damages at a natural rate. As stated "Nitrogen fertilizers prices increased 95 percent, and potash fertilizers increased over 70 percent." by the World Wildlife foundation. Indigenous methods put a stop to these commonly practiced damages. There are so many implications of this found in many forms varying from crop to crop. Specification of crops to a certain environment is always prioritized, meaning crop yield production grows, oftentime implementing less water usage. Corn is one crop which uses the most water for production. When implementing variations of hybrid corn which can sustain itself without constant watering, depletion of water usage occurs, leaving water for wildlife sustainability in plentiful amounts. Agroforestry is another method with gracious benefits. This is the symbiosis of trees, crops, and wildlife. Oftentimes creating a place of habitat to sustain and nurse wildlife populations without damaging either. An acceptable question would be who is still using these practices or willing to do so? Well it's already being implemented but commercial opportunities should take place widely. Using sustainable practices such as these methods prior listed brings forth the promotion of food sovereignty, which gives power to the people of any community to grow, consume, and distribute food on their own terms. The food sovereignty movement is rooted in cultural preservation, implemented by Indigenous peoples today. Oftentimes this Earth's healthy natural cycles of life are seen as "a lost cause." Yet, Indigenous people prove otherwise. Indigenous people make up 5% of the world population and still today protect 80% of the world's biodiversity. There is a lesson to be had here. When we stray from this ideology and take into consideration benefits of renewability through implications of these methods sustainability. We see a changing future of health for the environmental factors of the land, and the people which reside on it. These methods do work, as stated by Four Indigenous Farming Practices for a Sustainable Future Today “The value of Indigenous agricultural knowledge cannot be overstated. Incorporating Indigenous farming techniques into modern large-scale food systems will make them more sustainable, environmentally friendly, and resilient to issues that can create food insecurity.” By overcoming the implications of damaging agricultural practices, and replacing them with Indigenous renewability we shape the future for the better.

Studies show Indigenous people have higher rates of mental health problems such as suicide, post-traumatic stress disorder, violence and substance use disorders. I am an Indigenous person, who has dealt with the struggles of mental health, due to my depression, anxiety, and ADHD. I have lived with these struggles first hand, and will always advocate for the accessibility and affordability of mental health care for those in need. I believe to address this, the immediate choice of action is education, and promotion of non profit organization events and conferences. I have attended many conferences which address mental health, here I have found a place to better myself. I believe through advertisements, such as these conferences which provide mental health accessible information, many can be helped. Promoted at these conferences are non profit organizations, and help hotlines. These are valuable resources for people in need. Many of these conferences provide resources and tactics used to better mental health. In terms of a bigger picture, to make mental health care more affordable, my answer is investing into non profit organizations based around the mission statement of mental health betterment. Many of these organizations have individual professionals who specialize in mental health. These organizations are accessible by call, and a quick google search. These organizations provide care and referral, at significantly lower rates of cost. There will always be work to be done, which is why I also promote the contribution of contacting local and statewide government legislation for change.

My life is focused around the natural world and all of its beauties. The reason being is I am Native American, Northern Ute of the Uintah and Ouray reservation. My traditional values and beliefs I hold true to the conservation and health of the natural world. Growing up, all I had was the natural world to truly sustain my physical and mental health. My family is low income, but we have managed to sustain ourselves through the natural world in various responsible ways. Oftentimes being regenerative. I was indulged in agriculture growing up, as I was raised primarily by my grandparents on a small ranch. Through the education passed from my grandparents I learned sustainable practices of agriculture through our small scale cattle operation we had. Many of these practices were focused around the clean renewability of water sources, and grazing. I learned many different forms of regenerative responsible cattle grazing from a young age. The land provided for us through its sustainability to keep our livestock healthy. Unfortunately my grandparents grew old, and income became less. So we sold out of our cattle to help with loss of funds from an unpredictable market. My elders taught me so much in regards to the land that I even began learning so many sustainable ways to live in symbiosis, with the earth. We sustained our body's off of the crops we grew, the livestock we grazed, and of course the animals we hunted in responsible ways. Preservation of the land was always first to my family, as it was the way of our people. My elders taught me so much vital information to the cultural preservation of what we refer to as our provider, "Mother Earth." I was always from a young age picking up trash, or any pollutants others had left behind. This being from a deep care for nature, as it has always been the loving provider for my family's sustainability. If not for the animals we hunted, there was the possibility of hunger. As I grew up on a reservation, and these reservations are considered food deserts. Meaning food insecurity comes at an all time high. Not only in terms of food, but the cultural medicines which helped me overcome the sickness of my childhood. If we were sick, we relied on the resources of the land. It provided me with so many medicines, in the most natural forms it possibly could. In many ways, the nurturing and beauty of the land saved me. It gave me the strength to continue my fragile life. With my age came the consideration of college education. I am the first ever college student from my family. Given my time to consider a career and choice of study there are no questions to be asked. I think what I truly wish to devote my life to, the answer is clear. The natural world. Like a roaring river, memories of the land hit me constantly. The times I spent camping often growing up, my cultural ceremonies, the sustainability, the resources, and the love and relationships the outdoors has given me. With consideration of teachings and time spent with my elders, my grandfather, my great aunt, and my only remaining elder my grandmother. The gifts the outdoors has given me, is why I choose to go into environmental sciences. My choice is a act of my determination to protect and return the love the Earth has given me. To protect agriculture, parks and recreation, wildlife, etc. I will always pursue the path to confirm the inevitable continuation of environmental conservation, for generations to come.

A ridge upon a nose, cheekbones structured and placed highly, a stoic face of a warrior of old. But before me in the reflection of time I look upon I see not a warrior of pre-colonial times, it is me. I am what has survived those times, I am that of descendancy of hundreds of years of resilience. Upon the pictures frames on my wall, are my ancestors. I share aspects of each of their faces, from longing eyes, to diamond shaped faces. My grandfather taught me teachings of our people, he told me there is no shame in who you are. "You are valid, strong, resilient." Always ending with the reassurance of "You are Ute, my grandson." This was the first thing I really ever had, my identity as an Indigenous person. My growth of age progressed. I was in elementary school, playing with other children on the reservation I called home. These children were my relations, they were my people. Yet, soon came middle school. Due to my desolate place of origin it meant I had to catch the bus at 4:30 in the morning. I wanted my old school back, I yearned for my people. Soon I lost my grandfather, a loss of a library filled with knowledge. Now I was the victim of difference. In a new world, where I was the different looking Native kid who didn't fit their stereotypes. My world shifted again to high school, where I found discrimination. I felt the whole world wanted me to be their stereotype. I remember the borderline tears as a fellow classmate stuck a feather in my hair, followed by the words "go dance around a fire." I was not their "savage." My remembrance of my people got me through the hardship. I lost my father as he became a Missing and Murdered Indigenous person. I began to mourn, to begin this process as traditionally expected I cut my hair. I was desperate for relief of my pain, so I went to a dance of my people called the Bear Dance, a celebration of renewal. A time to remember I must continue for those who came before me. I have devoted myself to my people through advocacy. I addressed the true hardships I had felt first hand. From relatives struggling with drug abuse, to Missing and Murdered Indigenous peoples, to food insecurity. I adorn the red hand prints of awareness. Always living as a reflection of my ancestors. I spoke to a woman with a lost sense of who she was. She told me she wasn't "Native enough" I assured her she was. We both had lost our libraries, our elders. I had grown up with many teachings, I was raised on the Uintah and Ouray Reservation after all. But so many teachings I could not remember, or I had lost to time. I began to speak my language where I learned from an elder in my tribe, with the offering of tobacco. It's something that fills me with sweet memories of my elders speaking it. The more I dance in this lifetime, I find myself. I find the belonging I once had returned to me. From powwow to ceremony, I find myself. Making regalia brings peace to me, crafting bustles, beadwork, ribbon shirts and skirts. As I do so, as I sing, there I am. Looking into that reflection of my ancestors faces, I am that warrior in the mirror. Remembering the words of my grandfather, "You are Ute." I am Ute, traditionally called the Nuchue, I am shaped by my ancestors resilience witithn myself.