My experience with my mental health and getting the therapy that I needed for years made me do a complete 180 with my life. I grew up in a home where I was mentally, verbally and emotionally abused by someone who was supposed to love me and keep me safe, instead, she used me, my siblings and my mother like pawns. I never knew what I was coming home to, whether it be someone baking sweets and asking me how many I wanted, or someone ready to start an argument about whether I took the trash out or not before I went to school. I dealt with the abuse for ten years before I decided that I had enough. I had a boyfriend who knew me since I was fifteen years old and had heard every story of what happened behind closed doors at my home. One of the last arguments I had with her that exploded into a screaming match was over a cake. A birthday cake. She refused to tell me specifically what she wanted and only gave me 2 minutes to get to the store and get it, and wouldn't give me any information on it, so she got home to me with no cake and that ruined me. I still think about that day in my head and it makes my heart rate go up, my chest starts hurting, and I get very physically upset. She called me names, told me no one loved me, no one would take me in, and said I was worthless. My boyfriend told me to pack everything I could and he would take me to his apartment that weekend and I would stay with him. I did like he said because that meant that I could start going to therapy to get help on how to deal with this. I told her that she treated me like a child, and like I worked for her, not like I was family. I told her I felt replaceable because of her words. She begged me to come home, that she would change her ways. I knew it was a lie and it wouldn't work,so I turned down her offer. my boyfriend and I ended up getting married, getting me therapy, and we started renting a bigger house. I even got a little in-patient psychological care for a week to help. I was diagnosed with PTSD, depression, and anxiety. Positive experiences I have had with the mental health industry are that there are people that truly care about people. I had a nurse that when I could not sleep while I was in-patient let me sit at the big group table and write about why I was awake and how I could feel better. I also had people that cried with me when I talked about my experiences growing up. I also had some negative experiences with the mental health industry. One was that I had a therapist that wanted to see me more often, but because of how many people were coming for therapy, he did not have the time to see me more often, until I went in-patient for the week. Suddenly, he could see me once a week as he wanted. You could also tell he was extremely overworked. He also suddenly stopped calling me and ghosted me when it came to future appointments. I also did not like a lot fo the workers in the in-patient facility because they seemed like they were jus there for a paycheck, and not to actually help people who needed someone.

To me, a legacy is something that sticks with you. When someone brings up your name, it is that thing that you did that people remember you for. This can be a really good thing, and people can remember that one good thing you did, like saving a life or getting your degree. Sometimes, it can be a bad thing, like developing an addiction, or if you didn't have great parents, then following in their footsteps could be a bad legacy. Everybody has a legacy, no matter what it is, good or bad. My upbringing has affected my legacy, my life path, and my plans. I was raised in a home where my guardian needed to have power, whether it be over her family or her town. Any political position she could get, she got. She is the president of the borough she lives in, and she is the secretary of the fire company in the borough. If she did not like someone, she did everything she could to kick people off of positions and used the power that she acquired. She also used her power to get people she did like into positions of power to make sure that they went with everything she said and did. One person was me because she and I both knew that if I told her no that my life was going to be flipped upside down. I was voted into a political position for the borough council, and as much as I loved politics, and could see myself doing it for a career, it made me hate it forever. I felt like a puppet, and she was the master always pulling strings. I was in college, and the only degree she "approved of" was political science when I explained to her a little about it. She told me she could get me an internship with our state representative, and even though I smiled and nodded and seemed excited, I hated that idea. That meant in her mind, I would be her gopher, to put ideas in his head to help out our town even more than he already did. But in reality, I probably would never even see him. I wouldn't know, because I ended up moving out because I was sick of her having power over me, and constantly holding things over my head, like my car that I bought that she put in her name, my bedroom in her house, all of the food that I would buy myself that everybody else ate. After all, I could never keep things for myself. I ended up moving in with my boyfriend who was in the military, and he helped get me into therapy to see that the way I lived was abusive mentally and verbally, and now I live happily with my husband and son, studying for my degree online in a completely different major. I don't hold things over my child's head, like his room, a car, or food, because those are necessities. I also don't give him the silent treatment when he does something bad, instead, we talk things out and make sure that he understands that he cannot do things like that anymore. I am happy I do not talk to her anymore, and that people see her as evil and bothersome like I do. I do not understand how people can use their children to get things they want as my guardian did. It was pure evil and hurtful to me, and now I deal with the consequences of her actions every day.

I always dreamed of going to college, to get my degree in something that interested me, that I could see myself doing for the rest of my life. The older I got, the more of a leash was put on my decisions as an adult by my guardian. If I was not going to go to college for something that would please her, and benefit her in a way, then the idea of studying it was thrown out the door. Psychology, sociology, business, and social work, were all things she shot down. They would not make me money, meaning it wouldn't make her money, or it meant I would be in school a while and meant I would have to take out student loans. This was also the reason why I was forced to go to a community college and not a university, plus going to a university meant that I would have to move away. When I discovered political science, she was thrilled. It meant I could help her with politics for our town since she was president of the borough. This also meant I could stay home and live with her, and she could keep me under her control as an adult. The idea made me sick to the stomach, and I told my boyfriend my fears, hoping he would have an idea for me. His idea was to let me move in with him and if I still wanted to get my degree, I was more than welcome to go back to college. I remember going back and forth on if I wanted to try and go military like my father and my husband, or if I wanted to bite the bullet and find something I would enjoy studying. It was hard, now that I finally had the freedom to pick whatever degree I wanted to get. I would even tell my husband what I wanted to study, and he had to tell me, "Em, whatever you want to do is up to you. That is cool you want to tell me, but don't justify it to me. There is no need." I said something about Intelligence Analysis, and he loved the idea, it fit me. I finally decided to go with finding an online college where I could get my degree in Intelligence Analysis. I still remember explaining to my grandfather what I would be studying and where I could work, and my grandmother doing her best to look uninterested and annoyed, all because I was no longer living there so all of the money I would be making would never benefit her. This money will be used to help with paying off all of my student loans and paying for things I would need for college. Being married and a stay-at-home mom, we don't always make the most money, but it is enough to get by. I have two more years of school left, and I hope that this scholarship would help me to have the motivation to continue to do well, graduate, and make my husband and son proud that I graduated and have my degree.

My favorite song on Taylor Swift's album 1989 is Shake It Off. I love the upbeat feel that it has, it makes me want to get up and dance around, even though I have always felt that I am a terrible dancer. It has been one of those songs that no matter how many times I hear that it is overplayed or that it is annoying, I still confidently play it when I require a good mood. Her song also resonates with me and my personal life. I grew up being raised by someone that wasn't my biological parents. She was my father's stepmother. Even though my mom lived with us, you would never know it. My mom worked nights to make the most money to pay her bills and made sure my siblings and I had anything we needed. So while she worked nights and slept most of the day, my stepgrandmother took over the role of being our mother, and it was the worst. My siblings and I endured a lot of problems. There was a lot of yelling and name-calling toward us, and it just seemed as though nothing would ever be good enough for us. When we had questions about something she wanted us to do, she would never answer them, and then we would get yelled at because we either did what she asked and it was wrong or did not do what she asked because we did not get enough information or any of our questions answered, so we spent a lot of time in our rooms to keep out of the line of fire. One escape that I had was music, and it was the one thing that convinced me that things would be okay. While I listened to a lot of rock music, like Three Doors Down, Five Finger Death Punch, and Nickleback, I also listened to Taylor Swift. 1989 came out when things were at an all-time low for me. I seemed to be in a deep depression, and it just seemed like things at home were not going to get better. I remember listening to shake it off and the minute she started singing, I started jumping around and dancing, just hoping the music would speak to me, and it did. Like the song says "It's like I got this music/In my mind sayin' 'it's gonna be alright.'" This song was what got me through five more years of living through everything in that house. I finally got out after my freshman year of college was finally complete and now live in a safe environment with my husband and our child. If it wasn't for Taylor, I don't think I would have made it out of that house alive.

When I was younger, I dreamt of joining the Army like my dad did. I had dreams of helping soldiers on the battlefield after reading a story about Clara Barton. The more I got older, the more I saw that dream dwindling, because of views of the military by other family members. I pushed it to the back of my mind in case I would ever need a backup plan. It came time for graduation, and I had only applied to one college, a community college about an hour from my home. The plan was to study psychology, but it was one major of many that ended up getting tossed out by family members. Psychology was not going to make me money, business sounded stupid, sociology had no jobs, and social work would definitely make me no money. I finally settled for political science because it honestly sounded interesting, and I at least had an in for a job in local government. Finally after nearly five semesters and barely having enough credits to count freshman year as complete, I was burnt out. I ended up moving in with my husband, who at the time was serving in the Army. The idea of the Army and joining and serving my country came back, however, after a lot of thinking and actually finding out what combat medics do, I decided to try and find another job in the Army that interested me. One job that stuck out was an Intelligence Analyst. I asked many of my husband's friends what they did, and it sounded really interesting and right up my alley. I went to try and join the military but was unfortunately disqualified because I had endometriosis, which requires multiple surgeries throughout my life. I felt extremely discouraged, and my husband tried his best to encourage me again by telling me to see if this was something I could study in school. It took many months of searching and trying to find a school that wouldn't require eight week classes, but finally found my dream school. I was so excited to get accepted and start in the program. There are a lot of days when I get frustrated because it meant all of the dreams that I had of serving my country are down the drain, and I will never follow in my dad's footsteps. Then my husband sits with me and reminds me that this is my way of serving my country, that I can serve my country now without having to work out first thing in the morning and wear a uniform. I also will be making more as a civilian than in the military, which my husband reminds me of many times as well.

Alexandria was someone who made being friends so easy. The day I met her, I just knew we would end up being good friends for the rest of our lives. She made it a point to text me from the moment she woke up, until the moment she was about to go to sleep. We texted at all hours, had weekly Facetime phone calls, and sometimes, could video chat, text, Snapchat, and tag each other in posts on other social media sites all at the same time. I still remember the day we told her that we had to buy our son some baby formula, but it would take the rest of our money for the week, and she sent us money to not only get formula for our son, but groceries for us to last until payday. I told her we would pay her back and she refused. She would just send our money back to us. She was someone I talked to about all of the big decisions I had to make in my life. One big thing that we talked about was college. After she got out of the Army, she wanted to go back to school but had no clue what yet. I was deciding on if I wanted to try and join the Military, or if I wanted to go to college first. I had myself so worked up over it that our FaceTime calls would mostly be me crying. She finally told me if she was me, she would go to college first, get my degree, and then try and join the military as an officer, so that way I can make more money. About a month after I applied to a couple of colleges, she was tragically killed in a domestic violence dispute. I still sit and think about our last conversation, thinking about how I could have saved her, but I always know that I could not have changed her mind about leaving. I watched her body get lowered to the ground, and I heard the 21 Gun salute, and TAPS being played at her funeral, and I would never wish that upon anybody. I took all that anger and hurt and took it to my schooling. In my first semester, I got all A's and B's, and I knew that would have made her so proud of me. She is my biggest motivation, she knew where I wanted to work, and what I wanted to do, and was always there when I would need help or had questions. I still get angry some days that she is gone and no longer here with me, but I always know that she is always with me in my heart and mind, and she is always looking down at me, proud that I am doing what needs to be done to make myself happy.

My favorite back to school tip is to take all of the assignments in the syllabus and write them down ahead of time. I either make an excel spreadsheet, or buy a paper planner and put in all of my assignments! If I really want to help myself out, I spread out my assignments so that way I have a couple everyday. My instagram is @emalywebb

I still remember the day that I decided I want to go into the military. In third grade, I learned about Clara Barton, and what she did for people on the battle field, and decided that is what I wanted to do when I was older. My father was a veteran, so he was extremely proud, and helped me to get through high school and make sure that I kept getting good grades and making it to the next grade. When I moved in with my grandmother, and she shared her hatred for the military, my passion for joining started to dwindle, as she was the type to cut you out of her life if you went against her wishes. Years passed, and senior year came, and my chance to go into the military was gone for good. Or so I thought. Two years after graduating, my husband and I got back together, as we were high school sweethearts, and he was in the Army serving. I sat and pondered with the idea of joining, and he told me that he would support me all the way. Then I fell pregnant, and the idea was down at the bottom of the idea list once again. After having my child, the idea came back up, and I actually went through the process of going to a recruiter. Then my child got sick, and the idea was back at the bottom of the list. I thought it was the end, that the universe was telling me no. My best friend then told me that she would support me, and even told me to go to school first, then do military. We talked it over to see what the pros and cons were, and it seemed like a good idea. Her life was tragically taken from her in June of 2021, and I vowed to do the plans that her and I made. I got to work finding a school, and am now a sophomore, patiently getting my degree so I can join the Air Force after I graduate. Although life threw some curve balls at me, I dodge one after the other. As of now, I am deciding on joining the Air Force, or the Space Force, because they both are equally as good, however the Space Force will be more beneficial for the job that I want to do. Joining the military won't help just my dreams, but help my family's in more ways than it won't. I am so excited to experience this and see what my future holds for me.

The person who has supported me the most when it comes to my education goals is my husband. I know, you're expecting me to say a parent, but it is not that easy. My dad left us when I was young, and caused too much trauma for us that I stopped visiting him at a young age. We lived with my grand mother for a bit, but doing college with her was hard, because she wanted control. I had to go to community college, had a major that I could not pick because it was something she wanted me to do, and whenever I tried talking about moving to a university, she shut it down completely, because it meant I would move away. Even though she was not paying for college, she still wanted to control me like she was paying for it. My mother, was living the "single, working mom" life, and did not have the time or energy to support me. It was more "Hey good job" when I passed the semester, and "keep it up" when I was getting good grades. Now, I am back in college, and she asked a couple times how it is going, but noting like the support of my husband. My husband is willing to stay up for all hours of the night to make sure that I stay awake to do homework, and even help me if I don't understand something, since it is a field he worked in before. He also gets really proud of me when I get good grades, especially after a long hiatus from college because money got tight and life got in the way. When it was time for me to go back and pick a major, he helped to figure out what would make money and what I would enjoy. Even though I plan to go military after I graduate, I couldn't do college without his support. His "good jobs," his proud hugs, and the late night help make it so worth the degree, and keep me going.

Outside of going to college online, I am a Stay At Home Mom. Because of this, I don't have many extracurriculars besides taking care of my child. It is hard chasing a two year old around the house, making sure that I can get all of the housework that I can done, and getting my schoolwork done on top of that. He is a big job, especially now that he is older and can walk, talk, and is a toddler. He also has some health problems, so I have to do school work in between naps and making sure that he is okay and does not need medication. For school, time management was important to me, especially going back after years of breaks form college. To help keep me on track, I write down all of my assignments for the week and coordinate them for a specific day to do. For example, one class is due on one day, another class is due the next day. It helps to keep me on track, and physically crossing off an assignment that I completed helps me to realize how much I have left to do. It does get hard somedays when life gets in the way; my son requires many doctor appointments, so making sure that I get to those, and get school work done at a certain time can be very challenging somedays. I still find a way to make it work, and make sure to keep a GPA above 3.0.

Growing up, I knew my dad was in the US Army, but never understood what he did while active. It was honestly not until my husband, who is also a current US Army veteran, and they talked about their different MOS's and how the Army has changed since the 90's. There, I found out my dad was a 19K, who deployed and saw combat. Now he lives with PTSD and is a very heavy alcoholic. I do not really speak to my dad but maybe once a year, but I know he loves talking about what he did now with my husband since he gets it. I remember coming home from school one day learning about Clara Barton, and my dad told me that 68W's do that sort of thing in the Army; it was the day that I knew I wanted to join the Army. Since that day, I loved war history, learning anything about the military in general, and even volunteered for several military organizations. As I got closer to college, the thought of going in grew bigger and bigger, but my father's step-mother had a huge hatred for the military, to the point that she never had anything nice to say. Because of that, the thought of the military started to dwindle, that is until my husband and I got married. Now I am married and a mother, and plan to commission after I graduate from college in two years. Now I am free from my step-grandmother and cut her from my life, and feel free to live how I want without guilt. I have always wanted to make the ultimate sacrifice for my Country, and after being a military spouse, I miss the benefits that came with the lifestyle. The military has so many pros to it, and they will always outweigh the cons that come with that lifestyle. As much as I would love to do government work in DC and do something with Intelligence, I cannot beat the military benefits, and I know that this lifestyle will help my family. BAH, a steady paycheck, Tricare, it was all so amazing. But the best benefit of them all is know that my father will be forever proud of me for wanting to serve our country.

To be a leader means you put yourself on top, first in line, no matter what. You can get things done, you help those under you, and make sure that at the end of the day, the mission is getting completed. Growing up, I always knew I was going to go military. It was the one thing I wanted to do, because so many members of my family did it. I wanted to do the same, and make the ultimate sacrifice like they did. However, I also grew up with a certain member of my family who disliked the military, and it went to the back of my mind. Now that I am a little older, I decided I will finish college, and then Commission in the Army, and dream of becoming a Military Intelligence Officer. I am pursuing a degree because not only is it required for the military, but that way if something happens with the military and it is not in the foreseeable future, then I have a degree in Homeland Security to fall back on to get me a great job that I can have and enjoy. The five skills above are what I practice everyday, especially being a college student and a stay at home mom. Strong leadership and communication skills is a must, as a mother I must show my son that he has rules to follow or there will be consequences, and teach him how to communicate better so he can explain his needs and wants. I am very resilient, and learned to be quick. I had a lot of trauma in my childhood from years of mental and emotional abuse from my caregiver; as a result, I learned to get back up and keep going when life threw curve balls at me. As a mom, there are days my son has big emotions, or my husband has a bad day at work and everyone wants to shut down. I make sure that we are communicating well, and that we are at least a little happy. I also show unselfishness. As a soldier, you are making a huge sacrifice by fighting for your country. Although there are many problems with joining as a wife and mother, I am doing this to better my family and make sure they have the stability to never go hungry, or without proper shelter. As a college student, I am focused on getting my work done, and making sure I go above and beyond to get good grades and learn great and useful things. I also have a strong work ethic. I have previously been a manager at my old job, and made sure things were done for the next shift working, and even for college, I stay up as late or get up as early as I need to get assignments done and turned in, and go over them to make sure they go above and beyond.

Growing up, I never knew anything personal about my father until I became an adult. Once I became an adult and introduced him to my husband, they talked about the military: how it has changed, the differences between the times they were in, and what my father did while he was in. My father deployed while he was in, and saw combat, and now struggles with PTSD and alcoholism as a result. He always had a beer in his hand, and can go through a 40-pack of beer in a weekend. It put a strain on our relationship, especially when I was a teenager and he sexually assaulted me one night. After that, I cut him from my life, and vowed to myself that I would never be like that. When my father returned home from his deployment and got out of the US Army, he never received help, or even talked about the things he saw. "The VA is for veterans who lost limbs. The only thing I lost was brothers" was the response I would receive every time we talked about going to the VA (Veterans Affairs) to receive therapy or even compensation for the things he did and saw. Turning to alcohol was the therapy he needed in his opinion. He chose alcohol and losing his life sooner, than choosing his family, especially his children. I agree with the statement above, that how we choose to responds to life's challenges shapes our lives. He had, and still has, many ways of coping, and can still go to the VA if he chooses to, but he never will. He is to the point in his addiction that if he stops, or gets the treatment to stop, it could possibly kill him. Even with a DUI, getting some jail time for the DUI, and heavy fines, he still chooses to drink because he just cannot stop. My child will never have a parent that chooses drugs or alcohol over him, and will have parents that say getting help is okay. Both my husband and myself are in therapy. I go to cope with the trauma of living with my father and that night as a teenager, and it made me realize he can never change. I have accepted it. But I do hope that one day he will see how his actions have consequences, because he is really missing out on amazing things.

My dad served in the US Army before I was born, so by the time I was born, he was already out and a veteran. That does not mean that the Army left his system. His hair has been cut the exact same way since basic training, his Wubby is still sitting in his living room and was our favorite blanket growing up, he still gets up early every morning, and his food is piled on his plate and he eats it as quickly as possible. He also drinks alcohol like he is 21, getting drunk every night trying to drown what he saw on his deployment. With all of this, he still was my hero. I knew dad was in the army growing up, and he always taught me to help someone in need. I was always taught to do something to serve my country. In third grade, I found out about Clara Barton and told him about it, and he said that was a military job, and that was when I knew that the Army was something I needed to join. He also believed in my dreams, and told me that I could do anything that I wanted. I have family that if I said I was joining the military, they would call someone to get me out of it, because they saw what the Army did to my father. They don't understand how much the Army has changed over the years. I told my da I was planning on joining, and he was happy for me. "If that is what you feel you should do, do it!" It was the answer I hoped I would get out of him. He taught me different skills he learned while in the Army that I still use to this day, like different ways to fold things, how to put sheets on a bed, to even different things out in the wild when we would take trips in the woods. I ended up marrying my high school sweetheart at twenty years old, and he was a US Army soldier. When he met my dad, it was the first time my dad ever talked about things he saw on his deployment. I was shocked to hear the stories. I was also happy to hear my dad say the things he has been trying to drown all of these years. I am very blessed with the father I was given, and it is because of him, that I developed a love of the military.

When I married my high school sweetheart, I thought military life was going to be easy. It was better than being abused at home, but that did not mean it didn't have any challenges. We got married fairly quickly, and even got pregnant quickly. These challenges of learning a whole new way of life, were just little speedbumps. You came, and then you overcame. The biggest challenge I had was honestly finding my new friends and family. I was always someone who could make friends wherever I went. I would make a compliment about the person, and it sparked so any more conversations. Boom, we were then friends for life. Then, the time came to move in with my husband and get married. All of the sudden, those friends that texted me everyday, invited me everywhere even though I could never go, and listened to all of my problems, were all gone. I was truly alone. I would make a friend, or an acquaintance, and then they were gone. It is no surprise that military spouses can be mean. So they would be your friend to get information, and soon nobody would talk to you. I made more friends with people in my husbands company, than friends with the spouses. I think I am still friends with one spouse, and we still talk on a monthly basis. Even the active duty members still try to keep up, but its weird not having friends in person. Here we are, about two years after my husband got out and became a veteran, and were still struggling to find friends. The friends we made are at different duty stations, and the spouses I became friends with are busy created lives with their husbands and have friends closer to them. I have tried everything to make friends and nothing works. The one friend I had from the military passed away last year and since then, making friends have been extra tough. People where we live have their friends and friend groups and accepting new people into those groups is almost nonexistent. Somedays, I get really depressed not having a person to talk to, because even my husband, who I consider my best friend, gets tired of hearing me complain everyday. I decided after school, I am going to commission t help make some friends and help my family become more stable and not have to make so many sacrifices. I tis a rash decision, but it has been a decision that has been thought about for years now. I will do anything to make sure that we have the support, and if it means signing my life over to the government, I will do that.

When I got the call that my best friend passed away, a couple hours after I had talked to her, I sat in shock and could not believe it. The girl, who served her country, who made sure we always had formula, food, and everything we needed for our son, who made sure that I knew that I was loved and she would do anything for me, would never be able to tell me that she loved me or that I was going to be okay. I immediately asked her mom if she needed help, and helped her to get all of the documentation that she needed to go through with her funeral services. I still remember hearing the 21 Gun Salute go off, and jumping at every shot, and crying harder and harder. It has been eleven months since she passed away, and June 5, 2022 will be the one year anniversary of losing her. I still have so many questions as to how she passed. Why would someone commit suicide, after she made plans to move back down here with us, to help us raise our son and to make sure her and I both had some mental stability. She was my twin flame, my unbiological sister, the person I told everything to. She knew everything about me. Why would she up and leave? She was helping me to make a big decision right before she passed away, and that was to decide if I should serve my country, or go back to school. I tinkered with it back and forth, because I could not decide for myself, and needed other opinions to help me. "Why not both," she asked me, shrugging her shoulders. I looked at her confused and she waved her hand. "Go to school, get your degree in something you really want to do for the rest of your life, something that interests you, and then commission in the Military. You will thrive in both, and they will help pay for school loans and to help you continue your education. You got this. You are so smart." I sat there and stopped looking up recruiters, and looked up schools instead. This summer, I start my degree in Homeland Security, after a semester of learning Intelligence Analysis. She is my biggest motivator. I want to do all of the things she told me to do, because if she was still alive, it is what I would be doing. I keep going to make sure that she stays proud of me. I will get my education, I will commission in the US Army, I will better myself and my family, all in her honor. She may not be with me in person, but she is in spirit. I will never forget her. She is always remembered.

When I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and PTSD from abuse, I was just happy to figure out why I was so tired and why I cried all the time. It all made sense: the nightmares that kept happening, why little things always triggered an anxiety attack, and why I always felt like what I did was never going to be enough. Ten years of being told I would not be enough, that I was no longer considered family, and constantly being compared to kids who were smarter than me, prettier to me, and better than me just hurt. I finally got away from that family member, married my husband, and had a child. I still got compared to everyone, got told every health problem my child had was my fault and I couldn't be a mom because I was terrible at it. I remember times I wanted to end the pain, and one time I almost did, and that landed me in inpatient psych care. It was the best thing to ever happen to me, and I am proud that I went. There was when I got my diagnoses. Whenever I hear someone say they are depressed, anxious, or having a PTSD moment, I always stop what I am doing to make sure they are okay, and let them know that I understand how they feel and try to give them different techniques that I learned along the way. Deep breathing, journaling, walking away from the situation, anything to help them. My husband had to learn how to help me, and even would go to therapy appointments with me to learn techniques as well to help. I lost many family members because of my "accusations," but the family that is important to me is the family I create. The family I create, they're always there to help. They make sure I have a friend when in need. When it came to my career, I went through a lot of self exploration to find what I really wanted to do. I was pressured to find a career to make family happy. It meant going to school for something I did not want to do, that would not get me a job in the future, and having a career I would not be happy in. After years and years of searching, I finally decided Homeland Security is what I want to do. I am so excited to figure this out, and excited to see where this career takes me. After years of unhappiness, I can finally say I am happy. I have my days where I just want to cry and lay in bed, and that is okay. It means I am overworking myself and that I need to take some time to work on myself and keeping myself happy and healthy. I also have times where I still have the nightmares and still get triggered, but I sit and remind myself that that person cannot hurt me anymore. Having a mental health diagnosis is not the end of the world, you are not broken, you're just a little cracked. You are fixable, and there is treatment to help you.

My father fought hard for our freedom, and now pays the price with PTSD after seeing combat during the NATO Wars. He drove a tank, or a 19K in the army. And honestly, I never knew it until the day he met my husband. Growing up, I knew my dad was in the army, just never knew what he did. I have pictures of us kids wrapped in his Wubby (an army issued blanket), me wearing his beret, and even some wearing his old OCP’s. I knew he drank alcohol, but it was a grown up drink and I was to never have it. Now I am 22, with a family of my own and am actually married to an army veteran. After learning about what my dad did in the army, it all made sense. Why his haircut was the way it is, why he drinks so heavily that he has become dependent on alcohol, why he doesn’t really talk about the military and always changes the subject. The military is something I have always thought about, and now I am getting my degree to later commission in the army in the intelligence community. My dad made sacrifices, and I always feel you should do something for your country. He makes me advocate for every veteran I meet, especially the ones that don’t get the help they need or deserve.

When people hear about my mother, it goes one of two ways. She is either the greatest, sweetest woman you will ever meet, or a terrible human being who only cares for herself. The second response is so wrong. My mother works hard to make sure her kids are taken care of. She was a stay at home mom all of her life until the day my father told her he fell out of love. She immediately applied to places and started saving to take care of her family. Because she got a job second shift helping in a nursing home, she spent her mornings and nights sleeping. She missed sending us off on first days of school, missed school activities, and sometimes holidays. But always made sure we had lunch money, new clothes and school supplies, and made sure we knew how much she loved us. We lived with grandparents to help save money, and my grandparents always put her down. Grandma always told us she didn’t care about us kids, or else she would find a new job or would take off on holidays, or anything to put her down and make her seem like this terrible person. She turned all of us kids against her, and there were years that I didn’t claim her as my mom. My mom didn’t have a high school diploma, so her getting a job was huge. Her being able to provide for us was huge. It took me years to see it, because of my grandma putting lies in our heads. Flash forward to know. My mom is a head custodian at a school, still doing second shift. She has money saved up in an emergency savings account for the first time, and always makes sure her adult children are doing okay. With me being a mom myself, she is always texting to see if I am okay and if I need anything, even though she can barely afford to help herself. My mother is selfless, and always willing to put family first or do anything for us. She is caring, and all the kids at her school love her and get so excited to see her and give her drawings, presents or even just a “Hi Miss Lisa!” I have no clue what I would do without her, and she has helped to shape me into who I am today. I will stand up for myself and my family, and put people in their place quickly. I am also quick to help anybody who needs it. I will give someone my last dollar to help them eat, even if that is what I was going to do with that dollar. She has taught me that it’s okay to ask for help sometimes, because everyone needs it.

Graduating from college was always a dream of mine. I was terrified for a while, because I did not have the money for college, and soon became a mom, so going back to school was going to be extremely difficult. I want to achieve my dream job where I can work full time, and my husband can sit back, go back to school, and stay home with our child. I sat back and let my husband take care of the family for so long, now I want it to be my turn. He has worked way too hard for us.

My dreams for my future career are simple: help out my family, and make sure we will always be in a good place financially. We have struggled for years, and I never want to have us in that position again. Living paycheck to paycheck hurt us, and with this scholarship, it could help me get not only my dream degree, and then eventually my dream job. My husband was in the military; we never struggled to pay bills, never worried about health insurance and paying for medical visits, and never worried about rent either. That ass changed as soon as he transferred to the civilian workforce. He is working paycheck to paycheck to make sure we can survive, we had to wait almost three to six months before we were able to get health insurance, and making sure we had money put away to pay for our rent. It is hard, especially now adding school on top of it. When I got my financial aid award back, changes had to be made since I am an online student. With the new changes, it meant I lost some of my aid due to going to school online. With this scholarship, it would help me be able to pay for my supplies, and even some tuition. With it, we wouldn't have to worry.

Imagine this: You are ten years old, and had to move in with a narcissist. They tell you to do something, but are vague about it. You have to guess what they are specifically telling you to do, and you get it wrong. You are told you are nothing to them, you will never amount to anything, they wanted you out of their house, to move in with your alcoholic father. You beg for forgiveness, you promise to do things right from now on, and they tell you to just go to your room. You sob and sob, and then they come upstairs, and you quickly collect yourself, act like nothing happened, and they ask if you wanna go to the grocery store with them. You nod, and they buy you whatever snack you want. That is my childhood, living with my step-grandmother. After years of going through this, never knowing if you were going to make her upset, never knowing if you were going to remain in her house, I moved out. My boyfriend at the time took me in after her and I got into it yet again. I still remember that day, I still have flashbacks and nightmares to that day. She told me yet again I wasn't a member of her family, and she wanted me out of her house. I packed some things, the first time I had ever done that. She chased after me, telling me I was not taking my car, the car I paid for, with me. She told me nobody would take me in. She told me I would be living on the streets. I shook my head and told her she was full of lies, that I was more loved by people than she made me believe. I told she was wrong and that I was leaving. She broke down and apologized, and I didn't know it then, but it was gaslighting. She was trying to keep me there with her. It worked for two days, and then I left for my boyfriends, and only came back for the rest of my things. While living with my boyfriend, after a week, we decided it was time to finally get married, and then we decided it was time for me to get some help. I went for in-patient psych help, and came home a week later with three depressive disorders, two anxiety disorders, and a diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, all from her. I came home just exhausted, telling strangers my story, and feeling like I had relived everything I had been through, over and over again. Now, I am twenty two, happily married over two years, I have an amazing child, and finally figuring out what I want to do. My step-grandmother always decided my future for me: where I went to school, what TYPE of school I went to, what my major should be, everything. I was not allowed to go to a four year college, because that meant I would have to leave home. Her excuse was "You will have to take out student loans, so go to community college instead." I went to community college for three years, and could never take more than two classes, because I had to work to pay for college, and I couldn't pay for college if I wasn't at work. In three years, I earned twenty five credit hours. I had to major in something so I could get a job with her friends, which scared me because she could manipulate anybody. Who knows what kind of information they would try to get out of me? Going to school online and earning my bachelors wasn't in my plan. I thought I could be like my friends, and actually GO. Even though it will not happen, I am still happy that, better late than never, I will be getting my degree and will be able to have a better paying job than my husband. This job excites me more and more each day. I always get told about my aunt, who has so many degrees and has a job where she is making a six figure salary. When I told my step-grandmother about this degree and about the job I will have, she brushes it off and acts like I am not talking. I know for a fact when I do get my job, I will get asked for money, and for help with finances, and I cannot wait for the day that I get to tell her no, and how I am something when she told me I will be nothing. I cannot wait to break the cycle and make sure my child will never feel like I felt. I cannot wait to finally grow and blossom into my own person, and not feel a tugging like I am doing the wrong thing.

Growing up, my mother was the one person I look up to, and continue to look up to. This woman is strong willed, and will do anything herself. She always put her children first, and would scrape every last penny to make sure we had clothes that fit, food in our belly, and a place to sleep. She always tried to do things to make us happy, and if her plan didn't work, we negotiated until we could find happiness. Watching my father do horrible things to her for years before he left for good did a number on me. I watched him put other families before our own, watched us lose our house because money always went to something else other than bills, and watched him slowly love alcohol and drugs more than his family. Finally, one day he had enough and left, and I never saw him again. My mother changed that day; that day, my mother now had two roles to play. My father joined the Army right out of high school, and never did anything with his benefits for college. My mother was not able to graduate high school, and still has not gotten her GED. I am technically a first generation in my family to go to college. It is super scary sometimes, especially figuring out myself or needing help from friends on how to do financial aid, or figuring out what I need. Although I am married, and my child has both mom and dad to tuck him in at night, I am a stay at home mom, and I feel like a single parent sometimes. We do not have the funds for both of us to go to work, so I volunteered to stay home and make sure my son is healthy and happy. My husband gets home in the evening time, usually in time for when I am cleaning up dinner. While he eats, my son is getting a bath, and winding down for bed. By the time my son is asleep, my husband is upstairs trying to wind down for bed, and I am doing the same. In the future, I want to help single parents, especially during the holidays. Holidays were always tough for us growing up, for we mostly got sized up clothes and things we needed, instead of wanted. We decided that after I am finished school, we will start "adopting" a single parent and their kids, and make sure that their kids get something they absolutely want, or need if its hard for the parent to get necessities. I do not wish what I went through upon any child.

When I was a senior in high school, almost five years ago, I wanted to do something for my community. I wanted to give back and show that young people could help out, and so I asked around the community and wanted some ideas. There was one that kept coming up, and I decided to do it; the idea was to become a borough council person, but a student version. I was swore in, and went to monthly meetings. I felt great, knowing I was so young, but I was making a difference in my community. I was the voice of the youth of my town. I would go around town to the younger kids and see things that they wanted to see changed in our town. Many ideas popped up: a skate park, a place to ride their bike, a public park to go hang out. I gathered up the ideas and brought them to meetings. The minute I said public park, everyone looked at each other and nodded their heads in agreement. A public park was just what our little town needed! It was settled; the plans for a public park went right to our engineer's office and went underway. With that information, I took it to the kids and asked what they wanted in the park. Ideas were thrown around: a skate park, a playground, a gazebo, a big screen for movies in the summer. I took it back to council, we came up with what we could have and what we could not, and I took it back to the kids. The kids loved our ideas, and plans went under way. The land was bought, the engineers came out and inspected the land, and more plans went underway. That December meeting, I made my report about the kids, and how the plans with the park were going. Our state representative also came to the meeting, and I was presented with an award for my hard work with the park and being "a middle man" for the youth of our town. It took me by complete surprise, especially since I did this because I wanted to help my town, not to benefit me in any way. The next year I graduated high school, and started college, meaning I could be an elected official member of council. I was elected, and continued to be the voice for the children, especially since I was the youngest person on council. Just recently, I moved towns, so I ended my term on council, especially so I could go back to school and focus on myself, my mental health and my family. The park is still under works; We completely paid it off, and continue to get grants to get things done that need done. Although I live in another town, my heart and soul will forever rest there, and I cannot wait top see all those kids I talked to put good use to the park, and I cannot wait to take my own child to the park.

Being an American means that you would do anything to protect the ones you love. You put your life on the line, and it does not matter if you come out dead or alive, as long as your love ones are okay. I have grown up in a family where we did anything to help our family and friends. We gave them the last little bit of money we had, so they could feed their family, gave them a place to stay when they had no other place, gave them food so they wouldn't starve. It didn't matter; as long as they were happy, we were too. My father is an Army veteran. He deployed to another country and risked his life to make sure that his family back home would be safe, and stay safe. He did this before I was born, but he talked about little things that he learned in the army, and they one thing that stuck with me was to always be the one to help, no matter what. When my husband and I got married, he was serving in our military, but doing something completely different that my father did. Even though the job title was different, they still did the same thing: protect the ones that they love. I even had a friend who made sure that we never had to worry about anything, especially when it came to our son. I remember there was a week we were getting low on money, since all our bills came out at the same time. We had to buy formula for our child, food for us for the week, and gas so he could get to work. She messaged me saying she was thinking about me, and I got a notification that money was being sent our way from her. I told her I would pay her back as soon as we got paid, but she refused. We were told that it was a gift, and she was just helping out the ones she loved. Even though she is gone now, I still think about her daily, and how proud of her country she was, and how amazing she was when it came to serving it. My husband did everything he could to help his friends when they needed him. We housed soldiers that needed a place to go, once a week we would invite friends over that didn't really have anybody else to talk to and would get them food and get them socialized, and would even invite soldiers over for holiday dinners when they did not go home. Now that my husband isn't in anymore, he still wants to do something to help out those that he cares about. He loves volunteering for organizations, especially when it has to do with soldiers. Protecting the ones you love will always mean to me that its being an American. I can't wait for the day that I get to protect and help the ones I love by serving my country, and to return the favor that so many have done for me.

My name is Emaly Webb. I am a military spouse, a mom, and soon, a woman working in STEM. It took me forever to figure out what I want to do, and finally at twenty two, I figured out what it was. My major is Intelligence Analysis. The only reason that I know this is the one for me is through the help of what motivates me, and that is my small family. My husband was in the Army as a 35N, or a Signals Intelligence Analyst. He talked as much as he could about it, which was hard determining what he could say because of classified information. My son also is a huge help, because I want to make him proud to share about his mom and all of her achievements, and to get a job that I can make sure he has all he needs and wants, plus some. I didn’t have that growing up, so I will be sure to have it for him. I couldn’t tell what I wanted to do, enlist in the military or go to college, and was lucky enough to have friends that did both, and could help me figure out an amazing college to go to, and figure out how to do it. My plan with this major is hard because I’m still deciding, but my choices are to commission in the Army, or to try and go for a contractor job or be a Department Of Defense Civilian working at an agency after I graduate. STEM is a pretty exciting thing, especially when I found out my major was apart of STEM. When I looked at statistics about how many women are in the STEM category, it was sad and shocking at how low the number was. Twenty seven percent of women in the workforce are in STEM. Women in the workforce only make up forty eight percent, and that number needs to be higher! I got super worried because I was hoping Intelligence Analysis would be a part, since we use technology to do our job. After tons of research, and I mean hours and days, I found a government document that stated Intelligence Analysis was a part of STEM, but not as Technology like I was thinking, but Science! To be even more exact, military science! I honestly did a little happy dance, and it made my husband even more proud of me to know that I enjoyed this! I always thought of STEM as something the super smart people in high school would major in, thinking it was always engineering or science, like chemistry or biology. Those were the stereotypes I was taught to believe were true, not a girl who got A’s and AB’s in high school, trying for a STEM job, but in Military Science. Technically, I will be having a job in Information Technology as an analyst. I fee I will make a pretty positive impact, when it comes to the missions I will be on, I am sure to pay attention to small details, and I’m very determined to always get my work done early or on time. Missions are important, especially when it comes to the safety of Americans. Paying attention to small details and getting work done is just part of protecting people. One major challenge I had to overcome in my life breaking the cycle in my family to go to college. In my household, I lived with my grandparents, my mom, and three younger siblings, until I moved in with my husband. Neither grandparents went to college, although my grandfather had a full ride at Penn State and didn’t take it. My grandmother because a mom young, so she worked many jobs to support her family. Neither of my parents went to college. My father graduated high school then went into the army, while my mother didn’t graduate. They met after my father got home from a deployment to Bosnia. Soon, I was born along with all my siblings. There was no time for my dad to do college since my mom was a stay at home mom, and she didn’t have time to do classes to get her GED. Soon I graduated high school, and it was time for me to go to college. While all my friends went off to whatever university they got into, I was off to community college. I had no help financially, so I was forced to have government aid help me, and whatever I could make waitressing. I was told by my grandmother that I wasn’t allowed to go to university, because I was not allowed to have student loans. Plus, I had to be there to volunteer myself with her, whether I wanted to or not. I loved volunteering for my community, and still do, but when it was against my will, and was never asked but told, it didn’t help me. Now I’m away from family, I can pull out student loans to help me pay for school, and have other options to help me, especially with my husband being a veteran. I can never thank him enough for believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself. With him, I now know I, and every other girl, can do anything, even when it involves STEM.

Having depression, it’s hard to say what makes you happy. Many things make me happy! My husband, my son, having a house of my own, freedom to do what I feel, it all makes me happy. When you have depression, you don’t think about that. You think about all the sadness in your life. You think about the things that hurt you. You think the only thing that will make you happy is ending your life. Then you sit and think about those other things, and they pull you out. They look at you with a glimmering light behind them, and pull you out of the darkness. Coming from a family where it was full of abuse, college was the one thing I needed to help me get away from it all. Looking forward to college makes me happy, knowing I’m away from them and they can no longer hurt me. They can no longer bring me down, make me feel like I will amount to nothing. Now I have my little family to bring me up when I’m feeling down. I just have to look at my son and I immediately smile. A hug from my husband makes me feel safe and content.

When you think of the military, many think first about a man in a uniform, going to a foreign country and shooting big guns at terrorists and dying because they get shot or blown up. If they don’t die, they end up homeless and deal with the combat they saw with PTSD. I have personally been told, especially by family, that that is how they see the military and that’s why I was never allowed to talk to a recruiter. I can see why, but they don’t see the other job that’s you could have, or see women in the military at all. People who have PTSD, especially from combat or being in the military, are ones that are advocated for, but get the least amount of help it seems. There’s so many organizations to help them, but all I see is veterans that don’t get the help they need, especially when they try and get it themselves. One veteran I know who deals with PTSD on a daily basis is my dad. He was a 19K, and drove a tank while deployed in Bosnia before I was born. As a little kid, I thought it was normal for your dad to drink a lot of alcohol and always wake up hungover, to have a short temper and flip about small things, and hear your mom screaming because your dad was asleep and would wake her up with his sleep talking and walking. It wasn’t until I was older and after my parents divorced that I finally understood it. My dad wouldn’t even talk about what he did until he met my husband, who is an Army veteran. After hearing what my dad witnessed and heard, I would be terrified. My dad was taught by his leadership that Veterans who lost limbs go to the VA, the rest deal with their problems on their own. Now that I am adult, and I see what is happening, I talk to a lot of vets and tell them to go to the VA, no matter how old they are, and get the help they deserve. There are group therapies that can help, they are coming out with medication to help, they’re are ways to cope with it and not let the PTSD take over your life and ruin it. I’ve had friends who haven’t seen combat, but deal with PTSD. One friend committed suicide due to her PTSD, especially because she was sexually assaulted and abused and leadership wouldn’t reprimand the man that did those things to her. She was forced to carry a baby and give birth to a baby who had never met his father, and was in a marriage where she was sexually abused, and it took forever for her to get out and get help. She went to therapy, she was on medication, but nothing helped her anymore, and thought that ending her life would make her feel better. If PTSD was taken seriously, many more people would be here. Many more people would've gotten the help they needed, and deserved.

I really didn’t know I was the daughter of a veteran until I was much older. My dad joined before I was born, before he even met my mom. He never really talked a lot about what he did until much later in life, not until he met my husband. My dad was stationed in Germany as a 19K, a tank driver. From there, he got deployed to Bosnia, and it destroyed him mentally. He has severe PTSD from hit, but refuses to get the help he needs and deserves. He turns to alcohol, and won’t go to the VA, since “that’s for veterans who lost limbs.” When I married my husband, he was stationed in Maryland as a 35N, a signals intelligence analyst. That was the first time he ever talked about what he did, what he saw, anything he could tell him. I sat in awe, wondering why he never told me any of this, and then sat and wondered why he never got help. That day, when we drove home, I knew what I wanted to do. I was in community college, taking general classes until I could figure out what I wanted to do. Then it hit me: I wanted to join the army, just like my dad and husband. My husband was amazed, and told me he would support me either way, and I think it was the first time that my Dad ever told me that he was proud of me, and that he supported me. I’ve been sitting on this idea for months, years even. In third grade, I received a paper about Clara Barton, who started the American Red Cross and took care of wounded soldiers on the battlefield. When I brought it home, Dad talked about the combat medics he knew, and would say it was a cool job. It was what I wanted to do forever. Now, I’m twenty two, I have a child, and am happily married. The idea of joining the army, serving my country, and having a job I enjoy always swirls in my mind, but I have it finally figured out. I will be getting my degree in Intelligence Analysis and have a concentration in Intelligence Operations. Once I get my degree, I will be joining as an Intelligence Officer in the army. My dad has always told me to follow my dreams, keep being not bossy, but assertive, and make him proud. I know that by doing this, it will make him proud, most definitely, and make me proud of myself.

When I was younger, I moved in with my grandparents due to my family’s problems. We thought this would be a smart idea, but boy was I wrong. My grandmother was never kind, always made me feel like things were the way they were because it was my fault. I’m on words that came out of her mouth were “you’re not a member of my family, and I don’t want you here,” and would say it to hear me beg. When it came time for college, I HAD to go to community college first. I was not allowed to take out student loans, and I had to do a degree she chose. She chose psychology, and I changed it because there weren’t enough jobs at the time. I chose political science, and she had to research it to make sure it was fine. She even tried to get me job offers for it, which took away my freedom. Finally, I had a loving boyfriend who saw the abuse and took me in. I packed my stuff and didn’t look back. I quit community college and got my transcripts in case I wanted to start a different school. I saw in 3 years, I only had 25 credits that transferred. A year later, I finally got into a university that’s providing me with a degree to do my dream job. I’m so excited to start it, and couldn’t be more happy to have friends and a husband to support my decision.

Friendship to me is having someone you can go to for anything and everything. They will never judge you for you life choices, no matter how crazy. They’re that non-biological sibling, that you can be yourself around. I had one of those friends, and never thought that our friendship would end so quickly. She was my son’s godmother, my husband’s best friend, and my friend soul mate. I told her everything, whether it be good news or bad, and I was the one she went to for everything as well. She talked almost everyday, up until the day she passed away. Even then, I still message her, waiting for her to read it or respond. Her friendship wasn’t one I can just find anywhere. The day I met her, it was like we already knew one another. It’s one that makes me scared to be friends with anyone else, because I don’t want to replace her. She was even going to move in with us. I remember the day that she passed, the last thing I told her was that I loved her, and I would talk to her later. Her response is still burned in my brain: “I love you too! I can’t wait for your text! Have fun!” I texted her and never got a response, and that was when I found out she had passed away. Her death is still under investigation, and I cannot wait for her to get her justice. She is the reason I’m going back to school. She helped me to pick a major she knew I would enjoy. She helped me pick a school that would help give me the knowledge I needed, and it kills me to know she’s not here to see me go through this. I really miss her.

One personal finance lesson is to try to keep your credit good at an early age. I wish I can go back to twenty-year-old me and yell at her for messing up her credit, and go back and yell at the younger version of my husband as well. We messed up our credit and are now older and drowning in debt, to the point it will take a law firm to help. My good credit score was always important to me. I would refuse to use my credit card unless it was necessary. We never knew how to budget, and would blow through our paychecks trying to pay for everything. When we moved in, the savings I built up was wiped out to get things we needed for our house. I was never taught to save money and was taught at a young age to always spend whatever money I had. Having that couple thousand in savings helped to make me happy. We are starting to get a little saving again to help pay off some of our debt and to help keep us on track. That is part of the reason I am going for my degree. I want a good-paying job to help contribute and not let my husband do most of the work.

I remember sitting in my third-grade class, being handed a paper all about the life of Clara Barton, the woman who founded the American Red Cross. That day, after I got home from school, I pretended to be her, shouting for people to get me supplies to treated wounded soldiers on the battlefield. It was from there that I had a great admiration of the American Red Cross, and even the Army, and the combination of the two. When I say a combination, there is a specific job in the Army that matches this: A 68W, or a combat medic. Their job is to help the wounded soldiers when in battle and to help them with illnesses as well. Coming from a military family, I knew in my heart that I wanted to join the military, and finding out about Ms. Barton, made my dreams even more reachable. Clara Barton, or as she is known the "Angel of the Battlefield" during the Civil War, started as collecting medical supplies for the wounded soldiers as most people did during that time. She decided that was not enough for her, and she would take it one step further and physically treat the soldiers. She cooked for them, treated their wounds and illnesses, and provided care and comfort to them. After traveling to Europe, she saw Switzerland had their own Red Cross, and used the help of the community to help aid the soldiers during war time, and Barton know that is what the United States needed at that time. She is the reason that I wanted to join the Army, and the reason I love medical things so much. I could never thank her enough for helping me figure out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

Being independent to me means that you shouldn't have to rely on your parents for things. For years, I felt like I had to rely on my parents for everything, like a ride to work, helping me to find a job, or even to help me get started with college. My family is not the greatest, as I have a narcissist as a mother figure. She made it seem like I had to rely on her for everything, and even now at twenty-two, married and with a child. Since moving in with my husband, I had a hard time making decisions for myself, even if it came to something simple like where to go to eat. I was conditioned to let people pick things for me, and make decisions for me. Now here I am, two years later, and still cannot make decisions for myself. I have my times where I ask my husband questions about my life choices, and how they will affect our future, like what career path I should take after college. He always tells me the same thing: "It is up to you." I always huff and puff about it, but it is a part of being independent. Even though I am married, I still need to think independently and make some decisions for myself. Otherwise, I will be stuck never doing what I want to do and will always be stuck feeling unhappy.

It is very hard to stay true to yourself when you have so many people wanting you to be something you're not, especially when it is family. I have my family telling their friends and myself constantly all the things they want me to be. For example, they want me to get a degree in psychology, have me live at home for a while, and get a job where I will always be dependent on them. In reality, I am so much more. I am getting my degree in Intelligence Analysis, where I can get a great government job, take care of my husband and my child, and live the life that I want to live. I constantly have people asking me about my life choices, telling me I will regret them later. How can I regret my little boy? Marrying the man of my dreams who makes me feel like I can do anything? Regret making choices for myself and having one person support me and let me choose what makes me happy? When I have people bringing me down like this, I take a deep breath, look them in the eye, and tell them this: "It is my life. I choose my own happiness. Nobody chooses for me." It takes a lot of people by surprise, since I have always let people make decisions for me for most of my life. Now that I am my own person, I have learned to stay true to my true self, and just learn to do what makes me genuinely, truly happy.

Just like physical health is important, your mental health is just as important. This is very important, especially when you are serving in the military, or has previously served. Our military has a stigma that if you have a mental illness, or get treated for one, you immediately get kicked out and shouldn't be in. I personally have not served, but had two very important people in my life who did, and the military hurt their mental health: my father, and my husband. My father served in Bosnia before I was born. He was stationed in Germany, but deployed and it destroyed him. His MOS was a tank driver, and he saw some things that he refuses to talk about with anyone, not a therapist, not his family, not his friends. My father also comes from a time period where the Veterans Affairs office is for the veterans who lost limbs, or ingested Agent Orange, not ones who have seen god knows what, and suffer from alcoholism and PTSD as a result, and won't get the help for it. My husband was only at one duty station, that was very close to home, and he never deployed. His MOS was a signals intelligence analyst, and he sat behind a computer all day. Even though he may not have seen a war, or got shot at, my husband still suffers from anxiety and depression, and as a result, becomes paralyzed from it. He is still in a fight with the VA about it, and could possibly get 100% disability from it. 22 veterans a day are committing suicide every day, and numbers go up for our active duty service members. Mental health is just as important as physical health. It can kill you just as easily.

One challenge I faced as a mom was going back to school with an infant while during a pandemic. I had my child back in August of 2020; this was quite a pregnancy, since my husband was in the service and could t go to any appointments because of Covid. I felt very alone for not having the help that I wanted and needed at that time. I had quit school because I had gotten married and moved away, and my husband was stationed close to home, but not close to college. I worked full time until I became too pregnant to work. Finally after having the baby, my husband ETSed out of the military, and we were forced to live with my family since we had no where else to go. My husband has just got a job that had good pay and benefits, four months after he had gotten out. I had to try and make some money, and it just was never enough. We can never save because I have to stay home with the baby, since we don’t have enough family to watch him. I decided to go back to school, to do what my husband did while in the military. With this degree, I can make good money and have great benefits that my husband won’t have to work. I’m very excited to tackle this big life decision, especially because I want to make my little family proud of me, and take away some of the mom guilt I feel. As a family, we do have one small problem. This problem is that we do not have the money for me to go back to school and complete my degree. We struggle to pull money for me to go back, and I won’t know how much I have so that I can go back until I get my financial aid package. I don’t expect to have that much come in, so I have a feeling I’m not going to be able to go back. I would love to get this scholarship because having an education and a job would mean the world to me and my family. I constantly get upset because I question every transaction I make because I’m terrified we won’t have the money to survive. This scholarship would give me hope that I am able to do this, and I will have the strength to get through college and get through this stressful part of life.