This past week has been rough for the south during this freeze. I was blessed to be able to go down with my church to volunteer with storm relief in Crystal Springs, Mississippi which is an hour from home. When we got there I jumped on the roof and threw myself into work, trying not to slip on ice. As I'm typing this, I'm lying in bed barely able to move because my back got thrown out from picking up a tree log. I'm so blessed for everything I have, and will forever help others that aren't as fortunate.

I think my biggest flex is I’ve gone from the weird homeschooler to the weird overachiever. When I was in elementary school, my mom pulled me out of public school because we weren’t in a favorable school district. It was the optimum decision at the time, and I learned a lot of life lessons, one, in particular, was learning how to be independently driven. After I was thrown back into school, I kept that drive with me and excelled in classes I’d never thought I’d take, now I’m graduating a year early because why not. I’ve been given countless opportunities that I never anticipated happening, I am heading towards being an influential person and hopefully will inspire others to take control of their lives. Instead of dreaming of my prince charming, I’m dreaming of being a lawyer, and maybe prince charming will follow suit. I’m planning on getting a bachelor’s in business/marketing and then attending law school. It’s funny, I used to think lawyers had the most boring job, but after I got addicted to crime shows I realized I have everything and more that it takes to be one. I believe everyone deserves and has a right to have someone back them up and tell their story, the fact I could do this on a daily is what drives me. There are so many injustices in the world, people are dying because equality is still nonexistent in this world. If I can portray the narrative that we as a society can be better and more compassionate then my life has fulfilled its meaning. Remember the ripple effect? Yes, the one about trees falling and how it makes someone spill their coffee thousands of miles away. The ripple effect Is where an action happens, and it continues to affect other things on a bigger scale. We all do actions daily that set off dominos in other people’s lives. If I am to be a lawyer, I aspire to cut down the tree that sets off a compassion boost into the universe. Even if I only change one person’s day for the better and then they pass on that positivity and it keeps going, think about how the world we live in would change. I’m so blessed for everything I’ve been given, I’m so privileged to even consider getting a higher education let alone having the rights to. One day, I will help make these entitlements possible for everyone and give them the opportunities that have been placed on my lap.

I was homeschooled. Those three words paint the picture of my elementary school experience. Before I got thrown into 7th grade my bubbly and social personality was on death’s door, with only weekly library classes and church activities to suffice. The slivers of me feeling like I was a part of the group would keep me on a high for weeks and owing to that I was so adamant to look like other girls and know all the popular tv shows. It wasn’t until later, now since I’m in high school I can look back and realize how different I was from everyone else. I have realized that people didn’t like how comfortable I was in my own skin; I was able to express myself in poetry and art and not be embarrassed. I was far ahead of others my age because I loved myself. Jumping into middle school my self-esteem plummeted, I’ve considered my hormones being out of whack part of it, but I digress. Going into a whole different social setting I picked up the routine, but there were still challenges that threw me into a new culture of self-deprecation. I ended up bleaching my hair to be like the pretty girls in my English class, I tried to lose weight but was blessed to have horrible headaches when I starved myself. I thought this was all normal during this time, but I look back and think “Why couldn’t I just be myself?” I wanted to be like the other kids so badly. I even regressed so bad in maturity people stopped being my friend because my maturity is what brought them to me. Never, in a million years would I change my experience of finding myself again for anything. I’m now equipped to see other people’s insecurities readily and I try to help them build themselves up. My old self would say that acting was my future, which I will not disagree with but now I want to be a lawyer. I believe everyone is worthy of a second chance and someone should stand by their side. Now that I know what it’s like to make a mistake that you think you can never come back from, I want to help people get through those hard trials. Growth is possible, and being a misfit is what pushed me to be better.

I look to the past and see that only big moments in history, with people that shine at the front of the movement, are remembered. We rarely think about the everyday people who fought for what they believed in whether it was standing up to a small action that had deeper meanings and consequences long term. I’m an activist, an everyday one. I don’t think I’ll ever make it in the history books, but I hope to drop a piece of my work in the collection jar. The small resistance slowly builds up when millions of people around the world are rallying around the change that’s needed, and I’m one of those million. There are so many systems and stereotypes that need to be dismantled, movements like BLM and Anti-War are very prominent and are helping people see that things need to change so we can have the equal and better future we need. The one movement I hold near to me is the disability rights movement. Both of my brothers have autism, having them in my life is eye-opening to me and others around us. I can see small things that are ableist in things that could be changed so easily if we can get people to open their hearts and change their morals. The amount of times I’ve heard my parents worry about their futures is uncountable. We worry about what will happen when my parents pass, housings for disabled adults has many stories of abuse since no one realizes what rights can be stripped away behind those walls. I do not want to watch my brothers be mistreated as they grow up and fall further behind their age groups. It breaks my heart to know that over thirty thousand children in the united states will grow up in a country that doesn’t give them equal rights as abled people. The assumption of disabled people needing to be “fixed” is deeply rooted in our society and I hope to bury these now so the future can grow from our past mistakes. One way we can do this is by establishing better independent livings for disabled adults and equal pay. If we push past the cookie-cutter idea of a productive member of society, we can find ways to keep disabled American’s safe and productive in their own rights. I also hope to break the uncomfortable silence about ableist language that is deemed normal in our society. This is something that I can do in my age group and with my resources. Of course, removing ableist language from our own vocabulary won’t dismantle ableism everywhere but it is one step closer to an equal future.

Mental illness runs in my family, it’s like it flows through our veins figuratively as much as it does literally. My Mother has always been open about her struggles with anxiety which has helped me be very open about mine. There have been many conversations between us as to why our brains are different than some people and how we can use them in a positive light. Both of my parents have always put my mental health first, especially in school. There have been days where I would tell them I can’t function, and I need to stay home from school. Without them, I wouldn’t be able to set safe boundaries in schoolwork and my academic standards. Since I was about five or six, I always focused on other people, put them on a pedestal, and compared myself to them. I’ve always felt I will never be enough for anything, resulting in me trying and quitting things I am not automatically good at. This is a trait I still have, and I’m currently working on it and hope to move on from it. Whenever I try something new, I usually throw myself into it, that’s something my ADD does best. My passion for things has brought me closer to people who are passionate as well. I’ve also been able to have a great sense of empathy due to anxiety. I know there is the “put yourself in other people’s shoes” but I’ve established that all people have their issues with certain things, and I have mine so I can’t rightfully judge how others react. This level of empathy has made me a leader and a people person. I believe fully that people are fighting their own battles and sometimes need help to fight them hence why therapy is a great thing for everyone. These mental battles I have witnessed and experienced have made me realized that I want to help people fight theirs. My purpose in life is to be a lawyer and I know that is the best way for me to contribute to society and give my gifts for a just cause. Religion is a major part of my life; I live in the bible belt which is a whole religion and culture unto itself. Some people in the Christian community can be very settled into the idea that God can and will heal all your problems, especially mental illness if you’re righteous. That idea is dangerous and can be harmful to children who are mentally ill and are struggling with their health. I fully believe in seeking help by counseling with therapists and medical professionals for medication and other treatments for mental health. The stigma around mental health is disgusting and needs like this need to be normalized so children don’t kill themselves when their prayers aren’t answered for their sadness to go away. I’ve been so blessed to have parents that are Christian and believe in seeking professional help for mental health. I know how to healthily incorporate religious beliefs into my mental wellbeing. I hope to teach my children and others that it is not their problem that they have mental struggles they can’t solve with prayers or fastings. I’m scared and I won’t hide it, I don’t want to have my biological children have to face hardships that I have faced. As every parent would say, my parents say they have felt likewise but are thankful for the depth and maturity I have developed from learning from my mental health trials. That being said, I would never change who I am. My anxiety has opened so many doors for me through working through trials and gaining experience from them. My perseverance is inspiring and has shown me I can do anything even with my unique circumstances.

My song inspiration is This City by Sam Fischer. This playlist is a collection of songs that have witnessed pieces of me being picked up off the floor. I’ve stored these songs away for when I need to remember how far i’ve come and where I started. These songs have been able to explain parts of me without having to stutter. This playlist ranges through multiple genres, it symbolizes seasons of growth and experiences of my life. This playlist is testimony of how change is a constant state in human nature and we always go to music to express it.