I believe I'm one of the lucky ones. To have survived my own hero's journey and to be able to join other's on their journey through the mountains and oceans of life. My story starts as an immigrant child from Bosnia and Herzegovina. My parents did their best with me, but my father's alcoholism would lead to verbal and physical abuse from a young age. At the age of 12 I realized something was different about me, I had emotions that were overwhelming and I didn't know how to cope with them. At 13 I began self-harming and by 15 I began abusing prescription drugs. I would battle with my own addiction until the age of 20. After various suicide attempts and the death of a boyfriend, I was suddenly faced with the ever-mounting fact that my life wasn't going to get better if I didn't seek help. At the age of 20 I entered the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous and my life was forever changed. I have been clean since May 13th, 2018 and since then I have been able to work in various positions in the field of mental health and recovery. I have dedicated my life and my career to helping those who are suffering just as I was. I give back to my community at the meeting level, carrying the message that recovery is possible. I currently work at a substance use treatment facility where I get to work with individuals of all walks of life who are seeking help and a new way of life. Today I get to show up for others and live by my life purpose of being the person I needed when I was suffering. I get to walk with these individuals through recovery to achieve a life of their wildest dreams, as I was guided to mine. The difference I make in the world today is sharing the recovery that was so freely given to me. I walk the walk and show other young individuals that we can recover and we don't need to wait to hit rock bottom to seek help. Today I show up for my clients and my fellows in Narcotics Anonymous when they need a hand. I get to walk alongside these individuals as they face their demons and face traumas they'd packed away for another day. I get to use my experience, strength, and hope to carry the light for those that feel they are in complete darkness.

Most days it feels like my career was chosen for me. Or maybe I was just lucky enough to find my calling out of the ashes of my past. My story starts as an immigrant child from Bosnia and Herzegovina. My parents did their best with me, but my father's alcoholism would lead to verbal and physical abuse from a young age. At the age of 12 I realized something was different about me, I had emotions that were overwhelming and I didn't know how to cope with them. At 13 I began self-harming and by 15 I began abusing prescription drugs. I would battle with my own addiction until the age of 20. After various suicide attempts and the death of a boyfriend, I was suddenly faced with the ever-mounting fact that my life wasn't going to get better if I didn't seek help. At 20, I entered a room of Narcotics Anonymous, and my life was forever changed. From the age of 15, I knew I wanted to be a therapist, I knew I wanted to help others like me. But this dream wasn't possible in the depths of my addiction. I realized the party was over and that along with it, my suffering could be over too. I buckled down and pursued recovery, from substances and from my mental health challenges. With the help of others, just like me, I was able to rebuild a life of my wildest dreams. In that time, I completed a bachelor's degree and am working to complete a master's degree along with licensing to become an LMFT. Today I can say that I have 6 years clean and sober and have been able to work in the field of addiction treatment to help others who suffered just like me. I've worked in various mental health positions over the years, from peer youth specialist to peer support specialist, and finally now an AMFT. My life purpose was chosen for me and today I can use my own challenges and successes to help others achieve recovery and be restored from a hopeless state of mind. I live by my desire to be the person that I needed when I was struggling. To show up for those who feel there's no way out and that it'll never get better. I am living proof that we do recover and that a life free of mental illness and suffering is possible.

My story begins as an immigrant refugee from Bosnia and Herzegovina. My family and I immigrated here in 1999 in hopes of a better life. Although I was granted this opportunity, it came with its own challenges. My childhood was defined by physical and verbal abuse from my alcoholic father. This would later contribute to my own mental health challenges and battle with substance abuse. At age 12 I knew something was wrong with me. I was depressed and experiencing panic attacks, with no idea why I was feeling that way. Around that same time, I began self-harming, which would become my first addiction. At 15 I was introduced to substances through my psychiatrist and I was off to the races. My substance use disorder would quickly progress. At age 16, I tried to take my life twice. I felt I had nowhere left to go and that I would never truly feel ok. At age 20 my substance abuse would come to a halt. In 2017 I lost the love of my life to a drug overdose and suddenly had to face the gravity of my disease. I attempted to take my life two more times and found myself in the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous. Getting clean at 20 was strange but what choice did I have? I grasped onto this program for dear life and did the work I needed to be free from active addiction. I walked through grief and growing pains, surrounded by the love of a 12-step fellowship. Today my story is different. My clean date is May 13th, 2018, and I can safely say that I have freedom from the obsession to use. Today I have freedom from the prison in my head. This wasn't easy though, my first year of recovery was defined by grief and mental illness. I had further unbalanced my brain chemistry and had to find a way to cope that did not include drugs or alcohol. The reality is that I couldn't have done it alone. I allowed those around me to help me and went against my nature to ask for help. I feel I am one of the lucky ones and continue to be in awe of the life that I never thought I would have. I work in the field of substance abuse treatment and continue to be of service within my 12-step meetings. I carry the message that recovery is possible, no matter the amount of pain we're walking through. I carry the message that young people can choose recovery and live a clean life, not defined by drugs and alcohol. Today I have a choice to not use, and an opportunity to help those like me who feel there is no way out.

Although he wasn't family yet, I lost the love of my life to an overdose in 2017. At 20 years old, in the throws of my substance use disorder, I faced the gravity of the disease of addiction with no buffer. At that point, I had no idea that the pain I endured would become my biggest strength. I couldn't fathom that there was a life beyond the loss and grief. I attempted to take my life two times and found myself in a room of Narcotics Anonymous. My clean date is May 13th, 2018, and today I can say that I have been freed from the chains of addiction. It hasn't been easy, I've lost friends along the way. This disease doesn't discriminate and I've felt the pain of losing those who wanted a life free from addiction so badly. The pain that I had endured years ago would set me up to walk through grief with grace and share my strength with others. Today I'm blessed to walk with others through grief, be it related to substances or not. Of course, my recovery wasn't just a decision, it was putting in the work. I have filled pages and pages with step work along with journaling to get the storm out of my head and onto paper. I found release in putting onto paper the whirlwind of thoughts that took up so much space in my mind. I found my own answers and uncovered new problems. I dissected myself over and over again with pen and paper, trying so hard to be free from the thoughts that were taking me hostage. I've learned that journaling doesn't have to look like "dear diary...", to me it's scribbles, it's random words and lines to connect them. Journaling is finding the key to break out of the prison in my mind. Along with writing, meditation and seeking a conscious contact with my higher power was an ingredient that led to my continued success. From square breathing and guided meditations to learning to use prayer to still my mind. I've tried it all, anything to bring peace to a head so full of thoughts and TV static. This definitely wasn't easy, but I've found myself on the other side, able to bring myself to center with breathing and mental tools. I learned how to make friends with my brain and dance with my demons. I walked through grief and loss, without the slightest idea of "how". I held onto the little bit of faith I had in myself and this strong desire to live a better life. I am one of the lucky ones who lives a life free of active addiction and released from the confines of a brain that skips a beat.

Recovery to me is freedom from a hopeless state of mind. Recovery is finally having a choice to not use. Recovery is being given yet another chance to create a life of my wildest dreams. My clean date is May 13th, 2018 and my recovery and life were given to me so freely by the 12 steps, those who came before me, and those who continue to come after me. It hasn't been easy, getting clean at 20 was foreign but it was the only thing that made sense. My recovery today is designed by giving away what was so freely given to me. I work in the field of recovery and continue to be of service at meetings in various degrees. I carry the message that recovery is possible and that we never have to be alone again. Today my recovery gives me purpose and drive to overcome that which seems it cannot be overcome.

Mental health has been a mountain I never thought I could climb. From the age of 12, I have had mental health challenges that often felt larger than anything I could handle. Suicide is also a part of my story. With mental health and life circumstances mounting, I attempted to take my life various times between the ages of 16 and 21. My story begins as an immigrant from Bosnia and Herzegovina. I had a challenging childhood that was defined by physical and verbal abuse from my alcoholic father. At the age of 12, I began self-harming and soon after developed a substance use disorder at the age of 15. At 16, as depressed and lost as I was, I attempted to take my life twice. I just couldn't see a way out from the invisible pain inside fo my head. My life would continue to be challenged by mental health and substance abuse until the age of 20. At 20, I lost my first love to a drug overdose. Again I was lost and without the ability to cope. I would attempt to take my life two more times. Fortunately, my story doesn't end there. Although my childhood was challenging, my father instilled a level of discipline and determination that kept me in school, so that I completed an associate's degree before I reached my bottom. At 20, I picked myself up and found myself in a room of Narcotics Anonymous. Since then, I have been able to stay clean since May 13th of 2018. I found myself back in school, I completed a BA in psychology and a MA in marriage and family therapy. I knew from the age of 15 that I wanted to be a therapist. I wanted to help those like me who felt there was no other way out. Today, I work in a substance use treatment center with individuals seeking treatment for mental health as well as substance abuse. Each day I work with individuals like me who have lost hope and have had their lives stolen from them by mental illness and substance abuse. Talking about suicide is a big part of my job and the impact I make on the world today. I still wonder how I got so lucky to survive and go on to carry the light for those in complete darkness. Today I can say that I have not considered taking my own life in a very very long time. I owe this to the family I made in my 12-step program and to the little girl inside of me who still had some fight left in her. To 15-year-old Elma that knew she had something to offer the world, but couldn't find a way. I am overpaid in the fulfillment I receive from helping those around me. When I worked at Project Safehouse from 2018 to 2019, I did mental health outreach with students in at-risk high schools. I worked with students of all walks of life but one stuck with me. At the end of my program with her, she gave me a little lantern with a note. The note thanked me for "carrying the light". This inspired a lantern tattoo I have on my arm, that reminds me to carry the light for those who walk the depths of mental health after me.