It can be hard to explain to others how losing a close family member has changed you because losing a close family member changes you in more ways than you can count. Often, you don't even attribute the changes to your loss until years later when you can look back at what happened with a clearer perspective. When I was nine years old, my father died a sudden death from cirrhosis of the liver. His death and the reasons behind it have profoundly changed my life and what I want to fight to achieve. It was hard to lose my father at such a young age because it made me realize the harsh realities of life much sooner than my peers. For a few years, I really struggled to relate with people my age because they seemed so naive and immature to me. Losing my father so young made me realize the importance of family and the importance of living in moment because you never know when something could get taken away from you. My father's death made me realize that I should be thankful for every day I get to spend with my friends and family, and it made me remember to never take my loved ones for granted. My father died when he was only forty-three. He died because he was a severe alcoholic who refused to get or accept help. His addiction cost him his wife, his children, and ultimately his life. When I think about how my father died, I feel both very angry that he chose alcohol over his family and yet also empathetic when thinking about how all-consuming his addiction must have been for him to choose alcohol over his family and how isolated and lonely he must have felt towards the end of his life. His substance abuse issues and later death have led me to fight to not follow in his footsteps. I have long ago made the decision that I will not drink or do drugs because I do not want to risk becoming addicted. I never want to be in the position where I am so addicted to something that I would choose it over my own family. There is no denying that my father's death impacted me very negatively as a child. The memory of having to say goodbye to my dying father at nine years old will forever haunt me. However, if I could go back, I don't think I would change anything because my father's death has greatly shaped who I am as a person. His death has made me a stronger, more resilient person. His death taught me the importance of family, and it taught me about the dangers of substance abuse and how devastating the effects of someone's addiction can be on their family. In some ways, I am almost thankful for my father's death because even though it caused me immense grief, it also taught me several very important life lessons.

One quote that means a lot to me is as follows, "Good luck, don't die." It sounds very simple and odd, doesn't it? However, it has become a family mantra for my mom, my sister, and I. My sister was the first one to say, "Good luck, don't die," and she said it to my father when she was around four or five. My father was just going out to drop off some recycling, but on his way he almost fell into a hole. Then a few years later, my father died suddenly, and the quote took on a new meaning. It started to represent the fleetingness of life and how there are no certainties or guarantees in life. For as long as I can remember, my family has been saying, "Good luck, don't die," to each other whenever someone leaves to go do something. If I'm leaving to go volunteer at my school, my mom will tell me, "Good luck, don't die," right before I walk out the door. For my family, saying, "Good luck, don't die," serves almost the same purpose as saying, "Bye, love you." Whenever we say it around other people, they are always confused because it sounds a little dramatic. However, the truth is that life can be dramatic and change on a dime. This quote is special to me because is symbolizes the bond my family shares and our mutual understanding of life's uncertainties.

The pandemic and quarantine were not great experiences for me, but they also taught me important lessons. There is one big way in which the pandemic has affected my life in a positive way. I have always struggled with anxiety to the point where it would impact my everyday life in negative ways. At the beginning of the pandemic, I had a doctor's appointment for a yearly check-up, and my doctor recommended that I meet with one of the hospital's clinical social workers to get counseling for my anxiety. I decided that I wanted to try counseling to see if it would help, so I started meeting with a clinical social worker every month through tele-health to work on my anxiety. I really believe that my appointments with my clinical social worker, Holly, helped me to get through the pandemic. Without the pandemic, I don't know if I would have been able to receive counseling in the same way because without the pandemic I would have needed to go in for appointments, and my mom would have had to take time off work to take me to and from each appointment.