If one sticks to a healthy routine, one will see longevity in life. Waking up at the same time every morning, starting with a good breakfast, showering and brushing one's teeth, maintaining your spiritual health is a great way to start the day. When the morning's first task is taking care of your body and mind, anybody can live a long, happy life—coming up with a personalized mid-day routine and night routine as well. Making sure to check in with the body and care for its needs is an essential but learned skill. However, to trust and keep routine, one would require discipline, motivation, and repetition, all learned skills. Routines are challenging to build and even more challenging to keep; anybody can say that. However, the structure of a solid, trustworthy practice is required to lead a long, healthy, and happy life, and nobody else will make that except oneself.

I have struggled with my mental health more than most. I struggle with five diagnosed illnesses/disorders, and it kills me every day. It is hard getting out of bed, brushing my teeth, talking to people. Existing and functioning are hard when you have a mental illness. Nevertheless, I take it one day at a time. Little by little is it easier to get out of bed, brush my teeth, and talk to people; because of what I have done with my mental health, I can exist and function, just a little more than the day prior. It is not easy; I will not deny that. However, it is possible. I credit my mental health improvement nearly entirely to my therapist. If it was not for her, I do not know where I would be. I would not know how to know where I want to be in life, let alone how to get there. She did not fix me and cure me; she did not even actually make me better. I did that. However, she taught me parts of myself I did not know were there, and she was there to show me the ropes when I finally realized I needed help. She is fantastic at her job. As a kid, I knew I wanted to help people. When I was in elementary, I wanted to be a dentist because mine was great. Later in life, I decided to be a therapist. one thing I live by is ¨be the person you needed when you were younger,¨ (Ayesha Siddiqi). It is always my goal to help people the way I needed to be helped, to be for others what nobody was for me. I want to be a therapist. If I could help guide one person the way my therapist did me, that is all I need to feel fulfilled. I want to make it easier for someone to get out of bed every day, brush their teeth, and talk to people. I want to make it easier for people to exist, function, and be human. I want people to be happy with being human. I understand fully the hardships that will come with this. The calls to the police and parents I will have to make. I understand I will hear stories that will traumatize me just listening to them. I understand how painful it will be, yet I still want to do it. I am willing to sacrifice my peace of mind to be there for others

I've read a multitude of books In my life. I love reading, putting myself into a different universe that still feels like the one I know. However, the most inspirational one I've read yet is Simon vs. the Homosapien Agenda. Although the book was flawed, and at some points, poorly written, it saved me. I read it as a freshman struggling with their sexuality; seeing someone else struggle and make it out and be accepted was freeing. I saw myself in Simon, and it eased my fears. I was so scared, but reading this book inspired me to come out and be my authentic self. I took my father to see the movie adaptation, ¨love, Simon¨ with me and came out to him that day. At that moment, although I had the fear of not being accepted, the fear of no longer being loved looming over me like a silent killer, I knew I would be okay; I knew it would work out. I don't know if I would've ended up openly being who I am without reading that book.

Vincent Van Gogh is one of my absolute favorite people in all of history. He was a man with a suffering mind and soul who science couldn't understand, and he brought that to life in his art. His works have touched my soul so deeply when I see his paintings; I feel like they came from myself, or as if my brain was materialized, primarily due to his art style that makes one feel like their in a dream. Van Goghs work ¨skull of a skeleton with a burning cigarette¨ feels like a reflection of the worst tragedy of my life. A year and some back, my aunt died due to her health problems stemming from past addiction. When van Gogh painted this, he was struggling with physical ailments and painted something to reflect this. It reminds me of my aunt. Her dying body was partaking in her addiction. Getting her fix no matter the cost. It is physically reflected in his painting of the skeleton with a burning cigarette.

I was never bad at school. In elementary, I always made the honor roll and passed tests; I was, and am, a brilliant kid. However, I struggled with doing work. All of elementary, I believe I have done homework about twice in my life. I did not know how to study til last year because I never needed to. I saw no point in even attending if I would not get anything done; I could not. I physically could not get myself to complete my work. When fourth grade rolled around the corner, mid-way through I started refusing to go to school. I was not too fond of it. The school was quiet and dull, bleak, and uninteresting. I had nothing to stimulate my brain; learning about long division was not going to cut it. Eventually, I had so many absences that I had to meet with the school psychologist. This time is when I got diagnosed with ADHD and prescribed Adderall. This diagnosis ruined seven-year-old me. Hearing my diagnosis hurt me to my core. There was something wrong with me, and I could not control it. I could do nothing but take some random pills to make me better magically, so that is precisely what I did; I took the prescribed Adderall. However, a problem arose. On Adderall, I could now focus and listen, but I did not want to. All my motivation for school dropped to zero. My motivation to get out of bed was not there. I felt like a husk of a person who once had such a sparkle of life in their eyes. In fourth grade, you do not understand how drugs work. What they do, how they do it, why they do it. I could not put two and two together for a while to figure out why I felt so empty. Eventually, I just got too tired to take the Adderall in the morning. This lack of drugs caused me to feel alive, and like myself, so I realized what was going on and have not been on medication since. I have had to learn to deal with my ADHD. I am taking classes of interest, finding ways to study that are stimulating and can create dopamine for me to chase—learning proper social cues and self-discipline. It has taken many years, but at this point in my life, I would say I understand what I need to succeed, and I am not afraid to chase it.

I have suffered a lot; I know the pain well. What I am getting used to, on the other hand, is joy. It has been so long since I felt genuinely content, like everything would be okay; I have not felt that until recently. I credit those in my life entirely for my newfound appreciation for life; I could not ask for a better family, better friends, and better co-workers. Everywhere I go, just an atmosphere of pure love. My home life has had plenty of ups and downs. My mom's ill, we do not have much money, and my parents seem to enjoy fighting. Nevertheless, they are there for me. When I almost died in a car accident, my father showed up no questions asked to help me. When I experienced my first heartbreak, my parents took me to get food while we talked about it and took me shopping as self-care. We have our fights and struggles, but we genuinely love each other at the end of the day. My friends and co-workers are amazing. They are like a family to me. For example, my co-workers congratulated me on my acceptance to a college when nobody else did. Also, my friends let me at their house amid a fight between my parents. They love me to all ends of the earth, and they show it. I could not be more grateful for those in my life.

I practice self-care by practicing self-love. These two terms go very hand in hand but are different nonetheless. When I feel hurt or frustrated, or depressed, I let it all out first, in a productive way, of course. Effective ways to let out emotions can look like many different things, but my favorites are breaking glass, ripping up paper, crying, screaming the lyrics to my favorite song in the car. Then once all the frustration is out, I do something for me, and just for me. Whether that be, getting my nails done, doing my makeup, cooking, taking a walk, going out to eat, or seeing a movie, self-care can look like many things. as long as you still receive the same cozy feeling of an emotional hug from yourself, you did it right, as long as you can look in the mirror and say ¨it´s going to be okay.¨

Hands down, the best financial advice I have received is some I have had to give myself. I have learned much about budgeting and handling finances, but all through trial and error. I have learned how to take care of and use my money wisely. Money does not grow on trees; after all, it is hard to receive and difficult to maintain. Finance is troublesome. I grew up poor. After my mother got sick when I was young, we did not have much money seeing as she could not work and had a plethora of medical bills. As a result, events such as Christmas or birthdays were always a burden. This issue caused my family to buy in bulk, resulting in my whole life has been surrounded by the idea of ¨we got paid now we need to spend it all.¨; this carried into my high school career. I got my first ever job and was terrible at saving. I would spend it all in a week and not get paid until after the next week, all on things I wanted but did not need. I felt the need to buy in bulk. However, after approximately a year, I decided I needed some self-governing rules to have money for my future. At the current time, these rules include; only eat out once a week no more going out for coffee Moreover, if you cannot afford to buy it twice, you cant afford it. These are all self-taught lessons, and I know to stay true to them. The best financial advice I have received is the lesson of self-control.

Many wonder how we can solve the mental health crisis our world is facing. Although it is challenging to understand how to solve this crisis, it is best to look at experts. The worst-case scenario for depression is suicide. Therefore, when somebody one knows may be feeling depressed, it is essential to look for signs of suicidal ideation. Warning signs include "talking about wanting to die, withdrawal from family members and friends, giving away important possessions, and reckless behavior." (NIMH» Suicide Prevention, 2021). if somebody's mental health becomes unbearable to the point they resort to attempting suicide, call emergency services. They will get admitted to a hospital and will receive a safety and treatment plan. This treatment may eventually motivate changed thoughts and behaviors. There are also treatments for those not in crisis. There are different types of therapies, such as DBT and CBT. For example, dialectical Behavioral Therapy has been shown to reduce suicidal behavior and is an efficient therapy for those suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. On the other side, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy promotes a shift in thought patterns. (NIMH» Suicide Prevention, 2021). there is also therapy for traumatic events such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), which does not involve deep conversation, just assistance in processing. "EMDR therapy helps the brain process these memories, and allows normal healing to resume. The experience is still remembered, but the fight, flight, or freeze response from the original event is resolved." (EMDR International Association, 2021) Easy access to professional psychiatric help would decrease depression and suicidal ideation by a lot. There are many resources and different kinds of help for all sorts of problems. The experts know what they research, and it is essential that anybody who needs help can get it.

I have made it unbelievably far in life. I have overcome heartache, pain, and suffering. I have learned so much and grew beyond belief. However, I was not how I am now. I was selfish and a vicious, insensitive person. I have hurt many people in my life for my self-regard. The gap between me two years ago and the me you see today is insurmountable but, I could not have done it alone. I have so many amazing people in my life who want nothing for the best for me, and they have gotten me where I am. I credit them entirely. When I was younger, I suffered from many mental illnesses, and many people hurt me. I never felt as though somebody genuinely cared. I have never felt unconditional love because of my mental health issues. I, of course, was loved and cared for as by my parents. My mother and father are extraordinary parents who love me deeply; however, I could not register it. I thought nobody could love such an ill-minded person. My struggle with self-esteem led me to make some wrong choices. I often would lie, cheat, and manipulate those around me. As a result, I have broken a multitude of good friendships and relationships. There was a point in time when I refused to talk to my loving parents for months during an angry outburst. I did not care about school, or work, or friendships, or anything aside from myself. However, deep down, I just wanted to feel okay. I just wanted to be loved, and held, and understood. Luckily, I was able to find that. My good friend has been with me since my freshman year of high school. We immediately clicked. This friend suffers from many mental illnesses as well, so we understood each other. Throughout four years, we have had only a single fight. That is not to say we have been perfect angels with each other. But, we love each other despite the mistakes we make. That is all I could have asked for in my dark period. Seeing her get sober, get on meds, and in therapy, seeing my friend get better, ignited a spark in me. If she could get better, why couldn't I? Having this support saved my life. I got into therapy, got on the meds I needed, became sober, started focusing on school and work, committed to my relationships, and have never been happier. I love myself where I am, and I cant wait to see how my life turns out. I have gotten into college and am applying for scholarships left and right. I am on the path to my dream job as a therapist to help people as I was helped. I will be in a whole new city as well, meeting new people, finding new places, experiencing new things. This next chapter in my life is what I have been holding out for for the past five years. I am so excited to continue my journey.

Mental illness is such a significant factor in my life. Depression and anxiety run in my family, and I've been diagnosed with five disorders as well as illnesses. It has taken a considerable toll on my life, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I love myself the way I am, mental illness and all. My mother struggles with mental health. She's been sick since she was a kid, and it got a lot worse when I was around seven years old. This illness hurt her mentally as well. My mother has always been a go-getter. She perseveres and gets done what needs to be done. She is ambitious, fun, and a problem solver. So being bedridden for so long would, of course, change her life; the unfortunate thing was it was for the worse. She took confidence in me. Her marriage was never that good, especially when she got sick, so she brought her problems and laid it out on me, her child. This emotional incest, although horrible, brought me to be more empathetic and understanding of big emotions. I learned to understand what she was going through and primarily how to help her through it. It brought out my sense of empathy. My sister struggles as well. she has terrible depression and anxiety, and our toxic home doesn't help. When I was 14, my older sister went to a psychiatric hospital after attempting suicide. I didn't entirely understand this weight as mental instability was just an average day in the Gartner Home. But seeing someone I love so profoundly, so closely, de-stigmatized suicide for me. I don't see the people struggling as crazy I see them as humans who need help and love. My mental health has been so horrible in my life; I've been diagnosed with several mental illnesses, including ADHD, depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and acute stress disorder, which is a lot for a 16-17-year-old to deal with alone. I dealt with these problems with the help of my therapist, who is fantastic at her job. She has helped me so much, and I can't thank her enough. But her helping me made me realize what I wanted to do. I want to help people who struggle like me, I want to be there and be part of the conversation surrounding mental health, and I believe the best way for me to accomplish that is to be a therapist, which I am working so hard to become, and I'm so proud of myself.

Mental illness nearly took my life. Unfortunately, it is just a part of my life. Many disorders and afflictions run in my family and have affected me greatly. It´s hurt me in ways I can only attempt to describe. I've hurt myself and others with episodes and outbursts, and it is painful to live such a life. I needed help... professional help. In fourth grade, I was diagnosed with Attention-Deficit Hyperactive Disorder or ADHD. I was not struggling in school, however, socially and in my teacher-student relationships, I was inept. I would constantly be bullied without even realizing for being the ¨weird kid¨. Whenever a teacher would dismiss my answer or yell at me for not understanding, I would cry. One symptom of ADHD that is seldom talked about is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. Critique is taken so personally and hurts so much to hear, especially at that age. When I got my diagnosis, I ran to my friends and parents for support, which I never received. As the years passed, I grew to be a Freshman in high school when I started therapy. The following diagnoses to come were depression, as well as anxiety. When I heard this, I was not surprised. Both run in my family, and I knew this very well; my sister even went to the hospital for it. However, when I got this diagnosis, I suddenly believed my feelings were more important than anybody else's; this is a flaw I've been working extremely hard to overcome, but alas, I was a 14-year-old mentally ill child. I didn't know much better. My actions hurt so many people in my life and ruined so many beautiful friendships simply because I thought my problems were more valid. Suddenly I was a Junior and got diagnosed with bipolar. I didn't even consider this illness, but all the dots connected, and it made sense. I had episodes of mania and depression that would last anywhere from a couple of days to a couple of months. During one of these manic episodes, I took my friends on a drive in the pouring rain at one in the morning. We end up on some backroads in a town an hour away, and we get into a severe accident. I was so lucky to make it out virtually unharmed, but I didn't feel that way at the time. The memory of the crash, the feeling of adrenaline, the praying to a god I don't believe in that my friends are okay. The memory of the accident coursed through my body every waking moment. The only time I felt at peace was in my unconsciousness. I felt no way out. Would this be my way of life forever? Constantly remembering, constant hurt. When the only escape you have is in your sleep, well, that's all I wanted. I tried to kill myself. I just wanted the suffering to end, to finally come to a stop . But, it didn't work, and I got sent to a psychiatric hospital where I got re-diagnosed with Bipolar and diagnosed with Acute Stress Disorder, which in short, is similar to PTSD but with less intense symptoms. And in the hospital, I was surrounded by people who wanted nothing but the best for me, something I've lacked my whole life. It motivated me to heal, which I've been working on for so long, and I'm so proud of where I've gotten. The earnest attempt to do better, get better, and be better is what makes the difference.

Vincent Van Gogh was a brilliant and deranged artist, most famous for his piece ¨Starry Night¨ as well as cutting off his ear. When tensions rose with his partner, Paul Gauguin, he entered a, most likely schizophrenia or psychosis, episode and took the knife to his left ear. However, he was a kind-hearted and genius man who lived to be one of the most valued artists of all time.

Covid-19 has been a painful experience for everyone. It's been a year and some since it began and the feelings remain. when it hit people didn't think much, boy was the world mistaken. The stress of going through a pandemic, not seeing loved ones, being stuck at home, being out of school or work, is traumatizing to deal with alone, but that's just it. You don't have to be alone through it. Right as lockdown happened I lost my best friend, not even 10 days later a close family member passed away. This, of course, brought on a lot of depression and confusing emotions. I struggle with mental illness already as is so all this loss and grief did not help. What made matters worse is half of my family is high risk, specifically my mom. It's so hard after losing someone being terrified of losing your mom, the woman who gave birth to you and was always there when nobody else was. that's the worst feeling I've ever experienced and nobody knew how it made me feel. Those first few months were horrendous. Beyond stressful, frustrating, painful, and mostly, lonely. I was so lonely. I was asking my parents for months before to get me help, and it led nowhere. Eventually, when it all became too much I took it upon myself. I made the search, called, and emailed probably 100 different people and places trying to get someone to help. Eventually, I got in touch with my new therapist. Everything was perfect, she took my insurance, was in the area, and had video chat therapy available. So I started seeing her. Progress was slow, I didn't want to listen and I felt comfort in the sadness, I didn't want help. But I knew I needed it. So I kept working with her. I followed her advice little by little and my mental health got a lot better, then worse, then better again. As of late, life has been so horrible to me, but because of her, I'm getting through it. Using my breathing techniques and coping mechanisms and working through the trauma March of 2020 brought me. While figuring out how to cope with life, I was figuring out what I wanted to do in life at the same time. I had no clue what I wanted to do. I was utterly and completely lost. I knew I wanted to help people, my whole life I've tried to ¨Be the person I needed when I was younger¨ (Ayesha Siddiqi). I knew I wanted to work in science, that's been a passion for me since elementary and I've always excelled in it. Being as I struggle so much with mental health having my therapist help me so much made me realize what I wanted to do. I came to the conclusion I wanted to be a therapist. I started doing the work to become one. I got into college, I started taking AP courses, specifically AP Psychology, and working towards what I want to do, and I'm so beyond excited to start that chapter in my life. Covid-19 sucks. That's plain and simple. It brought so much hardship to my life. But without that hardship, I wouldn't have found out what and who I wanted to be. I've also found new friends and life, although hard, has been better than ever before. Because of covid, I've made so many great memories and finally feel like me, and it's the most freeing and exhilarating feeling someone could feel. As the saying goes, ¨You cant see the rainbow without the rain¨

Just a year and some time ago, my family and I suffered just about one of the worst losses we could. On March 20th, 2020, my aunt passed away. This caused great agony, of course. My aunt, Staci, was always there, my family and hers lived right next door to each other my whole childhood, we cut down the fence separating our backyards, any time I needed something brought to the school, I would call her, her, and my mother were best friends, she was a second mom to me. Later in her life, she got addicted to opioids and alcohol, got a divorce, and lost my cousins in the custody battle. As I still saw her in my life, it was seldom. when I was having a sleepover with my friend and I got a call from my dad telling me Staci was in the hospital, he asked if I wanted to visit her, I said ¨no, not today, I'm with my friends.¨ The next day my dad walks into my room, ¨hey we gotta go she isn't gonna make it.¨ at that moment I broke down, sobbing harder than I've ever sobbed. not seeing her when I could is my biggest regret to this day. Living with this weight on my shoulders has brought me closer to so many people, mainly my mother, it has been especially hard with her and it has hurt my family so much seeing her struggle with this, practically alone as her best and only friend just died. I now know it could happen at any time and I will die a treacherous death before I have to live with the regret of that ever again. I want to encourage everyone to cherish those you have, make sure they know just how much they mean to you, treat them with love and patience, and kindness. to understand those around you and support them in every way you can, you never know when you won't be able to anymore. losses are the most painful thing anybody can deal with, don't make the same mistake I did and take a life for granted. nothing is guaranteed.

Just a year and some time ago, my family and I suffered just about one of the worst losses we could. On March 20th, 2020, my aunt passed away. This caused great agony, of course. My aunt, Staci, was always there, my family and hers lived right next door to each other my whole childhood, we cut down the fence separating our backyards, any time I needed something brought to the school, I would call her, her, and my mother were best friends, she was a second mom to me. Later in her life, she got addicted to opioids and alcohol, got a divorce, and lost my cousins in the custody battle. As I still saw her in my life, it was seldom. when I was having a sleepover with my friend and I got a call from my dad telling me Staci was in the hospital, he asked if I wanted to visit her, I said ¨no, not today, I'm with my friends.¨ The next day my dad walks into my room, ¨hey we gotta go she isn't gonna make it.¨ at that moment I broke down, sobbing harder than I've ever sobbed. not seeing her when I could is my biggest regret to this day. Living with this weight on my shoulders has brought me closer to so many people, mainly my mother, it has been especially hard with her and it has hurt my family so much seeing her struggle with this, practically alone as her best and only friend just died. I now know it could happen at any time and I will die a treacherous death before I have to live with the regret of that ever again. I want to encourage everyone to cherish those you have, make sure they know just how much they mean to you, treat them with love and patience, and kindness. to understand those around you and support them in every way you can, you never know when you won't be able to anymore. losses are the most painful thing anybody can deal with, I'm begging you don't make the mistake I did and take life for granted. Nothings guaranteed