Passion and drive is not always appreciated in the regular world in women. So, when I found rugby I found a culture that empowered that piece of me that sometimes felt stifled in everyday life. I have not always fit into the mold that sometimes women are forced into. Fortunately I have a strong mother who has always instilled in me that girls can say no, set boundaries and embrace being who they are. But even with that, it still felt like a struggle to thrive in my own skin. When I started track in my freshman year, I found an outlet for my energy within a sport that had multiple avenues for various body types and skill sets. It felt great to bond with girls that enjoyed this activity. I really had to balance my schoolwork and my practice schedule. I am not an A student in some classes, I have to work hard to get good grades a lot of the time, so it was a great learning experience for me. But I immediately noticed that everything was “The track team” and “The Girls Track Team” not the boys team and girls team. Most sports are portrayed that way. Like the girls team is an add on, not it’s own autonomous team. Professional sports are that way also. In rugby, in our area at least, that is starting to change. More and more often when rugby is discussed it’s usually referring to the women’s team. One college I visited, the men’s pitch and gear was inferior to the women’s set up. The women’s program was superior. Those things are important for ladies, young and old, to see. I am a small part of that. My involvement in sports has empowered me to love the part of me that can set boundaries, that can be aggressive and passionate. Women are often tasked with many rolls by society, I believe that I am more prepared to handle multiple roles because of the balancing of track practice, track meets, rugby practice, rugby matches and my schoolwork. I started my school day at 7:30am, had track practice from 3:00pm to 5:00pm, then off to rugby practice at 5:30pm until 7:00pm. We had league meets for track on Thursdays (along with occasional Saturday invites in preseason) and rugby matches every Saturday. Our area is small, so we do a lot of traveling to get to our meets and matches. Even with all of these commitments I was able to maintain a 4.0 GPA through this. It became exhausting. I had to set some boundaries, prioritize the things that were important to me to maintain my sanity and I had to make some hard choices. All of these experiences have given me the confidence to help the girls who come behind me in these sports. It’s by helping each other that we will thrive as women on and off the field.

Rugby is family. I just discovered rugby last season and was instantly committed to this way of life. I play for the Ellensburg Bulls in Washington state where I just finished my second season. I have also played on the Portland Loggers for an exhibition match. I am about to start on the summer season of the Washington Selects team and have been offered a spot on the Central Washington University Wildcats. Rugby has taught me focus, drive, balance and trust. As far as my emotional growth, it has taught me it’s acceptable to have the passion and grit that is naturally in my personality. Rugby has given me the ability to express it in a way that is embraced and encouraged. I discovered our girls rugby program right after two major losses in my life and I was really struggling. I had no idea how to play and barely knew anyone on the team. At my first practice I was hooked immediately. My physicality was embraced. My emotions were encouraged. There was an amazing coach excited to teach us and I was excited to learn. At my first match I was nervous but my team and coach made me believe that I could do it. I went out and trusted my team. It was amazing. I scored three tries. I blocked and tackled girls much bigger and more experienced than me. I played as hard as I could. I was on fire. After the match I was scraped up, bloody, bruised and had never felt better. I was awarded Player of the Match. It was one of the best days of my life. One of the things I love most about rugby is the respect that is expected and given. We thank the other team, thank the referee, we kneel when someone is hurt and we respect our coaches. Where I live, sometimes our teams are small and we have to share players to make a match. This has instilled a deep mutual respect among all of our teams. While in rugby I have gained a confidence I desperately needed. I have embraced the part of me that wants to be intense and physical. Rugby has taught me to trust my coaches and team members. It has also taught me to always strive for the ability to be confident yet humble. I am always trying to grow as a player. I watch videos of our matches to look for improvements I can make. I study the videos of other rugby teams to learn their techniques. I attend our local college matches to see how they play. And now this same team has offered me a spot on their roster this fall. The player I was at my first practice is not the player who finished this season. I was willing to learn and had an amazing coach, so my playing ability has shown that. I have grown so much as a player because of my team and coach. I cannot wait to see how I will grow on our college team. I have played fullback, first receiver, center and wing. Playing multiple positions has taught me respect for my fellow players, and what they contribute. A try is not just the accomplishment of the person who put points on the board, it’s all of ours. Rugby has helped mold me into someone who strives to be confident, who can ask for help and who can trust others. My coach describes me as “athletic and teachable”. This is how I always want to be described. Thank you for your time.

Empower the positive peers. My big brother always reached out to the kids who didn’t fit in. He had been bullied and knew there was safety in numbers. He wanted to help the kids who felt alone. My mother taught us that the current mentality in the school system regarding bullying is broken. In school we are taught if someone is bullying to go get an adult. Sometimes that just makes it worse later. Sometimes you need to face the bully straight on if appropriate (and safe) and set a boundary, or you may need to walk away and remove their audience. Most importantly, always stand up for the person who doesn’t have the voice, regardless of the school’s protocol. There is power in not being alone. Some kids need extra help and can’t ask for it, so we need to watch out for each other. We need to help the kids who are kind have a bigger voice than the bullies. I don’t know if this works better than our current system or not, I think it does, but I do know what is being taught now in school doesn’t work. We need to learn conflict resolution, and the system now doesn’t encourage that. This may be why some kids become bullies, they don’t know how to deal with their feelings so some lash out. Dealing with why and how kids become bullies and how to foster a remedy for that is vital to a solution also. We need to realize that there is a reason that the bully has become the bully, and how is society enabling that behavior. I have struggled with serious mental health issues my whole life. We have a family history of it and I have had to learn how to treat and live with mental illness. Sometimes it can be debilitating. Fortunately, I have people in my life who understand exactly how I feel, and not everybody has that. My mother helped with a new peer-based program in our community for substance abuse. I have seen that it really helps people. I see how powerful the right peers can be. I believe having peers with lived experience is one avenue that can help people who are struggling. Having someone walk beside us who has already went down the same path is one of the most powerful things that we have. We benefit when the person helping us is coming from equal footing, not a position of power. I have gotten as much from others who have struggled with mental illness as I have from the professionals. I believe we should use peers in the school for the kids who need to feel safe. Sometimes the best way we can help the person struggling is by sharing some of ourselves and just being present. There are no easy answers on how to make the system easier to navigate. It is so, so broken. But having people within the system who have had to use that same system, is probably the biggest way to implement any of the meaningful changes that are desperately needed. Being a part of that change is why I am pursuing a path in mental health. I know what it’s like to be suicidal, to feel hopeless and lonely in a family full of people who love me. Having a mental illness is a life full of paradoxes. I want the people around me to know that I have been there and I will walk with them on whatever path they need, no matter how many paths we need to try.

When I discovered the Girl’s Rugby program I finally felt a connection that I had been looking for. I had just had a couple of huge losses in my life, so the timing was perfect to find the passion I had been missing. I had wanted to play football but was turned down since I was a girl. I had few friends who got me. When I found the girl’s rugby program that changed. At my first practice I knew that I had found what I had been looking for. I was accepted for being aggressive and openly passionate. I was excited to learn everything I could, I was all in. I was new to a team that had been playing together for a couple of years, so I was nervous. They welcomed me in and taught me everything that they could. I found a team of girls looking to break the mold that female athletes are often placed in. I needed to be a part of it. Our coach was excited to teach us and pushed me in a way I had been looking for. At my first match I was nervous yet peaceful. I had a team and a coach who believed in me. I had one of the best days of my life. I scored, I tackled and I learned. I left scraped up, dirty, bruised and had never felt better. I loved every match, even if I didn’t play as good as I thought I could. Because of my teammates I always felt like I was getting something out of it, even if I was frustrated in the moment. Rugby attracts and creates special people. After a really hard match, where I felt like I didn’t do well, the coach from the opposing team came up to my mom and said, “Your daughter is a beast!”. I needed to hear that. He gave me some pointers and checked in with me whenever we played them. The thing about rugby where I live, everyone lifts you up and helps you to be better, on and off the field. Our league is small. Often we have to share players, as one team may not have enough girls for the match. We typically drive hours to compete. We love it. I was fortunate enough to get to play in an exhibition match at an event where some of the international teams would be playing. I had only been playing for a couple of months. I was excited but really nervous. I was going to be on a team with ladies who mostly had never met before. We only got to practice for 2 hours together, then we were off to the stadium. We bonded immediately. It was amazing. We played really hard but lost. We were disappointed but we had shared the experience of playing on a field with some of the greatest rugby players from around the world. It didn’t feel like losing. Our sisterhood within the rugby family is huge. Being a part of college rugby will push me to be better and give me the connections with others to thrive in college. It got me through one of the hardest times in my life. I want to continue to be a part of the rugby family as long as possible and hope to play rugby for years to come. Most importantly, I want to help those who come after me to discover what I did. I will help them find their place and to embrace that passionate and aggressive part of them with pride.