Rejection is a fear everyone shares. As humans, we want to feel loved and accepted, which is normal. Yet, it is this fear that can prevent us from being who we truly are, and I say this from experience. Growing up, I wasn't exactly popular, but I was well known. Although people spoke of me, they didn't do it for the reasons I'd like them to be. See, I was born with a physical disability called symbrachydactyly. It's on my left hand and it means I don't have fingers besides my thumb, and the rest are little like balls of skin and muscle. So to all my school peers, I was “the girl with the hand”. Young kids don't grasp the understanding that words can be more painful than punches, but they also don't understand why people say hurtful words. I was hurt a lot by meaningful comments growing up that made me despise myself. Comments like “ Dog hand”, “ Balloon hand”, “disgusting”, “ why are you weird?”, or “ ew” impacted my self-esteem greatly. Every night, I would wish and pray for a different hand. I wanted to be “normal,” and I wanted to be surrounded by friends. Yet, no one wants to hang out with the girl with the weird hand. No one wants to be an outcast like I was, because they would only be bullied just like me. I began to resent myself for being me. I didn't understand why I was born like the whole everyone else was born “normal”. A way I could get kids to be interested in me was by letting them hurt my hand. Children are curious by nature as they try to understand what they don't know. So the children in the playgroup would tug my fingers, squish my hand, and pull my thumb, just to see how I would react. I was a freak show to them, and it only made me hate my own body even more. As I entered middle school, I told my friends I had to tell no one about my hand. I then started to wear long sleeves and never show my hand ever again. To anyone who asked why I wore a long-sleeved shirt in the summer, I would simply say something along the lines of “I'm just cold.” I was surrounded by friends whom I could talk to. I felt accepted, but I never felt normal. I looked and acted normal, but I never felt truly happy. It seemed that wherever I went, I had to fake who I was. People didn't love me for who I was, but loved me for who I acted as. To them, I was the girl who had good grades and kept to herself. I made a hole for myself to feel safe, so I would never have to experience what I did before. This was what closed me off to the world and didn't allow me to grow or make friends. In high school, I took on many leadership positions in clubs and of student council, yet no one truly knew me for me. Yet, some girls would change my life forever. They accepted me for me, although they knew about my hand and still wanted me in their friend group. They love me for who I am and continue to help me on my self-love journey. I don't come from a well of financial family, but I want to go to college. I want to learn about science and show people that “the girl with the hand” can also go far in life.

If I were to describe myself, I’d say I'm someone who loves to learn 24/7. Of course, nowadays, most of the world has access to unrestricted media and the internet. I’ve always been so thankful for this, as it gives me such a big opportunity to learn about anything I want to. Yet, I still love books and the feel of them. With a book, I can read the experiences of someone, I can read for hours on end about how a wormhole is created, or even a simple fiction love story. I have a big collection of books, which continues to grow to this day. Although my books are all from a diverse set of genres, I always come back to the same thought. “ What will I read next?” It's this singular thought that inspires me to learn more, to pick up another book, and teach everyone what I learned. Teaching is a passion of mine, as I believe receiving an education is important. Learning is one of the best things someone alive can do. Learning gives one an infinite amount of knowledge and new skills. This is why I enjoy tutoring people in my areas of expertise, as it excites me that someone wants to learn. I also love to tutor since I've made it a life goal to help all those in need. Helping others has always been fun for me, not because it makes me feel morally good, but because I know that I have somehow taken a load off someone. I think the reason I enjoy helping people is because I want to be the helping hand I didn't have growing up. See, I was born with a physical disability called symbrachydactyly. It's on my left hand and it means I don't have fingers besides my thumb, and the rest are little like balls of skin and muscle. No bones. My hand is what is called “not normal”, and it was this type of comment that made me feel horrible inside. Instead of reporting or standing up for myself, I accepted it. I wanted to feel accepted and normal, so I began to laugh at the comments while adding on my own mean jokes. I failed to acknowledge myself as a human with feelings. Something I reflect on a lot because I now know that I am a human with feelings who deserves the same respect as others. I'm a unique person. I acknowledge I don't fit a norm people have set up, nor will I be able to do some things my peers can do. I am that girl with a weird hand, and that's okay. I love being me, and I want to keep being me. Before, I prayed every day to God to change me because I could not love the way I was. Today, I can proudly look in the mirror and say, “ I love myself”. Someone who helped me with this self-journey was my sister. She never felt accepted growing up for her own reasons. I think it's because of this that she spent so much time with me and taught me how to love myself. She had gone through what I did and did not want me anymore. Together, we went through a journey of self-acceptance and how to really live life without caring for others' opinions. To me, my sister taught me something I'll carry for the rest of my life.