Living with a mental illness is very taxing. The constant changes through the years, fluctuations in hope and happiness, the gradual drifting away from your loved one can feel never ending. Then you finally start to get better. You have more energy, pick up old projects, and seem to have a new lease on life. It’s all good, good, good, until that old familiar feeling of sadness creeps back around the corner and makes you realize something may really be off. While living with mental illness is incredibly taxing, living under the assumption that you are perfectly healthy, then having the rude awakening that that is not the true case is another level of difficulty. It can take a further hit to the already fragile state you are in upon discovery. This scenario is all too familiar in my personal journal with my mental health throughout the years, and through the tendency to avoid addressing mental health in our community. One thing I have learned in my battle with mental health is that you either fight for yourself, or you fight with yourself, and for the longest time I fought with myself. I felt like little by little I slowly lost everything about myself: my smile, my personality, my joy. It all seemed to fade away as negativity, shame, and guilt took their place. Because of the shame and guilt I found myself trapped in a cycle of suppressing and masking my struggles until I simply could not anymore. I was not truly living; instead, I was living my life on standby, letting all the hopes and dreams I had for myself slowly fade away. Now I fight for myself. As I slowly faced the reality of my situation and chose to seek help, I slowly started to find who I was again. When the negative thoughts start to creep in, I think of the girl with endless goals and passions, and fight for her. I decided to go back to school for my Master of Science in Nursing, I strive to put my best foot forward daily as a nurse, and I have learned to make a better effort to take care of myself. One question I asked myself helped me change my perspective as well: Why can I spend hours taking part in activities that take away from me and fully commit to them, yet struggle to invest in things that are positive and follow them through? I could binge-watch 10 seasons of a show and start to finish neglecting all my responsibilities, but could start and not finish a painting for years, or put off an important assignment for weeks. I want to be able to choose to take control of my life and make the most use of my time rather than allowing it to be consumed by distractions that do not serve me. Self care is indispensable. I have learned that it is ok to be fully human instead of an always strong and unbreakable individual who has it all figured out. Allowing myself the time and space to express my emotions rather than suppress them is self-care. While caring for my inner self is important, taking care of physical health and investing into my interests is equally important. The more I face my mental health I find the light. Everyday it becomes easier to get out of bed, eat, and make the most of my day because I know my life is worth fighting for. My future is worth fighting for. The impact I can make as a former adult critical care, now Pediatric and NICU Registered Nurse, as well as my future as a future educator and nurse practitioner is worth fighting for, and my everyday dreams and interests are worth fighting for. While I used to be in denial about the reality of mental health issues, I now understand the importance of not letting those issues go unnoticed. My journey has taught me resilience, self-awareness, and the value of seeking help when it is needed without shame. By choosing to fight for myself, I have reminded myself, and hope to remind others in a similar situation that choosing to give yourself the best chance at life is one of the best choices you can make.