When I started drinking and using around the age of 11, I never thought much more than what the next moment will bring. It was hard to even picture myself be anything less than what I thought to be successful. But in the next 8 years of my life, the reality of my life saw a severe automobile crash, trouble with the law, and involuntary hospital internments. I was abused by older men and eventually took up illegal acts on the streets to fuel my drug and alcohol habits. With each event that rocked me to my core, I only used it as an excuse to drink and use more. I did not want to stop, nor did I care, as I knew what lies for me when I was sober. The feeling of debilitating self victimization would only hit me in those few moments of clarity. In those years, I kept thinking, why do these things keep happening to me? What sort of higher being is punishing me? It took me those eight years of drinking and using to realize that all I was doing was staying in the past, unwilling to move into a positive future of my doing. Since I was 15 years old, I began to attend therapy sessions secretly, as my parents did not want to share the shameful things within my family to strangers. It was the culture and way of the time they grew up in, but I was not able to keep up the games any longer. I have found that through cognitive and talk therapy, I was able to manage my symptoms, but still unwilling to change fundamental parts of myself nor even willing to try to move on. I remember vividly that the day that I was diagnosed with depression and PTSD, I was also involuntarily committed to a mental facility for minors, as I was having a severe panic attack and could not calm myself down to go home. These experiences shaped my formative high school years, but I stopped attending for two years as I thought I was "better". It was only through an overdose in May 2020 that I realized that I was far from being myself, and began therapy again as an adult. Through the work, I was able to slowly but surely recognize that I had an unhealthy relationship with drugs and alcohol, and used them as a means to quiet my inner voice who seemed like it had nothing ever good to say about me. By what I believe is a higher power today, in October 2020, I had the strength to say that I needed help and checked myself into rehab, and was diagnosed with alcohol abuse disorder and cocaine abuse disorder. I was also advised to attend outside anonymous support groups to also help with recovery, which I was willing to go to as I did not know what else I could do to help myself. To this day, I still attend daily anonymous meetings, and see my therapist regularly. It has been almost two years since I got clean and sober, and was able to practice the 12 steps of recovery in AA with my sponsor, and also work through issues that I was never able to touch prior to my sobriety with my wonderful therapist. The past two years has led to a slow but incredibly noticeable change within me, and I am grateful everyday that I am able to live a different life--one that has opportunity and promise in its future. I now regularly volunteer 4 nights a week at different groups, and was lucky enough to have been elected as a district representative in our service conferences. I was also able to find a God of my understanding in these programs, and was able to heal and work through the idea that I was placed on this Earth to suffer. I am so grateful that I am able to feel the depth of my emotions in the good and bad as it reminds me of my own humanity and how I can relate it to others around me. With my newfound sobriety, I have also participated so much more in my college, and have been able to put my best efforts in my jobs working in the fashion industry. I have also gained a sense of compassion that has no strings of judgement attached to it, and have seen the exploitation of Los Angeles workers in the apparel manufacturing industry. I have witnessed people of color, mostly Hispanic and Asian, working long hours in unethical and unsafe conditions. People who are being exploited daily who look like me. These experiences and sense of responsibility for my future has led me to channel my emotions in such productive manners that I was never able to control before. For my future, I hope to attain a Master's degree in business, and help to enact change on the corporate level to prevent mismanagement and worker exploitation in the fashion industry. As I continue to give back the the anonymous support groups through my service, I can only hope to carry the same kind of passion, commitment, and integrity in other facets of my life as well, one day at a time.

Between the summer of my junior college and college transfer, I asked my parents if we could take a month-long trip back to China to visit and thank my grandfather for his encouragement to pursue a career in the arts. Travelling to a rural village near the border of Russia, I was met with family who were overjoyed in my prospect of attending an arts college in America. In a huge family gathering and banquet, I stood up and thanked my grandfather for travelling to California when I was a toddler and drawing in a sketchbook while I was on his lap. I have not stopped sketching and creating since. Unfamiliar with my industry of choice, my STEM parents did the best they could with what they had. I will always be grateful for how they have supported me in ways that I could not do for myself. In 2021, I was able to proudly announce to them that I have achieved and Associate's degree in Fashion Design. Since then, I have continued my educational goals and am currently pursuing my Bachelor's in Apparel Technical Design, where I hope to create and design fashion that aims more towards the behind-the-scenes manufacturing side. In lieu of these my passion, my parents have always fostered the idea that one must help themselves in order to receive help. Self sufficiency is how they survived a new country and learning a new language as fully-fledged adults. Since I was legally able to work, I have always held a part-time job or full-time job in my spare time after classes. I have been lucky in the past year to fully integrate myself in working in a fashion factory and apparel design company, where I was able to get hands-on industry experience. While working for the past year in Los Angeles, I was shocked to see how unregulated the fashion manufacturing industry is, and how exploitative factories were to its employees. Most factories that I have work in congruency with had unsafe working conditions, long hours, and almost all done by BIPOC people mostly of Asian and Hispanic descent. Working alongside with others in such conditions, it greatly impacted my view on how fashion and business intersect at the basic needs of employees and their rights. It is my wish to pursue a Master's degree in business, as I want to be able to enact higher change within an industry I love who are exploiting workers that look like me. My passion for the arts and fashion have only become more convicted, as I now see where I can truly be purposeful in the career that I have always loved. The passion for the arts that I have, is unmatched by most other feelings that I have in this world. I only hope to continue to pursue this, with all the potential and opportunities in the future that I've yet to explore.

The day before I got sober from my substance issues, I thought to myself of how differently I used to see me and how far I have drifted away from my personal values and dreams. I kept thinking about how much of a liar, cheat, and thief that I have become over the years, and how I had become someone that I don't recognize and wouldn't want to be with. I did not have anyone else left that would be willing to help me. So at this point in my life, almost two years ago in October 2020, I did not know what do to or who to go to, so I made the decision to check myself into rehab and participate with diligent willingness on whatever was asked of me to change the way that I felt about myself. In the things that were asked of me at the rehabilitation center, I was to go to anonymous support groups for people in recovery, and to also make an effort to participate in such meetings as well. It was wildly uncomfortable at first, and I even thought that it was ridiculous how much they were asking of me. Looking back, what these kind strangers were trying to do and help me with was to be the bare minimum of a decent, empathetic human being, and to walk with my head held high knowing that I have a new way of life. I did things that I did not feel like doing, and helped others even when I did not feel like helping. I even got a sponsor, who still regularly advises me to this day on how to handle matters with dignity and grace. Slowly but surely, the people who watched me get sober also saw me create and gain integrity and leadership that I was not even aware of myself. Because of this, I threw myself into servicing all the groups that I attend regularly, as these esteem-able acts slowly build the self esteem that I was not able to feel within me. I now can proudly say that I have led more than a dozen meetings, was the secretary for multiple groups, and have even been elected as a group representative to be the voice for my county district group to pass motions and weigh in on budgetary issues. To this day, I believe my recovery is founded on active service commitments, and I still service my home groups at least four nights a week. So long as I keep in the middle of the pack, I am sure that the journey of recovery gets easier one day at a time. To this day, I go to anonymous meetings almost daily, and have commitments that keep me coming back. I have found that by helping other people, it slowly helped me to realize that I too was changing for the better. By giving up this one thing, everything started to come back into my life. I have only been given an infinite amount of grace in my sobriety, and hope to continue my journey of sobriety and keep coming back, because it works. I can only hope that my story can one day help and shape another newcomer who will walk through the rooms as I once did.

The day before I got sober from my substance issues, I thought to myself of how differently I used to see me and how far I have drifted away from my personal values and dreams. I kept thinking about how much of a liar, cheat, and thief that I have become over the years, and how I had become someone that I don't recognize and wouldn't want to be with. At this point in my life, almost two years ago in October 2020, I did not know what do to or who to go to, so I made the decision to check myself into rehab and participate with diligent willingness on whatever was asked of me to change the way that I felt about myself. In the things that were asked of me at the rehabilitation center, I was to go to anonymous support groups for people in recovery, and to also make an effort to participate in such meetings as well. It was wildly uncomfortable at first, and I even thought that it was ridiculous how much they were asking of me. Looking back, what these kind strangers were trying to do and help me with was to be the bare minimum of a decent, empathetic human being, and to walk with my head held high knowing that I have a new way of life. I did things that I did not feel like doing, and helped others even when I did not feel like helping. Slowly but surely, the people who watched me get sober also saw me create and gain integrity that I was not even aware of myself. Because of this, I threw myself into servicing all the groups that I attend regularly, as these esteem-able acts slowly build the self esteem that I was not able to feel within me. To this day, I believe my recovery is founded on active service commitments, and I still service my home groups at least four nights a week. So long as I keep in the middle of the pack, I am sure that the journey of recovery gets easier one day at a time. To this day, I go to anonymous meetings almost daily, and have commitments that keep me coming back. I have found that by helping other people, it slowly helped me to realize that I too was changing for the better. By giving up this one thing, everything started to come back into my life. I have only been given an infinite amount of grace in my sobriety, and hope to continue my journey of sobriety and keep coming back, because it works. I can only hope that my story can one day help and shape another newcomer who will walk through the rooms as I once did.

When I started drinking and using around the age of 11, I never thought much more than what the next moment will bring. It was hard to even picture myself be anything less than what I thought to be successful. But in the next 8 years of my life, the reality of my life saw a severe automobile crash, trouble with the law, and involuntary hospital internments. In those years, I kept thinking, why do these things keep happening to me? What sort of higher being is punishing me? It took me those eight years of drinking and using to realize that all I was doing was staying in the past, unwilling to move into a positive future of my doing. When I got sober two years ago, I kept reminding myself to be willing and open to change, for the people in the anonymous recovery rooms had a life, serenity, and dignity that I wanted but did not know how to achieve. Because of this, I threw myself into servicing all the groups that I attend regularly, as these esteem-able acts slowly build the self esteem that I was not able to feel within me. To this day, I believe my recovery is founded on active service commitments, and I still service my home groups at least four nights a week. So long as I keep in the middle of the pack, I am sure that the journey of recovery gets easier one day at a time.

The last day before I began to seek help for substance abuse issues, I used and thought to myself of how differently I used to see myself and how far I have gone away from my values and dreams. I thought about how much of a liar, cheat, and thief that I have become, and kept thinking how I have become someone that I wouldn't want to be with if I could ever be someone else. At this point in my life, almost two years ago, I did not know what do to or who to go to, so I made the decision to check myself into rehab and participate with diligent willingness on whatever was asked of me to change the way that I felt about myself. In the things that were asked of me, I was asked to go to support groups for people in recovery, and also make an effort to participate in such meetings as well. It was wildly uncomfortable at first, and I even thought that it was ridiculous how much they were asking of me to carry myself. Looking back, what these people were trying to do and help me with was to be the bare minimum of a decent, empathetic human being, and to walk with my head held high knowing that I have a new way of life. I did things that I did not feel like doing, and helped others even when I did not feel like helping. Slowly but surely, the people who watched me get sober also saw me create and gain integrity that I was not even aware of myself. Looking at the difference of the person I was two years ago, it is hard to imagine going back to such a life that chipped me down, slowly but surely. In the past, I could easily lie to others and not keep commitments that other relied on me for. But looking at today, I am responsible and honored that I am asked to be of service and help my recovery community, as I have built and sustained the integrity that I build my confidence around. I am able to be present, and also know my limits on what I can and cannot do. I feel like I am respected by others because I have given my respect back to the world and its people. Looking on the horizons of my future, I am eager to see the opportunities that will present itself when I am going though life on life's terms. I find myself more than ever seeing that I can meet calamities with the help and support of my friends and family. I am able to rely on them because I continue to try to be reliable for them. Taking inventory everyday of where my life is at, I can see how much integrity has been growing within me, and how much it will continue to grow if I am willing to do the work.

In the 1980's and 1990's, my father and mother respectively both immigrated to the United States as part of the second wave of Chinese-American mass migrations to seek a better life. For my father, it meant seeking political asylum from the changing political landscape, and for my mother, it meant to find greater employment opportunities and freedoms from her home country. Higher education consequently, meant a great deal to them both, as many like them have found it the most reliable way to climb up to social and economic ladder of a country that they were unfamiliar with. Growing up, I remember my father saying that when he was a child, he had hoped to be a soldier. For my mother, she wanted to become a singer. Upon coming to America, both however chose to pursue American education in STEM, as it meant more reliability for themselves and security for the future. My parents have had the greatest influence on my life, for better and for worse. While they had bumps in the road as parents, they nevertheless instilled a sense of values and culture that I still find deeply ingrained within me. When I was born, their hopes for me were to pursue a future in STEM as well, as they wanted me to continue their legacy of security. At around 10 years old, I remember telling my parents that I wanted to be a fashion designer. They reacted first in laughter, and I ended up suppressing my artistic endeavors in favor of studying something more "serious". It however, did not end up fulfilling me, and it was when I reached my last years of high school that I realized that I wanted to go back to my love of creating clothes. To my parents horror, they tried their best to talk me out of pursuing such an unstable field, which cumulated to an extended family intervention, to which I was still adamant on pursuing at the end. However, I am forever grateful that my parents still chose to support my decision to attend a fashion college, even if they had their doubts. I was even more fortunate to be able to graduate with an Associate's in Fashion Design and am currently achieving a Bachelor's in Apparel Technical Design. As global manufacturing and communication of apparel has only really started in the 2000's, an entirely new sector, called Apparel Technical Design, has emerged. In this new industry, I am one of the lucky few who is able to pursue an education in a still growing and changing industry. Fashion is the second biggest polluter globally, and peers in my industry all seek to enact change on the manufacturing and design aspects of it. In my future, I also hope to pursue a Master's in business administration, as I have worked in the fashion industry, and learning how little to no regulation there is in employee and factory working conditions. BIPOC members, especially those of Korean and Hispanic descent in the Los Angeles area, are exploited daily with unethical working condition, long hours, and little pay. What I have set my long term goals is to change this on a higher, corporate level, and hope to create a positive change in the industry of my childhood dreams.

Right before entering my first year of college, I asked my parents if we could take a month-long trip back to China to visit my family and thank my grandfather for his encouragement to pursue a career in the arts. Travelling to a rural village near the border of Russia, I was met with family who were overjoyed in my prospect of attending an arts college in America. In a huge family gathering and banquet, I stood up and thanked my grandfather for travelling to California when I was a toddler and drawing in a sketchbook while I was on his lap. I have not stopped sketching and creating since. My mothers side was across the world, but many from my fathers side have immigrated to America, during the Chinese Cultural Revolution, seeking political asylum. Grandparents and siblings passed away, and many of my family members took to the bottle for ease and comfort from these wounds. Growing up with this instability, I was diagnosed with PTSD and depression, and eventually took to the bottle and other substances as well. The substance use was debilitating and eventually took me to a rehab where I was diagnosed with poly-substance abuse disorder. My parents did the best they could with what they had. I will always be grateful for how they have supported me in ways that I could not do for myself. I am grateful that I have the privilege of healthcare insurance, even though the insurance does not cover all costs such as ambulatory rides, therapy, and all of the rehabilitation costs. I hope I can pay this back or at least, pay it forward, to my family in the future. It is my living amends to them. In lieu of these issues and circumstances, my parents have always fostered the idea that one must help themselves in order to receive help. Self sufficiency is how they survived a new country and learning a new language as fully-fledged adults. Since I was legally able to work, I have always held a part-time job or full-time job in my spare time after classes. Almost all art colleges are also private as well, which drives tuition to be 2-3 times the price of what a public university would be. When I chose to pursue the arts, I remember many members of my Asian community sitting down to ask if this is what I really wanted, as the financials of what I would put into could easily overtake what I would be able to make after receiving a degree. Three to four years have passed since this community intervention, and with each passing day, I am more self-assured that this is what I want to do in my future. The passion for the arts that I have, is unmatched by most other feelings that I have in this world. However, its a costly journey, especially with attaining a degree in a private college. I only hope to continue to pursue this, with all the potential in the future that I've yet to explore.

The first sip of alcohol I ever took was from my father, who asked if I wanted to try some of his brandy when I was six years old. I remember when I swallowed, I felt a burning and thought to myself, how could anyone like this? My father loved it. Its hard for me to picture a time where my dad did not have a drink in his hand every night. With each passing year, I remember swearing to myself to not end up like him. But even with the hatred fueling my conviction, I found myself beginning to heavily drink at the age of 11, and not stopping until I ended up in a rehab at 19. In those eight years, I was abused by older men and eventually took up illegal acts on the streets to fuel my drug and alcohol habits. With each event that rocked me to my core, I only used it as an excuse to drink and use more. I did not want to stop, nor did I care, as I knew what lies for me when I was sober. The feeling of debilitating self victimization would only hit me in those few moments of clarity. The day before checking in to a rehabilitation facility, I went in for a check-up with my doctor, as I was feeling unwell. For some reason, when the nurse asked me if I drank alcohol or used drugs, I could not bring myself to lie anymore, and told the truth in all the humility that I could muster. After the check-up, the doctor let me know that I was feeling unwell as I was withdrawing and my organs were shutting down. With the help of healthcare professionals, I was safely able to detox and begin my journey in sobriety. I have been lucky enough to pursue a degree and career in Fashion Design, and hope to apply for a Masters in business. In this industry in particular, there is little to no regulation of workers rights or ethics, which I hope to enact on a corporate level. I have learned in sobriety, that it is much easier to walk through life when my side of the road is clean. With my education, I hope to help other interests that I am passionate about and create change to clean up this messy industry's ethical practices. When I was actively in addiction, I wouldn't have cared for anything that did not affect me. But as my mind becomes more sober, I realize that I have a strong desire to give back what was so freely given to me; grace, integrity, and serenity. To this day, I go to Anonymous meetings almost daily, and have commitments that keep me coming back. I have found that by helping other people, it slowly helped me to realize that I too was changing for the better. These esteem-able acts that I was doing was building the self-esteem that I felt devoid of for so long. By giving up this one thing, everything started to come back into my life. I have only been given an infinite amount of grace in my sobriety, and hope to continue my journey of sobriety and keep coming back; it works.