I watched people grow closer together, yet I only continued to shrink further away. I felt I walked among social giants, who laughed at how tiny and small I was. For every giggle or snicker in my direction, I switched out my mask for a thicker one, or got taller stilts, because I desperately wanted to fit in. Unbeknownst to me, the façade I worked so hard to create still outcasted me. No matter how extroverted I became, people could tell it was inauthentic. At the same time, no matter how authentic I was, people still treated me as strange, and undeserving of friendship. I was chained by the perception of others, and by my own mask. In my ninth grade algebra class, tests were being passed back, and my classmate in front of me handed me mine and said, "Wow Elaine.. You're so smart that it makes me feel stupid!" in reaction to my full score. The chains gripped tight, and my work ethic was destroyed with just 1 sentence. Trying to "be normal" both at home and at school made me reliquish any sense of identity I had left. I was a shell of a person, feeling nothing but a sinking feeling telling me there was something wrong with me. One afternoon at cross country practice my senior year, I was telling my friend about my Minecraft plushies that I had been collecting since I was nine years old. He suddenly burst my bubble with the question, "Are you autistic?" Momentarily, I thought he was making fun of me, but he immediately clarified that it was a genuine question, as he himself was on the spectrum. I had never considered that I could be autistic, especially since I was taught that girls "can't have autism". But my friend made me reconsider my entire life. I asked all my friends, what they thought, as most of them have autism and/or ADHD, and they were shocked to find I wasn't already diagnosed. It was time to break the chains. I spent everyday from April 2023 to May 2024 thoroughly researching autism, and I checked every box for a girl with low support needs. My mother constantly denied the possibility, which furthered my educational burnout. I was desperately trying to survive my first year in college while juggling and unsupportive home and a potential diagnosis that could change my life for the better if proven true. Finally, in May 2024, I snuck out of my home while my mother was at work to get to the psychology clinic that was an hour away. I anxiously waited for two weeks for my results. May 23rd comes, and over Zoom, the psychologist confirms I am autistic and have ADHD. I felt that terrible sinking feeling go away, and I felt all my struggles had been answered. Finally, the chains shattered, and I was able to start building an authentic identity in my second year of college, as someone who is different and proud of it. School became less focused on my battle of how I am perceived by others, and more on my love for learning. It wasn't until after my diagnosis that I felt comfortable choosing a my major: music. Music has gotten me through my darkest times; it gets my loudest thoughts out, and has build my current community of friends who live, function, and struggle the same way I do. One day, I hope to bring awareness to how impactful and common autism is, in order to make the world more understanding of those wired differently.