I discovered Romanian artist Laszlo Mathe through research for a school project, and I have always been inspired by his work since. His painting style is the epitome of my taste in art, and the thematic approach to art that I too seek to explore in my own work. His subject matter mostly focuses on the body, and rather gruesome and horrific depictions of it. Mathe paints bodies that are abstracted in certain ways, or visibly skewed. One of these works is named 'Damaged II;' it describes his art style perfectly, and it certainly is my favorite. 'Damaged II' presents a man who is restrained at the wrists by a rope. He is trapped not only physically through his restraints, but psychologically. He is surrounded by darkness; he nor the viewer can understand where he is. He is in pain. A sense of discomfort arises from the desaturated, deep reds and flesh colors, as well as his body that appears to be deteriorating. Most horrific of all, the man's face is entirely smudged and abstracted. It appears to be melting away from him, or even exploding—thus rendering the viewer unable to read his expression. But despite this faceless man being incapable of showing us his emotions through his eyes and mouth, he shows us through his body language, which is tense, distraught and pained. This painting, as well as many other paintings by Mathe, resonate with me due to their grisly nature. Body horror in art has always intrigued me, and has greatly inspired me as an artist. I seek to be an artist that can express internal struggle and emotional destruction through harsh depictions of the body. And here, Mathe shows this man's psychological distress through his physicality. And while abstractly brutal, it feels real.

From enduring a year-long emotionally abusive relationship, I learned my worth. Growing up, I conditioned myself to think that I did not know what was best for me; I allowed the people around me to decide that. I followed the paths and tolerated the poor behavior of the people I am closest to, even if it was unhealthy for me. I felt that in the end, their comfort was worth more than my happiness. It was not until I truly felt violated and used that I learned that there are better things out there, and I am preventing myself from finding them by continuing to tolerate mistreatment. With the urging and help from my friends, family, and therapist, I did something I never had the courage to do—protect myself. For the first time in my life, I set up boundaries. I understood that there are ways to make myself feel comfortable, safe, and whole. And even when the person I was in a relationship with disregarded my boundaries and continued to cause me trauma, I stayed true to what was now valuable to me, which was my happiness. From this experience, I gained the ability to prioritize myself. I no longer feel the need to tolerate cruelty, or tread on the paths of others that are not fit for me. I have control over my own path, and my own fulfillment. With confidence, I can finally move forward to build the life of comfort I have always kept myself from.

My mental illness has forced me to take extra steps to enjoy my life. I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder in elementary school, and have since developed generalized anxiety disorder and OCD along with it. My mind has never allowed me to be comfortable in my own skin. It has forced me to separate myself from others, and altered the course of my life. But with time and therapy, I have slowly started to gain a sense of control and understanding of my emotions and life path. I grew up without much validation. My household tended to be very cold, and the relationships within it felt disconnected. In a home where nobody ever discussed how they felt, I was crushed into a corner, expected to understand and manage my own feelings from a very young age. Growing up, I was conditioned to keep to myself because I felt as though speaking up was abnormal and burdening those around me. Thus I never really understood how to express myself, which spiraled into endless feelings of worthlessness, self-doubt, and loneliness. These feelings are what I have molded into my idea of "independence," which in reality is just a fear of being loved. I recently sought love elsewhere. I entered my first romantic relationship last year, which was a major part of my growing process. I learned a new form of independence, and I was finally spreading my wings to fly. It was magical. But what was an exciting and promising new beginning turned out to be an emotional hazard in disguise. I came to terms with the reality that I was being lied to, manipulated, and psychologically abused. The person I thought was going to help release me from years of feeling invalid was actually an individual who threw me into an even worse state of self-consciousness. I ran, and am now working on gaining a healthier state of mind and health. While I have started feeling better, the remnants of the psychological pain and anxiety I suffered still affect me every day. At this point, I am at the conclusion that the only person that can support me with my mental illness is myself. I am learning how to stop running from my anxiety and fighting against my OCD, and to instead live with them as extensions of my mind. While I have always considered my disorders as part of me, I have never really done it in a positive way. I spent my whole life keeping my mental issues hidden in the dark, now it is time for me to bring them into the light. If I lean in to my anxiety, it will be able to combat them with confidence rather than fear. With confidence comes self-respect, something that I never thought I deserved until now. As I am on the path to finally accepting myself and my mental illnesses, it is my goal to help others do the same. Anxiety is widespread, yet those affected by it usually close themselves off because of it. I believe relatability is crucial to supporting others suffering from mental illness, and one way I seek to enhance that is through art. With a career of art and design ahead of me, I seek to spread awareness of mental disorders through visuals. When somebody with a damaged mind sees that they are not alone, and that their experiences have been felt by others, confidence arises. With this confidence they may seek help, and perhaps begin their own journey of self healing. If I can initiate this journey to just one individual, that will be worthwhile to me. Yet, it will always be my lifelong goal to spread my message to the masses. Love and validation is out there. Sometimes it just takes a single nudge to help one find it within themselves.

As an artist, I believe it is my responsibility to create artwork that speaks to people—those struggling with mental illness, in particular. I have dealt with anxiety and OCD since I was a child, and I felt like a social outcast for most of my life. I did not always understand what was wrong with me, or why my mind functioned in this self-destructive way. I was lonely and scared because I was unaware that there were people that could understand and relate to me. Recently, I have learned that I am far from alone; there are countless people who suffer the same way that I do. And, some of them are still in a state of feeling isolated and fearful. I am determined to use my art as a way to show them that they are not alone. Painting and drawing became outlets for my feelings. For my whole life, I did not know how to express my thoughts in a way that was meaningful, or even comfortable for me. When I discovered my talents and my willfulness to paint my emotions, I could not stop. It was endless determination from that point—I knew what I was meant to do with this skill of mine. I now had a way to show the world the parts of me I hid for so long. No longer afraid of these pieces of my character, I knew it was my lifelong goal to help others relate and discover that they too can feel valid in their own skin. Words can go far, but once someone sees an image that they feel connected to, that releases more confidence than anything. I feel that if I succeed in freeing just one individual from their emotional isolation, I will have done my job as an artist.

There are many outlets to help people struggling with anxiety and/or OCD cope with their intrusive thoughts. Unfortunately, many people find these outlets to be drugs, alcohol, or self harm—substances and activities that can further worsen their mental and physical wellbeing. As a sufferer of mental illness, I understand that it is very easy to fall into poor habits to deal with an unhealthy mind. Knowing this, I find it extremely important to hold on to healthier ways to cope, and create habits that build strength, rather than ignore weakness. A recent night, I was on the verge of an anxiety attack. My thoughts were racing, and there were so many negative emotions that needed to be released. While I could have simply taken one of my medications and stopped these emotions in their tracks, I wanted to do something differently. I thought, "Why should I force myself to rely on a pill when there are ways to heal on my own?" So, instead, I went to the mirror with all of my pent-up thoughts and feelings, ready to burst into a nervous breakdown. I stared in the mirror, and talked it through with myself. I used the tone I needed to use and the said words I wanted to say, without any filter. Walking myself through the upset, I soon emerged from the bad mental situation. In that moment, I felt as though I had taken that pill—only I did not. Next thing I knew, I was able to continue on with my night and fall asleep without issue. I learned that rather than allowing my sadness, anger, and anxiety to build up only to ignore it by taking a pill, I could instead lean into the feelings and let them manifest as they need. I have been practicing mindfulness—a skill that my therapist taught me. Essentially, it is a way to live in the moment and check in with your emotions, and notice how they make the body feel. For me, my body tends to respond very physically to moments of heightened anxiety. Before, I did not know how to understand these sensations and would panic, and even become sick. With mindfulness, I have learned to be understanding of these reactions to the world around me. Instead of viewing my nerves as an enemy, I am starting to accept them as a unique part of myself. I have come to the conclusion that one of the best first steps to improving one's mental illness is to accept how the body and mind work together to process information. Slowly, I can now begin to live my life the way that I want to without letting my mental illness dictate my behavior. Anxiety presents itself in sufferers in different ways. Some feel it in their minds, some in their bodies, and some feel it in both. As someone who's anxiety seems to attack every part of their being, I have had to find ways to relieve many aspects of my mentality and body. With endless effort, I am starting to find that one of my best resources is—strangely—myself. When the world feels like it is collapsing around me, I talk to myself. When my senses can no longer seem to handle themselves, I listen to my body. I have been running from myself for so long that I have come to terms with the inability to do so. I will always be stuck in this shell of a body—so I might as well work with what I have; and that begins with listening to it.

I have always advocated for mental health to be normalized within society. While progress has been made in psychology that has allowed people to better understand their mentalities, not enough has been done to encourage them to speak up for themselves. Being able to communicate and express one’s own struggles and disorders is truly one of the most freeing ways of coping with the issue. The more we as a society discuss mental health and normalize it within our culture, the more confident others will be in themselves. I spent most of my life in fear of the world because I thought that I was a freak show to those around me because of my anxiety and OCD. However, I became more educated on the subject, and sought out ways to better grasp my rather confusing perceptions of the world, and myself. I quickly learned how common my struggles are. I now know that I am not some freak, I am just like countless others with the same brain function that I have—I simply no longer feel isolated. And just like that, I was inspired. As an artist, I feel that part of my duty is to communicate a message that is otherwise not showcased in everyday situations. I paint my emotions, my struggles, and my anxiety. Through art, I want to show others like me, visually, that they are not alone. I, too, suffer—and this is what that suffering looks and feels like to me. With art, I hope I start utilizing relatability in my mission to normalize poor mental health conditions in our culture. I hope one of my paintings will someday land with somebody like the person I once was; a scared, anxious individual who feels outcasted. Hopefully they too will find the confidence to speak up.

Growing up, my father tended to nudge me towards careers that I was not very passionate about. Granted, I was not extensively passionate about anything career-wise in my youth. Regardless, I felt that I was expected to enter a very intense field with a high salary. While this path could have resulted in a lot of financial freedom, I always knew I would not be happy in the end. As I matured and found my skills and aspirations, my father welcomed the idea of me majoring in the Arts more than I thought he would. For that I am grateful. I was extremely worried that my father would be upset if he found out that his savings for my education would be going towards a Design degree. While there was some discouragement, I knew that this career path was the one for me and would lead to the most fulfillment. And so far it has--I have flourished in school more than I ever have, found new skills, and performed well within my major. I proved to not only my mother and father that I could make the career work, but to myself. And now, my family could not be more supportive. Hearing my parents proudly tell others that their son is a design major could not warm my heart more, and make me excited for my future and to show my loved ones what I am capable of. I am pursuing a career in the Arts because I feel that it is where I have always belonged. My whole life I was a creative individual, but never really recognized it until recently. I found confidence in majoring in Design and Visual Art and have shown myself that this is something that I can do and enjoy for the rest of my life. I want to use my artistic talents to show the world who I am on the inside. I want to raise awareness of mental illness, and show others who are afraid that it is normal to have personal hardships. As an individual who has felt stuck my whole life, I want to be part of a movement that helps others become unstuck. I have stayed true to myself as I work through my education. I have never wavered to the perceptions and expectations of others, and have listened to my gut to lead me to the success I have today, and will achieve in the future. I am thankful for the support of my family in making my own path, and will use that power and encouragement to be something great.

Only a few years ago, I had no clue where I wanted to be in the future. I felt lost and unsure of myself, until I entered community college. Taking this step in my educational journey granted me the time to discover my passions and develop a plan for career. I am now graduating soon, transferring into a fantastic four-year school to earn a bachelor's degree, and looking at a promising career in my future. I plan to achieve success by applying myself to my education more than I ever have. I have never felt more passionate towards my education until I enrolled in college and began studying material that I was truly interested in. College has injected a dose of excitement into me, and has given my drive and determination to do my best. With my determination I hope to make a fulfilling living as a designer in a major city, with the same passion for art that I have today. In my view, however, success is situational. In a way, I have already reached success. Success in that I have gone from a 3.5 GPA high school student with little to no confidence in himself, to a 3.8 GPA college student graduating with an associate degree, awards, honors, and experience in my belt. I am already feeling accomplished, now it is my duty to do even more. I have reached success in my education, but my next step is to find success in my career.

My life has been riddled with anxiety, insecurity, fear, as well as content, passion, and growth. But one characteristic always affected another, and these interactions have caused a lot of emotional confusion for the duration of my existence. While I grew up in a beautiful home, have amazing long-lasting friendships, interests, and aspirations, my anxiety has always tampered my ability to enjoy these qualities. I grew up to develop what has been described to me as a "fear of love and validation," which has caused a number of self-worth issues and moments of depression. My mental disorders dictated my life since I was a child, and I continue to combat this problem to this day. As I mature and enter adulthood, I am gaining new passions, hobbies, and interests that are motivating me to push myself further. I am beginning to understand that my life does not need to be dictated by my intrusive thoughts. I dictate my own life, and decide my own worth. I am learning that I am worth something, after all. My pessimistic perceptions of myself are altering into something healthier. For the first time ever, I know where I want to be in the future and have that to works towards. I know that I want to reside in a city with a design job and live the way I did not think I deserved to two years ago. After a life of internal pain, I am fully ready to turn it around.

What fuels me is the reality that I am on my own path to self love. For my whole life up until today, it has been difficult for me to appreciate the being that I am. I tend to focus on the flaws in my life and my psychology, and avoid looking any further into myself. But I understand that what is further will led me to self respect, and it is my long-term goal to reach that through my personal life, education, and career. I grew up without much validation coming from my environment. Thus I felt I lacked achievement and became disappointed in myself. I did not think my life was going to be anything special; I did not think I deserved or was worthy of greatness and success. In the last few years, though, my perspective on this has started changing for the better. Enrolling in community college was the first step to this journey. Going in, I did not expect much from it. I did not feel good enough to go into a four-year university and blast off into a career that I loved. I was afraid. But entering this new environment at HCC allowed me to truly flourish, and I gained new values over myself and my future. For the first time in my life, I felt that I was good enough. Good enough for not only my academic journey, but for myself. I wake up every day knowing that I am building myself into a better person. With my passion for art, appreciation for my close friends, and a fantastic education behind and ahead of me, I am starting to find the fuel I needed. Without the fuel, I would have remained in a state of self-deprecation forever; but now I am free.

My mental illness has forced me to take extra steps to enjoy my life. I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder in elementary school, and have since developed generalized anxiety disorder and OCD on top of it. My mind has never truly sat still and allowed me to be comfortable in my own skin. It has forced me to separate myself from others, and altered the course of my life. But with time and therapy, I have slowly started to gain a sense of control and understanding of my emotions and life path. I grew up without much validation. My household tended to be very cold, and the relationships within it felt disconnected. In a home where nobody ever discussed how they felt, I was crushed into a corner all alone, expected to handle and manage my own feelings from a very young age. Growing up, I was conditioned to keep to myself because I felt as though speaking up was abnormal and burdening those around me. Thus I never really understood how to analyze my own psychology, which spiraled into endless feelings of worthlessness, self-doubt, and loneliness. These feelings are what I have molded into my version of "independence," which in reality is just a fear of being loved. I recently sought love elsewhere. I entered my first romantic relationship last year, which was a massive step for me and was part of my growing process. I finally learned a new form of independence, and felt I was finally spreading my wings to fly. It was magical. What was an exciting and promising new beginning turned out to be an emotional hazard in disguise. I came to terms with the reality that I was being lied to, manipulated, and psychologically abused. The person I thought was going to help release me from years of feeling invalid was actually an individual who threw me into an even worse state of self-consciousness. I ran, and am now working on healing back into a somewhat normal state of mind and health. While I have started feeling better, the remnants of the psychological pain and anxiety I suffered still affect me every day. At this point, I came to the conclusion that the only person that can support me with my mental illness is myself. I am learning how to stop running from my anxiety and fighting against my OCD, and to instead live with them as extensions of my mind. While I have always considered my disorders as part of me, I have never really done it in a positive way. I spent my whole life keeping my mental issues hidden in the dark, now it is time for me to bring them into the light. If I lean in to my anxiety, it will be easier for me to combat them with confidence rather than fear. With confidence comes self-respect, something that I never thought I deserved until now. As I am on the path to finally accepting myself and my mental illnesses, it is my goal to help others do the same. Anxiety is widespread yet those affected by it usually close themselves off because of it. I think relatability is crucial to supporting other mental illness sufferers, and one way I seek to enhance that is through art. With a career of art and design ahead of me, I believe that through visual presentation I can spread awareness about anxiety. When somebody with a damaged mind sees that they are not alone, and their experiences are not entirely foreign concepts to others, confidence arises. With this confidence they can seek help, and perhaps begin their own journey of self healing. If I can be a start to this path to just one individual, that will be worthwhile to me. Yet it will always be my lifelong goal to spread my message to the masses. Love and validation is out there. Sometimes it just takes one nudge from another human being to help one find it within themselves.

Loud buzzing and vibrations surround me as I sit patiently with a man strapped to my back. My mind is racing but my body feels empty and weightless. Everyone around me is chattering but I do not hear a word—only the buzzing and the heaping pile of thoughts encasing my head like ear muffs. We all sit one by one, awaiting our arrival at our destination. When and where we would be arriving we do not know, but we do know the time is creeping upon us. Some of the more fearful ones are trembling in submission; however, I am not. My only interest is to peer out the window to my right and enjoy the ride while it lasts. Yet soon enough we arrive and the door opens jarringly. The air fills with an electric cold, and everyone begins to exit one at a time. I shimmy my way to the door and the cold intensifies and fills my body. The next thing I know my legs are dangling off of the edge of the plane as I stare down at the very Earth I have kept my feet on for the last 19 years. I have always been a low-maintenance homebody and was never one to step out of my comfort zone. But, I have had a recent change in curiosity towards the exciting things that this world has to offer. I have grown to yearn for experiences that used to intimidate me; and here I am, willingly about to encounter a 13,000-foot plummet. What I was about to do would grant me the confidence to move forward with live a life full of thrill. My lesson learned is that when something scares you, take the leap—literally. Otherwise, you will never feel what it is like to fly.

I want to experience art in as many aspects as possible. There are countless opportunities and paths within the arts field, and I hope to take advantage of as many of them as possible. With a desire to be a well-rounded artist and designer, I dedicate myself to learning as much as I can while on this journey towards my dream career. I want to enter the professional design world and earn a great living designing apps, websites, and other interfaces for users to experience. I want to gain leadership skills within a team of designers and artists with the same spirit for visual graphics that I have. Collaboration is one of the key factors to a successful group of designers, and I seek to immerse myself in a teamwork-based environment where a group of creatives can develop something beautiful and effective. Outside of my full-time career, I want to explore my interest in fine art as well. When I am not working in design, I plan to spend my free time growing as an independent artist. While fine art in physical media remains a hobby of mine in the current moment, my future dream is to develop my skills into a profitable side-hustle. I aspire to display my art in galleries one day, and communicate a more individualized message about my experiences with mental illness and personal hardship. While my work in design is to satisfy clientele, my fine art is to strike the hearts and minds of the masses. As an undergraduate student, I take advantage of every bit of material that I am offered within my studies to work towards my career goal. I am grateful to have access to programs that empower me to begin building this desired future for myself right now.

Confidence is the ability to simply exist as one's true self without feeling judged. I have had trouble grasping this concept for all of my life. Growing up as a gay introvert surely did me in on the issue; I was never comfortable in my own skin growing up. Showing even the slightest bit of my true self would result in being harassed at school, and enduring a sense of embarrassment everywhere else I went. I became scared to dress and behave the way that my body and mind naturally wanted to. Lacking confidence in my youth has resulted in a lifelong struggle of self-consciousness and critique. Things did not begin to change until my junior year of high school. Nearing the end of high school, I slowly started to mature to the idea that I could live up to my own standard without feeling bothered by the perceptions of others. While this was a majorly difficult task for myself, I persevered to reach my goal of expressing myself through fashion, hobbies, and most of all—confidence in being my true person. Of course this was not an overnight improvement. I am still here four years later graduating with an associate degree and continuing to discover myself. My style proceeds to change as I grow up, and my perceptions of not only the world but myself alter with time as well. I am slowly learning to not care about others' perceptions of me, regardless of what I am wearing or what I am doing as the gay introvert that I am. With every given day, I love that aspect of myself more and more.

My mind runs rampant at almost every given moment of the day. It can oftentimes be stressful even trying to manage the stress itself. It is an endless internal cycle that snowballs into anxiety and panic attacks. It is important to find ways to prevent these sudden outbursts of anxiety so that the mind can stay healthy and refreshed. If I need to calm myself in a jiffy, I tend to find comfort in meditation. During my mental health's worst moments, it is best for me to drop everything and just lay down to focus on my breathing. I enjoy body scan meditation, which is usually a guided meditation that leads your focus through the physical body, head-to-toe. It can be very helpful to simply observe and understand the sensations in and outside of my body. This type of meditation leaves me feeling refreshed and ready to move on with my day with a positive and grounded mindset. But in my everyday life, I relax by partaking in activities that I enjoy such as video gaming, painting, or listening to music. And while doing such things, noticing if any potentially dangerous thoughts come to mind, and only noticing them. Not acting on them, just letting them be there and move along. I like to picture myself objectifying these thoughts, and placing them on a leaf and setting it on a flowing river, and continue to watch the leaf float away. When we treat our thoughts as what they are—only thoughts—they tend to go away with time. It is when we dwell on them longer that it becomes a problem. I take care of my mental health by imagining I am always by a river, ready to watch the negative thoughts float by me.

Since I was a child, I was always on the lookout for ways to escape my physical reality. As someone who has forever lived with anxiety, and a fear of the world as it is, I enjoy spending my time immersing myself in other worlds, adventures, and characters. Video games have always been the perfect outlet for that, and I have dedicated much of my life to playing them. From epic sci-fi adventures to terrifying ghost hunting simulators, I enjoy being in explorative new virtual environments. As an introvert and socially anxious individual, it can be hard for me to find comfort in foreign spaces. Thus, my way of reaching out of my boundaries is by playing games with exciting surroundings and tasks. I do not spend my free time only playing video games, however. I have found a variety of ways to escape my immediate reality, one being art. Painting has become an especially major part of my day-to-day life as it is one of my strongest skillsets and hobbies. With my mind feeling flooded with so many thoughts all at once, at times I simply need to let go of some by conveying them with paint on a canvas. Art has become not only a hobby of mine, but a therapy. I take pride in my hobbies, as they are some of the activities that bring me the most joy in life. With so much angst in my life, I am grateful to have found ways to allow my brain to breathe every once in awhile. I will always live by the saying that if something makes you happy, keep doing it. Nobody can argue against your own happiness.

My talents reside in my eyes. I have a keen attention for detail and perfection, and I use this skill to create art and design pieces that are as effective as they can be. While this intensified sense of precision comes to me naturally, not a day goes by that I do not seek to fine tune my practice. Even the talents that come most naturally to us need to be utilized on a daily basis in order for them to retain their greatness. As my skills are founded within my eyes, that is typically where I start. I take the time every day to simply look at things with my eyes and see how the shapes and colors before me interact with one another. In my view, the first step of an artist is to study and observe the physicality of the subject matter of interest. The closer you look at something, the more you understand it. The practice does not stop there. I need to be able to translate what I see and understand onto a physical or digital plane, and communicate my message effectively. From my eyes to my hands, it is an entire process that I seek to explore every day. Without consistent thought and practice, how will I become successful in the arts in the future? I am determined to strengthen my visual talents as I progress through my college experience knowing that after these next few years, it is my plan to use these skills to the best of my ability. The success of my career is dependent on my motives to grow right now, therefore I dedicate my energy to learning, and looking.

It is near impossible for the younger generations to stay optimistic for the future. We are growing up in a world where nothing seems to work in our favor. With such dissatisfaction, the youth spends most of our energy fighting against the issues we face every day: climate change, the education system, low wages, systemic racism and discrimination against minorities; the list goes on. Every young person is entering a world that none of us can afford to live in—or even want to live in, for that matter. Hopeless is Generation Z's middle name. In the darkness of it all, there is a light: the spirit of my generation. We have the most willpower and longing for change than any preceding generation. I wait patiently for the day that the new filters out the old, and the United States can begin to heal, change, and prosper. The nation will soon see an influx of young people entering the government and other positions of power—positions that today are held by greedy, out-of-touch individuals. When power is eventually put in the hands of those with the mindset of change, change will certainly prevail. What brings me hope is that there is light beyond this dark mountain. The current day feels as though society is stuck in this cold, dark, weary mountainside where escape seems impossible. Yet the determination and grit of my generation continues to push us forward, marching towards the light. Once we reach the peak, the rest of the journey is ours to take on. It is this very visual that keeps me feeling as though there is more beyond the misfortune we experience today. For a generation that tends to have very little faith in the world, we surely hold a lot of motivation to build a better environment for ourselves. It is with anger and spite that we drive out the old ways of society and disregard the norms and ideologies that got us to such an unlovely place. What gives me hope is the acknowledgement that the people choosing to climb this dark mountain are those with boundless minds.

Arrogance helps nobody—not even yourself. I have always described selfishness to be my least favorite trait in a person. Someone who is so unempathetic to the point of hurting their peers and loved ones with their ignorance of emotion is truly the most destructive type of person. This is a person that appears confident, assured, and outgoing on the surface but deep down is a human that lacks the ability to care for somebody else. I am currently healing from a relationship from a narcissist. I always knew that they were a bit selfish, but I argued against my morality and continued to be with them. I internalized my discomfort in being in a relationship with this arrogant and selfish person, and it led to a year of emotional abuse. By the end of our time together, I had communicated with them about their faulty choices that were selfish and uncaring of my needs. As much as they apologized, they never understood—the abuse continued. As much as they claimed to love me, I knew that it was not true; I told them that my gut was telling me to run from their narcissistic tendencies. I cut them from my life, and they now live with the regret of being so selfish to the point that they not only hurt me, but our connection. What I learned from this life experience is the importance of empathy. If one is too selfish to care about the feelings of their loved ones, those people are going to run. As much as arrogance seems to attract people quickly, it will soon be realized that they will run away even faster once they see the true colors of the personality they thought they adored.

While I primarily paint and draw as an artist, one of my favorite pieces that inspires me is actually a sculpture. The Winged Victory of Samothrace is an Ancient Greek sculpture that was created during the Hellenistic period, just before 300 BC. This elegant sculpture depicts the goddess Nike, who is the personification of victory. Fittingly, the Winged Victory of Samothrace presents the glorious sight of Nike embracing the wind amid a won battle at sea. I am fond of the Winged Victory of Samothrace simply because of its blatant mastery. Ancient Greek sculptors spent their careers learning to perfect both the human body and fabric. The Winged Victory of Samothrace, in my opinion, shows precision in both of these areas. Not only are these two aspects beautifully present, but they interact with each other as well. The thin fabric of Nike's dress is soaked and clings to her parts of her body, revealing her shape beneath. Other portions of the dress appear to blow and crinkle, indicating strong gusts of wind. With the wings spread wide and one leg forward in a menacing contrapposto, it is impossible not to feel as though you are there with her on a shoreline, embracing the thrashing sea as salt soaked wind patters your body. Although the sculpture is missing the arms and the head, nothing prevents this sculpture from making a strong visual and sensational impact. When a sculpture can make you feel as though your skin is wet, the wind is knocking you over, and you can taste the sea salt on your tongue, that is when you know it is a masterpiece.

As an individual who often finds myself in a state of anxiety, sadness, or irritability on an almost every-day basis, joy to me means that I am not feeling any of those things. Joy is not present unless all of my stressors are absent. And as a sufferer of severe anxiety, it is not a very easy emotion to find and sustain. Thus, understanding that my joy comes from an escape from my troubles, I seek joy by eradicating these struggles altogether. Most of my days are an emotional struggle. It can sometimes to difficult to maintain a sense of motivation, or a desire to get up and make change. My hardships get in the way of enjoying life the way that I want to, and experiencing joy every day. I had a change of heart when I ultimately realized that joy and happiness were emotions that I rarely encountered. This was a worry for me, and I knew that unless I did something about it my struggles would wear me down to a point of no return. After going to therapy for some time, I learned ways that I can enjoy my life in the moment. Mindfulness, meditation, cognitive diffusion are all tools that have started helping me understand that my anxieties do not actually exist in my real life at all, and the only place they manifest is in my own head. What is right in front of me, right now, is what matters in my true life. It is important for me to focus on the now in order to achieve a better sense of joy.

Nothing feels better than getting compliments on your outfit out in public. Hearing "I love your pants," or "those colors are so nice" every so often is the confidence boost I need to continue presenting myself the way that I want to. For most of my life growing up, I was generally very afraid of dressing the way that I wanted to. I felt forced into a binary way of dressing, and found myself wearing the same pair of jeans and old sweatshirt all week long. My style started changing, however, when I become increasingly more comfortable in my identity as a gay person. I will never forget the first time I bought clothes that did not feel "manly" by society's standard. I bought a pair of ripped light wash skinny jeans and a pink shirt—yikes. While it an ugly outfit thinking back to it, I remember the feeling of finally being freed of the manly clothing I thought I was expected to wear. It was after this moment that I slowly started to explore more fashionable items—feminine floral prints, bold colors, and accessories. This new obsession slowly grew into a passion for fashion, clothing, and shopping. Being true to who I am today, I am proud to finally have a closet full of the clothes I had always wanted growing up.

While my ideal career has changed multiple times throughout my life, one thing has always stayed the same for me—I needed to leave the world behind with some sort of change. I have always yearned to make an impact, whether big or small, on the lives of those around me. And, if possible, lives even beyond the ones in reach. It is my long-term goal to change the perspective and course of at least one life for the better. When I was in early elementary school, I would often tell my parents that my dream job was to be a "singing bus driver." While a lot of this grand idea was part of my young mind's fantasy, much of it came from heart. I knew that when I was older, I would find happiness and success in making a bunch of kids smile, laugh, and sing, and look forward to seeing their singing bus driver every day. While I have grown and matured out of my bus driving fantasies, my longing to share my love and kindheartedness with the world has remained. Now, I want to make a lasting impact through art. As an artist, I understand that I have the power to provide visual information that can reach a large and curious audience. Using my talents to spread my personal messages about mental illness, sexuality, and adversity is what drives me to do great things in the world. In the end, I want to make an emotional, widespread impact by the result of my art that is deep-rooted in my unique view of the world.

It is very difficult to stay optimistic, especially being a young student with a lot of pressure from the world collapsing from the climate crisis, economic struggle, war, and the pandemic. Living on a planet with almost no signs of having a bright future is quite a weighty feeling. However, there is a different mindset that I encourage myself and those around me to abide by. It is easy to get caught up in the negative light. I believe I like many others are hardwired to focus on the bad, and assume the worst. This is unhealthy, and can lead to counter-productivity. I believe it is responsible and necessary to acknowledge the issues of the world—but not to wallow in fear and wait to burn. Once one acknowledges the issue, it is important to figure out a way to fix the issue rather than panic. I stay optimistic by staying in tune with what is going wrong in the environment around me, but avoiding thinking of the worst case scenario for the future. While this is a challenge, it is important and what keeps me driven to make changes for the better. The less I dwell on the hardships of life, the more time I have to focus on myself, and creating a brighter future.

From a young age, my parents always encouraged me to utilize my savings account. I have always had a savings account since I was a baby, and I have added to it progressively over the course of my life. This account went from having a few hundred dollars in it, to having enough to hold me up financially as I move away from home. Saving versus spending has always been an easy battle for me—saving always wins. An avid saver my whole life, I am thankful that I have grown to be an individual that is wise with my finances. Something that is being encouraged of me now, however, is to take my saved money and make use of interest. Whether it is through an IRA, or stocks, it is now coming to my attention how important it is to keep your money somewhere where it will gain value over time; rather than sit stagnantly. As I enter adulthood and all of its financial hardships, I am growing to learn more about how I can be even smarter with my money and do more than just save, but invest.

Since I was a child, I always had an intense fascination towards the celestial realm that lies just beyond our heads. Space has always been a mysterious place that my mind has always craved more information about. In many ways, I do not think the human race is putting enough energy into exploring space as we should. Despite this, there is always advancements in regards to space exploration, and the scientific studies of the universe. The most groundbreaking creation of recent time in my opinion is the James Webb telescope. Launched within the last year, it is the largest and most powerful telescope ever put in orbit. Astronomers and scientists claim that it is over 100 times more powerful than the famous Hubble telescope, mostly due to its updated technology and larger mirror. The mission to plant it in orbit went flawlessly and the technology is aligned and working—which is truly exciting. This telescope will soon be capable of detecting light from the first ever galaxies that formed in our universe. It can look straight through dust clouds and discover new worlds and celestial bodies with its mastered infrared technology. And, it can peek into the waters and atmospheres of distant planets. This way, astronomers will get more information from its images to determine whether or not certain planets can sustain life. Its capabilities present a multitude of possibilities, and opportunities for humanity to discover and see things we have never been able to. Needless to say, I am ecstatic for this technology to finally shift into high gear and show us what it is capable of. I truly believe that this technology will give humans insight to information about space that we never had access to before. It is the epitome of scientific triumph—a powerhouse of a galactic machine that is the combination of all of our history's efforts and knowledge, ready to learn.

Whenever I am feeling content, I sometimes catch myself noticing that the temperature is around 60 degrees. I have always described 60 degree weather to be my favorite kind of weather. My typical justification for it would be that it is the perfect temperature for me; not too hot, nor cold. But recently, I have come to understand the deeper reason as to why I have a special love for this temperature. Most my of happiest memories that I hold dear tend to have occurred in 60 degree weather. Whether it was a warm fall day, a neutral spring evening, or a cool summer night, there is a memory attached to it. I have always considered myself to be an emotional person with a lot of sentimentality. And strangely, something about 60 degrees ignites an intense feeling of longing within me—but not a negative longing. A type of remembrance, an appreciation and reminiscence of the past. While I hate to admit it, but part of me wishes to go back fresh and relive those memories all over again. I have matured to the idea that my joy does not reside in fleeting moments and material items. Sure, playing video games, painting, and hanging out with my friends are activities that make me happy, but what do they have in common? Maybe I had the window open while playing video games on a warm fall day, painted outside on spring evening, or hung out with my friends on a cool summer night. While these moments may be fleeting, I know there will always be another 60 degree day for me to feel as though I was in those moments once more.

As a design student, it is quite rare for me to not run into some form of creative outlet on a daily basis. In fact, it is part of my curriculum to think, create, and inspire in many different ways; and having the ability to do so in my education is something I will forever be grateful for. My passion to produce messages in my work is what keeps me motivated to continue creating—and I am excited to continue doing so for years to come within my career. While a large portion of my creating is done during school hours, I have a little studio set up in the corner of my bedroom for myself to explore media and work on personal projects that I hold dear. My personal work is where my creativity truly flourishes. I spend my free time painting, drawing, sketching, and even just thinking and inspiring myself to plan my next piece. Physically placing media on a canvas is really only half of the process, though. The other half is something that almost everybody does every single day. From the moment I wake up, I find myself looking. Looking, for many, is the first step to being an artist. I myself cannot conjure ideas without drawing inspiration from the world around me. As an individual, I have such a specific perspective of my environment, and I believe it is important to take advantage of that. It is how visuals start to become unique to my character, and part of my storytelling. I invite the world to view my artwork and use it as a way to understand my inner struggles and my perceptions of what lies beyond my physical body. To experience creativity in my daily life, I start by looking.

Since entering community college, I have grown from an average high school student to an appealing, confident, and artistic academic candidate that is ready to take on anything. Thus, I am aiming higher than I ever would have by applying to transfer to universities that offer an abundance of opportunities. In the Fall of 2022, I look to be studying graphic design in the Boston area at a high-quality university. I hope to attend a school with masses of resources, especially for individuals like me who seek to end up in the UX Design field. As I expect to end my experience at Holyoke Community College fulfilled and successful, I am excited to continue my journey to a four-year institution with an excellent portfolio, and build upon my resume with co-op opportunities, internships, clubs, and everything that a large design program has to offer. I am confident in my ability to carry myself through my education and leave as an excellent candidate for employers. In regards to my personal life, I truly hope to make a wonderful living and be able to share an apartment with my partner. They already attend school in Boston, so I am anxious to finally move there and start my life with them. With a fantastic education behind me and the rest of my journey ahead, I am ecstatic to find myself at a point where I am comfortable and content.

With an entire lineage of individuals in my family that dealt with some form of anxiety, I was always bound to find myself in the same boat. And sure enough, I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder when I was only a child in elementary school. Ever since I was a toddler who showed early signals of SAD, life was hardly ever easy. My social anxiety affected me from the inside out. It lived in my body like a parasite for years. I was its host to feed on; and feed it did. My anxieties drained my energy from every aspect of life and made living day to day a challenge. With anxiety also came self-doubt, and an assumption that I would never be able to make anything of myself. Graduating high school in 2020 during the beginning of the pandemic only made things seem even more awry. I figured, the world is ending, and everything I care for is practically worthless from this point forward. Nevertheless, I started by continuing my education at Holyoke Community College, and it changed everything. Escaping the mundanity of high school allowed my brain to digest a different environment. In many ways, it was a clean slate for me, and a way to do things differently. For the first time in my life, I started to feel as though I had a bit of meaning. And for the first time in quite a while, I rekindled my love for art. For my whole life, I felt like a social outcast who could never do anything right; that is, until I rediscovered art as an outlet for my emotions. I quickly became more in tune with my feelings, and I could now visualize my thoughts and perceptions in ways that I could not before. With new artistic confidence and a new start in my education, I began to seek help and left my box more than I ever have. With therapy, I have come to learn that beyond SAD, I also deal with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and OCD. And while understanding that there is more work to be done within myself, I am adapting to a new mindset where I can combat these disorders, rather than allow them to eat me alive. While I do still tend to suffer from my anxiety on a daily basis, I am taking initiative. I have grown and gained a new sense of self. I know that I am worthy of more, and I know that I am more than what my anxiety tells me I am. With a sense of worthiness comes power, and I am using this power to forge my path into a future of fulfillment and satisfaction.

I believe that my best skill is painting. While I do not look to pursue painting as a career, it is absolutely something that I want to do in my free time for the rest of my life. I truly do not believe there is a more efficient way to express one’s feelings, inner battles, or views of the world around them. I look to get better at painting by, well, painting—a lot. And not only painting, but drawing, observing, and thinking. At the end of the day, a painting is nothing without a concept or a vision. It is in my best interest to get better at painting by developing this part of my brain that will help me conjure ideas, and allow me to execute my visions with the skill set I have. Thus, I look to constantly keep a sketchbook on me at all times—and sketch my ideas as soon as they come to mind. Or, sketch a scene or an object that I want to paint later. There is so much content out there, and it is important to find what speaks to you as an artist. I hope to spend much time simply thinking and looking, and then letting my hands fly over the canvas in front of me. This way, my thought process will develop to a point where I can paint whatever comes to mind, and heart.

‘We Are the Ants’ by Shaun David Hutchinson is a book that I read back in early high school, and has stuck with me since. The book has my heart most notably because it is the first book that I read that included an LGBTQ character. As a closeted gay youth, it was my first view of representation of my community in a novel. I will never forget the feeling of reading it and suddenly connecting to a character in such an emotional and identifying way. I recall being initially drawn to ‘We Are the Ants’ by its beautiful cover. As an individual obsessed with astronomy and all things space, I was captivated by the imagery of the swirling stars and constellations strewn upon the front cover of this book. And as I read the back, I could only gain more interest in the contents that laid within. A story of a teen boy struggling with mental illness, relationship issues, and a hatred for the world around him. And with the fate of the world in his hands, he can choose to save it, or let it all burn. ‘We Are the Ants’ is my favorite book because I identify with the main character to such a great extent. So much to the point that simply thinking of the title of the book or even it’s front cover tends to make me emotional, because in a strange way I feel that it was written about me. ‘We Are the Ants’ satisfied my longing to relate to a character with the same psychological process, and one who is part of the LGBTQ community.