Am I even Korean?
I could see my Grandpa’s veins bulge on his temples and spit gather at the edges of his lips. My head is on a swivel, looking back and forth between the battle, barely understanding a word. After a meal full of cabbage kimchi, seasoned tofu, and bony fish requiring meticulous picking, the atmosphere in my grandparents’ crowded apartment dining room had become tense. My Mom and my Grandpa’s conversation turned into an argument about the fact that my sister and I could barely speak Korean. I could hear my Mom’s voice choke up as tears clouded her glasses, trying to explain the difficulty of raising kids while switching between two languages. Although my Mom’s Konglish (Korean-English) helped me understand the basis of the argument, my confusion and inability to understand Korean only emphasized my Grandpa’s point. Diluted by American culture, I was not the ideal Korean grandson he had envisioned. Regret and guilt consumed my head and heart. I knew I should have kept my Duolingo streak.
After this conversation, I began to ask myself, what makes me Korean? Did my rough Korean pronunciation and inability to understand my Grandma’s questions diminish my Korean identity? Does my involvement as the National Chinese Honors Society President work against my own heritage? I do not think so. My Korean heritage embodies and represents the values on which I choose to model my life.
In 1978, my grandparents left their homes, reputation, and family for a country seven thousand miles away and a language just as foreign. They possessed the courage to jump into unfamiliarity for the future of their children and grandchildren (my parents and me). The same values led my parents to the inner city of Washington, D.C., an area with almost no Asians, let alone Koreans, starting a non-profit ministry for underprivileged, majority African-American students living in public housing.
As a Korean-American, there is an expectation to be timid or unnoticeable, but the actions of my grandparents and parents showed me it is possible to dream big and create a community with people regardless of background or physical appearance. Standing out as the sole Korean-American in the room became a symbol of courage and connection, not a point of insecurity. This spirit gave me the voice to advocate for education equity, speaking in front of over 3,000 people at the National Public Charter Schools Conference in D.C. I felt comfortable shouting “NO Justice, NO Peace!” marching down Capitol Hill, engulfed by a culturally rich stream of impassioned BLM protesters. My Korean identity - no longer a limitation but a reflection of determination and ambition. I am not only the classmate who helps others with calculus homework but also the classmate who plays the gay pool boy in my school’s production of Legally Blonde. Despite my smaller stature, I have the confidence to compete against grown men, playing point guard at my local gym every Saturday morning. I found the inspiration to create a tennis class for students in my parent’s ministry over the summer, believing I could engage and instruct excited, energetic kids in the stifling D.C. humidity. Although I feel proud of my accomplishments in high school, I know college will only expand my opportunities to become a trailblazer for meaningful change while joining and embracing vibrant communities.
Learning Korean remains a bucket list item of mine, always a summer project that never gets done. I recognize the power of language, and, one day, I will take the time to learn it. But, while I may know less Korean than your average white female BTS fan, I realized my Korean identity is not rooted in the language. It is rooted in a sense of tenacious individuality that seeps into diverse communities, birthed from the audacity to dream big.
Having a sister already in college, this scholarship will ease the burden on my parents of two kids attending four-year universities. It will also increase the possibility of post-graduate school for me, and further pursue my dream of becoming a mental health counselor . This scholarship will make it easier to purchase textbooks and the necessary materials required for college classes. This scholarship will mean a lot, and it will help me stay focused on my studies while in college.
From a young age, growing up in D.C. has shown me the complexities of the United States. Diverse on the surface, but upon a closer look, deep racial segregation persists. As an Asian-American kid, curiosity filled my mind. How could political institutions have failed other minority groups so significantly? As a young adult, I now wonder how to make a difference. In college, I plan to deeply explore political science, bridging the gap between American inequality and racial identity. I someday want to become involved in public law and become a public defense attorney. I can also imagine myself studying psychology and serve as a counselor for high-school students, as there is a growing need for mental health awareness globally.
In the next four years I want to create a Washingotn D.C. based organization that connects ocal high schoolers with mental health professionals for free. I want to help remove the stigma of reaching out for mental health as a highschool student, and help those who need help get help. It is not an easy task but with help from this scholarship I can begin to turn my dreams into reality. I myself have struggled with identity anxiety throughout highschool so I know how it feels to silently reach out for help. I don’t want anyone else to feel like this and so I am committed to making a difference.