Being a full-time doctoral student has been a life changing experience. I began my journey in the program in the summer of 2020 as I left my early childhood classroom of fourteen years and moved across the country to begin a new chapter. This chapter over the course of four years thus far has included coming out as trans, medically transitioning, top surgery, discovering I need hearing aids, and navigating the world as a semi-openly autistic person. Walking down the paths across campus, I am constantly reminded that I was not and continue not to be the vision of student life here in the Deep South for those who invest in these spaces. I've known that for years with the many identities I inhabit in this body. Yet as I reach my late thirties, I do not know how to pursue my dreams in education as a disabled autistic person. Now that I have had the strength, courage, and capacity to exist fully in my body that I can call home finally, I realize just how overwhelming and inaccessible most places are for gathering and connection. Where are the openly autistic teachers? How do they exist within the education machine and continue to be well? Well enough to continue to push back against harmful norms and structures that continue to push people like myself out of the system and reinforce normative practices and philosophies which aim to create capital over wholly cared for community members. I think the hardest part of disabled and neurodivergent life, is the pace at which we have to consistently battle ableism and inaccessibility - and how this keeps us from being able to indulge in the brilliance of being who we are outside of the harm we endure. Academia is one of my larger social institutions which celebrate those individuals in my community who can hide their needs well enough to blend in, or whose accessibility needs fit the many socialized norms of able-body centered culture, or those who have sacrificed their own wellness and humanity to maintain a small space of respite to the disabled and neurodiverse students they serve in a sea of harmful norms. Staying in my body and continuing to fight for what I need, while also luxuriating in the way my body and mind and spirit play with the generative life energy of the cosmos - this is the hardest aspect of making a change one day at a time in education. I am nearing the last marathon of graduate school, with my dissertation on the horizon focused around the necessity and abundance method of critical inquiry. I am calling this mode of critical being Divine Wonder, and this is theory which I learned from my precious time with infants and small children. They were the most impactful teachers of life for me as a human who was closeted in many capacities in the classroom and without the space to discover myself. It is because of them that I am where I am today and who I am both inside and out. I want to finish out my degree, reach to publish a book based off of these teachings and transform my own space to serve my communities and beyond in relishing the Divine Wonder we bring to every space we inhabit. These funds will help support me in the last marathon before graduation and any support is greatly appreciated. These funds will help me to stay nourished in the months ahead.

Being a full-time doctoral student has been a life changing experience. I began my journey in the program in the summer of 2020 as I left my early childhood classroom of fourteen years and moved across the country to begin a new chapter. This chapter over the course of four years thus far has included coming out as trans, medically transitioning, top surgery, discovering I need hearing aids, and navigating the world as a semi-openly autistic person. Walking down the paths across campus, I am constantly reminded that I was not and continue not to be the vision of student life here in the Deep South for those who invest in these spaces. I've known that for years with the many identities I inhabit in this body. Yet as I reach my late thirties, I do not know how to pursue my dreams in education as a disabled autistic person. Now that I have had the strength, courage, and capacity to exist fully in my body that I can call home finally, I realize just how overwhelming and inaccessible most places are for gathering and connection. Where are the openly autistic teachers? How do they exist within the education machine and continue to be well? Well enough to continue to push back against harmful norms and structures that continue to push people like myself out of the system and reinforce normative practices and philosophies which aim to create capital over wholly cared for community members. I think the hardest part of disabled and neurodivergent life, is the pace at which we have to consistently battle ableism and inaccessibility - and how this keeps us from being able to indulge in the brilliance of being who we are outside of the harm we endure. Academia is one of my larger social institutions which celebrate those individuals in my community who can hide their needs well enough to blend in, or whose accessibility needs fit the many socialized norms of able-body centered culture, or those who have sacrificed their own wellness and humanity to maintain a small space of respite to the disabled and neurodiverse students they serve in a sea of harmful norms. Staying in my body and continuing to fight for what I need, while also luxuriating in the way my body and mind and spirit play with the generative life energy of the cosmos - this is the hardest aspect of making a change one day at a time in education. I am nearing the last marathon of graduate school, with my dissertation on the horizon focused around the necessity and abundance method of critical inquiry. I am calling this mode of critical being Divine Wonder, and this is theory which I learned from my precious time with infants and small children. They were the most impactful teachers of life for me as a human who was closeted in many capacities in the classroom and without the space to discover myself. It is because of them that I am where I am today and who I am both inside and out. I want to finish out my degree, reach to publish a book based off of these teachings and transform my own space to serve my communities and beyond in relishing the Divine Wonder we bring to every space we inhabit. These funds will help support me in the last marathon before graduation and any support is greatly appreciated. These funds will help me to stay nourished in the months ahead.

Being a full-time doctoral student has been a life changing experience. I began my journey in the program in the summer of 2020 as I left my early childhood classroom of fourteen years and moved across the country to begin a new chapter. This chapter over the course of four years thus far has included coming out as trans, medically transitioning, top surgery, discovering I need hearing aids, and navigating the world as a semi-openly autistic person. Walking down the paths across campus, I am constantly reminded that I was not and continue not to be the vision of student life here in the Deep South for those who invest in these spaces. I've known that for years with the many identities I inhabit in this body. Yet as I reach my late thirties, I do not know how to pursue my dreams in education as a disabled autistic person. Now that I have had the strength, courage, and capacity to exist fully in my body that I can call home finally, I realize just how overwhelming and inaccessible most places are for gathering and connection. Where are the openly autistic teachers? How do they exist within the education machine and continue to be well? Well enough to continue to push back against harmful norms and structures that continue to push people like myself out of the system and reinforce normative practices and philosophies which aim to create capital over wholly cared for community members. I think the hardest part of disabled and neurodivergent life, is the pace at which we have to consistently battle ableism and inaccessibility - and how this keeps us from being able to indulge in the brilliance of being who we are outside of the harm we endure. Academia is one of my larger social institutions which celebrate those individuals in my community who can hide their needs well enough to blend in, or whose accessibility needs fit the many socialized norms of able-body centered culture, or those who have sacrificed their own wellness and humanity to maintain a small space of respite to the disabled and neurodiverse students they serve in a sea of harmful norms. Staying in my body and continuing to fight for what I need, while also luxuriating in the way my body and mind and spirit play with the generative life energy of the cosmos - this is the hardest aspect of making a change one day at a time in education. I am nearing the last marathon of graduate school, with my dissertation on the horizon focused around the necessity and abundance method of critical inquiry. I am calling this mode of critical being Divine Wonder, and this is theory which I learned from my precious time with infants and small children. They were the most impactful teachers of life for me as a human who was closeted in many capacities in the classroom and without the space to discover myself. It is because of them that I am where I am today and who I am both inside and out. I want to finish out my degree, reach to publish a book based off of these teachings and transform my own space to serve my communities and beyond in relishing the Divine Wonder we bring to every space we inhabit. These funds will help support me in the last marathon before graduation and any support is greatly appreciated. These funds will help me to stay nourished in the months ahead.

Being a full-time doctoral student has been a life changing experience. I began my journey in the program in the summer of 2020 as I left my early childhood classroom of fourteen years and moved across the country to begin a new chapter. This chapter over the course of four years thus far has included coming out as trans, medically transitioning, top surgery, discovering I need hearing aids, and navigating the world as a semi-openly autistic person. Walking down the paths across campus, I am constantly reminded that I was not and continue not to be the vision of student life here in the Deep South for those who invest in these spaces. I've known that for years with the many identities I inhabit in this body. Yet as I reach my late thirties, I do not know how to pursue my dreams in education as a disabled autistic person. Now that I have had the strength, courage, and capacity to exist fully in my body that I can call home finally, I realize just how overwhelming and inaccessible most places are for gathering and connection. Where are the openly autistic teachers? How do they exist within the education machine and continue to be well? Well enough to continue to push back against harmful norms and structures that continue to push people like myself out of the system and reinforce normative practices and philosophies which aim to create capital over wholly cared for community members. I think the hardest part of disabled and neurodivergent life, is the pace at which we have to consistently battle ableism and inaccessibility - and how this keeps us from being able to indulge in the brilliance of being who we are outside of the harm we endure. Academia is one of my larger social institutions which celebrate those individuals in my community who can hide their needs well enough to blend in, or whose accessibility needs fit the many socialized norms of able-body centered culture, or those who have sacrificed their own wellness and humanity to maintain a small space of respite to the disabled and neurodiverse students they serve in a sea of harmful norms. Staying in my body and continuing to fight for what I need, while also luxuriating in the way my body and mind and spirit play with the generative life energy of the cosmos - this is the hardest aspect of making a change one day at a time in education. I am nearing the last marathon of graduate school, with my dissertation on the horizon focused around the necessity and abundance method of critical inquiry. I am calling this mode of critical being Divine Wonder, and this is theory which I learned from my precious time with infants and small children. They were the most impactful teachers of life for me as a human who was closeted in many capacities in the classroom and without the space to discover myself. It is because of them that I am where I am today and who I am both inside and out. I want to finish out my degree, reach to publish a book based off of these teachings and transform my own space to serve my communities and beyond in relishing the Divine Wonder we bring to every space we inhabit. These funds will help support me in the last marathon before graduation and any support is greatly appreciated. These funds will help me to stay nourished in the months ahead.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, I completely uprooted my life and released the connection I had with what little safety I could muster. I moved across the country, made changes in my career, began a doctoral program at the University of Georgia, and came out to loved ones and the world as a trans human. Part of my transition was deciding that taking Testosterone was the right choice for me, and my body began to transform as the world fell apart. The more connected I felt within my own body, the more disconnected I became under almost a year or more of lockdown, and online schooling. The summer of 2020 brought Harry Styles to my life. I can remember that for the first time in over a decade I lay on the floor of my bedroom and listened to Fine Line in its entirety, just as I'd done in adolescence. I cried, I danced, I sang, and I felt understood. I felt a belonging that I needed so deeply not only as a trans queer person now living in the Deep South but as a human in a time of global crisis and isolation. As the months went on, my voice began to deepen and with this came the loss of a singing voice I had known for 35 years. The cadence and tone of Harry's voice became a safer place for me to rest and rediscover my new voice in song. It matched the new tone perfectly and gave me shoots of euphoria up and down my body as my emerging chest voice seemed to fit like a puzzle piece within Harry's harmonies. The pandemic was challenging to say the least being so far away from everyone I loved, experiencing new beginnings in complete isolation. Over time, the threat of the virus combined with the rigor and disconnect of PhD life in pandemic times took its toll and my agoraphobia became severely crippling. For months, the mere thought of going to the grocery store, being closer to neighbors, and attending classes brought on panic and despair. And then...as if it were divinely timed Harry started to campaign for his new album and upcoming tour as restrictions fell away. I threw myself into the fandom and was embraced with a genuine kindness - exactly as I am. I saw an announcement for a one night only performance of the new record in its entirety in New York and on a complete spontaneous whim I put my name in the hat to be selected to attend. And somehow the fates decided this would be my reintroduction into the world, community, and my emerging sense of self within these spaces. I got through the gauntlet of Ticketmaster fan sales and reserved a seat in Harry's house, without even knowing how I was going to be able to get myself halfway across the country. Step by step, I found my way. I not only left my small apartment but I found my way in the bustle of New York, met other fans from all over, and was able to be among the first to hear Harry perform the album to the world. I've never felt so safe and welcomed in such a large space before. I sang and cried and danced and was unapologetically myself. I will never forget this show and how one man from Holmes Chapel came into my world and helped me in shaping a new life for myself. I will never be able to thank him enough.

For nearly twenty years I have been a dedicated professional in Early Childhood Education, with fourteen years of classroom experience. Young children became some of my most influential mentors, reminding me to consistently question my philosophical perspectives, and remember to stay open-hearted to necessity of play as an avenue for growth. It is because of their courageous and inquisitive nature that I was motivated to pursue my Master's Degree, co-author a best-selling book for practitioners, and finally move across the country to pursue my PhD in the summer of 2020. My dissertation focus in on wonder and the conditions necessary in our learning spaces to foster transformation, with play being an avenue to allow learners to face the unknown and experiment with world-making. I want to remind learners of all ages of the brilliance of young children and their embodied ways of connecting with one another, the material world, nature, and the unnamable mystery that is aliveness itself. There is a great wisdom felt in a toddler's ability to live within the tension of encountering the edges of their knowledge of the world throughout each day and finding the courage to lean in to what they do not yet understand. There is a genius in their ability to see the world they live in and question the many injustices they encounter, recreating a more equitable world through playful encounters of possibility and transformation. This is what I hope to pursue for the next phase of my career transition: reminding learners of all ages of what we have been forced to forget about play. Not only do I hope to support fellow Early Childhood professionals in developing an ongoing wonder pedagogy for their learning spaces, I desire to bring this message outside of the field that raised me as an educator. In my heart of hearts, I would love to see wonder pedagogies in public schools so inundated with standardized testing culture. One day I hope to have my own plot of land and the tools necessary to build a gathering space for educators to receive care and support in fostering their own sense of wonder, for adults to rediscover what they left behind as playful children, and community activists can replenish their spirits in order to be as present as possible for the arduous work of cultural transformation. In order to work as a culture to embrace and value the unknown as we illuminate injustice and inequity in the zeitgeist, wonder could be a pathway to practice critical skills needed for long-term sustainable change: empathy, vulnerability, curiosity, sonder, connection, and the joy in realizing over and over that there will always be mystery in learning. We have so much division currently in the United States with a contemporary media cycle which adds fuel to this fire of destruction and disconnect. I long for something different. Something radically wonder-full and having the financial stability to continue pursuing this dream would be life changing.

It was 2001. I remember that night, wedged into my good friend Nick’s pick-up truck, windows down, my fingers collecting the electricity of a lingering summer breeze out the window. We did what any other queer kids did in a small town. You squeeze into the vehicle of whoever had their license first and you drove, hoping that the cloak of evening stillness would hide you from the wandering eyes of adults who might know your parents. Endless loops around a town you hated. We were rarely where we told our parents we’d be, or at least not doing the things we said we were. Tonight, it was just Nick and I shit talking in between those comfortable silences you can only experience with a certain type of love. This town made us both feel claustrophobic, and we often talked about our plans to get out. Tonight was no different. Nick was the only openly gay person in our high school, one of the most talented musicians I knew, and fiercely protective of his friends. Despite never fitting in, and being bullied on the daily in school, Nick refused to settle or disappear. Small midwestern towns really are the clichés you think they are. We’d spent the last hours of dusk talking through the day, holding each other up, going over what new torment the group of popular guys had dished out to him, over a Dairy Queen. Whether it was yelled out in the hallway while passing him at his locker, a book check on the way to class, or the terror of entering a locker room, Nick was used to the ongoing threat of toxic masculinity and homophobia. And somehow, he was always ready to volley back a retort so profound you’d thought he’d practiced for days for this very moment. It set us all free when we witnessed it. He just didn’t care. Yet despite his unrelentless ability to show up as himself fully, I lost him when we turned eighteen. My chosen family had been outed to his parents, kicked out of his home, introduced to drugs in the chaos, and took his own life in his childhood bedroom. I have and will continue to grieve the loss of such a precious life. I live boldly now, after coming out as a trans person in my mid-thirties, for Nick and for all of our queer family out there who never got a chance to reach old age...or even adulthood. My chosen family across the globe, both known or unknown yet always beloved, are what inspire me to keep doing the work that I dedicate my life to in and outside of classroom spaces. Meditation and journaling have been two of many tools I have gathered on my road to authenticity and my passion to stay. I may not be able to control the chaos of an unjust world but I can tend to my body, mind, and spirit in order to show up to the best of my ability and change hearts and minds in the process. I owe my life to Nick in some ways, and I hope that by living this life in my fullness I can honor his legacy.

For nearly twenty years I have been a dedicated professional in Early Childhood Education, with fourteen years of classroom experience. Young children became some of my most influential mentors, reminding me to consistently question my philosophical perspectives, and remember to stay open-hearted to necessity of play as an avenue for growth. It is because of their courageous and inquisitive nature that I was motivated to pursue my Master's Degree, co-author a best-selling book for practitioners, and finally move across the country to pursue my PhD in the summer of 2020. My dissertation focus in on wonder and the conditions necessary in our learning spaces to foster transformation, with play being an avenue to allow learners to face the unknown and experiment with world-making. I want to remind learners of all ages of the brilliance of young children and their embodied ways of connecting with one another, the material world, nature, and the unnamable mystery that is aliveness itself. There is a great wisdom felt in a toddler's ability to live within the tension of encountering the edges of their knowledge of the world throughout each day and finding the courage to lean in to what they do not yet understand. There is a genius in their ability to see the world they live in and question the many injustices they encounter, recreating a more equitable world through playful encounters of possibility and transformation. This is what I hope to pursue for the next phase of my career transition: reminding learners of all ages of what we have been forced to forget about play. Not only do I hope to support fellow Early Childhood professionals in developing an ongoing wonder pedagogy for their learning spaces, I desire to bring this message outside of the field that raised me as an educator. In my heart of hearts, I would love to see wonder pedagogies in public schools so inundated with standardized testing culture. One day I hope to have my own plot of land and the tools necessary to build a gathering space for educators to receive care and support in fostering their own sense of wonder, for adults to rediscover what they left behind as playful children, and community activists can replenish their spirits in order to be as present as possible for the arduous work of cultural transformation. In order to work as a culture to embrace and value the unknown as we illuminate injustice and inequity in the zeitgeist, wonder could be a pathway to practice critical skills needed for long-term sustainable change: empathy, vulnerability, curiosity, sonder, connection, and the joy in realizing over and over that there will always be mystery in learning. We have so much division currently in the United States with a contemporary media cycle which adds fuel to this fire of destruction and disconnect. I long for something different. Something radically wonder-full and having the financial stability to continue pursuing this dream would be life changing.

For nearly twenty years I have been a dedicated professional in Early Childhood Education, with fourteen years of classroom experience. Young children became some of my most influential mentors, reminding me to consistently question my philosophical perspectives, and remember to stay open-hearted to necessity of play as an avenue for growth. It is because of their courageous and inquisitive nature that I was motivated to pursue my Master's Degree, co-author a best-selling book for practitioners, and finally move across the country to pursue my PhD in the summer of 2020. My dissertation focus in on wonder and the conditions necessary in our learning spaces to foster transformation, with play being an avenue to allow learners to face the unknown and experiment with world-making. I want to remind learners of all ages of the brilliance of young children and their embodied ways of connecting with one another, the material world, nature, and the unnamable mystery that is aliveness itself. There is a great wisdom felt in a toddler's ability to live within the tension of encountering the edges of their knowledge of the world throughout each day and finding the courage to lean in to what they do not yet understand. There is a genius in their ability to see the world they live in and question the many injustices they encounter, recreating a more equitable world through playful encounters of possibility and transformation. This is what I hope to pursue for the next phase of my career transition: reminding learners of all ages of what we have been forced to forget about play. Not only do I hope to support fellow Early Childhood professionals in developing an ongoing wonder pedagogy for their learning spaces, I desire to bring this message outside of the field that raised me as an educator. In my heart of hearts, I would love to see wonder pedagogies in public schools so inundated with standardized testing culture. One day I hope to have my own plot of land and the tools necessary to build a gathering space for educators to receive care and support in fostering their own sense of wonder, for adults to rediscover what they left behind as playful children, and community activists can replenish their spirits in order to be as present as possible for the arduous work of cultural transformation. In order to work as a culture to embrace and value the unknown as we illuminate injustice and inequity in the zeitgeist, wonder could be a pathway to practice critical skills needed for long-term sustainable change: empathy, vulnerability, curiosity, sonder, connection, and the joy in realizing over and over that there will always be mystery in learning. We have so much division currently in the United States with a contemporary media cycle which adds fuel to this fire of destruction and disconnect. I long for something different. Something radically wonder-full and having the financial stability to continue pursuing this dream would be life changing.

An appropriate metaphor for my journey with my own mental health would be a lone sailor taking in the night sky, as boat lights dance in the distance. My hardships have afforded me the ability to see the world differently and to appreciate what many others might take for granted, yet it has also at times been one of the most isolating experiences in my life. The dancing lights of connection entice me to continue sailing full steam ahead, and even though I may set anchor down to port from time to time, ultimately this journey is one which I must go alone. The double edged sword to realize that my ability to perceive and be attentive to beauty and care has also rooted from my lived experience being marginalized and fighting for my life. I am a white trans, queer, disabled, autistic, chronically ill human who has survived childhood abuse. My experiences with mental health are deeply connected to all of these parts of me, but also within the cultural systems of power which surrounds these aspects of my identity. As a human with C-PTSD, I work hard to take my wellness seriously and have pursued therapy, medication, and spiritual practices in order to be able to show up as present as I possibly can. Yet even though I work tirelessly (and often invisibly) in order to show up, I simultaneously know that the places and spaces in which I'm showing up are always already inequitable. Transphobia, homophobia, ableism, existing as a working-poor person, and even the continued stigma surrounding life with mental illness and trauma compound the weight of this journey toward wholeness. Yet it is surviving these oppressive experiences that continues to also help me in growing my empathy, vulnerability, love, compassion, and care for everything that I do and anyone that I might encounter. I have watched my Dad struggle with his own mental illness my entire life, almost losing him to suicide in my early twenties when he simply could no longer cope without access to proper resources. My lived experiences push my life-work both inside and outside my professional life as an educator of nearly twenty years. In my twenties, becoming successful at my job came at a cost to my own wellness as my ability to know myself as a closeted trans and queer person atrophied in order to access safety and financial stability. Leaving the field, I completely turned my life upside down to pursue my PhD in education with a focus on Critical Studies in hopes that I can advocate for the marginalized communities I am a part of, but also to show the world what compassionate and caring teaching practices can look like, a pedagogy of wonder which aims to see students in their own wholeness. I no longer wish to place my own needs on the back burner in order to meet the needs of others but this means acknowledging the avenues of support I am so desperately needing in order to tend to myself and continue to do the work out in my community. Having access to this scholarship fund would be more than life-changing, it would be an opportunity to reach out for support and receive the care I need in order to be well. We have much to learn from those who have fostered a deep sense of compassion through a lifetime of time out to sea, seeking out those ports of connection in order to appreciate the stars once again.

An appropriate metaphor for my journey with my own mental health would be a lone sailor taking in the night sky, as boat lights dance in the distance. My hardships have afforded me the ability to see the world differently and to appreciate what many others might take for granted, yet it has also at times been one of the most isolating experiences in my life. The dancing lights of connection entice me to continue sailing full steam ahead, and even though I may set anchor down to port from time to time, ultimately this journey is one which I must go alone. The double edged sword to realize that my ability to perceive and be attentive to beauty and care has also rooted from my lived experience being marginalized and fighting for my life. I am a white trans, queer, disabled, autistic, chronically ill human who has survived childhood abuse. My experiences with mental health are deeply connected to all of these parts of me, but also within the cultural systems of power which surrounds these aspects of my identity. As a human with C-PTSD, I work hard to take my wellness seriously and have pursued therapy, medication, and spiritual practices in order to be able to show up as present as I possibly can. Yet even though I work tirelessly (and often invisibly) in order to show up, I simultaneously know that the places and spaces in which I'm showing up are always already inequitable. Transphobia, homophobia, ableism, existing as a working-poor person, and even the continued stigma surrounding life with mental illness and trauma compound the weight of this journey toward wholeness. Yet it is surviving these oppressive experiences that continues to also help me in growing my empathy, vulnerability, love, compassion, and care for everything that I do and anyone that I might encounter. I have watched my Dad struggle with his own mental illness my entire life, almost losing him to suicide in my early twenties when he simply could no longer cope without access to proper resources. My lived experiences push my life-work both inside and outside my professional life as an educator of nearly twenty years. In my twenties, becoming successful at my job came at a cost to my own wellness as my ability to know myself as a closeted trans and queer person atrophied in order to access safety and financial stability. Leaving the field, I completely turned my life upside down to pursue my PhD in education with a focus on Critical Studies in hopes that I can advocate for the marginalized communities I am a part of, but also to show the world what compassionate and caring teaching practices can look like, a pedagogy of wonder which aims to see students in their own wholeness. I no longer wish to place my own needs on the back burner in order to meet the needs of others but this means acknowledging the avenues of support I am so desperately needing in order to tend to myself and continue to do the work out in my community. Having access to this scholarship fund would be more than life-changing, it would be an opportunity to reach out for support and receive the care I need in order to be well. I would be honored to carry on the legacy of Ethel Hayes, to show others that we are not only defined by the hardships we face as humans with mental illness, and that by providing the needed support to access wellness - we have much to gain from those who have walked dark paths in order to reach the light. We have much to learn from those who have fostered a deep sense of compassion through a lifetime of time out to sea, seeking out those ports of connection in order to appreciate the stars once again.

For nearly twenty years I have been a dedicated professional in Early Childhood Education, with fourteen years of classroom experience. Young children became some of my most influential mentors, reminding me to consistently question my philosophical perspectives, and remember to stay open-hearted to necessity of play as an avenue for growth. It is because of their courageous and inquisitive nature that I was motivated to pursue my Master's Degree, co-author a best-selling book for practitioners, and finally move across the country to pursue my PhD in the summer of 2020. My dissertation focus in on wonder and the conditions necessary in our learning spaces to foster transformation, with play being an avenue to allow learners to face the unknown and experiment with world-making. I want to remind learners of all ages of the brilliance of young children and their embodied ways of connecting with one another, the material world, nature, and the unnamable mystery that is aliveness itself. There is a great wisdom felt in a toddler's ability to live within the tension of encountering the edges of their knowledge of the world throughout each day and finding the courage to lean in to what they do not yet understand. There is a genius in their ability to see the world they live in and question the many injustices they encounter, recreating a more equitable world through playful encounters of possibility and transformation. This is what I hope to pursue for the next phase of my career transition: reminding learners of all ages of what we have been forced to forget about play. Not only do I hope to support fellow Early Childhood professionals in developing an ongoing wonder pedagogy for their learning spaces, I desire to bring this message outside of the field that raised me as an educator. In my heart of hearts, I would love to see wonder pedagogies in public schools so inundated with standardized testing culture. One day I hope to have my own plot of land and the tools necessary to build a gathering space for educators to receive care and support in fostering their own sense of wonder, for adults to rediscover what they left behind as playful children, and community activists can replenish their spirits in order to be as present as possible for the arduous work of cultural transformation. In order to work as a culture to embrace and value the unknown as we illuminate injustice and inequity in the zeitgeist, wonder could be a pathway to practice critical skills needed for long-term sustainable change: empathy, vulnerability, curiosity, sonder, connection, and the joy in realizing over and over that there will always be mystery in learning. We have so much division currently in the United States with a contemporary media cycle which adds fuel to this fire of destruction and disconnect. I long for something different. Something radically wonder-full and having the financial stability to continue pursuing this dream would be life changing.

For nearly twenty years I have been a dedicated professional in Early Childhood Education, with fourteen years of classroom experience. Young children became some of my most influential mentors, reminding me to consistently question my philosophical perspectives, and remember to stay open-hearted to necessity of play as an avenue for growth. It is because of their courageous and inquisitive nature that I was motivated to pursue my Master's Degree, co-author a best-selling book for practitioners, and finally move across the country to pursue my PhD in the summer of 2020. As a first generation college student, I felt as if I was walking into a completely new world in college and I continue to break through unknowns for my family as I pursue my chosen career and education. I come from a working-class family from a small town in Minnesota, with both parents working in various factory jobs throughout my childhood to support our family. In high school I graduated with a 3.5 GPA and a high achieving Core 40 certification in Indiana, with dreams of attending college at Indiana University, with a focus on Education. One of the biggest barriers I continue to encounter within my academic journey is financial stability. Predatory student loans plagued my family in my undergraduate years, as we simply did not have the means to pay for schooling on our own. My Masters degree was painstakingly achieved one evening class at a time, over the course of six years as I worked full time during the day as an Infant and Toddler teacher. I have lived without much most of my life and it is because of the ways I have learned to make something out of nothing that I am proudly pursuing my PhD in Georgia, with a current 4.0 GPA and numerous initiatives to support the community of educators I am surrounded with here in Athens. My dissertation focus in on wonder and the conditions necessary in our learning spaces to foster transformation, with play being an avenue to allow learners to face the unknown and experiment with world-making that ignites their passion and builds bridges of connection in community. I want to remind learners of all ages of the brilliance of young children and their embodied ways of connecting with one another, the material world, nature, and the unnamable mystery that is aliveness itself. It is through this brilliance which I was grateful to study among in my classroom, that I was inspired to live my own life more fully and to realize that it is only by filling my own cup that I can do the work to support others more sustainably. It is absolutely true that you cannot pour from an empty cup, and this scholarship fund would be one way in which I would be able to gain more financial stability as I pursue my dreams. There is a great wisdom felt in a toddler's ability to live within the tension of encountering the edges of their knowledge of the world throughout each day and finding the courage to lean in to what they do not yet understand. There is a genius in their ability to see the world they live in and question the many injustices they encounter, recreating a more equitable world through playful encounters of possibility and transformation. This is what I hope to pursue for the next phase of my career transition: reminding learners of all ages of what we have been forced to forget about play. Not only do I hope to support fellow Early Childhood professionals in developing an ongoing wonder pedagogy for their learning spaces, I desire to bring this message outside of the field that raised me as an educator. In my heart of hearts, I would love to see wonder pedagogies in public schools so inundated with standardized testing culture. One day I hope to have my own plot of land and the tools necessary to build a gathering space for educators to receive care and support in fostering their own sense of wonder, for adults to rediscover what they left behind as playful children, and community activists can replenish their spirits in order to be as present as possible for the arduous work of cultural transformation. In order to work as a culture to embrace and value the unknown as we illuminate injustice and inequity in the zeitgeist, wonder could be a pathway to practice critical skills needed for long-term sustainable change: empathy, vulnerability, curiosity, sonder, connection, and the joy in realizing over and over that there will always be mystery in learning. We have so much division currently in the United States with a contemporary media cycle which adds fuel to this fire of destruction and disconnect. I long for something different. Something radically wonder-full and having the financial stability to continue pursuing this dream would be life changing.

The first day I put my hearing aids in I decided to take my ears for a walk, sitting under a tall maple tree to listen to birds as if for the first time. It wasn't until the Covid-19 global pandemic that I realized I had moderate to severe hearing loss. As we masked up and added precautionary plexiglass and six feet of distancing, I was stripped of all the strategies I'd adopted to help me navigate living amongst able-bodied people in a culture which places verbal language at the top of avenues to connect. Without the ability to lip read, I felt lost at sea and was filled with gut-wrenching anxiety any time I had to go out of the house and encounter new places. Even as I crowd-sourced the funding to finally receive hearing aids, I was completely overwhelmed at how inaccessible most public places are for folks with disabilities. As I made this discovery about myself, a cascade of discoveries around my identity seemed to unfold. I moved to Georgia in the peak of Covid-19 pandemic in 2020 to pursue my PhD in education. I have been working and studying in the field of Early Childhood for almost twenty years, with fourteen years of classroom experience in which I had to be closeted as a queer and trans person for my own safety. Starting this new chapter has allowed me to come out to the world as my authentic self, receive support for my disability, and come to know myself more closely as a disabled autistic trans person. I am not a stranger to the abundant life in the margins and as many new epiphanies I have had about myself, I have also encountered countless barriers to my success in graduate school in the Deep South. Hearing aids are an accessibility tool which I will never take for granted yet there is dehumanization in using tools which can help me move through the world in a more able-bodied way, rather than challenging our community (and the spaces we gather) to transform with equity for all in mind. In every marginalized community I exist within, I still feel like an outsider. As an autistic person with hearing loss, I often have to choose between the sensory overwhelm of hearing aids and my ability to connect and communicate with others. This can feel like an uphill battle on the good days, and an isolating divider on the harder days. How can I continue to fight for my communities if I cannot hear, if I am forced to be unwell in order to hear, and mask my disabilities to gain access to the inaccessible? I wish to transform these cycles of injustice in education, rather than become a figure who replicates oppressive standards. Receiving financial support would be life-giving, and add fuel to my fire of continuing to show up as I am to disrupt normative culture. It would feel like an extension of support from others who understand what it feels like to live in the margins, or dwell in institutions who were never made for you to thrive. I would be honored to carry the legacy of strength in Robert and Suzi's community offering if given the chance. We take care of us! Disabled love can transform the world!

For nearly twenty years I have been a dedicated professional in Early Childhood Education, with fourteen years of classroom experience. Young children became some of my most influential mentors, reminding me to consistently question my philosophical perspectives, and remember to stay open-hearted to necessity of play as an avenue for growth. It is because of their courageous and inquisitive nature that I was motivated to pursue my Master's Degree, co-author a best-selling book for practitioners, and finally move across the country to pursue my PhD in the summer of 2020. My dissertation focus in on wonder and the conditions necessary in our learning spaces to foster transformation, with play being an avenue to allow learners to face the unknown and experiment with world-making. I want to remind learners of all ages of the brilliance of young children and their embodied ways of connecting with one another, the material world, nature, and the unnamable mystery that is aliveness itself. There is a great wisdom felt in a toddler's ability to live within the tension of encountering the edges of their knowledge of the world throughout each day and finding the courage to lean in to what they do not yet understand. There is a genius in their ability to see the world they live in and question the many injustices they encounter, recreating a more equitable world through playful encounters of possibility and transformation. This is what I hope to pursue for the next phase of my career transition: reminding learners of all ages of what we have been forced to forget about play. Not only do I hope to support fellow Early Childhood professionals in developing an ongoing wonder pedagogy for their learning spaces, I desire to bring this message outside of the field that raised me as an educator. In my heart of hearts, I would love to see wonder pedagogies in public schools so inundated with standardized testing culture. One day I hope to have my own plot of land and the tools necessary to build a gathering space for educators to receive care and support in fostering their own sense of wonder, for adults to rediscover what they left behind as playful children, and community activists can replenish their spirits in order to be as present as possible for the arduous work of cultural transformation. In order to work as a culture to embrace and value the unknown as we illuminate injustice and inequity in the zeitgeist, wonder could be a pathway to practice critical skills needed for long-term sustainable change: empathy, vulnerability, curiosity, sonder, connection, and the joy in realizing over and over that there will always be mystery in learning. We have so much division currently in the United States with a contemporary media cycle which adds fuel to this fire of destruction and disconnect. I long for something different. Something radically wonder-full and having the financial stability to continue pursuing this dream would be life changing.

For nearly twenty years I have been a dedicated professional in Early Childhood Education, with fourteen years of classroom experience. Young children became some of my most influential mentors, reminding me to consistently question my philosophical perspectives, and remember to stay open-hearted to necessity of play as an avenue for growth. It is because of their courageous and inquisitive nature that I was motivated to pursue my Master's Degree, co-author a best-selling book for practitioners, and finally move across the country to pursue my PhD in the summer of 2020. My dissertation focus in on wonder and the conditions necessary in our learning spaces to foster transformation, with play being an avenue to allow learners to face the unknown and experiment with world-making. I want to remind learners of all ages of the brilliance of young children and their embodied ways of connecting with one another, the material world, nature, and the unnamable mystery that is aliveness itself. It is because of this environment where I was afforded the opportunity to study the beautiful work of infants, toddlers, and twos that I was able to come out as a trans educator as I moved to Georgia to pursue a PhD in Critical Studies. It has taken everything I had in me to get to this point, a place in my life I never thought I'd see. As a queer, trans, autistic, disabled, survivor of childhood sexual trauma I had never planned a life for myself which could be abundant with joy, authenticity, meaningful work, and access to life-affirming transition experiences. It is a battle to be present some days in an educational institution which was not made with students like me in mind to succeed. But I simply must keep working toward a more livable world, one step at a time. Not only do I hope to support fellow Early Childhood professionals in developing an ongoing wonder pedagogy for their learning spaces, I desire to bring this message outside of the field that raised me as an educator. In my heart of hearts, I would love to see wonder pedagogies in public schools so inundated with standardized testing culture. One day I hope to have my own plot of land and the tools necessary to build a gathering space for educators to receive care and support in fostering their own sense of wonder, for adults to rediscover what they left behind as playful children, and community activists can replenish their spirits in order to be as present as possible for the arduous work of cultural transformation. In order to work as a culture to embrace and value the unknown as we illuminate injustice and inequity in the zeitgeist, wonder could be a pathway to practice critical skills needed for long-term sustainable change: empathy, vulnerability, curiosity, sonder, connection, and the joy in realizing over and over that there will always be mystery in learning. We have so much division currently in the United States with a contemporary media cycle which adds fuel to this fire of destruction and disconnect. I long for something different. Something radically wonder-full and having the financial stability to continue pursuing this dream would be life changing.

For nearly twenty years I have been a dedicated professional in Early Childhood Education, with fourteen years of classroom experience. Young children became some of my most influential mentors, reminding me to consistently question my philosophical perspectives, and remember to stay open-hearted to necessity of play as an avenue for growth. It is because of their courageous and inquisitive nature that I was motivated to pursue my Master's Degree, co-author a best-selling book for practitioners, and finally move across the country to pursue my PhD in the summer of 2020. My dissertation focus in on wonder and the conditions necessary in our learning spaces to foster transformation, with play being an avenue to allow learners to face the unknown and experiment with world-making. I want to remind learners of all ages of the brilliance of young children and their embodied ways of connecting with one another, the material world, nature, and the unnamable mystery that is aliveness itself. There is a great wisdom felt in a toddler's ability to live within the tension of encountering the edges of their knowledge of the world throughout each day and finding the courage to lean in to what they do not yet understand. There is a genius in their ability to see the world they live in and question the many injustices they encounter, recreating a more equitable world through playful encounters of possibility and transformation. This is what I hope to pursue for the next phase of my career transition: reminding learners of all ages of what we have been forced to forget about play. Not only do I hope to support fellow Early Childhood professionals in developing an ongoing wonder pedagogy for their learning spaces, I desire to bring this message outside of the field that raised me as an educator. In my heart of hearts, I would love to see wonder pedagogies in public schools so inundated with standardized testing culture. One day I hope to have my own plot of land and the tools necessary to build a gathering space for educators to receive care and support in fostering their own sense of wonder, for adults to rediscover what they left behind as playful children, and community activists can replenish their spirits in order to be as present as possible for the arduous work of cultural transformation. In order to work as a culture to embrace and value the unknown as we illuminate injustice and inequity in the zeitgeist, wonder could be a pathway to practice critical skills needed for long-term sustainable change: empathy, vulnerability, curiosity, sonder, connection, and the joy in realizing over and over that there will always be mystery in learning. We have so much division currently in the United States with a contemporary media cycle which adds fuel to this fire of destruction and disconnect. I long for something different. Something radically wonder-full and having the financial stability to continue pursuing this dream would be life changing.