My brother Mason Taylor was my best friend, he taught me everything I know about being a man. He taught me how to treat my future girlfriends, how to be a friend to all, and most importantly to be vulnerable. Controlled sensitivity. A phrase I now know to mean adapting one’s emotional self-defense- to let in love, happiness, and grace; but to also open up for sorrow, hatred, and guilt. I take these lessons to heart, and it helps me decipher between left and right, evil and love, and darkness and light. My brother was always my best friend. From playing games or sports, fighting about who did what, and bonding over the simplest things- we became inseparable. My fondest memory is playing football in the backyard, after hours of begging him to come out. While I was excited before, I was demoralized during- he would run me over and then boast about being an elite power athlete. I took this for granted. My brother and I became more than family- our relationship was strong and tighter than a stretched finger trap. But although we were alike in so many ways, our differences weighed heavier. My brother was my best friend, and one of the greatest things he’s ever shown me was a finger trap. The most mesmerizing thing about them is that they are physical examples of a moral. While you sit there as a young child, thinking about the huge mistake you made by putting your two pointer fingers on either side of this woven Chinese contraption, you start to feel the blood rushing to the base of your fingers. Veins extrude from your forehead as you hopelessly struggle. You start to panic. You can feel the straw trying desperately to pierce your skin, you feel more and more frustration overcome you and start to take over. In hindsight, it’s easy to see that freeing oneself is impossible, until you stop trying. These traps teach you that patience is an incredible asset and that a forceful, impulsive mindset is destructive and hurtful. A concept I would never grasp if it weren’t for my brother. I like the idea of finger traps, they’re physically and structurally simplistic, but truly complex when looked into further. My brother was the greatest best friend anyone could ask for. And it’s astounding how he could balance what he was going through internally, with his external relationships. He was very patient, even sometimes to a fault. It forced him to think… a lot. Uncontrollably, his subconscious mind was extremely prevalent in him, and only seemed to grow. So when the crossroads came, he was distraught. My brother was the perfect best friend, I just wish he would’ve shared a little more with me. A lot was easy to notice. He threw himself in masculine situations: he played football, basketball, and hockey; he wouldn’t wear pink, he got offended when he was called a girl, and he would never put on stereotypical girl’s clothing, for any reason. This is where we differed. I am secure in these things. He wasn’t. Which could be a reason I wasn’t told of his living nightmare, as they say, ignorance is bliss. If we look into his mind at the specific point in time where he made the biggest decision of his life, we'll see two roads: the left; a dark and evil one, and the right, a light and self-loving one. The times leading up to a decision like this are always unsure. You are unsure if you will even make it to the time to make the decision, unsure if you have the strength to make the right one, unsure of the backlash. The wrong decision is called the state of uncomfortable comfortability. And it’s dangerous. It’s a breeding ground for the unknowingly weak, yet when you’re there, you see everyone you know. This is because it’s the left path, the easiest option, to stick with something you know you are dissatisfied with, even when you’re telling yourself there is something better. This is why it’s so damaging, it’ll keep your life from progressing as long as you let it. My sister is my role model. Her name is Marina Taylor and she is the strongest woman I know. Marina, my sister, has been beaten down mentally, physically, and socially, but she has never let it overcome her. My role model has fought through suicidal thoughts, depression and anxiety, and the incredible bearing of the inaccurate perception of being an outcast. I once learned from her how to be a better man, when to treat others with the respect they deserve. But now, she’s teaching me how to be a better person. And I’m more than willing to learn from my best friend.

hopelessly struggle. You start to panic. You can feel the straw trying desperately to pierce your skin, you feel more and more frustration overcome you and start to take over. In hindsight, it’s easy to see that freeing oneself is impossible, until you stop trying. These traps teach you that patience is an incredible asset and that a forceful, impulsive mindset is destructive and hurtful. A concept I would never grasp if it weren’t for my brother. I like the idea of finger traps, they’re physically and structurally simplistic, but truly complex when looked into further. My brother was the greatest best friend anyone could ask for. And it’s astounding how he could balance what he was going through internally, with his external relationships. He was very patient, even sometimes to a fault. It forced him to think... a lot. Uncontrollably, his subconscious mind was extremely prevalent in him, and only seemed to grow. So when the crossroads came, he was distraught. Crossroads My brother was the perfect best friend, I just wish he would’ve shared a little more with me. A lot was easy to notice. He threw himself in masculine situations: he played football, basketball, and hockey; he wouldn’t wear pink, he got offended when he was called a girl, and he would never put on stereotypical girl’s clothing, for any reason. This is where we differed. I am secure in these things. He wasn’t. This could be a reason I wasn’t told of his living nightmare, as they say, ignorance is bliss. If we look into his mind at the specific point in time where he made the biggest decision of his life, we'll see two roads: the left; a dark and evil one, and the right, a light and self-loving one. The times leading up to a decision like this are always unsure. You are unsure if you will even make it to the time to make the decision, unsure if you have the strength to make the right one, unsure of the backlash. The wrong decision is called the state of uncomfortable comfortability. And it’s dangerous. It’s a breeding ground for the unknowingly weak, yet when ​ you’re there, you see everyone you know. This is because it’s the left path, the easiest option, to stick with something you know you are dissatisfied with, even when you’re telling yourself there is something better. This is why it’s so damaging, it’ll keep your life from progressing as long as you let it. My Sister My sister is my role model. Her name is Marina Taylor Bednarek and she is the strongest woman I know. Marina, my sister, has been beaten down mentally, physically, and socially, but she has never let it overcome her. My role model has fought through suicidal thoughts, depression and anxiety, and the incredible bearing of the inaccurate perception of being an outcast. I once learned from her how to be a better man, and when to treat others with the respect they deserve. But now, she’s teaching me how to be a better person. And I’m more than willing to learn from my best friend. A story of loss when looked through a clearer lens is just a foundation of roots. And when given time and the proper attention grows into a magnificent sycamore- representing life and being a beacon of hope in times of despair.