From the time I could understand and conceive social constructs of this world, the concept of mental health has always been negated–at least for a Black man like me. Every male figure in my life has instilled the idea that as a man, I must not show emotion and to be “strong”. But being “strong” is just as bad as intentional homicide; being “strong” only got my brother so far in his life. After the suicide of my oldest brother back in 2012, it took until now, as a 20-year-old for me to understand that being “strong” is a trap that us men constantly fall into. Being strong has contributed to the rising suicide and incarceration rates among men. Although being “strong” has kept me alive, it has certainly exploited all of the mental turmoil I’ve experienced in my life: depression, anxiety, trauma, and so much more. But the amount of time that I’ve invested into myself has helped me become self-aware of emotional fragility. I never realized that this whole time, I’ve been harming myself more than helping myself by not being in tune with my emotions. All of the times where I would overwork myself at track practice, play video games all day, or spark up a blunt were unhealthy protective barriers. Mental health is something that has to be faced directly, and I was avoiding it for such a long time. As humans we often believe that we can help ourselves with everything, but it is impossible to solve every issue in our lives by ourselves. Once I put down the blunt, stopped playing video games all day, and ended my high school track career, I began to feel a life’s worth of distress. I could feel my heart pound uncontrollably, I began to feel worthless and lonely every day, and I became irritable and reactive to everything. But I found peace and comfort once I began to open up and discuss my feelings with my loved ones. With time, I grew to understand that I felt these emotions because I'd disguised them by presenting myself as “strong”, when in fact I was feeding into the stereotype of men’s mental health–the stereotype that has caused many to lose their lives. Over the years, I’ve grown to know myself better and how to handle my emotions. As I’ve taken this time for self-development, I’ve discovered my passion for mental health advocacy and helping others. It is evident that my desire for mental health wellness radiates through my energy. I’ve found myself in situations being a listening ear to my friends or even strangers when in need. It appears that people naturally gravitate towards me for mental support, which has sparked my aspiration to become a psychologist. Although I have become more in tune with my emotions, I still sometimes feel in distress; I still feel the anxiousness, the heaviness in my chest, and the irritability to my surroundings. I’ve taken the necessary steps to keep myself in high spirits and in a good mental state. Last summer, I started working as summer camp counselor for the YMCA, working specifically with 2nd and 3rd graders. This position certainly brought joy to my heart and taught me how to work with children to meet their needs. Essentially being a mentor, guide, and teacher to these children, this sparked my desire for me to specialize in child psychology as a psychologist. Back in the fall of 2024, I fostered a suicide awareness campaign on campus, as I was able to express my personal struggles while also helping others with theirs. Furthermore, I recently started my program, in training to be a crisis text counselor for the Crisis Text Line and I’m beyond excited to start this journey. Every step that i have taken has been not only for the betterment of my mental health, but to fulfil my purpose in helping other people. Throughout this journey, I’ve come to learn that it is truly okay to not be okay. Us humans aren’t designed to act emotionless or keep our problems rooted inside. Being vulnerable doesn’t equate to weakness; in fact, being vulnerable demonstrates how resilient and strong a person is. The ability to express one’s emotions shows how they are in fact capable of conquering any tribulation in their life. If I can leave my audience with one thing, it would be to love yourself. Love yourself in a way that you’re able to recognize your struggles & flaws and learn to be open about them. Easier said than done, but I promise that reaching out for help can solve so much. Life will always test you in the most difficult ways, but having faith in something and you will get you through these tough times.

January 12, 2012, was not only the day that I lost a sibling, but it was also the day when I realized that life is more than just sunshine, unicorns, and rainbows. Alec was his name, or Big Al, as some people would call him. He loved to play football and watch Scooby Doo. Though we only shared one parent, that didn’t affect our sibling relationship. He was 15 years old, while I was only 6 at the time. Every moment we shared was nothing but laughs, smiles, and giggles. The affectionate, brotherly-love bond we’d established couldn’t have been broken by any external force; well, at least I thought so. Behind his perfect smile was a burden, lynching him. I didn’t know how he was feeling inside; I couldn’t see the signs. I was too young to understand, let alone grasp the mere concept of mental health, depression, and so on. When the casket closed, a part of my heart also closed up. Dealing with the passing of my brother was a hard thing to do, given that I was just a child at that time. Progressively, I learned to just cope with the heart-crushing feeling that I felt, by simply bottling my feelings up. For a while, I felt like a ghost, until I decided that bottling up emotions won't make things better. I began expressing myself through my academics. I was on honor all through elementary and middle school. In eighth grade, I decided to do track as a new coping mechanism, and that was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Moving on to high school, I attended the same high school my brother did: Rockford Auburn High School. I excelled greatly in my academics, maintaining a cumulative GPA of 3.8 and graduating magna cum laude, as a National Honor Society member, NAACP member, and a scholar to many scholarships this past June. I’ve also received a tuition-paid, full ride to the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. In my senior year, I took the time to recognize suicide awareness during the week of September 4th, 2022. I wrote little notes and placed them around the school, gave out suicide awareness shirts, and I also spoke in front of my class and shared my story, I played football this past school year and repped my brother’s jersey number: 11. I’m also a 4x varsity track runner, 60-meter dash record holder, and indoor 4x200 record holder. 1x state qualifier, and a 1x first team all-conference selection. All of these accomplishments made me realize that I’m not just great for my wellbeing, but also for his. Alec never had the chance to finish high school, he never had the chance to show his true potential in athletics, and he never got the chance to get the recognition he deserves for being an amazing person. So everything that I did/do is for him. As long as I breathe, his legacy will never die. His heart is within mine, forever and always. I plan to become a clinical psychologist, as I’ll be majoring in biology with a minor in psychology. A piece of advice for those who are going through mental struggles; the darkness doesn’t last. See the light! Even in the darkness. You have a crown that may tip, but never let it fall. You are worth more than everything you can think of. You have a PURPOSE; you just have to believe it to see it. Stay strong and live, laugh, and love. Thank you for this scholarship opportunity. Sincerely, Dontavious Williams