I recently lost my grandmother due to her cancer progessing. I was really close to her; she practically raised me from when I was a baby up until this year. I am now a beautiful 24-year-old young woman, all thanks to her. She made me the woman I am, and I will be forever grateful for her. She always knew how to pick me up when I was having a bad day or if I was feeling sad. I think that she passed away, and I was standing at her funeral, giving her eulogy, I realized that everyone was becoming more of a reality and that she was gone forever. I am happy that she isn't struggling with her cancer anymore. It was definitely difficult seeing her rapidly decline during her last days with us. It really is scaring when you are taking care of someone who is elderly, especially a grandparent, and they have cancer. You feel helpless and really sad. But one thing that someone said at the funeral is still stuck with me "She's in a better place..." What exactly does that mean? What does this better place represent? Was Earth, not the best place? Has her time come early or late? What does life look like now? It's been about 2 months without her, and I'm still trying to find a new normal, but how do you just "move on" and act like nothing happened? If I'm being completely honest, I still feel like I did at her funeral. When does it get easier? When do you get a release of these feelings and emotions? I think that it's especially hard for me because I lived with her since I was brought home from the hospital so our bond was different than, what she had with my two siblings and the rest of the family. How do I continue this bond and all her memories without feeling guilty or sad? I do have moments that I feel nothing but guilty for feeling happy or celebrating anything in my life lately. Is it normal when you lose someone who you bonded with so much? How do you bond with someone else like that? Can something like this be repeated? I love my grandma deeply and being able to write about her in this essay has been very special and I am so grateful for the chance. Thank you.