"Pretty women wonder where my secret lies. I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size But when I start to tell them, They think I’m telling lies..." My mother read me the words of the great Laureate Maya Angelou many days when or, if I was feeling down. Being a young woman in today's society is difficult enough growing up under the shadow of social media and perceived perfection. Longer hair, straighter teeth, smaller waist, plumper lips, take this miracle shot and you too can lose an extra 50 pounds, as long as you don't eat carbs and, never mind that the shot takes medication out of the hands of those that truly may need it. Hello, I'm me. My name is Detra Dor, I have a crooked smile and wear braces still, my waist is many things but tiny it isn't one of them, my skin is chocolate, but most of all I love every bit of me.
For as long as I could remember I was what people in the south called "big boned" and, even at the ages of 7/8, I would hear, "oh she's going to be a thick little mama". Being raised in a household of mixed ethnicity that includes both Haitian and Cuban heritage there is no lack of carbs at mealtimes. At an early age my mother entered me into pageants, and I won... a lot. What I didn't of course know then that I do realize now is that my mom (who is also big-boned) was providing me with experiences to expand my confidence early because she knew I would need it. Currently I am still that "big girl" or as society has deemed politically correct "plus-sized" (sounds like a cute fluffy bunny) but who I am does not reside solely in how I look. I have heard and withstood the snickers and sometimes out-right jeers of school and classmates and, I would be lying if I said that some of those jeers never got to me because they did. What I never allowed to happen was let their opinions on me change who I am.
You see I am authentically a really good friend, a friend without cliques or molds based on what or whom this society thinks we should be. I was raised in a home with varying political views and backgrounds. I AUTHENTICALLY, am a Christian at heart (I have seen and felt the peace my faith gives to me) but I understand how looking at the suffering and pain around us can cause some to question and with all those differences above anything that I learned and lived I do not judge, why because as long there is no harm being brought to someone EVERYONE deserves to live out their own authentic selves.
My high school has a very long standing, traditional, and HUGE homecoming celebration. Where the homecoming attendees have to participate in; a formal introduction and guidelines dinner, a tea, a city-wide parade, a luncheon with our local Rotarians, speeches addressing the entire student body, a pep rally with your escort, and finally crowning where the attendants wear cotillion style wedding dresses (all white). It really is an amazing honour and experience. My senior year out of over 150 senior, young ladies our student body as a whole nominates the young women to move on to the "top 25". Thereafter from the top 25 list the senior class picks their top 5 to represent as the actual homecoming court attendants for the festivities. When I was fortunate enough to see my name on the top 25 I was so honoured that students even took the time to nominate me, when our principal called my name over the intercom a week later to include me as in the top 5 I suddenly became a little bewildered, how, me, really, this weirdo? Yes, this one. I have to let you know also being from a small, and tight-knit town like Key West, there were some voices of parents who let's just say were not the happiest to see me on that list. I didn't look like the other girls (all of whom could have switched wardrobes with each other), I wore my protected style braids or my natural afro, I was in the midst of the world's worst breakout ever, oh and just guess who decided to pay me a visit.
During all of the above activities I remained true to the only person I knew how to be, me, that is up until the speeches, The very thought of addressing the entire student body actually rendered me "speech"less.for the first time in a very long time. I asked my mom, " What do I talk about?", I remember she looked in my eyes and said, "What would Detra want to hear? Freshman, Sophomore, Junior and Senior Detra". The day finally came the other attendants gave great speeches where the majority of them spoke about how this was always a dream for them and what they did to get there. I got up, walked to the podium and immediately told the student body, " I'm not here to talk about me, this is about you..." I went on to remind them "Wherever you are in life regardless of if you're on field of life or in the stands cheering others on, you are all worthy and have value." I did remind them how important it is to stay true to themselves above anything. Thursday morning, we gave speeches, Thursday afternoon they voted. Friday night was crowning. We arrived at the school gym looking like extras from Bridgerton, every attendant in her beautiful white dress, each dress matched each personality, and white, satin opera-length gloves, every escort in their black tuxedos, and every father in their white tuxedos. We walked on the field welcomed by the band, the cheerleaders, and the "Conch"ettes, our principal began to speak, finally we heard, "the supervisor of elections has verified.." (yeah, the first time in school history that's how much a controversy it was that I was on the court), " and I am proud to announce our 2023/2024 Key West High School Homecoming Queen is.." I swallowed back so hard I thought I swallowed my tongue. "Miss Detra Dor!!" I couldn't hold it, and the tears just flowed. Tears of joy not for me but for ANYONE watching who also thought it could never be them.
I chose this example to share on my authentic self because it was a time where I got to be my authentic self but also show others what can happen when they allow themselves to be theirs as well. Thank you to this committee for your consideration in advance and thank you for allowing me to relive this very authentic moment and share it.