“What is the nature of the relationship between mental health and an individual's personal reality?” I find this line of thinking is often overlooked in our society today. Granted, there is a greater emphasis on the treatment and discussion of mental health than any other point in history. Yet, I do not believe there is wide spoken clarity on the power one’s mindset truly has. There was a time in my life where it was easy to fall into the trap of feeling like I had no say in how my life went, merely a passenger on my personal odyssey. However, when I began to examine my experiences with my psychological well-being, I found there is a positive correlation between the state of a person’s mental health and their existence. Being in the field of psychology and now counseling for years, the impact mental health has had on my life cannot be overstated. Nevertheless, the experiences that were the catalyst for my foray into this career path began in my adolescence. Like many in their youth, I didn't always know what I wanted out of my life, and that bothered me. Unfortunately, those were thoughts I wasn't comfortable bringing up to my family. This is despite them loving and supporting me as best as they could. Coming from a family of teachers, education was extremely important. All my life, I heard how gifted I was, not only from my family but as mom will never let me forget, “every single one of my teachers.” Regrettably instead of feeling motivated, I only felt the pressure to live up to their expectations. As the first born son of two college-educated immigrants who expected me to be a positive role model for my younger brother and lead the family into the future, the fear of failure left me paralyzed; Again, I never told my family how I really felt–mind you–I was too proud, but mostly I didn't have the emotional maturity to comprehend what was even upsetting me. Living in a Jamaican household, I was the byproduct of a heritage that encourages men to be stoic, so that is what I did. I developed a nonchalant attitude, and nobody could tell me anything because I pretended to know it all to overcompensate for how I was really feeling. No matter what anxious thoughts and vulnerabilities lurked underneath that tough exterior, I soldiered on. Many years later, as a young adult, I put my ego to the side and sought help. I met with a life coach - and that’s when the answers I had been searching for about the man I wanted to become became clear. I thought about how much my state of mind impacted the reclusive life I was living up until that point, and how my roots both as a first-generation New Yorker, and son of Jamaican immigrants normalized that mindset. That is when I knew my purpose was to help other young people, particularly other young black men who could be vulnerable too. With this desire to create a safe space for others, I started on my new path with confidence. After switching my major to psychology, my grades, relationships and even physical health all improved. After I graduated my bachelor's in psychology. I pondered the next steps into putting to action what I had learned about myself. My experience with mental health is the foundation of my goals, relationships, and understanding of the world. If not for my struggles, I would not have been led to the goal of achieving a PhD in psychology. How can I help others achieve the best version of themselves if I am not working on myself alongside them? After years of feeling lonely in a crowd, I realized that all anyone wants is to feel safe and reassured; thus, in all my relationships, I try to show the same love and compassion I would want to receive. The world–like our minds’--can be a scary place, full of uncertainties. We can’t control when dark thoughts appear in our minds, but we can learn to manage them. If my journey has taught me anything–it is not thoughts that define us, it is what we do despite those thoughts. Thanks to my experiences with mental health, even when the rain is falling in our respective lives, I know we all have the capability to shine and persevere despite it all.

The “Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man” has been a mainstay in the movies for just over twenty years with no signs of slowing down. Any true Spider-Man fan can appreciate Andrew Garfield's quick witty delivery or Tom Holland's charming naivety as a newcomer in the ever-expanding Marvel Cinematic Universe. That being said, my favorite Spider-Man actor has to be the man who started it all, Tobey Maguire! From a very young age, one of the traits my father passed down to me was a love for Spider-Man. To us, Spider-Man had the best combination of powers, personality, and ingenuity. However, what sets Spider-Man apart from other heroes is his commitment to do the right thing, even though it is hard. That is a trait that I felt Maguire’s Spider-Man exemplified the most. "Spider-Man (2002)" was a monumental moment for not just the character of Spider-Man but superhero films in general. Maguire’s take on the icon laid the groundwork for every solo superhero film in the two decades since its release. The sequel film is where I feel Maguire solidified how right he was for the part. In "Spider-Man 2 (2004)" the crux of the story was based on the Amazing Spider-Man #51 storyline. Overwhelmed with rent, college, feelings for Mary Jane he cannot act on, taking care of his aunt May, and the thankless responsibility of being Spider-Man; Peter decides to throw his heroism away. Other than actually fighting crime, these are all problems that anyone can relate to! I felt the anxiety and stress of being Spider-Man and Peter through Maguire’s classic awkward delivery as Peter and his iconic yawps when he fought for his life and the lives of others as Spider-Man. Lastly, I have to mention the impact Maguire’s Spider-Man had on popular culture. Memes like "Pizza Time!" along with the legendary dance from "Spider-Man 3 (2007)" are fixtures on the internet to this day! In my opinion, Maguire had the heaviest burden when it came to being Spider-Man on and off screen, this is not to say the other Spider-Men did not go through their share of hardships. Holland and Garfield lost their versions of Aunt May and Gwen Stacy respectively. Both are major figures in the Spider-Man mythos. In regards to all three actors’ humanity Holland and Garfield were not subjected to the massive media microscope off the screen the way Maguire was. As the pioneering Spider-Man actor, he became synonymous with “ol webhead” for years. Thus, I feel Maguire being the trailblazer for the role showed us the cost of living life as a hero and the resolve to do it anyway. Maguire shouldered massive responsibility to be the face of Hollywood's first portrayal of the webslinger and he used that power to create long-lasting memories generations of families can look back on and smile at the thought of!

My dream future self is addressed as Dr.Reid and he provides opportunities to ambitious students of the next-generation scholarships like this one!

I would have everyone read “The Art of Living A Meaningless Existence: Ideas from Philosophy That Change The Way You Think” by Robert Pantano. Despite the seemingly bleak name, the book is a refreshing and uplifting read! The Art of Living a Meaningless Existence discusses how the human experience challenges our sanity and stirs complex emotions just by living this life. Nevertheless, it provides a blueprint to find contentment through our individual journeys! Topics range from love, death, and existential dread; to regret and self-actualization. Philosophy is the foundation of the novel; theories include nihilism, stoicism, and absurdism. Pantano also combines psychology seamlessly with various schools of thought. He references religious figures like Buddha and pillars of philosophy like Satre. My passion for psychology and philosophy is uncommon; however, I find Pantano’s writing style universally relatable and easy to digest! A fine quality of the book is that it is non-linear, mirroring the freedom the text attempts to provide its reader. Anyone, no matter their background, can appreciate and resonate with chapters like “Face the Pain of Life” “Becoming Who You Really Are” and “A Reason to Stop Caring What Others Think.” These topics are relevant in today's society. There are many outside voices telling us who we are and what to think. We seek validation through social media influencers or give too much stock into opinions from insecure people who want to drag others down, yet they only have the power that we give them. Ultimately only our opinion of ourselves carries any weight in our respective realities. Pantano asks “If we hide or hinder ourselves out of the fear of rejection from others are we not, in essence, rejecting our own self first; the only person we truly and inescapably have to live with?” The question he proposes sums up why I will always champion this book because I still remember what it was like to hold myself back out of fear. Even so, I believe fear can be a motivator to achieve great things in life. The unavoidable truth is we will all be dead and gone sooner or later however, while we are here we can bring meaning to our existence by artfully living as our authentic selves!

“What is meaningful enough for me to dedicate my entire existence to it?” This is a question I have pondered since I faced my mortality. I understand my mind as one that ruminates about where all the roads my choices and the entropy of the universe can take me. Unchecked, my thoughts tend to gravitate toward all the things that can go wrong, rather than what could go right! The generic "What do you want to be when you grow up?" never resonated with me due to the insecurities I had about the topic. From my point of view, it was a loaded question. You’re telling me my entire adult identity hinges on my answer and if I do not choose a socially acceptable profession my family and friends will view me as a failure based on what they have come to expect from me?! Forget that, I said. Obviously, this was a very pessimistic outlook on my part however, in my eyes, it was the only rational take… and that was my problem. The emotions that came with being the first-born son of two loving, successful college-educated immigrants who expected me to set an example for my younger brother and lead the family into the 21st century. Alas, I had no idea how to deal with these emotions and expectations, so I buried them. Like most Caribbean households, my family did not acknowledge mental health; from their vantage point, they saw my apathy as me being lazy and spoiled. Ironically, I was subconsciously using the tools my father had inadvertently shown me and his father had shown him–sarcasm, pride, and emotional detachment–to deflect the feelings that we were just not equipped to deal with. This negative philosophy and mindset seeped into all aspects of my life, and it became detrimental to my psyche, relationships, and academics. I was 23 years old still at home without a college degree, plan, or purpose. After years of walking down the path I had chosen by not making a choice, I reached a precipice, staring down an abyss of my own making. Astoundingly, that is when counseling came into my life; the meaning I had been searching for all this time found and saved me! My cousin, who had just become a life coach, sat me down and asked “What does DeShaun Reid want in life?” The question was never directly posed to me, let alone by a family member in my age group. I always struggled with the thought of living up to someone else’s expectations I left no room for my desire in my own life! For the first time, I truly examined myself, what interested me, and how I could live a life that I deemed worthy of the ups, downs, and hard work that came with it. I thought about how much my mental health dictated the type of life I had lived up until that point and how my culture made it standard for my family to be oblivious to my inner turmoils. I knew I had to be the catalyst for the change I wanted to see in not only myself but in the world! I eventually earned my BA in Psychology with honors; currently, I am 28 pursuing my Masters in Mental Health Counseling with plans for a doctorate in the field. The burning passion I have to chase my dreams for a career in therapy comes from finally realizing the purpose of my existence and knowing that existence is bigger than me because of my desire to bring others solace and meaning to theirs!

There was a time the appearance of being well meant more to me than actually being well. While youth and genetics helped sell the charade of quality physicality, the apathy I had towards school made my shortcomings there obvious. I could not decide what I wanted to do for a career and my lack of direction was reflected in my grades. Comparably I ignored my mental health. Pointless screen time and shame from not living up to my potential academically and personally weighed down on my mind like cinderblocks. I lived like this until I found my true calling in psychology. When I switched my major to psychology and decided to become a therapist, I knew the way I was moving through life could no longer work. How could I be a professional in health and not take my health seriously? Out of this question, the positive correlation between my grades and well-being surfaced. Thousands of podcasts, influencers, and books discuss self-care habits, while self-care is important for wellness I consider mindfulness salient. Without mindfulness, there is no awareness, and without awareness, proper care is not possible. A doctor cannot recommend a treatment plan without awareness of their patient's ailments. Practicing mindfulness helped me to recognize bad habits before I had a chance to act on or prolong them. I started to ask myself questions that I felt needed to be raised at the moment: What am I doing? Does this serve me? Am I building towards the future I want? If not, what do I need to do? For the time-sensitive life of a college student questioning what I am doing with my time and what I can do to use the time more wisely is essential. I started working on and finishing projects much earlier. I also gained extra time to go back and make adjustments or improvements. These changes to my mindset allowed me to grow from being academically dismissed to being selected to the Dean's list. Through mindfulness, my sense of self was heightened and I ultimately began to view myself as a mortal man. I would not be in my twenties forever and I could no longer treat my body and mind haphazardly. I devised a self-care routine to keep myself in the most optimal condition while still maintaining time to do well in school. After setting an early bedtime and sticking with it, I started mornings with a cup of green tea, yoga, calisthenics, and a cold shower; this invigorates me for the rest of the day. I drink a gallon of water daily, watch what I eat and when I eat and limit unproductive screen time. Though the boost of energy and focus I gained in my routine enabled me to pivot between classes easier than ever before; the tactics I use to refresh my mind are far more fruitful. Recognizing when I need to take a step back and approach my schoolwork with fresh eyes is crucial to my achievements. Furthermore, I say no when offered situations I feel don’t serve me. Prioritizing my feelings and time puts me in the best state of mind to put my best foot forward. Meditation, walks in nature, writing poetry, and practicing piano are how I recharge my mind to later effectively complete assignments. My scholarly success comes from the understanding of my mind-body connection, finite time, and long-term goals; it is why I go to battle daily as a wellness warrior!

As a recovering pessimist, I know myself as a person who is mindful that loss teaches us how unpredictable life is. We all want to win and typically do our best to put ourselves in a position to be happy and succeed. Yet, there are many factors in our lives that are out of our control which is where loss comes in. Losing a loved one is the hardest and therefore the most important lesson. That type of pain reminds us how precious and beautiful life truly is. Growing up I had no shortage of amazing family members. When I reflect on those times from the birdseye view perspective I have now, I see this as why I needlessly hung negativity in my life. In my eyes, the love I had all around me was too good to be true… I felt undeserving. Ironically this corrosive state of mind I had in the past is the bedrock of my current philosophy on life. Knowing the dark places our minds can wander if we refuse to let love in, I counter that by holding all the love I receive in my heart doing what I can to spread positivity through the study and daily application of mental health! My grandfather profoundly impacted the path I have chosen to walk professionally and personally; it took me years after his passing to realize how much. Granddad was the most easygoing man I knew and I always admired him for that because of his health issues. Having cancer and diabetes he was subjected to multiple rounds of chemotherapy and dialysis. Despite that, he would always try to put his best foot forward. Whether that be making his grandkids his world-famous eggs baked beans and sausage dish, sharing his love for Bob Marley, or even letting my brother and I play video games on his tv when all he wanted to do was kick his feet up and watch the Mets. Being his oldest grandchild he placed a lot of hopes on me. He always thought I would be a doctor and that belief only grew as he got sicker. When he died I was only 17. Although knowing how sick he was I was devasted. Through the blissful ignorance of youth, it never occurred to me that he could actually die, he always looked like Superman to me. As I got older and the reality of his situation became clearer to me, I began to think about the fortitude it took to be who he was with his health challenges and how that must have affected his mind. It caused me to examine who I was and where I was going, especially if I continued to be so hard on myself. It was around this time I decided to pursue a Ph.D. in psychology. In the process, fulfilling my grandfather’s wishes. While the awareness of mental health is at an all-time high, there’s more work to be done. Until the day comes when the well-being of the mind is taken as seriously as physical health the world is not where it should be. I can help make this a reality by becoming a psychologist that is open and knowledgeable about the different cultures, lifestyles, and backgrounds that come into my care. As a 1st generation Jamaican-American I know all too well the stigmata of older age groups and Caribbean cultures about psychotherapy. Breaking the cycle and spreading the message it is okay not to be okay and to seek help will not only better my clients but everyone they come in contact with!

To express how my experience with mental health shaped my reality I will have to tell the story of my psyche’s odyssey. As the eldest son of two college-educated, Jamaican emigrated parents, I nonchalantly shouldered the brunt of their expectations of the next generation's ascension. Initially, I had always done well in school purely off instincts; never hard work. “If it’s hard–why do it?” I would say. My parents noticed this and decided to send me to a College-Preparatory middle school called Frederick Douglas Academy (FDA) to develop the tendencies I would need for sustained success for the remainder of my academic career. That’s when everything changed! Attending FDA in Harlem expanded my reality in many ways. I was a sheltered, dark-skinned 11-year-old, from a suburban two-parent home, with loving familial connections, whose father always made time before and during work to drive him to and from school. Contrast this with my brazen peers who took the train to school, lived in apartments, and often did not have good relationships with their families; it’s easy to see why I became an easy target for verbal bullying. Consequently, I had crippling anxiety every day in school. I always hesitated to speak up, I was afraid of my words being used as ammunition to ridicule me. This fear caused me to take fewer risks. I was so afraid of being hurt I never went after what I wanted–be it excelling in school, love interests or self-respect. I lived like this for three years. It wasn’t until I heard about the “Specialized High School Admissions Test (SHSAT)” that I showed signs of life. FDA was also a High-School; I knew I didn’t want to be there for four more years, so I saw the “SHSAT” as my way out. The problem was–I took the test for the wrong reasons. Rather than setting myself up for a bright future, I took the test to run away from negative feelings and emotions I adamantly perceived as byproducts of my time in FDA. I scored high enough to guarantee a spot to Brooklyn Technical High School (Tech). Unbeknownst to me, the demons I thought I was leaving behind would accompany me. After years of going all the way to Harlem for school, I ended up even further away from home. At FDA, I felt alone because of my “unique” home life; however, I discovered a different kind of loneliness at Tech. The warm car rides where I grew closer to my father were replaced by cold train rides with strangers. The one in many black faces in an FDA classroom dwindled to mine alone in many of my Tech classes. Tech is a mammoth of a school in many ways. Between the academic expectations, the marathon-like hikes between classes, and the thousands of students, I felt like a cog in the machine. Traveling from the northeast Bronx to Brooklyn everyday, coupled with lingering feelings of inadequacy, I shut down. I would go straight home after school and be locked in my room. I did make friends, but the thought of delaying my home arrival to hang out was absurd to me. Consequently, I missed out on many rites of passage teenagers go through. Combine this with a complete disinterest and hopelessness for the future, my grades and my mental state suffered tremendously. I eventually graduated but I had no interest in college, to my parents’ chagrin. They could not understand where my lack of motivation came from and I could not give them an answer. I did not recognize the feelings that I avoided confronting for a decade. As a 23-year-old man with no direction, I was still the same pessimistic 11-year-old boy! Though on the outside I appeared apathetic, inside I was filled with such turmoil I thought death should be better than this. So…if I was the same 11-year-old, haven't I been dead for 12 years? Why continue with the unnatural charade? Forget crossroads, I was at a precipice! Then something happened that changed everything. I began to look for, find and fight for myself. My cousin, who had just become a life coach, sat me down and asked “What does DeShaun Reid want?” The question was never directly posed to me, let alone by family in my age group. Up to 11 years old, I was always living up to someone else’s expectation because I was perceived as “brilliant.” For the first time, I truly examined myself, what interested me, and how I could live a life that I deemed worthy of the ups, downs, and hard work that came with it. I thought about how much my mental health dictated the type of life I had lived up until that point. As I holed up with my family during Covid-19, my emergence from that dark place was juxtaposed with the well publicized declining mental health of thousands. It cemented my fascination with the resilience of the mind and my decision for what I wanted and needed to do–become a Psychologist. My experience with mental health is the foundation of my goals, relationships, and understanding of the world. If not for my struggles, I would not have been led to the goal of achieving a PhD in psychology. How can I help others achieve the best version of themselves if I am not working on myself alongside them? After years of feeling lonely in a crowd, I realized that all anyone wants is to feel safe and reassured; thus in all my relationships, I try to show the same love and compassion I would want to receive. The world–like our minds’--can be a scary place, full of uncertainties. We can’t control when dark thoughts appear in our minds, but we can learn to manage them. If my journey has taught me anything–it is not thoughts that define us, it is what we do despite those thoughts. Thanks to my experiences with mental health, even when the rain is falling I know I shine!