This is a difficult question to answer since I had slated myself for a military career since early elementary school and only in brief fleeting moments in time, actually considered doing anything else with my life. Even after leaving the military I am dedicated to serving and protecting my country, which is arguably never perfect, but among the best nations around. Why do I feel that way? I am a never ending student of history, politics, and international relations. You can look through the history of the world's governments in the last century and find much to frown upon, despite what those not steeped in historical study say to criticize our own nation’s failings. However, one doesn’t even need to study the last century as much as they need to look at the last decade. Not long ago, I was debating others in their 20s on how the USA is not responsible for creating terrorism in the world and that despite that the government isn’t perfect, ours has more or less been one of the most ameliorative countries to the global community. Now, look at the Russian invasion of Ukraine and the ghastly war crimes their military has committed in the country to include mass murder of civilians, group rapes of children, and wanton personal property destruction. It’s the rape of a nation and it is being done with strategic intent. Compare that to the US and our coalition’s conduct in Iraq and Afghanistan. Despite some contemptible conduct such as the Abu Garib prison and the Mahmudiyah incidents, these were the actions of individuals or small groups, not the strategic policy as in the Russian Army’s commanders telling their soldiers to commit these heinous actions such as in Bucha. Those responsible for their war crimes in Iraq and Afghanistan, were arrested and convicted. Those responsible in the Russian army will never see a day in court. Because I have a drive to understand, I have perspective on which to achieve a facts based comparison on “how bad” the US government truly is. My conclusion is that…it isn’t. The world is fortunate to have a government like the US and that of our allies. Despite occasional mistakes. I served in the Army National Guard as an infantryman and loved doing so. I was going to make the military my career, but due to friction with an NCO in my unit who had been demoted twice, I chose to separate from my unit with a General Discharge Under Honorable Conditions, signing paperwork with an RE-2B code. I chose not to take copies of the document telling all those present, that I trusted them. Later, I received my discharge with a RE-3 code and I think I know who altered my documents, although I cannot prove it. This code was a hindrance for a long time to get back into the Army as I intended to go active duty once free of my FUBAR NCO at my Guard unit. Currently, I am pursuing a degree in Intelligence Studies from the American Military University. My aim is to get a job with the CIA to continue my self-imposed duty to serve and protect my people, despite the fact that some of them are FUBAR.

I discovered Buddhism in my 20s whilst researching the philosophical remunerations of Bushido. For some time, I had been out of the Army and renounced Christianity entirely and was looking for an ethical system to mold my psyche around. Due to this research I became more acquainted with Zen buddhism. While I had no deep understanding of Buddhism at the time, what I was learning about the principles of Zen appealed to my warrior mindset greatly. Mindfulness and zanshin were already part of me but just hadn’t been put to words. Soon after this research began, a confluence of circumstances permitted me to become an uchideshi at an Aikido dojo in Grand Rapids, MI called the Toyoda Center which is regrettably closed now. While studying three martial arts, working several jobs, and going to college (at the time as a Criminal Justice major), I took up the practice of spending some time to meditate on the mats. This wasn’t a regular practice but the genesis of my own initiative to practice Zen on my own, lacking any other path. Additionally, if there was a Zen center in town, I would have been too swamped to investigate it. Fast forward to the present (I just turned 40), I am returning to college after facing a long period of hardship. During this time period, I dove headlong into researching everything I could about Buddhism. I joined a meditation group and attended the group’s sessions every week, but going further, on days there were no sessions, I would meditate on my own. Sometimes for one to two hours. I also made it my personal obligation to clean the shrine regularly as well. Perhaps, this was a psychological compulsion from my uchideshi days, where it was the students duty to clean the training areas after class. I’m not sure. Presently, I attend Sunday service at a Vietnamese Pureland temple called Phap Nghiem Temple and I haven’t missed a day since I started. Furthermore, I stay after service to get stuffed with wonderful vietnamese food by the old ladies there (they don’t let me say no and would keep feeding me to the point of death if I don’t escape the kitchen!). However, after the stuffing, I usually stay for an hour to pull weeds, pick up litter, clean the bathrooms, or anything else that needs doing. This Saturday, I am going to explore a Zen monastery that is an hour away but hope to become part of the Sangha there as well. For me, my Buddhism is derived from that of the samurai. Most people recognize the word and the image of an armored warrior comes to mind. But the word “samurai” means, “those who serve”. Thusly, Buddhism is about service to others while growing as a better person. For a warrior, you have the added responsibility of protecting your community with your life as your “giri” or duty. My degree is Intelligence Studies, which means my service is to help keep my people safe from evil, such as the threat of criminals and terrorists. This I aim to do in the CIA and will continue to give back to my temple communities however I can otherwise.

I know intimately how hard paying for school can be when you are on your own and unsupported. Ever since I acquired my GED through the Virginia Commonwealth Challenge Youth Military Academy, I have been on an uphill struggle to finish college. In the past, I have worked several jobs, had the Pell Grant and loans to help me through, but never applied to any scholarships. Thus, having struggled to finish without them, I can understand the value they would have in achieving one’s academic goals. Currently, I am paying for college out of pocket so the scholarship funds will alleviate the need to pick up overtime to pay tuition. As stated, I attended Challenge. While any teen can attend this residential military academy, it is intended for “at risk youth”. I ended up in the program because my case officer at Salem House (a group home for foster children) recommended it for me. How I ended up in the group home is a long story that can be summed up with parental abandonment. After I graduated I have received very little assistance from blood relatives, who have stolen money from me when I was younger or attempted to. Most of what I received from them was obstruction to achieve my goals and I do not speak with them anymore. I've maintained a lifelong interest in the military and espionage professions as far back as I can remember, along with a keen interest in martial arts and its philosophies (practicing as much as life permitted me to do so). As a youth, I was in the USAF Civil Air Patrol and graduated from the Virginia Commonwealth Challenge with honors (Valedictorian), as previously mentioned. I joined the Army National Guard (MOS's 11B, 14M) to gain experience while I went to college with the intent on acquiring an officer's commission, then seeking a career in army spec ops. After the army, I was going to seek a job at the CIA. Due to what was career sabotage, this did not go as planned (as do most plans when they make contact with the enemy). Despite not being in the Army, I kept the mentality that I was still a warrior, only one who was not currently in the service, and could return soon. Thus, I trained rigorously on my own, marching with a weighted pack, studying military affairs, and eventually becoming an uchideshi at a dojo. I spent three months studying Aikido until one day, I was informed that the building was sold, and we had to move. The building we moved to was an old motorcycle garage that needed massive renovation. It had no bunkrooms, shower, or kitchen. Sensei said he understood if I was not interested. I told him I was not giving up. The next 1.25 years were spent cooking on a hotplate, washing dishes in a bucket, bathing out of a bucket until I started college downtown where I used the gym shower, taking the bus to all of my jobs while attending college fulltime for Criminal Justice, renovating the dojo, melting buckets of snow to flush the toilet when the pipes froze, all while training 5-6 days a week in Aikido, Brazilian jujutsu, and Muy Thai. It was brutally spartan and wonderful...but it came to an end suddenly when we had to move again due to landlord issues! The new location couldn't accommodate an uchideshi, so now I was about to be homeless. Thus, I decided to attempt to join the French Foreign Legion. There is much to this story from here, but due to the limitations of the almighty word count, I will summarize to the best of my ability. In brief, I sold all the personal belongings I could, trashed the rest. Flew to Europe on a shoestring budget with no return trip planned. I backpacked around France and Italy. Picked up a job in Rome, which laid me off after a couple weeks. With funds dwindling, I took a series of local trains, busses, and force marched myself back to France. While, I made it into the Legion’s recruit depot, because I did not have a “troubled enough” past, I didn’t make it in. This was the defining characteristic of myself that I thought guaranteed success! I had to ask a favor of my family to fly me back and an uncle who stole 1200USD from me years ago paid for my ticket back. He never apologized for the initial victimization. In the time since, I have had other challenges but I told these stories to illustrate that I have had intense challenges towards finishing my education. I will value any assistance I get to achieve my goals. Where do I see myself in five years? Hopefully, in the CIA, finishing my master's degree.