BULLYING. The National Centre Against Bullying defines bullying as “an ongoing and deliberate misuse of power in relationships through repeated verbal, physical, and/or social behavior that intends to cause physical, social, and/or psychological harm.” I hate to say that I was a victim of this, but I was in my SENIOR year of high school. I could not believe that I made it all the way to my senior year before I experienced this treatment. I am a quiet guy. I am a hockey player. I always help others. I always help the kids being bullied or teased. I stand up for the underdog. How did this happen to me?
I have always been the biggest player on my hockey team and I always stuck up for kids being teased but I never experienced it myself. Another player on my team in my club was just relentless to me. He called me fat, disgusting, and said everyone on my team hated me. He would twist my nipples in the locker room and everyone would laugh. I don’t know what happened to me. I always stuck up for kids being teased or bullied, but when it happened to me, I froze. No one on my team stepped up to help so it just continued.
The worst that happened was when this bully put the entire hockey team on a group text and told me that everyone on the team hated me, I should quit, and that I should go kill myself. I was devastated. I remember calling my coach, saying I quit, and then unfriended everyone on my team, and threw my phone across the room. My mom came running up to the room. I remember the look on her face when I told her that I quit hockey and I just wanted to die. I never felt so abandoned by me teammates, my band of brothers since 4th grade, the people I loved and respected….every single one of them let me down because no on would stand up for me the way that I helped everyone else over the years.
My mom said, “I think you need to go to the crisis center.” I was so terrified to go, I promised my mom that I would not hurt myself, but I did want to disappear and never be seen again. My mom, who is a school counselor, helped me contract for safety, and I agreed to go to therapy so I didn’t have to go to the crisis center. She connected me right away with a private-pay therapist so I didn’t have to go on a waiting list for months, and I started dealing with my issues, feelings, and the true pain that was inside of me. I felt so abandoned by my other teammates, more than hurt from the bully but I also hated myself for letting him get to me so badly to the point of me wanting to die.
This was my senior year. I was supposed to be enjoying life, enjoying hockey, scoring goals, celebrating victories and having the time of my life. Instead, I was sitting in a therapist’s office every week for months trying to get my life together. I was getting ready to go to college and didn’t even know if I could make it there. My whole world was upside down.
I never understood why people bullied. Since I was a young child, my parents always instilled in me to be a good human being. Whenever I leave the house, even to this day, my mom would say, “Make decisions that will make me proud!” I have always been a loyal friend and have tried to help as many people as I can. I volunteer a lot of hours in the sport I love – Ice Hockey. How did this happen to me?
Instead of continuing in my pattern of self-hate, after therapy and help from my mom, I decided to combat the bullying I experienced and I created my own Mentoring Program through my hockey club to help younger hockey players and teach them not only about the game of hockey but also about respect for coaches and each other, respect for the game of hockey, and making good decisions in life. Even though I did not return to the team, I decided this would be my way to give back and help other kids to not have to experience what I did.
As a 17-year-old high school senior, many of the young players looked up to me so I always modeled good behavior and positive interactions. I also got many other players ages 16 to 18 to be mentors as well and helped them with how to mentor the younger players. We focused on different things each week such as “Respect and kindness”, “Respect our coach”, “Following rules”, “Being on time, on task”, “Dedication”, “Honesty,” “Integrity,” etc. Now that I graduated high school, I am happy to say that the President of the hockey club wants my program to continue! Therefore, I trained one of my friends to take over the program which will continue to assist and influence the younger generation, even after I am long gone.
I have grown up so much since this experience. Even though it was very painful, I was able to not only heal, but help other young hockey players and keep them from what I experienced. I am now finishing my first of trade school for Welding Technology. I plan to get my associates degree and also to continue helping others, mentoring, and taking young learners under my wing. I love working with my hands and metal – creating, exploring, and fixing. I want to continue mentoring and teach others the trades as well as there is such a need for skilled tradesman.
Paying it forward, one mentoring session at a time!