Growing up was a very challenging and confusing time for me. I’m not talking about finding out the stove is hot, learning how to put on deodorant, or struggling with long division. Although I did experience normal things like those, I was also plagued with a myriad of problems no one else could understand. At home, I tried to dress the way I liked, but was forced to dress a certain way for church on Sundays and any other occasion. Sometimes I was required to have my hair up; I cried every time. All I wanted was to play baseball, a sport I thoroughly enjoyed watching, but I was denied it because of my seeming gender. Similarly, I was not allowed to join the Boy Scouts, no matter my begging. I was put into Girl Scouts for a short period of time, where I felt like a foreigner. Some of these things may seem like simple, everyday annoyances to most people, but Being in public was a complete nightmare, particularly in church. I was berated at every service for the way I was. By the adults and kids alike, I would be threatened with an eternity of suffering and punished for something as simple as wanting to play with the boys. I had people who I called friends, but not one of them was true. At one point, they all decided I was of the devil and abandoned me. I don’t blame them, though; it was the adults’ fault. I faked sick on Sundays as many times as I could get away with. As hard as that was on me, there was another blaring obstacle in public: the bathroom. It killed me every time I had to go in there, but it is very hard to avoid entirely. My solution was to severely dehydrate myself so that I would not have to go, and it worked, but at what cost? One day, it finally came time. I began puberty. I always knew that it was going to happen, and it was my worst fear. I would pray to God every night, begging him not to make me go through that, but I knew deep down it was in vain. I was at church one day when my mom asked, “Are you growing breasts?” My heart dropped. I denied it until it was impossible to ignore. I could no longer look at myself, and I knew it would only get worse. Soon, I began middle school, where I had to use a locker room. This was when my panic attacks started, always during gym class. The people around me grew increasingly worried, not having an explanation for my sudden issues. I only got worse and worse until one day, quarantine began. This is when I finally learned about these people who seemed to feel a lot like me; I never knew there were any. I learned that there were ways to treat my condition medically, and for the first time, I could envision a happy life for myself. I am finding it very hard to write this under 600 words. I could write a novel on this. All I want in life is to give people like me the knowledge and relief that they need. I want to use my education to reach the people who need my help. I actually dream about raising awareness and changing the narrative around it so that people do not have to be so scared of it like I was. The world could be such a better place, and I can help.

Collaboration is a necessity in almost all fields, especially in music. The quality of the product and experience of the participants are both intensely reliant on the teamwork of the group. If members cannot cooperate, things quickly become distasteful, and progress grows stale. Despite the conditions that this negativity produces, compassion and enthusiasm can entirely reverse them, or even altogether prevent them. In my experience, this has been proven to me numerous times. During my time in high school, I have participated in various music-related activities, including marching band, jazz band, and concert band, among other ensembles and honor bands, providing me with extensive experience involving collaboration and relationships. For instance, in marching band, it is imperative for the members to work with and for, rather than against each other, especially within their section. We spend hours each week around each other, spanning from July all the way until December. If members cannot cooperate, first of all, it makes the experience dreadful for everyone, and second of all, it diminishes the capability of the team. I have witnessed firsthand how apathy, negativity, and closed-mindedness can impact a group. But, I have also seen how optimism and empathy can reverse that impact. For example, there was a great deal of drama that infected my grade in the band a while back. It tore apart long-term friendships while we spent every moment together denouncing one another. This year, our senior year, we wanted things to be different. We wanted to create a culture where everyone felt included and had good role models who would keep their best interests at heart. It was never discussed; it was just a mutual understanding that things needed to change for the better, and it was up to us to make it happen. So we took charge of bringing back the positivity of the activity. Now, we are respectful to everyone no matter what, we make sure to include everyone, and we never let our personal issues get in the way of other members’ experience. While I have spent many years participating in music programs within my school system, I have also spent a summer as a member of a drum corps. Drum corps is commonly known as simply a step up from marching band, but in my case, it was a significantly different experience. Not only was it challenging on a new level, but the community was so much happier and friendlier. Everybody there enjoyed what they were doing and wanted to be there, even though it was strenuous and demanding. At least in my section, the front ensemble, we would never let challenges, setbacks, or drama poison our friendship. We were always able to have fun, be respectful, and push each other to grow as musicians. This was the single-most positive experience I have ever had, and for the rest of my life, my goal will be to encourage that type of constructive environment in every group I am a part of.

Collaboration is a necessity in almost all fields, especially in music. The quality of the product and experience of the participants are both intensely reliant on the teamwork of the group. If members cannot cooperate, things quickly become distasteful, and progress grows stale. Despite the conditions that this negativity produces, compassion and enthusiasm can entirely reverse them, or even altogether prevent them. In my experience, this has been proven to me numerous times. During my time in high school, I have participated in various music-related activities, including marching band, jazz band, and concert band, among other ensembles and honor bands, providing me with extensive experience involving collaboration and relationships. For instance, in marching band, it is imperative for the members to work with and for, rather than against each other, especially within their section. We spend hours each week around each other, spanning from July all the way until December. If members cannot cooperate, first of all, it makes the experience dreadful for everyone, and second of all, it diminishes the capability of the team. I have witnessed firsthand how apathy, negativity, and closed-mindedness can impact a group. But, I have also seen how optimism and empathy can reverse that impact. For example, there was a great deal of drama that infected my grade in the band a while back. It tore apart long-term friendships while we spent every moment together denouncing one another. This year, our senior year, we wanted things to be different. We wanted to create a culture where everyone felt included and had good role models who would keep their best interests at heart. It was never discussed; it was just a mutual understanding that things needed to change for the better, and it was up to us to make it happen. So we took charge of bringing back the positivity of the activity. Now, we are respectful to everyone no matter what, we make sure to include everyone, and we never let our personal issues get in the way of other members’ experience. While I have spent many years participating in music programs within my school system, I have also spent a summer as a member of a drum corps. Drum corps is commonly known as simply a step up from marching band, but in my case, it was a significantly different experience. Not only was it challenging on a new level, but the community was so much happier and friendlier. Everybody there enjoyed what they were doing and wanted to be there, even though it was strenuous and demanding. At least in my section, the front ensemble, we would never let challenges, setbacks, or drama poison our friendship. We were always able to have fun, be respectful, and push each other to grow as musicians. This was the single-most positive experience I have ever had, and for the rest of my life, my goal will be to encourage that type of constructive environment in every group I am a part of.

Being involved in fine arts as a student is especially important to develop an exceptional resume and career. I once heard a respected director say, “music makes our kids better”. He explained this after first discussing how many people would say things like, “music makes our kids smarter”. As musicians are not always the most intellectual people, introducing music into anyone’s life can completely change the direction of their story. When someone strives for excellence in any context, it always has a positive impact on their lives. My story in particular can really reassure the fact that music is completely revitalizing. The Covid-19 pandemic was insufferably hard on me. It began when I was in the sixth grade, and continued into my seventh grade year. I was already beginning to decline during sixth grade and rapidly plummeted into depression once quarantine began. Things were only getting worse and it seemed only a miracle could save me. The last few weeks before eighth grade would begin, I went to my first band camp. I had signed up a few months prior and was frankly expecting to quit. It changed my life in a matter of days. I suddenly went from having no friends, crying myself to sleep every night, and feeling hopeless, to making the closest friendships I have ever had, having a reason to get up in the morning, and dreaming of a future. Music saved my life. Expressing myself, learning new things, improving, and especially sharing it with others, gave me something to live for. Not only myself, every other musician I have met would not be the same without music. It brings people together, teaches them the importance of expression, and allows them to feel worthy of something in their lives. Music has made such a difference in my life that I would like to dedicate my career to it. I plan on majoring in music education in hopes that someday I can help save someone the way I was saved. I hope that I can make people's lives better and worth living with what I do. I want to lead a positive example for people and maybe even help make the world a better place. I believe that art will play a huge role in the progression of the world, and if I can aid in that at all I will do everything I can. This scholarship would help me be able to afford my education without having years of student debt to pay.