The radiance of the stage lights blinded me from seeing the hundreds of eyes watching my every move, and with every passing second, the shaking in my hands increased. I almost didn’t hear the start of the piano over the sound of my pounding heart. Mr. Norris turned to face us and flashed a broad reassuring smile as he lifted his hands and set the tempo for the piece. Another deep gulp of air filled my lungs as I opened my mouth to sing. It was the 2019 American Choral Directors Association National Conference in Kansas City, Missouri. My choir was the only middle school girl's choir invited to sing for the conference. In preparation for the event we spent every single moment in class practicing, along with after-school practices 3 times a month, and vocal tests on pronunciation. Hours of hard work all for the moment we would be under those lights. And as a very shy introvert being apart of something like this was a huge step outside of my comfort zone. However, my passion for music outshined every fear that raced through my mind. I counted down every single day leading up to the performance, and every day my excitement grew. But, standing under the lights, with the gazes of the audience on me it wasn’t excitement I felt at that moment. It was fear. The pianos melody rippled in the air as I gulped back the anxiety that threatened to choke me. It was time to sing, and so I did. I banished my fear to a faraway place and sang. I sang of sorrow and anger, and I sang of joy. The months of work seemed to have paid off but my relief was short-lived. Our final piece was approaching and the fear that I believed was gone started to creep back into my chest. The one moment I most dreaded and loved was here. My descant. Me and two other girls were chosen to sing a beautiful solo that was pivotal to the success of the entire performance. My hands started shaking even more tremendously than before, and my heart pounded loudly. 5 measures before I took a deep breath. 2 measures before I reminded myself that I got this. 1 measure before, I opened my mouth to sing, and froze. No sound came out of my mouth. For a full measure, I stood completely frozen. My face grew hot. Tears welled up in my eyes. I ruined it. I ruined 8 months of my life in one moment of panic. I was on the verge of completely breaking down when I looked into the eyes of my director. “Breath,” he mouthed. My eyes fluttered closed as cold air entered my lungs. My mouth opened for a second time and music sprung from my lips. I jumped back into the rhythm of the piece by the second measure. Singing of hope and renewed strength. The passion of the piece built up into an explosive ending note that echoed throughout the hall. Long silence overcame the room before loud jubilated cheers rippled throughout the audience. It's been 4 years since that performance, and I wish I could say that nothing scares me anymore but that wouldn’t be true. What I can say is that music changed my life. It gave me the courage to step out of my comfort zone and do things that scare me, life isn’t about staying in your own safety net and not moving forward. And because of my love for music nothing will be able to hold me back.

Applying for scholarships is hard. No matter how big or small, applying for scholarships is difficult. I have peered over hundreds of essays, trying to find the secret formula that has given them the ability to stir such emotion through every word. I have become astounded by the sheer eloquence that everyone seems to possess. Talent that I wish could be bestowed upon me. Essays are scary. Every question asked, whether it's "tell us about yourself?", "How are you unique?" or even questions like "Who's your favorite Disney character and why?" All of this leaves me completely blank. Every time I try putting pen to paper, or in this case I should say hands to keyboard, I completely forget everything I've ever done in my entire life. I spend days at a time trying to write an essay that somehow is supposed to portray who I am and what I believe in less than 1,000 words. Even when I do manage to write the essay, however, I still feel it's lacking, that if I could write an essay professing who I am, I would still be stumped. I have realized it's because I don't know who I am. These scholarships have shown me that I don't know the person in the reflection. I've been so worried about how others perceive me my whole life, molding myself into what I thought they would like to see, that I haven't even taken the chance to decide who I am and who I want to be. I am unique. I have my own strengths and weaknesses that I don't compare to anyone else in this world. I have realized that it's okay if I can't write an essay as elegantly as the next person, or if it takes me a while to answer the prompts in those essays because I'm still trying to figure out what those answers mean to me. Sometimes the stress holds me down, and it can feel overwhelming at time. But I have decided to stop looking at the essays written by past winners, to stop comparing myself to everyone else when we are all meant to be different. Applying for scholarships is scary, but they have pushed me to spend more time focusing on who I am and who I want to be so that one day I can answer the question, "Tell us about yourself?" And know the answer.