School is a place where I have always struggled, no matter how hard I tried. It took many years of dedication, commitment and failure to graduate with my bachelor's degree, and just a year ago now I learned why. I was diagnosed with ADHD, and I've managed on my own with it my whole life. When I was in high school, I knew I learned differently, my teachers struggled to understand why I was so bright but couldn’t remember to get my homework out of my backpack. I would spend hours doing it just to forget to turn it in. I remember going to see the counselor in my school and talking to her about my future and explaining to her how I was trying so hard and felt like my brain was constantly sabotaging me. At least at my school, counselors were different then, and she just encouraged me to talk to my parents and figure out how to get back on track if I wanted to have a “good future”. It was discouraging. After I was diagnosed with ADHD this last year, I have thought back to that moment many times, and I know I could be the school counselor that could make a difference for a kid like myself, and many others. Now, things have changed and become more complicated since I was in high school. Add navigating social media, sexual orientations, the continued fight to eradicate racism, COVID, and even more competitive college selection processes, and it’s easy to see why so many students are struggling so hard these days. Add a neurodivergent adolescent into all of that who is unaware of their gifts and only sees them as failures, and there isn't a chance for them to succeed. The pressure is immense, socially and academically, and skilled school counselors who can see the issues and connect with these students in ways that make a difference are very needed. I know that my life lessons and experiences, paired with the education and hands-on experience that I would achieve through my graduate program in School Counseling, would lead me to be an excellent advocate and leader as a school counselor in any school, with any age. It makes me excited to think that one day I could be sitting across from a student who isn’t too much different from my younger self and be able to help them and encourage them in a way that I really could have used when I was in school. I know that after graduating, I will be the school counselor that makes a difference in the lives of students because I know how important one person making a difference can be. It can change the course of everything.

To be going back to school at 38 isn’t exactly the most traditional thing to do, but then again, I’ve never done things the traditional way. My parents always had the best intentions, wanted the best for me, and encouraged me to follow the traditional route. Unfortunately, I’ve learned a lot of lessons the hard way following that encouragement, and not my gut. I went to college when I was 18 and failed out when I was 19. I wasn’t ready, and I felt like a huge disappointment. After a few years of experience working with children in a preschool setting, I realized I did want to get my degree to reach my full potential career-wise, yet I still struggled. I couldn’t understand why I felt like I was trying harder than everyone else and still not doing as well. Focusing and organization were always such a struggle for me, and everywhere I looked, people's answers for me were always the same, I just needed to apply myself more or try harder. Even through the discouragement, I pushed on and 4 years later I got my 2-year associate degree, and 3 years after that, I graduated with honors from Washington State University with my Bachelor’s in Human Development, both while working full time. It was the hardest thing I had ever done; I didn’t know why it was so hard, I was passionate about the material but when talking to peers in my cohort it was obvious that I spent way more time on the same material to get similar grades. That perseverance has shown me just how passionate I am about helping the younger population in this country; I just didn't realize until recently that a lot of my passion stems from the way that I feel I was misunderstood in my years of middle and high school. Fast forward a few years, I got married, had a very high-energy baby boy, and started to notice as he got older that something was a little different with his development from what I could see within his peers. I majored in Human Development for my Bachelor's degree and was working with young children with a career as a specialist in behavior, yet I couldn't understand my own child's behavior. At 4 years old, he was an awful sleeper, having performance anxiety, going into fight-or-flight in the classroom (he was a fighter), and getting notes sent home constantly for his disruptive behavior in the classroom. It was so hard to watch him struggle, and I went to our family doctor to see if we could get some answers. We were referred to a psychiatrist and he was evaluated and diagnosed with ADHD. After 2 years of Occupational Therapy and Behavioral Therapy, he is now a kid who proudly tells people he has ADHD. In fact, he's pretty convinced it is his superpower and as we all know, all superheroes have their own "kryptonite" that they have to work around. He has no issue telling educators or coaches in his life that he is easily distracted and needs eye contact, or sometimes needs to get up to walk around during more structured times of the day, and watching him be able to advocate for himself at the age of 6 was what inspired me to pursue learning more about myself and why I've never had half the confidence, understanding, or acceptance of myself. Through the process of educating myself on ADHD to better support my son, I found myself connecting to a lot of the material I was learning. I always thought that I had depression and anxiety, but it turned out that those were just developed due to my lack of understanding of myself and my condition. I went to my doctor to discuss my constant overwhelm, my struggle to complete tasks, and my lack of self-control when trying to concentrate and after being evaluated it was realized that I have struggled with ADHD my whole life. This diagnosis has opened my world and allowed me to see and understand myself in a new way. I am no longer ashamed of the way my brain works, instead, I understand that while I may learn differently, that is okay. Being diagnosed, allowed me to accept myself after rejecting myself and being ashamed for so many years. Opening this door has shown me all I am capable of, when for the longest time all I could see was the things I couldn't do. Now, I find myself imagining if an educator, parent or counselor would have seen these things earlier and the way it would have impacted my life. When I was in middle/high school, girls weren't diagnosed with ADHD. I was just referred to as a "daydreamer", a girl not living up to the potential that everyone could see I had. I'm pretty sure I'd be rich if I had a quarter for every teacher/educator who said, "Courtney, if you just apply yourself a little bit more, you could be so successful!". Little do they know how much damage those words were doing, because I was trying as hard as I could. Why do I tell you this? Well, I think it shows my commitment and drive for self-improvement and my commitment to education and advocating for struggling youth. When I was in high school, I knew I learned differently, my teachers struggled to understand why I was so bright but couldn’t remember to get my homework out of my backpack. I would spend hours doing it just to forget to turn it in. I remember going to see the counselor in my school and talking to her about my future and explaining to her how I was trying so hard and felt like my brain was constantly sabotaging me. At least at my school, counselors were different then, and she just encouraged me to talk to my parents and figure out how to get back on track if I wanted to have a “good future”. It was discouraging, and that response led to me shutting down and not sharing my experiences and struggles anymore. After I was diagnosed with ADHD this last year, I have thought back to that moment and many others like it, and I know I could be the school counselor that could make a difference for a kid like myself, and many others. While that counselor I had was right to be concerned about my future, I believe counselors also are meant to help with personal development as well, and with the red flags I was showing she could have helped start a conversation with my parents that I wasn’t self-aware enough to do at the time. A school counselor is there to help academically and personally. To help with navigating the challenges of adolescence in a safe and nurturing space that allows a student to feel that they can open up and connect and ask for help if needed. I’ve always enjoyed working with children of all ages, I can connect and get through to them. I have always pictured myself in a school district, especially since having children of my own, but after being diagnosed with ADHD I concluded that I don’t want to just do anything for the district, I want to make a difference in a powerful way that I feel I was meant to do. I truly feel I am being called to become a school counselor to help students from all walks of life find their paths, no matter how uphill or rocky their paths may be. On top of my thoughts above, things have only changed and become more complicated since I was in high school. Add navigating social media, sexual orientations, the continued fight to eradicate racism, COVID, and even more competitive college selection processes, and it’s easy to see why so many students are struggling so hard these days. Add a neurodivergent adolescent into all of that who is unaware of their gifts and only sees them as failures, and there isn't a chance for them to succeed. The pressure is immense, socially and academically, and skilled school counselors who can see the issues and connect with these students in ways that make a difference are very needed. I know that my life lessons and experiences, paired with the education and hands-on experience that I would achieve through my graduate program in School Counseling, would lead me to be an excellent advocate and leader as a school counselor in any school, with any age group. It makes me excited to think that one day I could be sitting across from a student who isn’t too much different from my younger self and be able to help them and encourage them in a way that I really could have used when I was in school. I know that after graduating, I will be the school counselor that makes a difference in the lives of students because I know how important one person making a difference can be. It can change the course of everything.