I grew up with selective mutism. I don’t know exactly how I was diagnosed. There was no life changing moment when I found out; it’s just always been that way. I simply didn’t talk at school. Not even if I needed something. If the building was on fire I may have been burned alive. I’m genuinely not sure if I would have said anything. For a long time I didn’t think about the fact that other people didn’t live like that. I was just a normal kid with one distinguishing and slightly dehumanizing difference. I’ve never known what it’s like to have no unsettling feelings when leaving the house, or to not feel the need to plan out every single word to say to someone and the exact tone in which I’m going to say it, or to not have a voice at all. Some would say that I don’t know what it’s like to be “normal”. I was usually treated like a regular kid. I just got the occasional: “why don’t you ever talk?” Or “just say something”. Even if I felt comfortable talking, I had no idea how to answer. To this day I don’t fully understand that part of myself. I just shrugged off the elephant in the room and continued co existing and even being friends with my classmates. As I got older I started noticing everything I was missing out on. We all grew up, but I stayed back from a social stand point. I consider myself a good friend, but I don’t have a lot of friends. If anyone bothers to talk to me I usually scare them away with my poor social skills. Even if I don’t, it usually takes years for me to fully open up and genuinely connect with someone. In addition to that, everyone is constantly moving too fast. They won’t slow down when they could continue at the same speed with what they already have. I’m extremely grateful to my friends that did put in the effort, but it’s exhausting to feel so out of place in so many situations. There are also many social milestones that I’ve supposedly missed out on. School events, first kisses, being out past curfew, covering up a huge lie, doing stupid things in public. Who knows if I would have even enjoyed those things, but either way there’s an undeniable feeling of isolation and being left out. Others constantly freak out over the fact that I’ve never gotten a brain freeze. Not that I want to have one; but because I hold back I’ve missed out on that universal experience. This same rule applies to what I’ve done with my teenage years. Social anxiety has also affected what fills my time. If I haven’t completely missed out on something, I’ve been ripped off of my time with it. For example I have a really strong passion for singing and theater. I didn’t have the guts to even take a step forward in that until sixth grade. I auditioned for my school play and in order to be accommodating, the director agreed that I didn’t have to do any singing or dancing. Just stand on stage. That might sound stupid, but it was a big deal for me. I was proud of myself, but yet again, I just felt out of place and like no one actually wanted me there. Most people who were interested in theater just got on the stage a long time ago. Even things that are not performance related were hard at the beginning. I couldn’t order my own food or ask questions about what to do. I remember my mom still coming to birthday parties with me up to kindergarten or first grade when other people’s parents were leaving. I could hardly do anything without my mom by my side. I’m very grateful that she helped me through this problem. If it weren’t for her effort I probably wouldn’t do my guitar or Horsebackriding lessons. I probably wouldn’t volunteer at the Humane Society and in the children’s ministries at church. This summer I’m working with kindergarten students. I teach them lessons and help them with their work throughout the day. Of course interacting with young kids is completely different than adults and people my age, but a few years ago I don’t think I would have done it. All of this probably would have continued to just dangle out of my reach forever. Now I do all of it by myself. Something that I have recently learned to appreciate about my rough mental health history is satisfaction of finally achieving something. Because it’s been right out of my reach for so long, I’m endlessly grateful for every relationship and opportunity. I put passion and dedication into everything. I’ll listen to an overwhelmed friend talk all night, stay up all night with homework after a five hour rehearsal and do pretty much anything else asked of me with very few complaints. Recently I was involved in a very tedious seven day training. I learned nothing from it and it brought lots of stress into my life. However I waited three days before saying anything about how wasteful it was because I was truly grateful for the opportunity. Although selective mutism has brought me countless troubles, I don’t know if I would trade it if it meant having to give up my passionate attitude. After fully accepting that I will always be living life outside my comfort zone, I know that I have a lot of potential no matter what field I go into. I want to help people. I’m willing to listen to people and in many cases can truly understand. I’ll meet them exactly where they’re at and help them find their best selves. I will put in the effort while also trying my best to finally embrace life. I don’t want to push back Gods plans for me anymore.

Sabrina Carpenter is someone that I admire for countless reasons. Not only am I a fan of her work all the way from Sofia the first to her most recent songs, but also of the type of person that she is. She is a caring and passionate person, which she shows by dedicating her time and money to supporting mental health, animal warfare, and the LGBTQ community. On top of it all, she’s human and very relatable. Sabrina has been responsible for a good portion of my entertainment. From her roles as Maya, Vivian, Jenny, Quinn, and Harper to herself. Her humor, charm, sarcasm, and kindness have made her one of my favorite people in the world and one of the few that can entertain me for hours at a time. In addition to the quality entertainment, she always leaves a lasting impression and a new thought of perspective in my head. Another reason that I admire her is because of her life-changing music. It makes me upset that people just listen to her top three songs when she’s been making quality music since she was a kid. Every album tells its own unique story. “Eyes Wide Open” is about hope and youth, “Evolution” has mixed themes about discovering love and questioning the way that the world conditions you to think, “singular act” one and two show mixed feelings about growing up and new thoughts that you may have, “emails i can’t send” talks about betrayal, love, and mental health issues, and “Short n Sweet” demonstrates the effect that the shortest relationships or experience in life can have on you. There’s something for everyone in her discography, and it’s all powerful, beautiful, relatable, and has lots of unique touches. Overall, she’s just changed my life. It feels like she’s been holding my hand in the hardest moments and smiling along with me in my best ones. The fact that she’s worked extremely hard to do what she loves since her childhood and has maintained a strong character is infinitely inspiring to me. You really can’t blame a girl for trying. Her talent went unrecognized for a long time, but now she is reaching the success she has worked for and others get to experience her gifts.

I’ve had selective mutism as long as I can remember. It’s a challenge that has never defined me but has always stood in the way of many of my hopes and goals. Selective mutism doesn’t mean I was kind of shy or a little scared to talk to people. If the school was on fire I probably would have been burned alive because I wouldn’t be able to scream for help. Just a constant and suffocating feeling of having a voice, but at the same time not being able to find it anywhere. I don’t know how I was diagnosed. I could ask, but I think the fact that I don’t know says everything. I’ve never known life any other way. However The other aspects of my life are very normal. Aside from being affected by this rare disorder I am a very average person with a very normal upbringing. I spoke normally at home and without thinking about why, didn’t make a sound after being dropped off at school. As harsh and as bland as this answer may sound, the way I overcame this and the way I still work on my social skills to this day, is just by forcing myself out of my comfort zone. As frustrating as the quote “Life begins outside of your comfort zone” can be, it couldn’t be more true. I eventually just declared that I wasn’t willing to live that quiet, lonely, and isolating lifestyle. If I wanted to live up to my full potential, I would just have to be uncomfortable. But out of my discomfort came a lot of success, happiness, and fulfillment. However I don’t know if it would have gone that direction if I didn’t have the support system that I do. I grew up with supportive family and friends and faith in Jesus. Because of this support I understood that I was loved and that I had value and that although some people knew me as the kid who couldn’t talk, that want who I was. Although I haven’t fully established a career path yet, both my struggles and the live that I have been given have inspired me to help others. I know how to properly show others love and see the best in them. However I also understand many types of struggles and I know what it’s like to feel constantly misunderstood. I believe that this combination of traits gives me the potential to meet people where they are at and help them build their lives up from there.

I know this scholarship is meant for Netflix fans, but due to the cancellation of this show, I don’t think I can call my self a Netflix fan. The show that was so life changing was Julie and the Phantoms. It was sadly cancelled after one short season. The worst part is that it ended with many questions left unanswered and two majors cliffhangers. For that reason, I don’t blame you for not watching it. However it’s suitable for everyone. It’s youthful and fun while including deep and mature themes. Everyone in my family loved this show despite our countless differences. The first amazing thing about this show is the relatable but also unique takes on the topic of grief. Julie’s still mourning the loss of her mom a year after her passing. Julie’s lost her passion for music and living in general. Meanwhile Luke, Alex, and Reggie; the phantoms; are mourning their own lives and realizing they have a lot of regrets. They’re lives ended before their music careers took off, they walked out on their families, and worst of all they don’t know why they became ghosts or the true reason that they lived in the first place. Although it’s hard for all of them, we get to see their progress in overcoming these losses. A lot of strong relationships are shown during this time of reinvention. We witness Julie’s loved ones seeing her become herself again. For a long time she tried to push away anything that had to do with her mom. Her dad was even planning to sell the house. However she came to the realization that changing outward things would not fix anything and that moving on has to come from the inside. Luke, Alex, and Reggie were part of the reason Julie started to play music again. They point out how important music is in Julie’s life. Although it may be difficult, it would ultimately help her feel closer to her mom and also express herself in ways that she desperately needed to. Julie also helped them bring their music back to people. Most ghosts could never be seen, but when those three played music with Julie they could be seen by anyone. Although they felt lonely in their new lives, these connections helped. One more thing that makes this show special is how it demonstrates the value of life. As a Christian I’ve always believed that life has value and that everybody lives for a reason. However whatever religious or spiritual background you come from, it makes you think. Some people try to argue that life is meaningless and that after you die you’re just gone. Luke, Alex, and Reggie prove this to be false. They were told that they came back as ghosts because they had unfinished business. Although it was never confirmed exactly what this was, they ended up completely changing Julie’s life. We also see that Luke’s parents are still mourning his loss and the fact that they never got to say goodbye. On top of all of this, their bandmate Bobby, who didn’t die, stole and recorded all of Luke’s songs. This shows that their lives undeniably had value and it didn’t simply disappear after they died. Ultimately this show beautifully shows why you should just wake up and do what you love, because it’s now or never. You’re standing on the edge of great so you just need to stand tall even when it feels impossible. If you don’t watch the show you should at least listen to the music so that you can understand those references.

Although people like Janie Mae are very important, they are often unheard of. This may sound sad, but it is usually a sign of an affective person. Most people who have made an impact on your life aren’t well known for it. There are so many people in my life who have served and helped me in so many ways. I could go on and on about them and you would have no idea who I’m talking about. But that’s ok because they’re important to me. Im ok with being this person. I want to feel like I actually made an impact instead of just showing off the fact that I care. I like to show my kindness through more personal words and gestures. I’m a very dedicated friend. I’m willing to be there with them through hard times and I always listen to whatever they say. I always make it my priority to help in any way that is needed. Another way I have volunteered my care and love is through church. I’m a devoted Christian and always try to show the love of Jesus to the people I interact with. My favorite way to do this is by working with kids and through volunteering. One of my favorite experiences is a missions trip that I’ve been on a few times over the Summer. As a church group we go to Ensenada Mexico. We split our time between building a house for an underprivileged family and running a VBS for the kids in the neighborhood. That’s my favorite part. The language barrier doesn’t stop it from being amazing. I love to spend time around them and help with their activities. They always seem so genuinely happy to be there and that makes me feel so lucky to be a part of it. I also work with young children on the church campus. My favorite thing about kids is how innocent, pure, and authentic they are. I love to take the time to truly know them, meet them where they are at and help them with whatever is needed. It’s not about how much you do or the recognition you get, but it’s the quality of your work and the impact that is made. Based on what you tell me about Janie Mae it seems like she gave plenty of quality attention and I want to do the same for others.

I grew up with selective mutism. I don’t know exactly how I was diagnosed. There was no life changing moment when I found out; it’s just always been that way. I simply didn’t talk at school. Not even if I needed something. If the building was on fire I may have been burned alive. I’m genuinely not sure if I would have said anything. For a long time I didn’t think about the fact that other people didn’t live like that. I was just a normal kid with one distinguishing and slightly dehumanizing difference. I’ve never known what it’s like to have no unsettling feelings when leaving the house, or to not feel the need to plan out every single word to say to someone and the exact tone in which I’m going to say it, or to not have a voice at all. Some would say that I don’t know what it’s like to be “normal”. I was usually treated like a regular kid. I just got the occasional: “why don’t you ever talk?” Or “just say something”. Even if I felt comfortable talking, I had no idea how to answer. To this day I don’t fully understand that part of myself. I just shrugged off the elephant in the room and continued co existing and even being friends with my classmates. As I got older I started noticing everything I was missing out on. We all grew up, but I stayed back from a social stand point. I consider myself a good friend, but I don’t have a lot of friends. If anyone bothers to talk to me I usually scare them away with my poor social skills. Even if I don’t, it usually takes years for me to fully open up and genuinely connect with someone. In addition to that, everyone is constantly moving too fast. They won’t slow down when they could continue at the same speed with what they already have. I’m extremely grateful to my friends that did put in the effort, but it’s exhausting to feel so out of place in so many situations. There are also many social milestones that I’ve supposedly missed out on. School events, first kisses, being out past curfew, covering up a huge lie, doing stupid things in public. Who knows if I would have even enjoyed those things, but either way there’s an undeniable feeling of isolation and being left out. Others constantly freak out over the fact that I’ve never gotten a brain freeze. Not that I want to have one; but because I hold back I’ve missed out on that universal experience. This same rule applies to what I’ve done with my teenage years. Social anxiety has also affected what fills my time. If I haven’t completely missed out on something, I’ve been ripped off of my time with it. For example I have a really strong passion for singing and theater. I didn’t have the guts to even take a step forward in that until sixth grade. I auditioned for my school play and in order to be accommodating, the director agreed that I didn’t have to do any singing or dancing. Just stand on stage. That might sound stupid, but it was a big deal for me. I was proud of myself, but yet again, I just felt out of place and like no one actually wanted me there. Most people who were interested in theater just got on the stage a long time ago. Even things that are not performance related were hard at the beginning. I couldn’t order my own food or ask questions about what to do. I remember my mom still coming to birthday parties with me up to kindergarten or first grade when other people’s parents were leaving. I could hardly do anything without my mom by my side. I’m very grateful that she helped me through this problem. If it weren’t for her effort I probably wouldn’t do my guitar or Horsebackriding lessons. I probably wouldn’t volunteer at the Humane Society and in the children’s ministries at church. This summer I’m working with kindergarten students. I teach them lessons and help them with their work throughout the day. Of course interacting with young kids is completely different than adults and people my age, but a few years ago I don’t think I would have done it. All of this probably would have continued to just dangle out of my reach forever. Now I do all of it by myself. Something that I have recently learned to appreciate about my rough mental health history is satisfaction of finally achieving something. Because it’s been right out of my reach for so long, I’m endlessly grateful for every relationship and opportunity. I put passion and dedication into everything. I’ll listen to an overwhelmed friend talk all night, stay up all night with homework after a five hour rehearsal and do pretty much anything else asked of me with very few complaints. Recently I was involved in a very tedious seven day training. I learned nothing from it and it brought lots of stress into my life. However I waited three days before saying anything about how wasteful it was because I was truly grateful for the opportunity. Although selective mutism has brought me countless troubles, I don’t know if I would trade it if it meant having to give up my passionate attitude. After fully accepting that I will always be living life outside my comfort zone, I know that I have a lot of potential no matter what field I go into. I want to help people. I’m willing to listen to people and in many cases can truly understand. I’ll meet them exactly where they’re at and help them find their best selves. I will put in the effort while also trying my best to finally embrace life. I don’t want to push back Gods plans for me anymore.

The two shows that I would cross over would be Jessie and Girl Meets World. Makes sense right? Both groups of people live in New York. This would be an interesting mix with their many differences but also with their slight bit of common ground. This one has a bit of a twist because it would actually be a makeover of the episode “Girl Meets Money”. I know that Jessie had technically ended by then, but let’s use our imagination. It starts off with Mr Matthews lesson about money. They still make their same points, Maya about not having much money, and Farkle about his situation and feeling selfish. After this they are given an assignment to interview fellow classmates. Being that Ravi would be around the same age and it was never specified what school he goes to, he would be one of the people that they interviewed. They would find out about his background. How he now lives in a penthouse and has all that he wants at his fingertips but how it used to be quite the opposite. This change is usually seen as a good thing but he would reflect on how he’s lost a bit of his sweet innocence and selflessness. They would be intrigued by this and invite him to come to Farkles house with them. Before going to Farkles house, we see Ravi talking with his family. Being that his siblings were always in better circumstances then him, they’d be pretty ignorant about this at first and Emma would even accuse him of being ungrateful, but Ravi would stand strong in this passion. Later at Farkle’s house it plays out very similarly. To how it did in the actual episode. All of his friends including Ravi are shocked that he has all of this because that’s just not how he portrays himself. Ravi emphasizes that he feels like he used to be that way but has fallen to the influence of his siblings and New York culture. After this they agree to go to Ravi’s house see that he is in a similar financial situation to Farkle. They are also introduced to his siblings. Although Ravi couldn’t really get into their heads, his new friends did. Ravi and Farkle already connected. Ravi coming from humble beginnings and Farkle being humble with what he has. They both admire each other for these reasons. Lucas and Luke connect over their popularity but are also challenged over how they use it differently. Luke using it as a magnet while Lucas uses it to help people. Maya and Zuri connect over their tough and resilient nature. However they compare and contrast as Maya needed that to survive while Zuri keeps it to herself. Riley and Emma also bond over popularity. Emma just realized that a lot of her motives are selfish while Riley genuinely wants to be everyone’s friend. In result of this they all come together at the end to donate to charities. They now all have new perspectives on money. They are both more appreciative of what they have but also know that money is not all that matters.

I’m going to start off by saying that shipping wars are stupid. There’s always a right answer intentionally planted. One person that the main character is truly in love with and a second choice that they try to bury their feelings in. In this case Belly buried her feelings in Jeremiah to try and ignore her undeniable feelings for Conrad. Belly and Jeremiah love each other. They’re best friends and they cope with their hardships by being there for each other, unlike Conrad who just doesn’t know how to express his emotions. It would be really easy if they fell in love with each other, but they can’t be in love just because they want to. In many instances you see them practically eating each others faces off, trying to convince themselves that they feel something. They are trying to invent something that just doesn’t exist. With Conrad that spark is just there permanently .You feel the connection just by them standing in the room together. Even in the early episodes of season 2 when they claimed they didn’t even want to speak to each other, it was still there. I understand some people like Jeremiah more, but this show is about how Belly feels. It wouldn’t even be fair to the characters. Belly briefly mentioned this in season 1 episode 6 when she said: “How am I supposed to fully jump into something with Jeremiah when a piece of my heart still beats for his brother.” Another scene that’s rarely talked about was in season 2 episode 7 when Belly tried to deny her feelings for Conrad. She stated: “Whatever you think you saw last night; it was all wrong. There is nothing left between me and Conrad.” Jeremiah knows this isn’t true and he replies saying:”There will always be something between you and Conrad.” She doesn’t even deny it. She really can’t considering the night before she was sobbing about how Conrad let their relationship go. On top of that, Jeremiah is just ok with being the second choice. I shouldn’t have to explain why that’s wrong. Although Conrad rarely talks about his feelings, it’s clear they are there and that they are real, unlike the feelings that Jeremiah invented based off of longing for a deep connection and just disapproving of the way Conrad treated her. An example of this was in season 1 episode 4 when Jeremiah saw that Belly and Conrad were about to kiss. There was no sadness or despair, he just had an angry and petty look on his face. We also see how shallow his feelings for Belly are in season 2 episode 8. He talked about how if he had taken Belly to prom he would have remembered the corsage and given her a good night. Although these are sweet intentions, they didn’t show any depth. It felt more like a competition with Conrad. On the other hand, Conrad was genuinely hurt to see Belly with Jeremiah. He sometimes masked this with anger because he didn’t know how to cope. And although he ended up getting out of their way In season 2 episode 8, him leaving the hotel was one of the saddest moments in the whole series. He didn’t know how to be what Belly needed and was trying to hold on, but just couldn’t do it. He had to let go. It was painful and you could tell how much he cared. But then again, do I really need to explain? I have plenty more reasoning, but this should be enough to prove my point.

I’ve had selective mutism as long as I can remember. By that I don’t mean I was kinda shy and a little scared to talk to people. If the school was on fire I probably would have been burned alive because I wouldn’t be able to scream for help. Thankfully my social abilities have improved to the point where I can function somewhat normally, but I notice now how much it’s changed the way Ive grown up and the relationships that I have .600 words can’t fully explain my experience, but I will try my best. I don’t know how I was diagnosed. I could ask, but I think the fact that I don’t know says everything. I’ve never known life any other way. However The other aspects of my life are very normal. I know there are misconceptions, but I did not experience a traumatic event and I had mentally healthy parents and a stable home life. Aside from being affected by this rare disorder I am a very average person with a very normal upbringing. I spoke normally at home and without thinking about why, didn’t make a sound after being dropped off at school. In order to help me, my parents would reward me with things I wanted whenever I would reach some sort of communication goal. This included whispering to my friend or raising my hand for help or ordering my own food. These did help me improve, I just felt stupid when I couldn’t reach them right away. I sometimes didn’t feel like my effort was appreciated enough and always felt misunderstood. But through some kind of mix between encouragement from family and friends, my own ambition, and Gods voice saying there’s more out there for me, I kept going. It’s also been really helpful for me to cope through forms of creative expression. Although I’ve gotten to a point where I’m viewed as more normal, selective mutism and social anxiety are very isolating. It wasn’t so much when I was younger; The only criticism I would get was an occasional comment like “Why are you so quiet?” Or “Why don’t you just say something?” Now that I’m older I still don’t receive much judgment, but everyone has established their lives without me. Hardly anyone tries to be my friend or even talk to me and when they do I tend to scare them away with my lack of social skills. I now only have a few close friends and haven’t made a new one since middle school. In most social settings I just feel out of place Going to college includes everyone scattering to different parts of the world and feeling lost with their new beginnings. I see college as a fresh start and a time to present myself differently. Since I’ve missed out on the typical school experience, it’s really important for me to have that in college. Additionally I have a lot to offer people. I haven’t decided exactly what I want to do yet but I think I have enough normality for others to relate to but can also relate to people in unique positions like mine and make them feel seen and less alone. Lastly, I won’t take my experience for granted. I know some people don’t see milestones like this as a big deal because so many accomplish them. It took me so much extra effort and I never got the typical experience that has been waved in front of my face for so long. I can’t wait to see what happens now that I have the opportunity.

A lyric from “GUTS” by Olivia Rodrigo that I and many others silently relate to is the first verse of “teenage dream” when she says “When am I gonna stop being great for my age and just start being good? When will it stop being cool to be quietly misunderstood?” It perfectly demonstrates the confusion and fear that comes along with getting older. Everyone talks about how it feels to be a teenager. When your in the midst of it. Everything is happening at once but at the same time it’s going by so slow. But when it’s over it doesn’t feel like it was long enough if that makes any sense. Speaking as someone who will graduate next year, most of us are not physically or mentally ready to be adults no matter how much we may have hated being teenagers. As teenagers having basic knowledge about people, the world and yourself is special. Your praised for it. If you know how to do your laundry your ahead of the game and if your good at something unique, your basically a celebrity. But as an adult you’re behind everyone and nobody acknowledges that you’re new at navigating this world by yourself despite still practically being a kid. You have to know exactly what your doing. Sure a blank canvas comes before a painting, but all most will care about is the finished product. Another example of the brutality of being thrown into adulthood is that you are no longer special in any way that the general public is willing to acknowledge. Most people couldn’t care less about your heart or your passion or care. And you may have been the best singer or artist of basketball player in your family or friend group or maybe even whole school or town, you will find someone more talented then you and outward skill always beats what’s on the inside. I personally relate to this lyrics in a very literal way. I was diagnosed with selective mutism in pre school and still have social anxiety to this day. My parents and sometimes teachers and other adults are proud of the progress I’ve made. I’ve gone from a helpless little kid that would die in a fire because I’d be too scared to scream for help to being a functioning human being that would be capable of living in society. But I’m terrified that I won’t be able to thrive. It was never cool to be “quietly misunderstood”, but accommodations have gotten less accommodating, awkwardness looks even more awkward the older I get, and social barriers have gotten so much thicker. I haven’t made a new close friend since middle school and I’m lucky if someone goes out of their way to even be nice to me. I’m afraid that in the adult world that progress and being “quietly misunderstood” will just make me look like a lost cause. I know I’m not the only one who’s scared, but Olivia Rodrigo is one of the only people who has spoken about these aspects of the transition from being a teenager to an adult. It’s scary being told the wrong things, and then learning the right things, making progress and then realizing it’s not enough and ultimately that there may not be anyone that thinks you are special. You will rarely even get looked at if you are not “great” and no one tries to understand the misunderstood.