I always knew college was expected of me. With my mom being a public school teacher, education was a big part of our household. She used to say, "No one can take away your intelligence. You can lose use of an arm or a leg, but the knowledge you acquire is what will provide for your future the most." So yeah, going to college wasn't a question of if, but expected of me. However, after the year I just had, it started to feel like that expectation is more of a dream. The path of going to college seemed buried under everything else I was dealing with. I knew I didn't want to let my mom down, and I didn't want to give up on myself either.
In May of 2024, I experienced the worst day of my life. I found my dad lying in his shop; he was not his "normal" color. I ran over to him, grabbed his arm, and I could tell his body wasn't at its normal temperature. I still attempted CPR as my mother called 911. I felt his ribs break as I did compressions. That was mentioned in my CPR training, but until you experience it, you don't understand what it really means. I felt as if I was hurting him. About 35 minutes from the time my mother had called emergency services, the ambulance finally arrived. They tried using a defibrillator to regain a pulse along with some type of medicine. They would get a pulse for a minute at the most, and then they would lose it. They repeated this cycle over and over, until they were able to load him up to take him to the hospital, which was 30 miles away. When we arrived at the hospital, the doctor pulled my mother and me to the back room. He told us that my dad had been down too long, and that even though the meds combined with the shock voltage to get his pulse back, my dad could never sustain his heartbeat. The doctor provided some treatment options, but my mother gave the doctor my dad's advance directive, indicating no life-saving measures. The days to follow were nothing but a blur. So many emotions were running around in my head. I told myself my dad was too young to die; he wasn't sick, maybe a little overweight. This has to be a nightmare, and I'll wake up any minute now, and everything will be back to normal. That never happened. I became a bit angry. My dad is supposed to be at all my big life moments, especially going into my senior year of high school. There is so much I didn't know. Who is going to give me advice or share words of wisdom when I need them? I never envisioned a future without my dad in it.
Even though my dad is no longer with us, I will always be grateful to him for instilling the values of family and hard work. He worked for the railroad for 26 years in various positions throughout his career. His latest position was going to give him the ability to make all my football games, most of my basketball games, and, of course, he would make as many track meets as he could. He always put us, his family, first. There were times when I was in grade school, he was unable to take a summer vacation with us, but he insisted we go. He never wanted to hold us back from experiencing things. I never shied away from hard work, but no kid likes doing chores and such. I did learn so much from him. I know how to change the oil in my truck, I know how to tend to cattle, I know how to weld, and so much more. I never really appreciated how much he did around the house until I had to fill his shoes.
A month after my dad's passing, my mother was overwhelmed. My dad did not renew his life insurance policy when he took the new position. She was scrambling, contacting various institutions, trying to get everything in order. She was exhausted as she was grieving while trying to tend to all the things that go with losing a spouse. She had a support group of friends who came and helped where they could. One day, everything caught up to her, and she broke. She called one of her friends, who happens to be a nurse, and could tell that something was wrong. She and another friend from the friend circle rushed over to the house to find her with various whiskey bottles around her, along with the medications the doctor had prescribed. They immediately called for an ambulance. As I was arriving home, the ambulance was leaving our house. They told me what had happened. The next morning, she voluntarily checked into a mental health hospital for treatment.
Here I was, having just turned 18 the week prior, and now dealing with a whole new set of concerns. No guidebook, no backup. I had no choice but to step up as the man of the house now. I took on all of my dad's responsibilities that he had around the house. I took care of my younger brother, made sure he was fed, drove him to places he needed to be, and more. I just knew that I needed to do as much as possible to ease the pressures my mother was dealing with.
As August arrived, the excitement of college applications was in the air among my peers. That is when I realized that the future of attending college may have been derailed for a while. I did send in some college applications as I wasn't giving up just yet. My senior year was marked by a very challenging academic schedule, as well as involvement in numerous extracurricular activities and work.
It wasn't until the Spring when my schedule opened up more in the afternoons that I could get a job at Whataburger and start earning some real bank. I worked around 20 hours a week the rest of the semester. Spring is also referred to as “Scholarship Season” at my school. When I wasn't working, I was busy filling out local scholarships. I turned in 61 applications to my high school counselor. Then I started looking for national scholarships online and applying to those. How else can I improve my odds financially? I am not likely to win the lottery.
Graduation has come and gone. I am working about 50 hours a week between my two jobs. And, I am still applying for as many scholarships as I can this summer. My peers think I am wasting my time, that I should just be enjoying this last carefree summer. I remind them that our situations are different. I don't want to graduate with a massive debt, so spending time completing scholarships versus hanging out at the beach is worth it, as every dollar counts.
I'm heading to the University of Arkansas to study engineering. I picked civil engineering because I've always liked tinkering in the shop with my dad, trying to figure out how things work. Problem solving is a natural skill set for me, and I enjoy math. Civil engineering allows me to combine my skills with my love of math to make improvements for my community and impact the world. What would it feel like to create or improve existing systems, such as roads, bridges, or public works? These things aren't glamorous, but they matter. They keep people moving and keep communities safe. Ultimately, I would love to develop an emergency plan that enhances response times for emergency services. Would the EMTs arriving 10 minutes sooner have been enough to save my dad? We will never know, but it would have increased his odds. I aim to develop a solution specifically tailored to rural areas, such as my hometown, that improves the overall survival rate in emergencies; then that is the impact I want to have on this world.
This scholarship is more than providing financial assistance to some random student who wrote a good essay. I have shared with you my raw experiences in hopes of continuing to fight for my future and my dreams. Thank you for taking the time to hear my story.