Suddenly, you feel nauseous, you begin to sweat profusely, tears pour down your cheeks, but you are still numb from the shock of the impending fate that your loved one is going to die. This is what I felt as I eavesdropped on my dad who was on the phone with my grandma, who was telling her children her cancer has returned and she had no more fight in her. After a year and a half long battle with a malicious stomach cancer, where she was told three separate times many months apart she had beaten the cancer, the doctors informed her that it spread throughout her entire body and there was nothing else they could do except delay the inevitable. The countless months vomiting and losing her hair from chemotherapy and the suffering from having almost her entire stomach gutted to contain the spread was seemingly all for nothing. Although she just learned that her life was going to end, she stayed strong and kept a smile on her face until the very end.
Proceeding her death I could not think straight. My mind was flooded with sadness, memories of her like at every single one of my sporting events where she would always say afterward "Connie I will always be your number one fan", and anger at the doctors for not saving her because I felt as though I needed to place the blame somewhere. One night as I was laying there with these thoughts racing through my head like a video on repeat I came to the realization that this is not what my strong grandmother would have wanted me to do. She would want me to wipe the tears from my face, get myself together, and work hard for my goals. Throughout her obstacle-filled life she supported two kids with no child support as a single mother, she worked hard to make money so she could support her friends and family, and after all this she went to the gym every day to burn off the weight from the stress of all of it up until the chemotherapy made her incapable. From this realization four years ago to this day, what matters most to me is to one day be able to support my family and friends just like my grandma once did.
Before I was taken from my mother's house to my father's due to witnessing her being strangled multiple times by boyfriends and her alcohol addiction, I witnessed her struggle every day financially. She was scared whether we would be evicted again or if we would be able to eat that night. Now that she has recovered from her addiction and is free from her abusers I want nothing more than to help her as she still struggles with money. I know if my grandma was alive she would help my mother even though she is her son's ex and since she cannot, I want to be the one to do it. My father is more financially stable than her as he works a stable job with DCYF, but with the recent diagnosis that my baby brother, Max, is autistic the costs are beginning to pile up as he begins early intervention. I cannot thank my dad enough for what he saved me from at my mother's and seeing all of these expenses making him have to work excessive overtimes makes me feel guilty because I am not doing enough. If my grandma was still alive she would without a doubt help my father out and ease the burden on his shoulders, and just like her, I want to be the one to do it.
Since 9th grade, I have had anxiety about how I am going to manage my student debt and the last thing I want to do is ask my parents who already have a lot on their minds for help. Now in 12th grade, I have worked hard, just like my grandma would have, and through many grueling honors, dual-enrollment, and AP classes I will have accumulated around 60 college credits at the end of my senior year and maintained high honors. The entire time I was taking these classes and became overwhelmed I thought to myself, "What would Grammy do?", and got right back to work because I knew she would do anything for her family. Also, I gave away most of my time this summer to participate in an internship on a research and development team so I could gain early experience with the field I want to pursue, computer science, because my grandma would want me to get ahead in life like that so I can help my family. Therefore, I will "fight" hard until I can support my family just like my grandma, my hero.