Every week, I volunteer with youth at one of the most economically disadvantaged schools in my city. We have a “quiet zone” where children who are over-stimulated or struggling with their mental health can take a time-out. A couple weeks ago, I was talking with two of the girls in the quiet zone, and I was so surprised by their ability to communicate what their challenges were. Despite being elementary students, they spoke about their diagnoses and how it affects their daily lives with a vocabulary that took me a lifetime to achieve. So many people are suffering quietly, but by deciding to be more open about my own struggles, I’ve found others reach out to connect with me, and together we are working toward a culture where we don’t have to hide our challenges from others, or from ourselves.
I spent many years living abroad not just for all the great reasons one should live abroad, but secretly because I’ve always felt like a foreigner, even among those closest too me, and being a literal foreigner made it easier for me to hide from my feelings. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve had the joy of meeting people who thought that light was the best disinfectant. I’ve made friends who have adapted to some of my alienating habits and brought me the joy of their companionship over many years. This has strengthened me, and helped me learn that I’m not a fundamentally broken person, I’m just wired a bit differently than the majority, but there are others who are out there experiencing the world similar to myself.
I spent a few years teaching in the Marshall Islands, and the local college hosted an open-mic night. While most of the performers had exciting raps or songs, one student tearfully read a poem about self-harm. I struggle with the idea of being called “a leader” but sometimes I know that’s a position thrust upon me, I knew this girl was struggling, and I knew I had just a moment to be there for her. So I reached out to a female teacher I knew who had a history of self-harm, and asked her to rush over and give that girl a hug as it was clearly needed but would be inappropriate for me to do. When I joined them, they were both hugging and crying. I thanked the girl for her bravery sharing that poem, and suggested that the three of us should start a mental health support group, which she eagerly agreed to. Each week for the next several months we met, and I’ll always be grateful that I had the insight to know when someone was asking for help, had the experience and knowledge to lead a group like that with compassion, and had a friend who was able to provide the support to make it happen.
I don’t know what my life would have been like if I got the support I feel I needed when I was younger. Many things like “autism spectrum disorder” or “ADHD” just weren’t understood at the time. Even now, it is a struggle to get the proper accommodation I need at work, but at least now I have a better understanding of who I am and what I need to thrive, even if I’m not achieving it yet, I can at least be moving in the right direction.
Knowing that I’m on the spectrum has helped me identify some patterns in my employment, and I’ve been working hard lately to understand how someone so skilled as I am can struggle so much at work. Through endless therapy, mental health support groups, podcasts, books, and conversations with loved ones, I’ve begun to realize just how many dreams I’ve put aside because I needed to pursue my career “the proper way.” But it won’t work right, because my brain is wired differently than those who succeed that way! Despite remarkable growth, I know I will probably always struggle with depression because it’s a consequence of masking my autism. I will probably always struggle with anxiety and money in general. But one thing I can do is focus on changing my environment to one which I have more control over. I am a damn good writer, and it is time I embrace that! So I’ve decided to go back to school and pursue a degree which will help me build the routine and network I need to succeed in the career that I know I can excel at.
Changing the past would have prevented the understanding I needed to get where I’m at now, but I am working hard to find ways to use my experiences and personalities to continue to help others struggling with balancing their lives and their mental health. I have recently been appointed to a mental health commission in Washington State to help identify barriers to access care, and I aspire toward having a publishing company where people from diverse backgrounds can share their stories.
Thank you for this opportunity for the scholarship and all that you do working together toward destigmatization.