Problems, to me, had always been physical. My mom would ground me for not taking the trash out, maybe a poor grade on a test but I had never had a problem with my thoughts and feeling mentally consumed and exhausted. Facing the four walls of my room from the beginning of May until the end of school brought a new feeling of sadness that I had never felt. I was constantly fighting my mind in punishment. I had trouble articulating my feelings so much so that when I finally chose to speak out about a problem, it came out forceful.
My grades reached a low, I lacked motivation, I quit football, something I had played and enjoyed since I was 9, and my life crumbled before my eyes. Watching me crumble was too much to bear and my Mom decided to bring our family to see a therapist. My mother had started to feel like it was her fault and honestly that broke me because it wasn’t. I hated the idea of therapy because to me it sounded like something only people with problems had to go to. Little did I know the problems I was facing. I had no idea how that session would go and the everlasting effects it would have on my mental wellness and attitude.
I faced emotional and personal struggles that significantly impacted my motivation. Mrs. Kate helped me recognize that the lack of motivation affected my academic performance and took a toll on my mental well-being. Deciding that it was on me to choose to improve, I started to implement strategies to help gain motivation towards my school work, which allowed me to seek help from teachers, family and friends. From sitting at the kitchen table doing homework while my Mom made dinner, to studying flashcards to prepare for exams, I tried to help myself find my motivation again.
Mrs. Kate also helped my Mom see that I needed to face natural consequences for my actions. Although I could have chosen to take advantage of my Mom’s choice to no longer punish me, it created a feeling of pride in me to do good for me, for my self worth, not to avoid punishment. I no longer worked hard at things for a result. I now felt pride in the process, trusting the process no matter what the subject or circumstance is. Failure is bound to happen, but the process and growth through each circumstance, whether academic or personal, truly helped me out of the dark hole I was in. I soon rediscovered my motivation for school work. Personal growth comes in many shapes and sizes. My journey was bumpy with roadblocks both academically and mentally. With the help of my family, friends and therapist, I overcame these bumps in my road and my personal growth is one I am proud of. Resilience isn’t a grade on my transcript, but if it was, it would be an A+.