My understanding of the world and myself has completely changed ever since I was diagnosed with ADHD and depression. Society has come a long way in recognizing and de-stigmatizing certain aspects of mental health, but nothing could have prepared me for the newfound understanding that came with a diagnosis. During the COVID-19 quarantine, I found myself completely unable to do my schoolwork; I could not even force myself to complete a 5-question assignment! I was forced to get out of bed for classes, but I was usually less-than-hygienic, unable to focus, and bored. Spring of 2020 I was failing almost all my classes and extremely suicidal--enough that my parents had to hide certain objects in the house. Everything during this time felt so, so big. Approaching the deadlines and tasks looming over my head always felt like climbing mountains because I had much larger things looming over me, too. My aunt passed away right at the end of 2019, leaving me broken-hearted and health conscious, but I had little support because of one parent's substance addiction. They had a health scare that forced them to be sober, but my other parent was diagnosed with breast cancer at the same time. It felt like I might meet the end of everything I had ever known. So, finally, my parents got me to a counselor as an emergency case. After a month of trying to treat my depression didn't work, we went through a list of underlying conditions and I passed on the inattentive-ADHD symptom test with flying colors. This was why I was so helplessly stuck; my depression was exacerbated by executive dysfunction and my brain's inability to hold onto dopamine. I wasn't lazy! I wasn't sabotaging myself and my future on purpose! I suddenly saw myself in a much different position; someone doing their best despite the circumstances. I'd love to say that after that and medication, I was a perfect functioning member of society, but I wasn't. Four years later, I'm still trying to find workarounds for problems I've never known how to solve. Healing is a long journey, but having the resources to help myself has gotten me very far already. I now know how to plan ahead and create long-term goals--something I was never able to do as a child. One thing that has really impacted my understanding is being able to see the world from different perspectives. The way ADHD shapes a brain tends to be counter-intuitive to the whims of our modern society--work all the time, don't get distracted, etc. So I don't focus on how society should view me, because it sees me in negative ways. I like to focus on things from a nature perspective; humans are designed to be in the sunshine, and spend time with each other, and be happy. I don't get a lot of sunshine most of the year in western Oregon, but I still do my best to spend time outside, which has given me plenty of things to be happy about. It's become much easier to coexist with big problems, even lifelong ones, when I learned to appreciate little things.