Ambition is what drives everything that I accomplish within my educational career. It is something I draw great pride upon since it’s the one thing I’ve put all of my effort into — as well as the fact that is the only thing that I have going on for me at the moment. In the end, I want my career to be focused on — categorized in (concerning college major programs) — computer science. Programming and engineering have always been at the forefront of my passion and I want to administer that into a job that I can thoroughly appreciate. These also happen to be skills that I know that I am not very familiar with — unlike with the performing arts and illustrations. So I want to learn about and dedicate myself to something that I know I can improve on. When it comes to planning my future, I think about my career path, and what possible opportunities are available around my immediate area. Unfortunately living in the suburbs doesn’t really provide a lot of those regarding my major of interest. However, I still remain hopeful that I will be able to begin working to earn money to pay for college and driving school. That being said, as much as internships would be preferred, I find that during my free-time, I can further expand my knowledge to set myself up for success. Examples of this would be writing scholarship essays (like this one), applying for jobs, volunteering, and attending information venues for FAFSA, and engaging in vigorous college searching and researching. That is the brunt of my goals – hardly specific – but I think it serves as a solid-enough foundation to get me through the rest of my senior year in high school. My main goal is to be persistent with my curiosity and strive to learn constantly. After all, isn't that what makes life worth living?

I often forget about my identity. Being a mixed Asian American — and living in a household that is considerably not Asian — this is not an uncommon set of circumstances. I never gave much thought to my lack of knowledge of my ancestry, culture, and language. Yet, when faced with survey questions asking for basic information like, “What is your ethnicity?” I felt obligated to categorize myself. It was an unsettling question because it kindled a deep sense of displacement. My academic interests, I have been told bluntly before, satisfy my stereotype. I am interested in computer science, engineering, and architecture. My teachers in the past had sworn up and down that I would become a lawyer when I grew up because of how smart I was. Or how smart I was to them. To be honest, I was happy about receiving the praise, so I always set the bar high concerning my academic career. Throughout the progression of my life, this hasn’t really changed. I am currently a Running Start student following the same mindset, and I am genuinely interested in pursuing college after graduation. The only offsetting part is simply the way people expect it. My family and friends have always reiterated that my brilliance came from what I was rather than how I was, and that my skills were not from practice, but born from talent. It was their way of telling me I was special, but it felt wrong. I melted under the societal pressure of fitting into the model minority where I believed it was essential to be of high intellect and distinctly successful. But I became more susceptible to burning out because I was doing too much all at once while trying to grow up 2x faster than anyone else in my grade. I built a cage using the expectations of everyone around me and unsurprisingly, ended up crumbling. Regarding my interest in social change, I remain committed in my desire to end the smart Asian standard where one constantly feels the need to obsess over their studies in fear of not fitting into the expectation others perceive them in. Or rather, the only reason why one is gifted or skilled in a subject is simply due to their race — all for the reason of that’s how “most of those people” usually are. Individuality is the most important part of existing. It gives you the sense of “I’m me, and that’s good enough.” I bashed my brain in order to make goals that wound up too far from my reach. Now, my goal in life is genuinely to have a good day.

After the fall of Saigon in 1975 during the Vietnam War, my father and his parents fled across the South China Sea. For 90 days, my family was subjected to the unforgiving nature of the vast ocean — reliant on the small fishing boat to keep them afloat until they reached land. Their collective experience of war, oppression, poverty, and loss had rendered them physically and mentally exhausted for years to come. When their boat reached the soils of the U.S, my family had no more fight in them to resist the racism and cruelty that welcomed them. Watching my father turn to alcoholism and drugs, my grandfather to gambling, and my grandmother slowly slipping away from chronic disease, I was heartbroken. My family were the husks of people I never quite knew, and I grieve their absence from my life greatly. Currently, I am a senior in high school with a 3.8 GPA seeking higher education. I’ve taken various AP courses throughout the entirety of my high school career and pledged myself to a program dedicated to sending first-year students to college (Upward Bound). My ambition rests in the heart of engineering and computer science. Besides my fascination in programming and architecture, I have dedicated eight years of my life to music and the arts. Disciplined in orchestra as a first violin, a choir student since Elementary School, as well as writing and illustration, I am an extensively proactive individual who values a myriad of skills. For all my longing, I’ve wished for one thing: to reunite with my Asian heritage. Years I’ve spent without an identity — no language, culture, or tradition to carry. I remain hopeful that in building a strong future, perhaps I will be able to attain these things and gain a sense of belonging again. I thank you for your time reading.

Nearing the end of the Vietnam War, my father along with my grandparents fled South Vietnam that was bound to fall under communism from the North. By boat they traveled one long, arduous journey to the States in hopes of finding a new life away from all the conflict that had plagued their country. Separated from family, lost amongst the sea, and otherwise, isolated from all they once knew, the complexity of war and suffering had undoubtedly shifted their minds in an immutable way. Seven years ago, when my father was still a part of my life, seldom would he discuss his childhood or past belonging to Vietnam. Refusing to teach my sister and I the language, culture, and traditions, we were stripped of all the knowledge that related us to our ancestral past. As a result, we felt fake. We were not Asian, we were a minority that failed to be what others perceived us. For my father and grandparents, this was not an issue. In fact, it was better to be American than to bear an ounce of our Asian identity. This hurt came from a place of love as they forbade the notion of us having to endure the same racism and prejudice that had welcomed them to the United States. Upon being born, my Vietnamese grandmother, blind and diabetic, had cried out when she saw our white skin because it meant we were “beautiful”. Back to present day, my Vietnamese family is no longer a part of my life. This disconnection was due to my ambition of becoming a civil engineer — and a longing to pursue college. What has hardly been touched upon was the way that my Vietnamese family loved. Coming from a place and time where it was essential to always remain together, my family believed the idea of separation of any kind was akin to a death sentence. Through physical violence, they did all they could to destroy this growing ambition of mine and did everything possible to make me feel powerless against the world. This, from their perspective, was the only way to combat what they perceived a threat — a twisted way of protecting me. My sister and I have been living with our mother, and for the past seven years, I have been able to reflect on my Asian family’s actions. The reason why I wanted to pursue higher education back then was all for the sake of becoming something more than I was thought to be capable of. Now, I wish to pursue higher education to achieve a stable life in which I will be able to support and reconnect with my family one of these days. Perhaps, if they saw I were successful, and still alive, they will no longer shun me as they did so fiercely in the past.

Growing up in the ghettos of Seattle in my Vietnamese grandfather’s faded pink shanty compromised the great majority of my early childhood. Value to me was put in the U.S dollar, along with the brief education my sister and I received from Lafayette Elementary School. It was all we had when it came close to living what was deemed a normal life. Both my parents being immigrants of unfortunate backgrounds, finding our place amongst society proved difficult. Presently, living has gotten better, yet my mindset on pursuing a higher education has remained inchanged. Knowledge is still and will always be my everything. The thought of being void without it is akin to my repulsion of the elapsing of time, for we are all fated to fade into oblivion. Here are a couple reasons why it is important for me to receive this scholarship: For one, I am a hard worker. I place a lot of my effort on my studies and projects related to school. I have always thrived in class environments, which is another reason why I desire to go to college — because I simply believe that I have not learned enough yet to be out on my own. Second to being hardworking, I am very loyal and committed. I’ve participated and remained in a myriad of programs and clubs of my high school including Orchestra, Upward Bound, ASL, etc. Not only that, but I have pledged since my Sophomore year to go to college after graduation. This is another reason why I require this scholarship, as I am building my funds to pursue a four-year college. For my final reason, I would like to mention that I am a first generation student. I will be the first person to go to a four-year college/university in my family. This will serve as an exciting turning point that will finally solidify our status in the United States, a country we have never quite felt we belonged in until some relative served in the military or committed to college. This displacement was fueled by the absence of the culture and tradition my grandparents were not able to pass down to my sister and I. The rift in my family only became more apparent as the years leading up to our high school years carried on. By completing a four-year college education, I hope to mend the spirit and foster pride in our home that may once again ignite the warmth that was blown away by the adversity at our doorstep. I hope that this essay has made it abundantly clear why I need this scholarship, especially considering my limited options when it comes to financing school. I thank you for taking the time to read this essay and wish you all the best.