![user profile avatar](https://static.bold.org/profilePictures/1644358612058.webp)
Age
21
Gender
Gender Variant/Non-conforming
Hobbies and interests
Reading
Painting and Studio Art
Drawing And Illustration
Singing
Writing
Hiking And Backpacking
Music
Psychology
Sewing
Guitar
Volunteering
Travel And Tourism
Biology
Camping
Law
Politics and Political Science
Science
Chess
Advocacy And Activism
Learning
Songwriting
Environmental Science and Sustainability
Spending Time With Friends and Family
Roller Skating
Marine Biology
Social Justice
Exploring Nature And Being Outside
Board Games And Puzzles
Community Service And Volunteering
Exercise And Fitness
Board Games and Puzzles
Gender Studies
Human Rights
Kickboxing
Ecology
Philanthropy
Printmaking
Weightlifting
Reading
Adventure
Academic
Fantasy
Novels
Psychology
Science
Women's Fiction
Law
Thriller
Politics
Science Fiction
LGBTQ+ Literature
Education
Mystery
I read books daily
Cecilia Alfie
2,545
Bold Points1x
Finalist![user profile avatar](https://static.bold.org/profilePictures/1644358612058.webp)
Cecilia Alfie
2,545
Bold Points1x
FinalistBio
Hi! My name is Solstice and my pronouns are he/they. I am autistic and queer, and I am currently pursuing a psychology major with minors in gender studies and creative writing. I plan to become a therapist specializing in gender identity and sexual health and/or neuro-divergence.
Education
University of Arizona
Bachelor's degree programMajors:
- Psychology, General
GPA:
3.2
Tucson High Magnet School
High SchoolGPA:
3.8
Miscellaneous
Desired degree level:
Doctoral degree program (PhD, MD, JD, etc.)
Graduate schools of interest:
Transfer schools of interest:
Majors of interest:
- Counseling Psychology
- Ecology
- Cognitive Science
Career
Dream career field:
Psychology
Dream career goals:
Therapist
Youth Advisory Council Member
Thornhill-Lopez Center on Fourth2021 – 2021Temporary Intern
The Florence Project2018 – 2018Social Media Coordinator
United States of Ammunition2020 – 20211 yearProduction Assistant
Cosmo BZ Productions2019 – Present5 yearsAssistant
Alexander | Carrillo Consulting2020 – Present4 years
Research
Environmental Science
Biotechnology program, dual enrollment at Tucson High Magnet School and the University of Arizona — Researcher2020 – 2021
Arts
Junior Strings, Tucson
Orchestrayearly performances2013 – 2016Private lessons
Viola2009 – 2017The Drawing Studio
Drawing2018 – 2019Chicago Music Store
Guitar2014 – PresentTucson Waldorf School
TheatreA Servant of Two Masters, Galileo, Roma Amor2014 – 2017Cecilia Rose Productions
Music Production"Angel From Hell" Album , AIDS Walk performances, Southern Arizona Gender Alliance performance , Tucson Folk Music Festival performance, Private performances , Alliance Fund performance , Chicago Music Store performances , Heels of Healing Youth Show, Even Steven's Youth Showcase , Tucson Waldorf School Talent Shows, Tucson Waldorf School Graduation performance , Tucson High Magnet School Talent Show, Co-Op Youth Show2014 – PresentLive Theatre Workshop
TheatrePeter Pan, Alice in Wonderland, Stone Soup, The Three Musketeers2015 – 2017Cosmo BZ Productions
Music"Chess Game" music video, "Breathe" music video, "Here to Stay" music video, "Sh*t Talker" music video2017 – PresentCosmo BZ Productions
Acting and ModelingCenter on Fourth Advertisement Campaign, "Polar Opposites" short film, Dress Code documentary, "Alone" short film2019 – Present- ActingTucson Arizona AIDS Walk Campaign PSA2017 – 2017
Tucson High Magnet School theater program
Acting"Disaster!" , "Disaster!" master class with Seth Rudetsky2017 – 2018
Public services
Volunteering
Women’s Foundation of Southern Arizona — Mentor2019 – 2021Volunteering
Southern Arizona AIDS Foundation — Performer2014 – PresentAdvocacy
Women’s Foundation of Southern Arizona — Legislative Advocate2020 – 2020Volunteering
UA COVID-19 Vaccination P.O.D. — Traffic Conductor2021 – 2021
Future Interests
Advocacy
Politics
Volunteering
Philanthropy
Bold Mental Health Awareness Scholarship
I have always felt out of place around the majority of people. Around girls my age, I felt like I was watching their interactions through plexiglass. Around boys, I felt like an alien. When I was thirteen, I met someone who identified as non-binary. It was paradigm-shifting to realize that there were people who felt outside of society's binary views of gender. This person opened my eyes to the reality that I was different too. As I've gotten older, I have struggled to accept that I am non-binary. In my case, this means that my gender identity fluctuates between male, female, and something beyond the binary. Although this was incredibly difficult for me to come to terms with, I feel so lucky to have such supportive people in my life who have been there for me.
Being non-binary has allowed me to understand the complexities of gender in a way some people don't. I have witnessed firsthand how unwelcoming - and, at times, dangerous - some spaces can be towards people like me, and I hope to use my privilege to help other transgender, gender nonconforming, and non-binary people have the access and support that they need.
Living outside of society's expectations for gender can be incredibly frightening, sad, and lonely. Due to the lack of acceptance from society, LGBTQ+ youth are at increased risk for mental illness, homelessness, and suicide. I plan to pursue a Phd in psychology, so I can help people overcome mental health struggles. No one should have to live in fear because of who they love, their gender identity, or how they express themselves.
Elevate Mental Health Awareness Scholarship
Lucy was like family to me. We travelled together, had sleepovers every weekend, and told each other all our secrets. We grew up together in a very small school with an intimate group of friends, and Lucy was the leader. She had an uncanny ability to draw people in; her joyful laughter and bright smile were contagious - and so was her cruelty. She exerted an inordinate amount of control on those around her, through charm and charisma, as well as manipulation. I often found myself behaving in ways out of character for me. After one such incident, I told her I was wracked with guilt. She tilted her head, gave me a puzzled look, and asked, “Why would you feel guilty when you didn't get caught?” It was at that moment that I realized she was utterly apathetic to the damage she was doing to others. I reached my breaking point when I learned that Lucy had been telling all her new friends at University High School some incredibly personal information about me. These strangers knew all my most private thoughts and feelings, and had been making a game of talking about me for months. She had violated my trust and dignity. That’s when I finally realized that our friendship was not normal; I was being emotionally abused. Feeling betrayed, I made a conscious decision to walk away and choose myself over holding on to someone who didn't really care about me. Although choosing to walk away was not easy or without consequences, it made me a more discerning, functional, assertive, and authentic person.
In order to remove myself from the unhealthy friendship with Lucy, I had to become more discerning. I had to see her as she was, not as I wanted her to be. I thought she was someone in whom I could confide, but in reality she was sharing intimate information about me in order to get attention from others. I have learned to trust my gut and protect myself in uncomfortable situations. Last year, a person that I didn’t know started talking to me at school. I realized she recognized me from my Instagram account; she had looked through all my posts and the posts of my friends. Before liberating myself from emotional abuse, I would have ignored my intense discomfort and anxiety - warning signs that told me her behavior was socially inappropriate. In this case, I consistently set boundaries with her by telling her not to hug me, restricting her ability to see my social media, and sending her strong nonverbal cues. Eventually, she got the hint and left me alone.
Another skill I learned was how to establish and respect functional boundaries. Boundaries were never something I had much concept of in my friendship with Lucy. For example, she once ranked all of us girls by weight. Her indifference to our feelings and disrespect of our bodies crossed multiple boundaries, and left all of us feeling violated. This left me with serious trust issues and an inability to ask for what I need from others. It was my greatest act of self love and self respect to walk away from her. Since cutting her out of my life, I have gotten much better at forming healthy boundaries with my friends and family. If someone in my life is treating me poorly, I have the skills, experience, and fortitude to demand better treatment or to end the relationship. Last year, I had a friend who started putting me down and treating our friendship as the best of a bad situation. Whenever someone she perceived as cool came along, she left me behind. She finally stopped talking to me and my friends altogether. She eventually apologized and I accepted her apology, but I also set a firm boundary that our friendship could not continue. I knew that rekindling our friendship would be bad for my mental health. I had experience setting firm boundaries with people that I no longer wanted in my life, so I was able to be emotionally honest with her instead of continuing a relationship that had become toxic.
Part of learning to be emotionally honest was being more assertive. Finally standing up for myself against Lucy was the most assertive thing I had ever done, and was a defining moment for me. And I had to assert myself repeatedly. Lucy continued to make contact with me by text, through social media, in person, and through other people. Each time she apologized, She would have me questioning whether I had made the right decision. However, because I had learned to trust my decisions and stand up for myself, I simply reiterated that I did not want to be friends. Each time, I would be proven right because instead of respecting my wishes, she grew more aggressive and insulting.
Making the decision to walk away from Lucy required me to look inward and develop my authentic self. I had to critically assess my values, priorities, and what I wanted out of my relationships. I value personal growth, compassion, justice, and loyalty. My number one priority is, and always was, friendship. Lucy took advantage of that, so now I know that I also have to prioritize myself. I now have a circle of friends who share my values, and they respect me for who I am. In my circle of friends with Lucy, I was very uncomfortable sharing my authentic gender and sexuality. When I told my new friends that I am non-binary and pansexual, they were loving and accepting. I will never hide my authentic self again.
Liberating myself from the emotionally abusive relationship with Lucy was the single most paradigm-shifting event of my life. While it was not without consequence and heartache, it taught me to be smarter, healthier, stronger, and more genuine. I plan to use the skills her friendship taught me to become a therapist so I can help others overcome abusive relationships like the one I experienced.
Ethel Hayes Destigmatization of Mental Health Scholarship
Lucy was like family to me. We travelled together, had sleepovers every weekend, and told each other all our secrets. We grew up together in a very small school with an intimate group of friends, and Lucy was the leader. She had an uncanny ability to draw people in; her joyful laughter and bright smile were contagious - and so was her cruelty. She exerted an inordinate amount of control on those around her, through charm and charisma, as well as manipulation. I often found myself behaving in ways out of character for me. After one such incident, I told her I was wracked with guilt. She tilted her head, gave me a puzzled look, and asked, “Why would you feel guilty when you didn't get caught?” It was at that moment that I realized she was utterly apathetic to the damage she was doing to others.
I reached my breaking point when I learned that Lucy had been telling all her new friends at University High School some incredibly personal information about me. These strangers knew all my most private thoughts and feelings, and had been making a game of talking about me for months. She had violated my trust and dignity. That’s when I finally realized that our friendship was not normal; I was being emotionally abused. Feeling betrayed, I made a conscious decision to walk away and choose myself over holding on to someone who didn't really care about me. Although choosing to walk away was not easy or without consequences, it made me a more discerning, functional, assertive, and authentic person.
In order to remove myself from the unhealthy friendship with Lucy, I had to become more discerning. I had to see her as she was, not as I wanted her to be. I thought she was someone in whom I could confide, but in reality she was sharing intimate information about me in order to get attention from others. Due to my autism, this was challenging for me, but I have learned to trust my gut and protect myself in uncomfortable situations. Last year, a person that I didn’t know started talking to me at school. I realized she recognized me from my Instagram account; she had looked through all my posts and the posts of my friends. Before liberating myself from emotional abuse, I would have ignored my intense discomfort and anxiety - warning signs that told me her behavior was socially inappropriate. In this case, I consistently set boundaries with her by telling her not to hug me, restricting her ability to see my social media, and sending her strong nonverbal cues. Eventually, she got the hint and left me alone.
Another skill I learned was how to establish and respect functional boundaries. Boundaries were never something I had much concept of in my friendship with Lucy. For example, she once ranked all of us girls by weight. Her indifference to our feelings and disrespect of our bodies crossed multiple boundaries, and left all of us feeling violated. This left me with serious trust issues and an inability to ask for what I need from others. It was my greatest act of self love and self respect to walk away from her. Since cutting her out of my life, I have gotten much better at forming healthy boundaries with my friends and family. If someone in my life is treating me poorly, I have the skills, experience, and fortitude to demand better treatment or to end the relationship. Last year, I had a friend who started putting me down and treating our friendship as the best of a bad situation. Whenever someone she perceived as cool came along, she left me behind. She finally stopped talking to me and my friends altogether. She eventually apologized and I accepted her apology, but I also set a firm boundary that our friendship could not continue. I knew that rekindling our friendship would be bad for my mental health. I had experience setting firm boundaries with people that I no longer wanted in my life, so I was able to be emotionally honest with her instead of continuing a relationship that had become toxic.
Part of learning to be emotionally honest was being more assertive. Finally standing up for myself against Lucy was the most assertive thing I had ever done, and was a defining moment for me. And I had to assert myself repeatedly. Lucy continued to make contact with me by text, through social media, in person, and through other people. Each time she apologized, She would have me questioning whether I had made the right decision. However, because I had learned to trust my decisions and stand up for myself, I simply reiterated that I did not want to be friends. Each time, I would be proven right because instead of respecting my wishes, she grew more aggressive and insulting.
Making the decision to walk away from Lucy required me to look inward and develop my authentic self. I had to critically assess my values, priorities, and what I wanted out of my relationships. I value personal growth, compassion, justice, and loyalty. My number one priority is, and always was, friendship. Lucy took advantage of that, so now I know that I also have to prioritize myself. I now have a circle of friends who share my values, and they respect me for who I am. In my circle of friends with Lucy, I was very uncomfortable sharing my authentic gender and sexuality. When I told my new friends that I am non-binary and pansexual, they were loving and accepting. I will never hide my authentic self again.
Liberating myself from the emotionally abusive relationship with Lucy was the single most paradigm-shifting event of my life. While it was not without consequence and heartache, it taught me to be smarter, healthier, stronger, and more genuine. I lost some friendships, but gained better ones. Most importantly, I gained self-respect.
Sloane Stephens Doc & Glo Scholarship
One of my favorite pictures of myself is from the first day of first grade. I’m sitting at my desk, my grin so wide it looks painful. While my friends were grumbling about leaving kindergarten, I couldn’t wait to start learning. To this day, I look forward to the first day of school: buying school supplies, meeting my teachers, and finding out about my classes.
When I was six, I decided I wanted to study butterflies. My mom and I walked around our neighborhood looking for caterpillars and studied the plants we might find them on. For Christmas, my parents gave me Butterflies of North America and a butterfly habitat. I was so excited when my first cocoon hatched and I released my first monarch. For my birthday, I asked for an anatomically correct butterfly cake. We had my birthday party at the Tucson Botanical Gardens, so that we could visit the butterfly exhibit. I was thrilled.
In eighth grade, I was required to do a yearlong project on the topic of my choice. However, I threw myself into the study, and got one of the highest grades in the class.
I always maintained my childlike curiosity, love of learning, and zest for life, which have protected me from the burnout often associated with overachievers. I have a strong intrinsic desire to learn that helps me perform well in school, but most importantly, gives me joy.
Bold Memories Scholarship
Lucy was like family to me. We travelled together, had sleepovers every weekend, and told each other all our secrets. We grew up together in a very small school with an intimate group of friends, and Lucy was the leader. She had an uncanny ability to draw people in; her joyful laughter and bright smile were contagious - and so was her cruelty. She exerted an inordinate amount of control on those around her, through charm and charisma, as well as manipulation. I often found myself behaving in ways out of character for me. After one such incident, I told her I was wracked with guilt. She tilted her head, gave me a puzzled look, and asked, “Why would you feel guilty when you didn't get caught?” It was at that moment that I realized she was utterly apathetic to the damage she was doing to others.
I reached my breaking point when I learned that Lucy had been telling all her new friends some incredibly personal information about me. These strangers knew all my most private thoughts and feelings, and had been making a game of talking about me for months. She had violated my trust and dignity. That’s when I finally realized that our friendship was not normal; I was being emotionally abused. Feeling betrayed, I made the decision to walk away and choose myself over holding on to someone who didn't really care about me.
Liberating myself from the emotionally abusive relationship with Lucy was the single most paradigm-shifting event of my life. While it was not without consequence and heartache, it taught me to be smarter, healthier, stronger, and more genuine. I lost some friendships, but I gained better ones. Most importantly, I gained self-respect.
Mental Health Movement x Picmonic Scholarship
“Never give up.” “Tough it out.” “Stick with it.” These are life lessons taught by parents, teachers, and coaches every day. But my greatest act of self love was about learning when to walk away.
Lucy was like family to me. We travelled together, had sleepovers every weekend, and told each other all our secrets. We grew up together in a very small school with an intimate group of friends, and Lucy was the leader. She had an uncanny ability to draw people in; her joyful laughter and bright smile were contagious - and so was her cruelty. She exerted an inordinate amount of control on those around her, through charm and charisma, as well as manipulation. I often found myself behaving in ways out of character for me. After one such incident, I told her I was wracked with guilt. She tilted her head, gave me a puzzled look, and asked, “Why would you feel guilty when you didn't get caught?” It was at that moment that I realized she was utterly apathetic to the damage she was doing to others. I reached my breaking point when I learned that Lucy had been telling all her new friends at University High School some incredibly personal information about me. These strangers knew all my most private thoughts and feelings, and had been making a game of talking about me for months. She had violated my trust and dignity. That’s when I finally realized that our friendship was not normal; I was being emotionally abused. Feeling betrayed, I made a conscious decision to walk away and choose myself over holding on to someone who didn't really care about me.
I have struggled with my mental health ever since my experiences with Lucy. Making the decision to walk away from Lucy required me to look inward and develop my authentic self. My number one priority is, and always was, friendship. Lucy took advantage of that, so now I know that I also have to prioritize myself.
Shreddership: A Music Scholarship
Ocho Cares Artistry Scholarship
I could read music before I could read words. I started taking viola lessons when I was five years old, and quickly fell in love with it. I learned at the age of nine that I shared a similar love of singing, and began taking guitar lessons at age ten. Music has always been an important part of my life, and I am a prolific songwriter with over 250 original compositions. I wrote, produced, recorded, and released my own album called “Angel from Hell”, which is now on iTunes under my stage name, Cecilia Rose. Attached below is a YouTube link to my most recent album. I have been playing instruments since I was six, and am particularly adept at the guitar and viola; however, I also play the recorder, mandolin, and ukulele.
I have been writing songs since I was ten, and it has been my emotional outlet through the more trying times in my life. When I was bullied, grieving loss, or overcoming change, writing was what got me through it. I've always had a difficult time being vulnerable and expressing my emotions out loud, so I have learned to channel them into lyrics and melodies.
I want my music to give people hope, freedom, and happiness. I have always been drawn to music that could evoke emotion through melody and harmony choice, as well as just lyrics. I strive to create unique and cathartic melodies so that I can fulfill this dream. I plan to release a second original album within the next few months. I want this album to feel raw and emotional, while also keeping the sassy political songs I love to write. I hope to collaborate with other local artists in order to uplift other musicians in my area. I also hope to take creative writing courses in college, so as to further refine my songwriting ability. This scholarship would help me fund getting new equipment, marketing, and artwork so that I can share my art with the rest of my community.
I have witnessed firsthand the impact that music can have on people. It's an escape from the stress and dysfunction of everyday life to a place where every beat is in time; every harmony resonating perfectly. Music provides order and beauty to a world that can be aimless and confusing. Music reminds me that the world is a beautiful place filled with wonder.
Mirajur Rahman Self Expression Scholarship
Act Locally Scholarship
I sat outside Tucson High Magnet School, infuriated after my friend was dress-coded by two school monitors. The monitor said, “We’ve been watching you for a while and we’ve noticed a pattern of inappropriate clothing.” They insisted she come with them and refused to tell her what rule she had broken. My friend asked to see a copy of the dress code, the monitor said she had not even read the updated version. That was when I realized that until someone stands up and does what is right, injustice continues to fester and spread. When the executors of an unfair system are not held accountable, their actions are allowed to continue. I knew I had to act.
I had always noticed bias in the dress code; women, plus-sized people, and people of color were seen as more ‘sexual’ and were therefore dress-coded most often. The issue was that our school refused to give anyone a copy of the dress code, so we had no way of knowing what could be a violation. This meant that the administration could reprimand students for anything they views as 'offensive', as opposed to basing these decisions off of an objective rulebook. For example, as a Freshman, I was asked to change out of my shorts because they were too short, and was given a pair of yoga pants to change into instead, even though I have had several friends get in trouble for wearing yoga pants as well. One of my friends had even been held out of class on the week of finals because she had nothing to change into after being dress coded, and the administrator deemed that her outfit might "distract the boys", thereby asserting that her education mattered less than a hypothetical boy's.
I organized a protest in which we wore clothes that were against the dress code. I let one of my male friends borrow a pair of my shorts so he could break the dress code with me, and I wore an identical pair. Within minutes of walking in together, I had been asked to change because my shorts were too short. He was standing right next to me, but was not. I shared my experience on Instagram, I was shocked to get dozens of personal stories about the dress code. My post blew up, and the next time we protested, over 500 students joined us.
With momentum growing, we took our complaints to Tucson Unified School District. They put the dress code on their agenda, and we got interviewed by Arizona Daily Star. I got to speak at a district meeting about my grievances on a live district broadcast that was seen by administrators across TUSD. As part of this statement, I proclaimed, “They say our shoulders are distracting. They say boys can’t control themselves. But the only people I’ve ever felt objectified by on this campus are monitors and administrators. Every time monitors hold a girl out of class to keep from ruining a boy’s education, I realize more how little they care about hers.” The TUSD board took a vote, and we were overjoyed to learn that they changed to a gender-neutral dress code. It gives me great joy to know that the actions of me and my friends will have a lasting impact for students at my school for years to come. I hope we one day live in a world where young girls aren't viewed as sexual objects; where the contents of one's brain matters more than the clothes on one's body. I believe in this future, and I will never stop fighting for it.
Mental Health Movement Scholarship
Lucy was like family to me. We travelled together, had sleepovers every weekend, and told each other all our secrets. We grew up together in a very small school with an intimate group of friends, and Lucy was the leader. She had an uncanny ability to draw people in; her joyful laughter and bright smile were contagious - and so was her cruelty. She exerted an inordinate amount of control on those around her, through charm and charisma, as well as manipulation. I often found myself behaving in ways out of character for me. After one such incident, I told her I was wracked with guilt. She tilted her head, gave me a puzzled look, and asked, “Why would you feel guilty when you didn't get caught?” It was at that moment that I realized she was utterly apathetic to the damage she was doing.
I reached my breaking point when I learned that Lucy had been telling all her new friends at University High School some incredibly personal information about me. These strangers knew all my most private thoughts and feelings, and had been making a game of talking about me for months. She had violated my trust and dignity. That’s when I finally realized that our friendship was not normal; I was being emotionally abused. Feeling betrayed, I made a conscious decision to walk away and choose myself over holding on to someone who didn't really care about me.
Lucy’s treatment of me left me insecure and traumatized. I began experiencing frequent anxiety attacks and losing weight due to stress. I saw her everywhere; every bouncing ponytail, every cruel laugh was hers. Feeling tormented, I resolved to seek help. Since then, I have been in therapy, which has allowed me to unravel the twisted web that Lucy had spun around me. I became fascinated with the work my therapist was doing, and I realized my true passion for psychology and human behavior. I aspire to use the skills I gained in therapy to help others going through similar struggles, and help people feel less alone.
Ethel Hayes Destigmatization of Mental Health Scholarship
“Never give up.” “Tough it out.” “Stick with it.” These are life lessons taught by parents, teachers, and coaches every day. But the most defining experience of my life was about learning when to walk away.
Lucy was like family to me. We travelled together, had sleepovers every weekend, and told each other all our secrets. We grew up together in a very small school with an intimate group of friends, and Lucy was the leader. She had an uncanny ability to draw people in; her joyful laughter and bright smile were contagious - and so was her cruelty. She exerted an inordinate amount of control on those around her, through charm and charisma, as well as manipulation. I often found myself behaving in ways out of character for me. After one such incident, I told her I was wracked with guilt. She tilted her head, gave me a puzzled look, and asked, “Why would you feel guilty when you didn't get caught?” It was at that moment that I realized she was utterly apathetic to the damage she was doing to others. I reached my breaking point when I learned that Lucy had been telling all her new friends at University High School some incredibly personal information about me. These strangers knew all my most private thoughts and feelings, and had been making a game of talking about me for months. She had violated my trust and dignity. That’s when I finally realized that our friendship was not normal; I was being emotionally abused. Feeling betrayed, I made a conscious decision to walk away and choose myself over holding on to someone who didn't really care about me. Although choosing to walk away was not easy or without consequences, it made me a more discerning, functional, assertive, and authentic person.
In order to remove myself from the unhealthy friendship with Lucy, I had to become more discerning. I had to see her as she was, not as I wanted her to be. I thought she was someone in whom I could confide, but in reality she was sharing intimate information about me in order to get attention from others. I have learned to trust my gut and protect myself in uncomfortable situations. Last year, a person that I didn’t know started talking to me at school. I realized she recognized me from my Instagram account; she had looked through all my posts and the posts of my friends. Before liberating myself from emotional abuse, I would have ignored my intense discomfort and anxiety - warning signs that told me her behavior was socially inappropriate. In this case, I consistently set boundaries with her by telling her not to hug me, restricting her ability to see my social media, and sending her strong nonverbal cues. Eventually, she got the hint and left me alone.
Another skill I learned was how to establish and respect functional boundaries. Boundaries were never something I had much concept of in my friendship with Lucy. For example, she once ranked all of us girls by weight. Her indifference to our feelings and disrespect of our bodies crossed multiple boundaries, and left all of us feeling violated. This left me with serious trust issues and an inability to ask for what I need from others. It was my greatest act of self love and self respect to walk away from her. Since cutting her out of my life, I have gotten much better at forming healthy boundaries with my friends and family. If someone in my life is treating me poorly, I have the skills, experience, and fortitude to demand better treatment or to end the relationship. Last year, I had a friend who started putting me down and treating our friendship as the best of a bad situation. Whenever someone she perceived as cool came along, she left me behind. She finally stopped talking to me and my friends altogether. She eventually apologized and I accepted her apology, but I also set a firm boundary that our friendship could not continue. I knew that rekindling our friendship would be bad for my mental health. I had experience setting firm boundaries with people that I no longer wanted in my life, so I was able to be emotionally honest with her instead of continuing a relationship that had become toxic.
Part of learning to be emotionally honest was being more assertive. Finally standing up for myself against Lucy was the most assertive thing I had ever done, and was a defining moment for me. And I had to assert myself repeatedly. Lucy continued to make contact with me by text, through social media, in person, and through other people. Each time she apologized, She would have me questioning whether I had made the right decision. However, because I had learned to trust my decisions and stand up for myself, I simply reiterated that I did not want to be friends. Each time, I would be proven right because instead of respecting my wishes, she grew more aggressive and insulting.
Making the decision to walk away from Lucy required me to look inward and develop my authentic self. I had to critically assess my values, priorities, and what I wanted out of my relationships. I value personal growth, compassion, justice, and loyalty. My number one priority is, and always was, friendship. Lucy took advantage of that, so now I know that I also have to prioritize myself. I now have a circle of friends who share my values, and they respect me for who I am. I will never hide my authentic self again.
Liberating myself from the emotionally abusive relationship with Lucy was the single most paradigm-shifting event of my life. While it was not without consequence and heartache, it taught me to be smarter, healthier, stronger, and more genuine. Most importantly, I gained self-respect.
Better Food, Better World Scholarship
Through investigating the barriers to sustainable foods as well as which foods are best for the environment, we can better provide the public with access to the correct resources. Climate change is one of the most pressing issues the world faces today. The agricultural industry is one of the largest contributors to global emissions and deforestation. It is therefore imperative for human survival that we find alternate sources of sustenance that are more sustainable.
In first world countries, food waste is ubiquitous. If we were to redistribute that food while making changes to the human diet, we could not only feed more people, but help save the planet. The agricultural industry, particularly the raising of livestock, is warming the planet, degrading soil, and using too much water. Due to the critical nature of the climate emergency, it is crucial that an alternative food source be made accessible.
In “Agriculture and Fossil Fuels are Driving Record-High Methane Emissions,” scientists measured the difference between methane emissions originating from the wetlands and other natural places to the total global methane emissions to prove that humans are causing the vast majority of these emissions. They determined that because methane emissions are increasing vastly (40 million metric tons) while natural sources of methane production are only increasing by 10 metric tons a year, the increase in methane is caused by human behavior. This is significant to our project because the largest culprit behind increased methane in the atmosphere is cattle farming (Temming, 2020). Therefore, by gaining more nutrition from a lower trophic level, we can adequately feed more people.
I participated in a study that created the ideal eco-friendly diet for water usage as well as for emissions through compiling and analyzing data gathered from other agricultural and environmental science papers. We then sent out a survey where we asked participants to tell us whether they would be willing and able to incorporate, moderate, and eliminate certain foods from their diets, as well as gathering basic demographic information. We hoped to better understand which population demographics are most supportive of sustainable practices. The survey questions included extensive demographic questions, including race, age, gender identity, ability, and socioeconomic status. It also asked participants whether they believe in climate change, and how motivated they are to make dietary changes. We also tried to keep in mind and ask about the barriers to sustainable practices.
We successfully created two different diets, one for water usage and one for carbon emissions. We were able to include nourishing, as well as sustainable foods.
Our survey received 247 responses, the majority of which believed in climate change and supported sustainability efforts. Our participants were disproportionately women (66%), youth (88.3%), and LGBTQ+ people (57.9%). However, our race demographics were a proportionate population percentage for the United States, and we received a fairly even spread of economic statuses.
A significant percentage of people are willing to make changes in their diet in order to reduce climate change. They are more willing to moderate than to eliminate foods from their diet. People are also willing to incorporate substitute food groups into their diets, but not insects. The majority of people would change their diets if provided the resources and accessibility to do so. Willingness to change diets was present among all economic statuses, however the majority of low-income people reported being unable to do so. Through increasing the demand for eco-friendly products, we can likewise increase accessibility to these people.
Charles R. Ullman & Associates Educational Support Scholarship
I sat outside Tucson High Magnet School, infuriated after my friend was dress-coded by two school monitors. The monitor said, “We’ve been watching you for a while and we’ve noticed a pattern of inappropriate clothing.” They insisted she come with them and refused to tell her what rule she had broken. The my friend asked to see a copy of the dress code, the monitor said she had not even read the updated version. That was when I realized that until someone stands up and does what is right, injustice continues to fester and spread. When the executors of an unfair system are not held accountable, their actions are allowed to continue. I knew I had to act.
I had always noticed bias in the dress code; women, plus-sized people, and people of color were seen as more ‘sexual’ and were therefore dress-coded most often. The issue was that our school refused to give anyone a copy of the dress code, so we had no way of knowing what could be a violation. This meant that the administration could reprimand students for anything they views as 'offensive', as opposed to basing these decisions off of an objective rulebook. For example, as a Freshman, I was asked to change out of my shorts because they were too short, and was given a pair of yoga pants to change into instead, even though I have had several friends get in trouble for wearing yoga pants as well. One of my friends had even been held out of class on the week of finals because she had nothing to change into after being dress coded, and the administrator deemed that her outfit might "distract the boys", thereby asserting that her education mattered less than a hypothetical boy's.
I organized a protest in which we wore clothes that were against the dress code. I let one of my male friends borrow a pair of my shorts so he could break the dress code with me, and I wore an identical pair. Within minutes of walking in together, I had been asked to change because my shorts were too short. He was standing right next to me, but was not. I shared my experience on Instagram, I was shocked to get dozens of personal stories about the dress code. My post blew up, and the next time we protested, over 500 students joined us.
With momentum growing, we took our complaints to Tucson Unified School District. They put the dress code on their agenda, and we got interviewed by Arizona Daily Star. I got to speak at a district meeting about my grievances on a live district broadcast that was seen by administrators across TUSD. As part of this statement, I proclaimed, “They say our shoulders are distracting. They say boys can’t control themselves. But the only people I’ve ever felt objectified by on this campus are monitors and administrators. Every time monitors hold a girl out of class to keep from ruining a boy’s education, I realize more how little they care about hers.” The TUSD board took a vote, and we were overjoyed to learn that they changed to a gender-neutral dress code. It gives me great joy to know that the actions of me and my friends will have a lasting impact for students at my school for years to come.
Misha Brahmbhatt Help Your Community Scholarship
I sat outside Tucson High Magnet School, infuriated after my friend was dress-coded by two school monitors. The monitor said, “We’ve been watching you for a while and we’ve noticed a pattern of inappropriate clothing.” They insisted she come with them and refused to tell her what rule she had broken. The my friend asked to see a copy of the dress code, the monitor said she had not even read the updated version. That was when I decided I had to do something.
I had always noticed bias in the dress code; women, plus-sized people, and people of color were seen as more ‘sexual’ and were therefore dress-coded most often. The issue was that our school refused to give anyone a copy of the dress code, so we had no way of knowing what could be a violation. This meant that the administration could reprimand students for anything they views as 'offensive', as opposed to basing these decisions off of an objective rulebook. For example, as a Freshman, I was asked to change out of my shorts because they were too short, and was given a pair of yoga pants to change into instead, even though I have had several friends get in trouble for wearing yoga pants as well. One of my friends had even been held out of class on the week of finals because she had nothing to change into after being dress coded, and the administrator deemed that her outfit might "distract the boys", thereby asserting that her education mattered less than a hypothetical boy's.
I organized a protest in which we wore clothes that were against the dress code. I let one of my male friends borrow a pair of my shorts so he could break the dress code with me, and I wore an identical pair. Within minutes of walking in together, I had been asked to change because my shorts were too short. He was standing right next to me, but was not. I shared my experience on Instagram, I was shocked to get dozens of personal stories about the dress code. My post blew up, and the next time we protested, over 500 students joined us.
With momentum growing, we took our complaints to Tucson Unified School District. They put the dress code on their agenda, and we got interviewed by Arizona Daily Star. I got to speak at a district meeting about my grievances on a live district broadcast that was seen by administrators across TUSD. As part of this statement, I proclaimed, “They say our shoulders are distracting. They say boys can’t control themselves. But the only people I’ve ever felt objectified by on this campus are monitors and administrators. Every time monitors hold a girl out of class to keep from ruining a boy’s education, I realize more how little they care about hers.” The TUSD board took a vote, and we were overjoyed to learn that they changed to a gender-neutral dress code. It gives me great joy to know that the actions of me and my friends will have a lasting impact for students at my school for years to come.
Pettable Pet Lovers Scholarship
This is Enzo! He is a papillon-chihuahua mix, and he loves attention! He is an anxious mess, but we still love him!
Ella Henderson Dream Big Scholarship
I could read music before I could read words. I started taking viola lessons when I was five years old, and quickly fell in love with it. I learned at the age of nine that I shared a similar love of singing, and began taking guitar lessons at age ten. Music has always been an important part of my life, and I am a prolific songwriter with over 250 original compositions. I wrote, produced, recorded, and released my own album called “Angel from Hell”, which is now on iTunes under my stage name, Cecilia Rose. I have been playing instruments since I was six, and am particularly adept at the guitar and viola; however, I also play the recorder, mandolin, and ukulele.
I have been writing songs since I was ten, and it has been my emotional outlet through the more trying times in my life. When I was bullied, grieving loss, or overcoming change, writing was what got me through it. I've always had a difficult time being vulnerable and expressing my emotions out loud, so I have learned to channel them into lyrics and melodies.
I want my music to give people hope, freedom, and happiness. I have always been drawn to music that could evoke emotion through melody and harmony choice, as well as just lyrics. I strive to create unique and cathartic melodies so that I can fulfill this dream.
I have witnessed firsthand the impact that music can have on people. It's an escape from the stress and disfunction of everyday life to a place where every beat is in time; every harmony resonating perfectly. Music provides order and beauty to a world that can be aimless and confusing.
Evie Irie Misfit Scholarship
I have always felt out of place around the majority of people. Around girls my age, I felt like I was watching their interactions through plexiglass. Around boys, I felt like an alien. When I was thirteen, I met someone who identified as non-binary. It was paradigm-shifting to realize that there were people who felt outside of society's binary views of gender. This person opened my eyes to the reality that I was different too. As I've gotten older, I have struggled to accept that I am non-binary. In my case, this means that my gender identity fluctuates between male, female, and something beyond the binary. Although this was incredibly difficult for me to come to terms with, I feel so lucky to have such supportive people in my life who have been there for me.
Being non-binary has allowed me to understand the complexities of gender in a way some people don't. I have witnessed firsthand how unwelcoming - and, at times, dangerous - some spaces can be towards people like me, and I hope to use my privilege to help other transgender, gender nonconforming, and non-binary people have the access and support that they need.
Living outside of society's expectations for gender can be incredibly frightening, sad, and lonely. Due to the lack of acceptance from society, LGBTQ+ youth are at increased risk for mental illness, homelessness, and suicide. I plan to pursue a Ph.D in psychology, so I can help people overcome mental health struggles. No one should have to live in fear because of who they love, their gender identity, or how they express themselves.
COVID-19 Perspective Scholarship
I believe that post-COVID society will be more mindful of accessibility and hygiene. Before the pandemic started, there was increased dismissal of accessibility measures for disabled and chronically ill people, both in regards to working from home and beliefs about their productivity. Following a life of Zoom meetings and remote working, I hope to see more tolerance towards people's needs for their work environment. This would also benefit single parents and families that can't afford childcare, through allowing them to work from home and watch their children simultaneously. I also expect to see a more serious and scientific approach to hygiene. There is a historical pattern of increased hygiene following a prolonged epidemic. For example, the 1918 flu pandemic led to an increase in preventative medicine, healthcare, and global coordination on health initiatives. It is reasonable to assume, therefore, that the COVID-19 pandemic may have similar positive implications. The beginnings of this can already be seen, such as a wider social acceptance of wearing a mask when one is sick, being mindful of hand-washing, and a greater understanding of how viruses spread and how to avoid them. Although this pandemic has led to destruction, social upheaval, and death, perhaps there is a silver lining.
Elevate Minorities in the Arts Scholarship
Music is an important part of my life, and I am a prolific songwriter with over 250 original compositions. I wrote, produced, recorded, and released my own album called “Angel from Hell”, which is now on iTunes under my stage name, Cecilia Rose. I have been playing instruments since I was six, and am particularly adept at the guitar and viola; however, I also play the recorder, mandolin, and ukulele.
I have been writing songs since I was ten, and it has been my emotional outlet through the more trying times in my life. When I was bullied, grieving loss, or overcoming change, writing was what got me through it. I've always had a difficult time being vulnerable and expressing my emotions out loud, so I have learned to channel them into lyrics and melodies.
I plan to release a second original album within the next few months. I want this album to feel raw and emotional, while also keeping the sassy political songs I love to write. I hope to collaborate with other local artists in order to uplift other musicians in my area. I also hope to take creative writing courses in college, so as to further refine my songwriting ability. This scholarship could help me fund getting new equipment, marketing, and artwork so that I can share my art with the rest of my community.
Jaki Nelson LGBTQ+ Music Education Scholarship
Music is an important part of my life, and I am a prolific songwriter with over 250 original compositions. I wrote, produced, recorded, and released my own album called “Angel from Hell”, which is now on iTunes under my stage name, Cecilia Rose. I have been playing instruments since I was six, and am particularly adept at the guitar and viola; however, I also play the recorder, mandolin, and ukulele.
I have been writing songs since I was ten, and it has been my emotional outlet through the more trying times in my life. When I was bullied, grieving loss, or overcoming change, writing was what got me through it. I've always had a difficult time being vulnerable and expressing my emotions out loud, so I have learned to channel them into lyrics and melodies. Music was particularly important to me as a queer person when I was in the closet. I couldn't be my authentic self in my life, but I could be in my songs. I don't know if I would have survived middle school if it weren't for my songwriting, and I am thankful that I have such a rewarding creative outlet.
KUURO Master Your Craft Scholarship
Music is an important part of my life, and I am a prolific songwriter with over 250 original compositions. I wrote, produced, recorded, and released my own album called “Angel from Hell”, which is now on iTunes under my stage name, Cecilia Rose. I have been playing instruments since I was six, and am particularly adept at the guitar and viola; however, I also play the recorder, mandolin, and ukulele. I have been writing songs since I was ten, and it has been my emotional outlet through the more trying times in my life. When I was bullied, grieving loss, or overcoming change, writing was what got me through it. I've always had a difficult time being vulnerable and expressing my emotions out loud, so I have learned to channel them into lyrics and melodies.
I plan to release a second original album within the next few months. I want this album to feel raw and emotional, while also keeping the sassy political songs I love to write. I hope to collaborate with other local artists in order to uplift other musicians in my area. I also hope to take creative writing courses in college, so as to further refine my songwriting ability.
AMPLIFY Mental Health Scholarship
Lucy was like family to me. We travelled together, had sleepovers every weekend, and told each other all our secrets. We grew up together in a very small school with an intimate group of friends, and Lucy was the leader. She had an uncanny ability to draw people in; her joyful laughter and bright smile were contagious - and so was her cruelty. She exerted an inordinate amount of control on those around her, through charm and charisma, as well as manipulation. I often found myself behaving in ways out of character for me. After one such incident, I told her I was wracked with guilt. She tilted her head, gave me a puzzled look, and asked, “Why would you feel guilty when you didn't get caught?” It was at that moment that I realized she was utterly apathetic to the damage she was doing to others. I reached my breaking point when I learned that Lucy had been telling all her new friends at University High School some incredibly personal information about me. These strangers knew all my most private thoughts and feelings, and had been making a game of talking about me for months. She had violated my trust and dignity. That’s when I finally realized that our friendship was not normal; I was being emotionally abused. Feeling betrayed, I made a conscious decision to walk away and choose myself over holding on to someone who didn't really care about me. Although choosing to walk away was not easy or without consequences, it made me a more discerning, functional, assertive, and authentic person, all of which have helped me achieve great things.
In order to remove myself from the unhealthy friendship with Lucy, I had to become more discerning. I had to see her as she was, not as I wanted her to be. I thought she was someone in whom I could confide, but in reality she was sharing intimate information about me in order to get attention from others. I have learned to trust my gut and protect myself in uncomfortable situations.
Another skill I learned was how to establish and respect functional boundaries. Boundaries were never something I had much concept of in my friendship with Lucy. For example, she once ranked all of my friends by weight. Her indifference to our feelings and disrespect of our bodies crossed multiple boundaries, and left all of us feeling violated. This left me with serious trust issues and an inability to ask for what I need from others. It was my greatest act of self love and self respect to walk away from her. Since cutting her out of my life, I have developed the skills, experience, and fortitude to demand better treatment or to end the relationship.
Part of learning to be emotionally honest was being more assertive. Finally standing up for myself against Lucy was the most assertive thing I had ever done, and was a defining moment for me. And I had to assert myself repeatedly. Lucy continued to make contact with me by text, through social media, in person, and through other people. Each time she apologized, she would have me questioning whether I had made the right decision. However, because I had learned to trust my decisions and stand up for myself, I simply reiterated that I did not want to be friends. Each time, I would be proven right because instead of respecting my wishes, she grew more aggressive and insulting.
Making the decision to walk away from Lucy required me to look inward and develop my authentic self. My number one priority is, and always was, friendship. Lucy took advantage of that, so now I know that I also have to prioritize myself. I now have a circle of friends who share my values, and they respect me for who I am.
Sander Jennings Spread the Love Scholarship
“Never give up.” “Tough it out.” “Stick with it.” These are life lessons taught by parents, teachers, and coaches every day. But my greatest act of self love was about learning when to walk away.
Lucy was like family to me. We travelled together, had sleepovers every weekend, and told each other all our secrets. We grew up together in a very small school with an intimate group of friends, and Lucy was the leader. She had an uncanny ability to draw people in; her joyful laughter and bright smile were contagious - and so was her cruelty. She exerted an inordinate amount of control on those around her, through charm and charisma, as well as manipulation. I often found myself behaving in ways out of character for me. After one such incident, I told her I was wracked with guilt. She tilted her head, gave me a puzzled look, and asked, “Why would you feel guilty when you didn't get caught?” It was at that moment that I realized she was utterly apathetic to the damage she was doing to others. I reached my breaking point when I learned that Lucy had been telling all her new friends at University High School some incredibly personal information about me. These strangers knew all my most private thoughts and feelings, and had been making a game of talking about me for months. She had violated my trust and dignity. That’s when I finally realized that our friendship was not normal; I was being emotionally abused. Feeling betrayed, I made a conscious decision to walk away and choose myself over holding on to someone who didn't really care about me.
Making the decision to walk away from Lucy required me to look inward and develop my authentic self. I had to critically assess my values, priorities, and what I wanted out of my relationships. I value personal growth, compassion, justice, and loyalty. My number one priority is, and always was, friendship. Lucy took advantage of that, so now I know that I also have to prioritize myself. I now have a circle of friends who share my values, and they respect me for who I am. In my circle of friends with Lucy, I was very uncomfortable sharing my authentic gender and sexuality. When I told my new friends that I am non-binary and pansexual, they were loving and accepting. I will never hide my authentic self again.
Liberating myself from the emotionally abusive relationship with Lucy was the single most paradigm-shifting event of my life. While it was not without consequence and heartache, it taught me to be smarter, healthier, stronger, and more genuine. I lost some friendships, but I gained better ones. Most importantly, I gained self-respect.
Amplify Green Innovation Scholarship
Climate change is an issue very close to my heart. A problem that I believe requires more thought is that of global versus local solutions to energy problems. There isn’t a “one-size-fits-all” clean energy resource, but rather a patchwork of solutions that will have positive impacts on various parts of the world. I often hear people say that because a solution won't work everywhere, it's not worth funding anywhere. When it comes to energy, we have to stop looking for one global fix and delegate solutions to individual communities, trusting that they will do what’s in the best interest of everyone. For example, solar energy works well in Arizona, while geothermal energy works better in places such as Iceland. If we continue trying to find one universal solution, we will never be able to counteract the effects of climate change in time to stop it.
Joe Bonamassa Music Studies Scholarship
Music is an important part of my life, and I am a prolific songwriter with over 250 original compositions. I wrote, produced, recorded, and released my own album called “Angel from Hell”, which is now on iTunes under my stage name, Cecilia Rose. I have been playing instruments since I was six, and am particularly adept at the guitar and viola; however, I also play the recorder, mandolin, and ukulele. I have been writing songs since I was ten, and it has been my emotional outlet through the more trying times in my life. When I was bullied, grieving loss, or overcoming change, writing was what got me through it. I've always had a difficult time being vulnerable and expressing my emotions out loud, so I have learned to channel them into lyrics and melodies.
When I was fifteen, I contracted a particularly bad case of the flu. I was incredibly sick for weeks, culminating in a trip to the hospital after I passed out during a rehearsal. Once I had recovered, I realized something was wrong with my lungs. After months of explaining to doctors that something wasn't right, I discovered that my lungs had become inflamed. My childhood asthma had come back to me. Three years later, and I still struggle with my asthma. I have never stopped singing or writing, and even though I frequently need inhaler breaks, I don't let my asthma stop me.
I am always writing and creating, and I plan to release another album of original songs in the coming months.
3LAU "Everything" Scholarship
Music is an important part of my life, and I am a prolific songwriter with over 250 original compositions. I wrote, produced, recorded, and released my own album called “Angel from Hell”, which is now on iTunes under my stage name, Cecilia Rose. I have been playing instruments since I was six, and am particularly adept at the guitar and viola; however, I also play the recorder, mandolin, and ukulele. I have been writing songs since I was ten, and it has been my emotional outlet through the more trying times in my life. When I was bullied, grieving loss, or overcoming change, writing was what got me through it. I've always had a difficult time being vulnerable and expressing my emotions out loud, so I have learned to channel them into lyrics and melodies. This is an original composition called "The Lucky One", and it is my favorite of my songs. It represents freedom, joy, and love, and it reminds me that there is always hope.
Bold Moments No-Essay Scholarship
Last year, I had the opportunity to accompany the Women's Foundation to the Arizona House of Representatives to speak on behalf of a bill that would benefit single moms. I got to personally speak to Representative Ann Kirkpatrick and sit in on a House vote. It was daunting to be given such responsibility, but we successfully got our bill passed. I am very grateful for being given the opportunity to help my community and see firsthand how our democracy works.
Wheezy Creator Scholarship
Music is an important part of my life, and I am a prolific songwriter with over 250 original compositions. I wrote, produced, recorded, and released my own album called “Angel from Hell”, which is now on iTunes under my stage name, Cecilia Rose. I have been playing instruments since I was six, and am particularly adept at the guitar and viola; however, I also play the recorder, mandolin, and ukulele. I have been writing songs since I was ten, and it has been my emotional outlet through the more trying times in my life. When I was bullied, grieving loss, or overcoming change, writing was what got me through it. I've always had a difficult time being vulnerable and expressing my emotions out loud, so I have learned to channel them into lyrics and melodies.
When I was fifteen, I contracted a particularly bad case of the flu. I was incredibly sick for weeks, culminating in a trip to the hospital after I passed out during a rehearsal. Once I had recovered, I realized something was wrong with my lungs. After months of explaining to doctors that something wasn't right, I discovered that my lungs had become inflamed. My childhood asthma had come back to me. Three years later, and I still struggle with my asthma. I have never stopped singing or writing, and even though I frequently need inhaler breaks, I don't let my asthma stop me.
Elevate Mental Health Awareness Scholarship
Lucy was like family to me. We travelled together, had sleepovers every weekend, and told each other all our secrets. We grew up together in a very small school with an intimate group of friends, and Lucy was the leader. She had an uncanny ability to draw people in; her joyful laughter and bright smile were contagious - and so was her cruelty. She exerted an inordinate amount of control on those around her, through charm and charisma, as well as manipulation. I often found myself behaving in ways out of character for me. After one such incident, I told her I was wracked with guilt. She tilted her head, gave me a puzzled look, and asked, “Why would you feel guilty when you didn't get caught?” It was at that moment that I realized she was utterly apathetic to the damage she was doing to others. I reached my breaking point when I learned that Lucy had been telling all her new friends at University High School some incredibly personal information about me. These strangers knew all my most private thoughts and feelings, and had been making a game of talking about me for months. She had violated my trust and dignity. That’s when I finally realized that our friendship was not normal; I was being emotionally abused. Feeling betrayed, I made a conscious decision to walk away and choose myself over holding on to someone who didn't really care about me. Although choosing to walk away was not easy or without consequences, it made me a more discerning, functional, assertive, and authentic person. These skills have helped me ever since and will continue to do so in college.
In order to remove myself from the unhealthy friendship with Lucy, I had to become more discerning. I had to see her as she was, not as I wanted her to be. I thought she was someone in whom I could confide, but in reality she was sharing intimate information about me in order to get attention from others. I have learned to trust my gut and protect myself in uncomfortable situations. Last year, a person that I didn’t know started talking to me at school. I realized she recognized me from my Instagram account; she had looked through all my posts and the posts of my friends. Before liberating myself from emotional abuse, I would have ignored my intense discomfort and anxiety - warning signs that told me her behavior was socially inappropriate. In this case, I consistently set boundaries with her by telling her not to hug me, restricting her ability to see my social media, and sending her strong nonverbal cues. Eventually, she got the hint and left me alone.
Another skill I learned was how to establish and respect functional boundaries. Boundaries were never something I had much concept of in my friendship with Lucy. For example, she once ranked all of us girls by weight. Her indifference to our feelings and disrespect of our bodies crossed multiple boundaries, and left all of us feeling violated. This left me with serious trust issues and an inability to ask for what I need from others. It was my greatest act of self love and self respect to walk away from her. Since cutting her out of my life, I have gotten much better at forming healthy boundaries with my friends and family. If someone in my life is treating me poorly, I have the skills, experience, and fortitude to demand better treatment or to end the relationship. Last year, I had a friend who started putting me down and treating our friendship as the best of a bad situation. Whenever someone she perceived as cool came along, she left me behind. She finally stopped talking to me and my friends altogether. She eventually apologized and I accepted her apology, but I also set a firm boundary that our friendship could not continue. I knew that rekindling our friendship would be bad for my mental health. I had experience setting firm boundaries with people that I no longer wanted in my life, so I was able to be emotionally honest with her instead of continuing a relationship that had become toxic.
Part of learning to be emotionally honest was being more assertive. Finally standing up for myself against Lucy was the most assertive thing I had ever done, and was a defining moment for me. And I had to assert myself repeatedly. Lucy continued to make contact with me by text, through social media, in person, and through other people. Each time she apologized, She would have me questioning whether I had made the right decision. However, because I had learned to trust my decisions and stand up for myself, I simply reiterated that I did not want to be friends. Each time, I would be proven right because instead of respecting my wishes, she grew more aggressive and insulting.
Making the decision to walk away from Lucy required me to look inward and develop my authentic self. I had to critically assess my values, priorities, and what I wanted out of my relationships. I value personal growth, compassion, justice, and loyalty. My number one priority is, and always was, friendship. Lucy took advantage of that, so now I know that I also have to prioritize myself. I now have a circle of friends who share my values, and they respect me for who I am. In my circle of friends with Lucy, I was very uncomfortable sharing my authentic gender and sexuality. When I told my new friends that I am non-binary and pansexual, they were loving and accepting. I will never hide my authentic self again.
Liberating myself from the emotionally abusive relationship with Lucy was the single most paradigm-shifting event of my life. While it was not without consequence and heartache, it taught me to be smarter, healthier, stronger, and more genuine. I lost some friendships, but gained better ones. Most importantly, I gained self-respect.
Harold Reighn Moxie Scholarship
Lucy was like family to me. We travelled together, had sleepovers every weekend, and told each other all our secrets. We grew up together in a very small school with an intimate group of friends, and Lucy was the leader. She had an uncanny ability to draw people in; her joyful laughter and bright smile were contagious - and so was her cruelty. She exerted an inordinate amount of control on those around her, through charm and charisma, as well as manipulation. I often found myself behaving in ways out of character for me. After one such incident, I told her I was wracked with guilt. She tilted her head, gave me a puzzled look, and asked, “Why would you feel guilty when you didn't get caught?” It was at that moment that I realized she was utterly apathetic to the damage she was doing to others. I reached my breaking point when I learned that Lucy had been telling all her new friends at University High School some incredibly personal information about me. These strangers knew all my most private thoughts and feelings, and had been making a game of talking about me for months. She had violated my trust and dignity. That’s when I finally realized that our friendship was not normal; I was being emotionally abused. Feeling betrayed, I made a conscious decision to walk away and choose myself over holding on to someone who didn't really care about me. Although choosing to walk away was not easy or without consequences, it made me a more discerning, functional, assertive, and authentic person.
In order to remove myself from the unhealthy friendship with Lucy, I had to become more discerning. I had to see her as she was, not as I wanted her to be. I thought she was someone in whom I could confide, but in reality she was sharing intimate information about me in order to get attention from others. I have learned to trust my gut and protect myself in uncomfortable situations. Last year, a person that I didn’t know started talking to me at school. I realized she recognized me from my Instagram account; she had looked through all my posts and the posts of my friends. Before liberating myself from emotional abuse, I would have ignored my intense discomfort and anxiety - warning signs that told me her behavior was socially inappropriate. In this case, I consistently set boundaries with her by telling her not to hug me, restricting her ability to see my social media, and sending her strong nonverbal cues. Eventually, she got the hint and left me alone.
Another skill I learned was how to establish and respect functional boundaries. Boundaries were never something I had much concept of in my friendship with Lucy. For example, she once ranked all of us girls by weight. Her indifference to our feelings and disrespect of our bodies crossed multiple boundaries, and left all of us feeling violated. This left me with serious trust issues and an inability to ask for what I need from others. It was my greatest act of self love and self respect to walk away from her. Since cutting her out of my life, I have gotten much better at forming healthy boundaries with my friends and family. If someone in my life is treating me poorly, I have the skills, experience, and fortitude to demand better treatment or to end the relationship. Last year, I had a friend who started putting me down and treating our friendship as the best of a bad situation. Whenever someone she perceived as cool came along, she left me behind. She finally stopped talking to me and my friends altogether. She eventually apologized and I accepted her apology, but I also set a firm boundary that our friendship could not continue. I knew that rekindling our friendship would be bad for my mental health. I had experience setting firm boundaries with people that I no longer wanted in my life, so I was able to be emotionally honest with her instead of continuing a relationship that had become toxic.
Part of learning to be emotionally honest was being more assertive. Finally standing up for myself against Lucy was the most assertive thing I had ever done, and was a defining moment for me. And I had to assert myself repeatedly. Lucy continued to make contact with me by text, through social media, in person, and through other people. Each time she apologized, She would have me questioning whether I had made the right decision. However, because I had learned to trust my decisions and stand up for myself, I simply reiterated that I did not want to be friends. Each time, I would be proven right because instead of respecting my wishes, she grew more aggressive and insulting.
Making the decision to walk away from Lucy required me to look inward and develop my authentic self. I had to critically assess my values, priorities, and what I wanted out of my relationships. I value personal growth, compassion, justice, and loyalty. My number one priority is, and always was, friendship. Lucy took advantage of that, so now I know that I also have to prioritize myself. I now have a circle of friends who share my values, and they respect me for who I am. In my circle of friends with Lucy, I was very uncomfortable sharing my authentic gender and sexuality. When I told my new friends that I am non-binary and pansexual, they were loving and accepting. I will never hide my authentic self again.
“Never give up.” “Tough it out.” “Stick with it.” These are life lessons taught by parents, teachers, and coaches every day. But the most defining experience of my life was about learning when to walk away.