Art has always been a way for me to explore my world and understand myself and my purpose in existence. Of course, as it is for anyone, this is an ongoing journey throughout life, something I had yet to understand. Ever since I was little, I had a love for Tinkerbell and the whimsical Pixie Hollow. I, too, desired adventure in my life to become an explorer. Like her, I couldn't look to anyone else for inspiration; I wanted to find my own way. Whether that meant venturing into new territories of finger paintings and popsicle stick statues in elementary school, I would find it. From there, doors began to open for me in high school. Art class with Mrs. Fowler was full of colored pencils, painting, clay, printmaking, and plaster. So many new opportunities for me to make my own, besides my own, like Tinkerbell. There was always a sense of holding myself back when I was doing something, yet I ventured on. Beyond my disappointment that arose when I "failed" realizing it wasn't for me, my teacher impacted me with her bright smile and words of affirmation to not give up. Despite the encouragement she gave me, I couldn't shake this stifled sense of self I was starting to see from the certain standards for my art and everyone's, limits that compressed me. 12th grade is when I started to lose what once kept me afloat, my love for creation. In AP 2-D Art and Design, I gained the ability to work independently, and my creativity awoke. Mrs. Swanner was a teacher who was like my mom. She truly cooperated with me, opening my eyes to things unseen and paving new roads for me to take in my work. I felt like I was really doing something in my photography, and most felt it too. Since I was new to Saint Francis, I felt like I had to prove something. So when satisfaction isn't always what I received from others about my work, I felt like I wanted to please them. Where there was once curiosity and exploration, perfectionism and shame took their place. It didn't take long for me to feel like an imposter, someone who supposedly loved art so much, but actually just did it for others. I realized I never had a why behind my work; I just created with no purpose. It wasn't until I got into college that I truly understood what creativity was and why I chose it. It wasn't that drawing was something I had to do as an artist. It wasn't that I had to lose myself trying new things either. As I went through my drawing, digital, and art history classes, I started to reflect on what intrigued me originally, and how that could come to the forefront of my life. I wanted to see who I depended on to tell me, and if that was what I believed. As I connected more with myself as a Christian, I took it up with God rather than my teachers. After a couple of semesters, I figured out that God, my Creator, placed imagination, curiosity, and the desire to create within me. Not to please, but for creation to shape every aspect of my life to reflect His glory.