The biggest challenges I have had to overcome in my life so far are my own feelings of insecurity and my internal sense of not being good enough. These feelings have arisen constantly throughout high school: whenever I scored less than a 90 on a test, when our Greenhand Chapter Conducting team came in eighth at the Area competition, when I made the decision not to run for FFA office my senior year after serving as Secretary during my junior year. In each of these scenarios I set exceedingly high expectations for myself, and in each case I failed to meet them. This failure to live up to unfairly high standards left me feeling bad about myself and thinking that I did not deserve to receive the accomplishments for which I strove. Consequently, I had less desire to work for those accomplishments and was discouraged from pursuing new opportunities for the risk of failure. This challenge has proved difficult to overcome because I was the one holding myself back and I was the one that I have to prove myself to. However, whenever I felt that I had failed myself, I tried to make a conscious decision to use those feelings of worthlessness to motivate me in the future. When I got a B on a test, I studied twice as hard for the next test. After coming in eighth in a Chapter Conducting competition, I studied harder myself and improved communication with my teammates, which resulted in our team coming in first place at the area and state competitions the following year. My feelings of inadequacy were thus overcome by me bettering myself in future endeavors. I have also had to realize that the standards I set for myself are often extremely high. My instances of beating myself up over small failures have taught me, not necessarily to lower my expectations, but to treat myself with kindness and empathy whenever I don’t meet these expectations because I now know just how high they are. While these methods have not fully solved the problem, as my negative feelings will never fully go away, they have lessened the impact of my insecurities and helped turn failures into future productivity, allowing me to get through the hard times and amplifying the joy felt in good ones.

I tried desperately to keep myself busy. I did everything short of pacing the room, but I couldn’t distract myself from the one thing that had been circling my mind. What place did we get? I was anxious to know the answer to this question. I took a deep breath to try and calm my nerves. Eventually, a spokesperson took the microphone on the stage. “We have the results for...” They announced the results in waves. Our competition was not announced in the first wave. Or the second. My agriculture teacher disappeared into one of the competition rooms, returning later with an unreadable look on his face. I was beginning to wonder if he knew our results, when the announcer finally returned to the stage. “We now have the results for Senior Chapter Conducting.” I shared a look with my teammates. This was it. Starting at last place, the results were announced. Ten, nine, eight, seven… I grasped hands with the teammates next to me. Six, five, four, three… Excitement bubbled up within me. “In second place…” It wasn’t us. Before they even announced first place we knew. Our team became a hugging, crying mess as we celebrated our victory. This memory is one of my most cherished. Although the anticipation was excruciating at the time, I’ve realized that without it, the moment wouldn’t have been the same. My teacher, it turns out, had discovered our placing before us. However, I’m glad he didn’t tell us. The slow build up to the announcement of our ranking culminated in a moment of pure joy and celebration which otherwise would not have been nearly as satisfying. Thus, this experience taught me the true importance of patience. Without patience, anticlimactic endings would replace some of the most authentic and fulfilling moments in life.

Everything is bigger in Texas. A cliché, I know, but the statement encapsulates my experience as a Texan. Everything has always been big: wide open ranges, schools, communities. As a child, Texas made me feel tiny, but even as I’ve grown up this feeling of being small in my surroundings never went away. I’ve realized this is a part of the Texas lifestyle, expanding to several facets of its society. Growing up in Texas, I was raised to be friendly to all. A smile and a wave to others as we pass on the street has always been normal. However, as I became more aware of the world around me, I realized that those gestures, customary and polite in my mind, are not by any means normal, even considered strange in other areas of the world. Thus, the smallest expressions revealed to me the great capacity for kindness that exists within Texas. Dreams are also bigger in Texas. The endless encouragement I’ve always felt from the people around me has inspired me to dream big, set high expectations for myself, and create vast goals. Since everything else in Texas is big, I’ve always figured my ambition might as well be too, and thus I’ve never felt limited in my abilities or aspirations. To me, Texas means doing big things, heading big places, and helping out in big ways. Yes, our belt buckles and county fairs may be big, but so are the things that count: kindness, generosity, enthusiasm, family.

The engine’s hum slowly faded out as my mom turned back the keys. I bounced in my seat as I waited for her to come around the back of the car and open my door. As soon as I was freed, I raced up the wooden stairs and knocked on the glass of the front door. A comforting voice invited me in and I soon fell into her warm embrace. I felt so special as she let me sit in her recliner and do crossword puzzles or word searches with her until my mom dragged us home. My great-grandmother, or grammy as she liked to be called by just about everybody, passed away when I was in the sixth grade, but not a day goes by that I don’t feel her incredible impact on my life. Grammy was a teacher and activist for teacher and educational rights, serving as the president of the Austin Association of Teachers in 1974. She was a primary organizer of the Texas statewide “Now or Never” rally and one of the main people responsible for passing the rule that allows Texas teachers to enjoy a duty-free lunch. Not only was she a fighter in her professional life, but also in her personal life. She was a single mother of three kids, and throughout her life, she never failed to give everything she had to her kids, grandkids, great-grandkids, and great-great-grandson, even when she didn’t have much. She fought cancer three different times, surviving uterine cancer and two separate cases of breast cancer. Even when hospitalized for a stroke and pneumonia at 89, she fought it until her final day. She taught me that women should be fighters who stand up for what they believe in, but also be kind in doing so. She showed me resilience, perseverance, compassion, generosity, and optimism. The foundation of who I am today is based on my great-grandmother’s influence in my life. In the future, I plan to become a small animal veterinarian, and possibly run an animal shelter. It is also my dream to be able to contribute to charities promoting animal welfare and give back to the community in any way possible. I believe that my current compassion for animals was greatly influenced by my great-grandmother’s example. In these future endeavors, I will always strive to learn as much as possible and work hard to acquire the life that I want, just as grammy fought for her life in so many ways. I will fight for the humane treatment of animals in any way I can and always stand up for what I believe is right, just as grammy always did. I will treat everyone, animals and humans alike, with the same respect and kindness that my grammy showed me. But more than anything, I will give everything I can to the causes and people closest to my heart and try to set as good of an example for younger generations as my grammy set for me. Even in doing something as simple as a crossword puzzle with me, grammy showed me what a woman should be: intelligent, generous, and hard-working. She impacted my life in a much greater way than she will ever know and I wish I could thank her for setting such an extraordinary example.