My experience with mental health and substance abuse has heavily influenced every aspect of my life, as well as my parents' and children's lives. Both my parents, who divorced when I was one suffered from depression, alcoholism, and drug addiction. I started drinking and doing drugs when I was 12. I started seeing a psychiatrist at 16 where I was put on Prozac. I failed the 8th grade and went to my first treatment center when I was 15. For years I was in and out of mental health facilities and treatment centers. I also was in and out of jail and prison. I had quit school but did manage to get my G.E.D. In prison. I tried dozens of therapists, medications, outpatient treatment, inpatient treatment, detox, and halfway houses. I was sentenced to drug court and managed to get a year sober. I got diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma and had to have surgery. I took pain medication post-op and relapsed shortly after. I got married when I was 19 and had a daughter two years later. We separated when Jessie was one and her father got custody of her because I was just not stable. I did not have an education and no decent job prospects because my criminal record was full of felonies. I just wanted to give up all the time it got to the point that I didn't want to live and just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, it did. In 2008, I met a guy and we got married. Soon after, I got pregnant.
He was on drugs really bad and became very abusive I was like a prisoner in my own home. He didn't want me to go anywhere without him and did not let me work. I was trapped. I tried to go back to school for medical billing and coding but after two semesters I had to drop out due to us fighting all the time. In 2019, I finally left and moved in with my mom. She was still on drugs and I was a complete mess. I ended up going to treatment and a halfway house for the final time. I started going to AA faithfully and I got a sponsor who guided me through the 12 steps. I started putting some days together and was stable on my anti-depressant. I reunited with my childhood sweetheart and we moved in together. He had a great job and for the first time in my life, I was sober and happy. Finally, it was time to go back to school after I got a year sober. There was only one thing that I wanted to do. I wanted to help others who struggle with addiction and mental health issues. Today, I'm proud to say that I have been in school for a year and I have a 3.8 GPA. I am at Southern New Hampshire University getting my bachelor's in Health and Human Services. I plan on pursuing my master's in mental health counseling. My mother and my father both died in the same year as a direct result of alcoholism and drug addiction. My 26-year-old is in prison for assault. I am currently seeking custody of my 13-year-old and she will be starting high school in the fall. Hopefully, she will be living with me by then. I inherited my grandparent's farm and the house I have every good memory of growing up in. I am heavily involved in AA and I have a wonderful relationship with my significant other today. Best of all, I love myself and my life for the first time. I am grateful for every day I have the opportunity to wake up sober and with a renewed spirit. Through AA and school, I believe in myself and my worth. I finally get to give back to society instead of taking from it. I get to pay my bills and taxes. I get to show others that no matter how far down you have gone, it is never too late to change! Most people said, growing up that I never stood a chance with drug-addicted parents and I used that as a crutch for a long time. Environment plays a huge factor! It did for me and it did for my oldest daughter who has a daughter of her own. I'm praying she can break the cycle, there is still time! There is always a chance as long as we breathe. I will not stop until I share my experience, strength, and hope with everyone who will listen. There is absolutely not one " yet" that I didn't experience. Drugs brought me to my knees. This country is facing an epidemic unlike we have ever seen! There is not one person that hasn't been affected in some way. I want people to know that recovery is possible if you want it!