As a child, I suffered physical and emotional abuse at the hands of my alcoholic father. He had a rage that I couldn't comprehend, but I was his scapegoat while my younger sister was his little princess. Because of my father's lack of affection, I had a low self-esteem. He never encouraged or supported my goals and interests outside of good grades, so I didn't think I could ever amount to much. I blamed myself for being a failure and for not being good enough. I hated myself for being born and for merely existing because he told me he didn't love me. He said he only loved my sister and that he wished I was never born; he told me that he should have killed me when I was a baby. Sometimes for many months, my dad would not let me out of my room except to go to school, and he wouldn't allow my mother and sister to speak with me. I was only allowed to read books, so reading became a form of escape. Due to my father's abuse, I developed an anxiety disorder. Eventually, this anxiety disorder invited some friends called depression and PTSD. I was 11 years old when I first attempted suicide. I tried to overdose on a bunch of random pills from my dad's medicine cabinet and I ended up with the worse stomach ache of my life. I remember always promising myself that I would never be dependent on drugs, including alcohol. I didn't want to be a monster like my dad was, but by the time I was 17 I was smoking cigarettes. I then promised myself that I wouldn't go beyond that, but when I was 18 I smoked marijuana. Marijuana became a gateway into other drugs. Much of the time, I didn't even know what it was or where it came from--I just wanted to "escape." But you see, you can't truly escape your mind, which is why I attempted suicide multiple times. Struggling with an addiction is one of those things that can seem near impossible to overcome. Many people either give up trying and live as a functioning addict, or they succumb to it, perishing from either an overdose or a health issue that was caused by their addiction. I had to make some tough decisions, like accepting that my addiction is an illness I must maintain and manage for the rest of my life, and that I need to take accountability for my actions to progress as a person and change my habits. When my father passed away, he had a heart attack. He was only 56 years old, but he had begun to do more than just alcohol and eventually overdosed on some unknown substances. I could no longer blame my dad for my addiction, for my depression, for my anxiety, for my incapability to change--I had to take charge. Rather, I gave charge to Jesus. I surrendered my life to Christ, learned what it meant to be in recovery and started attending meetings, stayed consistent with therapy, and now I am pursuing a degree in psychology so that I can help people with their addiction recovery! It's been almost a decade now, and I credit the good Lord for my sobreity. Although my dad is no longer with us, God has restored my relationship with my family. He changed me when people told me I would never change! My name is Carolina, and one day, I want to to begin a ministry to help people from a faith-based approach on their recovery journey!

My name is Carolina and I am 34 years old. I was physically and emotionally abused as a child by my alcoholic father, and this caused me to develop borderline personality disorder, PTSD, and substance abuse addiction. I am also diagnosed with autism and ADHD, and this makes socializing difficult at times. I started using drugs at 17 years old. My early 20s are a blur. I suffered an overdose at 20 years old that left me clinically dead, but it didn't stop me from continuing my habit. I truly believed that I didn't have a problem. I blamed my addiction on my dad, pointed fingers at everyone else, and convinced myself that it was always the other person's fault whenever bridges were burned. When you live with borderline personality disorder, chaos can feel normal, as if your head is always on fire. You're borderline happy and you're borderline sad, you're borderline good and you're borderline bad. There's only this warped perception you can see through the looking glass because you lived in a constant state of fragility. I had a daughter at the age of 21. She is my only child. When she was a baby, I was a terrible mother. I have always loved her, but I chose drugs over her many times. I would let her cry for two hours while I was throwing away my self-respect and self-dignity in another room. When she was old enough to talk, she would watch me from inside the house through the screen door while I sat on the porch smoking. I began wondering what she was seeing through the looking glass. She is 12 years old now and she tells me that she remembers watching me smoke on the porch. In 2020, my father had a heart attack induced by drug use. Soon after, three friends I have known since childhood overdosed from drug use as well. Unlike me, they did not have a second chance. I gave my life to Christ that year, and I truly believe that my purpose is to help people in recovery, or to help them begin. Beginning my recovery journey was very difficult for me because I refused to acknowledge my problem. This rendered me incapable of taking accountability. When I finally did, I was able to begin therapy to heal my soul. I was able to learn new skills and equip myself with how to handle different situations instead of coping in self-harming ways, such as relapsing and being impulsive. I also had to accept that I am going to be in recovery for the rest of my life and that my addiction is an illness that I need to manage. I have been sober from addiction for 8 years, but I did have a relapse 4 years ago with marijuana that lasted for almost a year. As a psychology major, I want to help others in recovery through a faith-based approach. There's a couple programs that I am familiar with, such as Celebrate Recovery. Sometimes our problems are bigger than what we can handle and impossible to change, but God can change the impossible. Not even a near death experience could end my addiction, but God did it! I have such a huge heart for people struggling with addiction because I can see into their looking glass and understand that it's never just an addiction--there is a deep wound that never healed. I credit my transformation to God and He's still working on me, but today I can be proud that my daughter has a sober mother who beat addiction!

My dad was a functioning alcoholic with an anger issue. I remember as a kid that I vowed never to be like him, but by the age of 17 I tried cigarettes. I also remember thinking to myself that I would never do anything else, but at 19 I tried marijuana. Smoking marijuana was a gateway into other things I tried. Sometimes I didn't even know what it was or where it came from. I just needed an escape. For years, I blamed my addiction on my dad and how he abused me. When I was 20 years old, I had an overdose where I was clinically dead for 6 minutes. I was blessed and fortunate to have survived that without needing to be rehabilitated because even 30 minutes without blood and oxygen to the brain can leave someone with cognitive and mobile impairment. You would think that a near death experience is enough to make someone change their life around, but not when you have an addiction. Just a few days after the overdose, I went right back to using. A year after the overdose at 21 years old, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. As a toddler, she used to stand at the screen door from the inside and watch me smoke on the porch. I have such deep pain and regret when I think of all the times I would let her cry for 2 hours straight just so I could have my fix. I was such a bad mother and I have not forgiven myself for the things that I have done in an attempt to satisfy my sin. I had no self-respect or self-dignity, and I am ashamed of my past. I am 34 years old now. I am sober from cigarettes and most substance abuse for the last decade. I say most because I had a relapse with marijuana and cough medicine. I have been sober from cough medicine for 4 years (it was a 3 month relapse) and I also have been sober from marijuana for 3 years. I also made a big decision never to drink again. I have never considered myself to be an alcoholic. In fact, I only drank on my birthday and holidays. But after coming to the acceptance that I will have to manage my addiction for the rest of my life, I knew in my soul that I had to make this decision. I can't take the risk of another relapse because it's not just about me anymore. My daughter just turned 12 and I am thinking about her future. My father died in 2020 from a heart attack induced by substance abuse and depression. I had three friends that same year die from an overdose. Unlike me, they did not have a second chance. I truly believe God saved me so that I can advocate for drug addiction and mental health. I feel very passionate towards helping others in recovery from substance and alcohol abuse because I know what it's like to have no one believe in you. I know what it's like to lose your friends and family to drugs, and when bridges burn because you blame everyone else instead of taking accountability; when everyone around you has lost all hope of you changing. As a psych major, I want to support people in recovery through a faith-based approach. I credit my sobriety to the Lord. One day, I want to begin a ministry that will help people struggling with addiction to lean on Christ because He can change the impossible! Thank you.

I was an atheist at the time, and like many atheists I pondered how a loving God could allow evil to run rampant in the world. How could a loving God allow my dad to abuse me? He couldn't possibly exist! I was running away from something no one could see, and at the same time I was constantly pursuing a high that could make me forget what I was running away from. I would take anything I could get my hands on--even if I didn't fully know what it was. When I was 19, I overdosed on my dad's tramadol. I had been battling a substance abuse since 17 years old, which was when I first tried cigarettes before moving on to smoking marijuana. I had clinically died for 6 minutes--no blood and oxygen to my brain. My dad performed CPR on me. The irony of this was that he was a functioning alcoholic that abused me my whole life. Well, what happened to me was nothing short of a miracle. Unlike most people, I did not suffer any immediate cognitive impairment or loss of motor function. Even at just 30 seconds of being clinically dead people have to be rehabilitated in order to regain control of their lives, such as learning how to walk and talk again. But God had other plans. Despite the overdose and my near death experience, I continued to struggle heavily with substance abuse for the next decade. My life spiraled into a chaotic whirlwind of substance abuse and bad choices. I hadn't realized it yet, but I was actually coping unhealthily with mental health issues due to childhood trauma, along with autism. I was erratic in my behavior and impulsive in my actions. Immaturely, I had shifted accountability of drug addiction to everyone else except me--especially my dad who was the bane of my existence. Instead of wanting to change, I wanted to continue living in my addiction and evade any sort of responsibility or discipline. It was much easier to just say that my trauma made me who I was and that there was nothing that could be done to change that. Even my family gave up on me; my parents called me a junkie and that this was who I would be for the rest of my life. But God can cange the unchangeable and as I said, He had had other plans. At the age of 29, I gave my life to Jesus and my entire life chaged. My dad had already passed away, but the Lord restored my relationship with my mother and sister--which I had almost completely destroyed due to my addiction. Jesus also freed me from depression and taught me how to love myself by showing me how He loved me first. And lastly, as my faith in Christ continues to grow I learned I had to accept that I am always going to be in recovery or recovering. In the past I was in denial of my addiction, but Jesus told me to take accountability and to lean on Him for continued sobriety and healing. I will be 34 years old this summer and God is always good. I want to use my psychology degree and pair it with a degree in ministry to help those struggling with trauma, grief and addiciton, and to have a faith-based approach doing it. God has a plan for me and I know that He wants me to help those in the shoes I have walked. I want them to know that Jesus can break any chain (Luke 4:18), Hallelujah!