I was an atheist at the time, and like many atheists I pondered how a loving God could allow evil to run rampant in the world. How could a loving God allow my dad to abuse me? He couldn't possibly exist! I was running away from something no one could see, and at the same time I was constantly pursuing a high that could make me forget what I was running away from. I would take anything I could get my hands on--even if I didn't fully know what it was. When I was 19, I overdosed on my dad's tramadol. I had been battling a substance abuse since 17 years old, which was when I first tried cigarettes before moving on to smoking marijuana. I had clinically died for 6 minutes--no blood and oxygen to my brain. My dad performed CPR on me. The irony of this was that he was a functioning alcoholic that abused me my whole life. Well, what happened to me was nothing short of a miracle. Unlike most people, I did not suffer any immediate cognitive impairment or loss of motor function. Even at just 30 seconds of being clinically dead people have to be rehabilitated in order to regain control of their lives, such as learning how to walk and talk again. But God had other plans. Despite the overdose and my near death experience, I continued to struggle heavily with substance abuse for the next decade. My life spiraled into a chaotic whirlwind of substance abuse and bad choices. I hadn't realized it yet, but I was actually coping unhealthily with mental health issues due to childhood trauma, along with autism. I was erratic in my behavior and impulsive in my actions. Immaturely, I had shifted accountability of drug addiction to everyone else except me--especially my dad who was the bane of my existence. Instead of wanting to change, I wanted to continue living in my addiction and evade any sort of responsibility or discipline. It was much easier to just say that my trauma made me who I was and that there was nothing that could be done to change that. Even my family gave up on me; my parents called me a junkie and that this was who I would be for the rest of my life. But God can cange the unchangeable and as I said, He had had other plans. At the age of 29, I gave my life to Jesus and my entire life chaged. My dad had already passed away, but the Lord restored my relationship with my mother and sister--which I had almost completely destroyed due to my addiction. Jesus also freed me from depression and taught me how to love myself by showing me how He loved me first. And lastly, as my faith in Christ continues to grow I learned I had to accept that I am always going to be in recovery or recovering. In the past I was in denial of my addiction, but Jesus told me to take accountability and to lean on Him for continued sobriety and healing. I will be 34 years old this summer and God is always good. I want to use my psychology degree and pair it with a degree in ministry to help those struggling with trauma, grief and addiciton, and to have a faith-based approach doing it. God has a plan for me and I know that He wants me to help those in the shoes I have walked. I want them to know that Jesus can break any chain (Luke 4:18), Hallelujah!