I love love love the song Stranger by Olivia Rodrigo. The line that spoke most to me was; 'Cause I was half myself without you, now I feel so complete And I can't even remember what made me lose all that sleep. I was 18 when I first got to college. I was 19 when I realized I was completely head over heels for a boy I went to church with. I watched as he fell in love with my roommate during my Spring Semester. It was more painful than I thought it could be. That whole semester seemed to go by in slow motion. For over a year I would think about him constantly. I would wonder all the what-ifs. I met up with him and my roommate about a year and a half after they got married. Seeing them both made me realize that my feelings for this guy were completely gone. I no longer felt hopeless at the thought of not marrying him. When I heard this song I realized this is not the last time I am going to find a boy to be obsessed with for a little while. It is okay to like a guy even if he doesn't like you back because these things pass. If it is not meant to be, it is not meant to last. When you're a teenager, the feelings you experience are so powerful you are not sure if you will ever get over them. Everything is a big deal, but I'm 21 now. I still have a lot of hormones, but I am also able to look back and realize how everything that is supposed to happen will happen in its own time. We sometimes wish for things to turn out a certain way, but Olivia puts it beautifully when she says she "can't even remember what made [her] lose all that sleep." Everything now that seems monumental and worth losing sleep over will all just be things that we will understand later. And when we do understand them, we aren't even able to remember why we lost all that sleep. The first time I heard this song, I was transported back to that part of my life when I felt so much, and trusted in the process so little. I was able to reflect on how I feel now and think about how happy I am that everything turned out the way it did. Now they are both Strangers I know everything about!

I'm not like most people on this planet, that is to say, because I have been extraordinarily blessed with opportunities. I wasn't always interested in entrepreneurship, but luckily for me, I had the opportunity to be a part of a program during my junior and sophomore years that truly changed my outlook. If it wasn't for my family, I probably never would have even considered entrepreneurship, and I consider that an opportunity all on its own. My support system hasn't just helped me be successful, they've helped prepare me to exist. At the beginning of my sophomore year, one of my business teachers approached me about being a part of a program called NAWBO which stands for the National Association of Women Business Owners. There they taught me everything I needed to know about the ins and outs of running a business by yourself. They gave me the opportunity to talk with real-life business owners and get an insight into the world of entrepreneurship. Then they had me write my very own business plan. It was in fact the first business plan I had ever written and it took me weeks to finish it, but in the end, it was in fact, terrible. However, I consider myself lucky, because I wrote such an awful business plan, I got to receive real coaching and advice from not just my business teacher, but from some of the actual business owners themselves. Next year I thought I was ready. I had an even better idea than the year before and I was prepared to win this time. Alas, it was not meant to be, the program didn't finish my junior year due to the pandemic, but before that, I got to go to several more conventions with even more business owners. If that is not a support system then I don't know what is. Backing up, long before my teacher ever approached me about NAWBO, I would never have considered entrepreneurship if it wasn't for my family. Specifically, my older brother. He was the kind of older brother that I felt proud looking up to and that I tried to mirror my entire life. So when he took an entrepreneurship class three years prior to NAWBO and was raving about how much he loved it, I decided I must take this class as well. My father doesn't get excited by a lot of things, but when Gavin took this class, he was very excited for him. All the more proof to me that I should also take this class. Even though things didn't technically pan out that way, entrepreneurship was still at the forefront of my mind. I don't know about other people, I'm not sure how many high schoolers have been given the opportunities I've been given. I just know how incredibly lucky I am to feel so prepared to receive my education and start something bigger than me. Because of the way the events lined up in my life, I have a vision for a better world, a world where my contribution changes lives. Even though I'm just a small babysitting and pet sitting service for right now, I've got big plans, and I couldn't be more ready.

America is corn flakes, the fourth of July, and Uncle Sam. America is baseball and more personal freedoms than any other country in the world. To me being American is pride in the flag, it's a diversity of people and thought, and it's an opportunity of a lifetime. The American flag is not just something flown, it's a symbol of triumph and overcoming. Around the world, those held captive in their own home country look to the American flag as a symbol of freedom and hope. This is why as an American, it's important to step up and take pride in my country's flag. If there ever comes a day where Americans can't respect their flag then the world has lost a great nation. America has always fought for freedom and for people who can't fight for themselves. They lead the world in declaring independence from a tyrannical government. They lead the world once more when fighting to free the oppressed from the chains of slavery. America has since continued to fight for the world. When freeing millions from the evils of communism, when aiding in both World Wars, and being the only country to provide more humanitarian aid to other countries than any other country. America has always fought, and when America fights, she proves that she's worthy of the flag. With the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in the air only ever proved that our flag was still there. So I take pride in my flag because to me, that's American. Ever since its founding, America has been a beacon of hope to foreigners looking to start a new life. People would travel for months just to step foot on America. The land of opportunity, the place where anyone from anywhere could start their life over and create something better than they had ever dreamed. They knew that to be an American is to dream. Still today, America is flooded with people from all over the globe. America doesn't have just one face or one ethnicity, it is one melting pot of opportunity where anyone can be anything. Because people know they can look to the flag and be reassured of the individual liberty America provides. Citizens of this great nation enjoy freedoms that stimulate conversations of change without fear of government interference. Something that has always set America apart from other countries. On boats and on planes people are coming to America, never looking back again. Full disclosure, I have never been to another country before. But I have traveled all around America. From what I’ve seen, no matter what state, opportunities are abundant. Not just opportunities to thrive, but opportunities to fail. Only in America can someone fail completely and still get back up and try again. In America, everyone is given the opportunity to work hard for a living, to create a life for themselves, or to reinvent themselves as the person they want to be. If tomorrow all the things I’ve worked for were gone and I had to start again, I’d thank my lucky stars to be living here today. America, America, sweet land of liberty. I feel incredibly grateful to live in this beautiful and free nation. To me, being an American is more than just living in America. It’s recognizing all that America has done for each individual that lives here. It’s the pride true Americans take in their flag because they know what it stands for. Being an American is rock and roll, peanut butter, toast, and jam. And to me, that is the greatest privilege in the world.

In the year 2020, my father lost his job in June, I lost the end of my junior and my senior year of high school. I lost friends due to a lack of ability to be with them and struggled for months to find a job myself. In the year 2020, I gained more than I ever thought possible. 2020 for many was a constant struggle, and I am right there with them. Yet, in the year 2020, I spent more time with my father than I ever have, made awesome friends, and stood up for myself by quitting a job that wasn't treating me right. I gained courage, lost weight, and learned how to do so many things I never would have been able to do otherwise. There are several ways to look at 2020. It can be seen through just the political turmoil, that alone would be enough to make anyone pine for the simpler days of 2019. It can be seen through the pandemic and the lockdowns, but why do that to me? If it is seen through personal growth and time with my family, then it was one of the best years I've ever had. My family was without our main source of income for half of the year and had to rely on my mom's income. In a family of seven, with a cousin living with us, this was not easy. But my dad was not about to let us look at it that way. He broke out his old role-playing game and taught us how to play it. Our family spent hours playing together. I will forever be grateful for that time because I am preparing to move out in a few short months and I need every minute with my family before that happens. I probably will never go to prom. I lost my junior prom and will be shocked if I am able to have my senior prom. That was really important to me about two years ago. Now I know I'll be okay. Because I couldn't go to my prom last year, it really put into perspective for me what I want out of my life. I don't want to miss out on college, I don't want to miss out on a future family or kids. I don't want to miss out on an awesome career that I will no doubt crush. Missing out on high school helped me know what I can afford to miss out on. My first ever job was as a fry cook at a run-down Drive-In 5 minutes away. I loved working there because I felt like I was a part of something. They kept me busy, and everyone knew who I was and liked me. Until my anniversary came. A new manager was hired around the same time, and I wasn't a fan. He joked around in ways that were absolutely inappropriate, kept me after work to do meaningless jobs but that wasn't the worst of it. He starting convincing my other managers that I wasn't a good employee. Managers with who I was friends started constantly scolding me for little things or doing jobs too slow. The other cooks slacked off and I would have to make up for it by doing twice what I should have been, and I was getting in trouble. Being the only girl in the kitchen was hard enough and I should have quit as soon as I saw what was happening but I hate confrontation. It took me five months to leave, but when I did I felt free. 2020 gave me the courage to know what I deserve. My favorite part of quarantine was all the time I now had for new hobbies. I learned to knit, solve puzzles, started doing yoga which ended up being really good for me, and read more books than I had in all of 2019. Yoga helped me when I was upset and all of a sudden I was really into health. I dropped twenty pounds and feel better than ever before. I also learned to drive and I finally got my license. I was becoming a whole new person, someone I liked and that I wanted to be. I now needle felt, can solve a thousand-piece puzzle in two days, and am a certified Mario Kart champ. I will never forget any of 2020. I am now more prepared than ever to face college head-on with the courage and tenacity that are now part of who I am. 2020 was a year of growth for me. As hard as it was, I will always be grateful for it. Would I do it again? Absolutely not, but that's how I know it was important for my personal journey that I did.

I've always been enamored with the intricate nature of crafting. People normally have a specific idea in their head when they hear the word crafting, but the fascinating part is that no two people are going to think the exact same thing. There are so many types of crafts that exist that boredom should be impossible. I find it incredibly entertaining to watch different people do all kinds of different things, all the way from knitting to renovating, to replacing parts of cars. One video, in particular, inspired me to try something new. Needle felting, a lost art that not enough people appreciate today. It makes no sense, but it works so well. Knitting, cross-stitching, sewing, drawing, yoga, puzzles, and painting are all hobbies I've tried before, but nothing has drawn me in like needle felting. The sculpting of unwoven wool with a barbed needle to create any shape imaginable. Within the first week with my kit, I made a chicken, a hibiscus flower, a bumblebee, a football, perry the platypus, and my dad's truck. Each shape takes about 5 to 6 hours each, but I don't even notice because of how incredible the process is. Watching shapes form in front of my eyes is a miracle. And since every shape has been free handed, even I have no idea what it will be until it’s done. I think people take for granted the overwhelming amount of things to do on this earth. Needle felting is amazing and no one knows about it, but that doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of amazing things to do on this planet. Who knows what kind of hobbies I’m going to pick up in the future? I should hope I carry on with needle felting, but I don’t want to stop there. I should hope my library of skills only continues to grow. I want to be able to pass my future knowledge on to those who need it. I want to not only be able to see something I want to do, and just do it then and there, but I want to be able to show others. My goal to create a needle felted zoo should be just one small part of my achievements. I want to be able to make clothes and replace cabinets. My future ambitions surpass that of what I can even imagine now, and that’s how I always want it to be. Is it strange that I want to be well acquainted with my own human capacity by testing my limits through skills and hobbies? Not at all, in fact, I think everyone should strive to know more. Master what you know, then move on. Why should we limit ourselves to the confines of what we already know? Where is the danger in doing as much as we can? I believe that not only will we feel more satisfied as human beings, but our quality of life will increase as our knowledge does. This is why answering the question of what my creative ambitions are is so challenging. How can I pick just one when I live on such a diverse and ever-changing planet? I keep my eyes peeled and hope that whatever my future projects are, they make me better.

I’m like most girls when it comes to the women in my life. This meaning that I’m constantly blessed by them. If I took the time to list every woman that was ever a role model to me or that changed my life in some way, I would never leave my seat. Humanity was blessed with women, and so was I. Whether it was church leaders, or teachers, or even just my mom, the women in my life have been a shining example and I don’t know what I would have done without them. It’s the third grade, every teacher I’ve had so far has been wonderful, but she was something else. She was cool, she was fun, she was natural blonde just like me, how neat! She was everything I wanted to be when I grew up. My third-grade teacher was an obvious role model from the second I walked into class that first day. She was the first teacher I had ever had that was past her thirties. And maybe it was her energy, or her honesty, or her spirit that made me look up to her as much as I did, but whatever it was, I’m grateful for it. She was the teacher who told me that I just had to get to college. She was the one to tell me that I needed to start saving now because no matter what I did, I had to experience college. And I believed her. Because of Mrs. Laine, I started saving every penny, and the reason why I already had 500 dollars in the bank before I got a regular paying job. She is the reason I want to go to college so badly, and because of her, I worked so hard in middle school and high school to get accepted into college. Thanks to Mrs. Laine I am now accepted into my dream college and working hard every day to be able to pay for it. Third grade was awesome, but as hard as it is to believe, it did end eventually, and I was off to bigger and better things. Junior high hit me like a bus and I was not prepared. Everything about it made me feel constantly uncomfortable and awkward. Luckily, I was given amazing leaders. I played saxophone all throughout Junior high and my band directors were the best. Shockingly I was one of the only two girls in my section and at times felt very self-conscious. It was a director of mine that helped me see that just because I was a girl, I wasn’t any less of a player. Her name was Miss. Dish and she was the first woman director I had ever had. Not only was she the only women director, but she was also legendary. She had won awards for her teaching, made our school band champions, and told us once that she was on the Price is Right. So she was an obvious role model for me. Miss Dish taught me not to sell myself short. She taught me that women can do anything and that we could probably do it better. There are many more amazing women that have changed my life for the better, but for now, here are some honorable mentions. To my eighth-grade science teacher who took me out of class to tell me my shirt was backward. To my young women leader who was so understanding when I babysat for the first time for her kids, and couldn’t get them to fall asleep. To all my seminary teachers who taught me that early mornings are the worst when I decide they are. To all the women who taught me that being a woman means lifting up one another. And finally my own mother. The women who taught me everything I ever needed to know. The first person to listen to me go on about my silly crushes. Always the first to lift me up when I doubt myself. Who taught me how to make money by babysitting to save for college. The women who taught me to work for what I want, and to always be kind and understanding. I love being a woman. Because being a woman means being a part of something bigger than myself. It means lifting one another up. It means being stronger than ever. And if I’ve learned anything, being a woman means whatever I want being a woman to mean.

Once upon a time, there was a young lady who thought she had it all figured out. She was out there living her best life in middle school concert band, showing up all the other baritone saxes and loving it. There was always the little detail that middle school was soon coming to an end in the back of her mind, but that was months away and surely would never actually happen. Spoiler alert, that young lady was me, and middle school definitely ended. I’m not sure why I was dreading the end of middle school because when I look back on my middle school career, I was miserable most of the time. I never really understood why middle school was so miserable for me. It wasn't until high school where I got a better understanding. As soon as I got to high school I joined as many clubs and organizations as possible because I wanted my college applications to look nice and well rounded. Most of which got me involved in community service. I did Friends club which had me helping out the special needs kids, I had Paws Cause where I was doing my part for animals in shelters. Even DECA, a business club got me involved. I was cleaning up school grounds like nobody’s business, and eventually, they took me to Children’s Hunger Fund, a wonderful organization that had me helping sort donations so that they could eventually give them to people in the community in need. What a great organization that was, but my all-time favorite was the LEO club. A club centered around service that took me to Habitat for Humanity, the best kind of service someone could do. Building houses for those in need. One could say I was kept busy, but I didn't even notice. Going back to middle school, I think I was so miserable because I don’t think I did any kind of community outreach. Thinking back on it, I know that if I did service and stopped thinking about myself for one second, I would have had a much better junior high experience. I think it’s important for people to be involved in their communities for their own well being. Not only does the community benefit, but it lifts the spirit. I find it important for people to serve because that’s what brings true happiness. When people are too caught up in their own lives, they become miserable. Helping others, and helping the community is what gets people to really think beyond their own lives and to have better relationships with themselves and the people in the community. In my future career, I hope to continue to keep serving the community. I want to go into marketing and advertising, and community service is a big part of company advertising because companies need to stay involved in the community if they want a good relationship with their customers. But it’s more than that. As a marketer, I can decide which communities need what products and services in what areas. I will be able to help bring companies to areas where they are needed and where they would be the most help. My senior year of high school took me to PALS, where I have been able to serve the community now more than ever. I get an inside look at what the community needs and what the best ways to serve them really are. This I’m grateful for because I will be able to take that knowledge to my future career and be able to get involved. It is important for people to stay involved in their communities, now more than ever. Not only because our communities need it, but for our own well being. And I know with a surety that when people strive to stay involved and help others, their own mental health improves. Which is why I am going to strive to always stay connected in my community. Wherever I go, whatever my future career will bring me, I am going to stay involved in helping those around me who need it most, because that will always be what I need most.

Mercy I’ll try to come to him runnin’ With my arms open wide But I know that my head will turn and I’ll stumble at least a couple of times There’s no way I could make it If I didn’t have his hand To help me when I stumble And make it so that I could stand It’s because of His forgiveness His loving tender grace That I know that He cares for me and I can one day take my place Cause I know that he’s runnin’ With his arms open wide And he just wants to hold me close in his love for the rest of my life But I need to keep learning Because that’s what this life is With Mercy dusting off the stains of a perfect child of His.

I began chess in the dark hours of quarantine's free time. I was contemplating how interesting things to do were coming to an end when I remembered the old Care Bear chess set I had when I was just a lass. The elegance that this old game of mine carried was something I wanted once more. As I was pondering my history with chess, playing chess with my Webkinz online, playing with an experienced friend, and beating her when I hadn't played chess in years, the memories all seemed delightful. It was official, I needed this game in my life again. I quickly got on Amazon.com, searching for an elegant version that was refined, yet cheap enough for someone saving for college. I soon found a version for only twelve dollars and it was soon purchased. I waited with delight only to discover that once it arrived it was a miniature version of the game made with cheap plastic. My surprise was imminent, this would not do. It did, however, reteach me to play chess, which I quickly transferred online as the internet had much more class than plastic. As I honed my skills, a family I nannied for showed me their chess set, and the tournaments began. My victories came one after another stacking themselves like pancakes of victory. Those six-year-olds didn't stand a chance. And while my ego and pride were quickly inflated there came a day of reckoning. At this point, I considered myself a master. I was better than any child aged zero to nine, I had beaten the computer a solid two times, and my younger brother once. It wasn't until my family entered the home of chess fanatics that I met my demise. I should have known it was a trap from the moment I walked in. While our families disguised the event as "dinner" I knew it was my moment. A young man about my age mentioned something about them "owning three separate chess sets", and "playing chess since they were young" and the most taunting, he said he had " memorized the chess rule book." The fool. Surely chess was too old to even still have a rule book. My challenge to him came quickly. As did my defeat. It didn't take long until we started playing that I realized that I had been playing chess wrong this whole time. Needless to say, I was soon humbled. Chess is fickle that way. One victory, you feel like the smartest cat in the alley, but as soon you lose, you're just some regular old alley cat, eating scraps from the garbage to get in a good meal. I needed to learn to take the victories as they come. There is nothing wrong with winning, there is nothing wrong with losing, the only harm comes with how I come back from both. I'm extraordinarily gifted at accepting victories, but my confidence gets squashed the second someone who is obviously better at me, metaphorically buries me into the dust. Losing that chess game at the time seemed like I was a disgrace to my family name. As if beating a young man around my age, who has been playing chess much more often than I since he was a young'un was the only thing that would have brought honor to my family, but I was wrong. You see, I and this young man were still friends after I lost. I haven't quit chess for all time, I actually learned much from him because of the game we played together. Chess is what has taught me to take my victories, as well as my losses in stride. Confidence doesn't have to come right away with all things, neither does perfection. It is alright that I am not an amazing driver just yet, and it is alright that I lose a game of chess every now and then. Chess hasn't changed my life. Chess just changed my outlook. Where there was once nothing but hills and valleys, I now see the road between. Knowing there is more to living than my victories and downfalls, that right in between the two, you find life.

Throughout the course of my short life, I've seen just about as much as a senior in high school can see. This is probably an exaggeration, but like I said I'm a senior in high school, and we like to exaggerate. Where else would senioritis come from? It does feel like I've seen a lot though. I've moved a four times throughout my life, which I realized once I moved to a military town, is not that strong of a brag. Regardless, I feel stronger for it. I'm grateful for every phase of my life. Even when I moved into a church with cliquey girls who didn't need anyone else in their ward and was basically left out of everything. Even when I moved to a different church that put me in the most toxic friendship of my life. And even for the time in my life when the friends I had known all of my life decided to "move in a different direction" friend wise, and stopped talking to me. Every fake friend, every move, and every struggle I've ever had has made me stronger and turned me into the person I am today. I'm not sure why it has always been so hard for me to make good honest friends, but that is the one thing that has been a constant struggle all throughout my life. I used to live in a big town, with a small town feel. Everything was close by, and basically knew each other. I had grown up with my select few best friends and never tried to branch out because I had my people. It was when we entered middle school together that things started to change. I was a weird kid, and never really got into pop culture or social media. My friends noticed this and slowly started to distance themselves away from me. First it was not asking to hang out anymore unless our families were getting together, then it was sitting with other people at church, then it was them forming their own group chats without me in them. I started to hear about them getting together without me all the time, I knew the situation, and was hurt every day by it, but regardless I never would have left had we not moved two hours away. Suddenly I was in high school and forced to branch out and meet new people. In this new town, it was apparent from the start that church was not going to be the place to make friends. These girls did not look happy to see me, so for the first time in my life I had to turn to the people at school. Until the next year, the beginning of sophomore year. We had just moved into a new ward, and I was excited. Most of the girls were friendly but one stuck out to me and we were soon frineds. It didn't take long to realize that she was not a good friend. She was incredibly moody, and would take her bad moods out on me. She would laugh with me one second and ignore me the next. She would swear at me if I sounded too cheerful. She made me angry and hurt, but I would never say anything. It wasn't until she slapped me that I cut her off from my life. I never spoke up, I ignored her. On the last day of school sophmore year, she texted me, blaming me for ruining her day. That finally pushed me to tell her off. I am not a confrontational person, but I let it go to far. I'm grateful for this, because I now know how to stick up for myself. As hard as it may be to believe, I am indebted to these experiences. I'm so grateful that I don't confine myself to a bubble of people. I now know how to be friends with everyone and include people who feel left out, because I know that feeling. I know what I deserve now and how to stick up for myself. I've met great friends who I love and thank God for everyday. I am such a stronger person today because of my struggles so I thank them, and I know that I can handle my future endeavors with confidence. I've got a lot of life left to live, and now I can stare it in the face with an unrelenting confidence, knowing exactly how strong I am.

A tear falls with the snow, naked arms shiver begging for spare change among angry horns and anxious rubber. Babies reach for absent parents, children bleed footprints into paths long from over. But there is something forgot The hand that wipes tears away, The arm covered by a stranger's coat Compassion found for fellow guests of Earth. Or the anxious parents ready to open their home to earn the title to care for another Service for those unknown. History could begin and end with heartache but in between, we find what makes life worth living not the tragedy, but the triumph of the human spirit Kindness people show for no other reason than to be kind Stepping up to help one another when there is need The greatest inspiration life can offer is the nature of humanity The desire to lift up others, to donate to people they've never met To spend time and resources on strangers when tragedy strikes. This is what drives me To know I live in a world that cares To live in a world that strives to solve problems where they are seen To be better and constantly improve. I am driven to be a part of this world To contribute to the caring To solve the problems I see And to be better and to constantly improve on who I am. There is no greater inspiration in life than the nature of humanity. Because when the tears fall, and snow covers naked arms, Humanity makes it so there is always someone who will be there with a coat.

So there I was, back against the wall, sweating lining up across my hairline like little soldiers ready to march. Every eye was on me, laughing at my cowardice through beady black windows to the soul. In other words, I was stuck. My own foolishness leads to my downfall. I was going to die here. A little dramatic for something as trivial as a rollercoaster, but completely necessary. I have had several negative experiences with theme parks. Such as my first ever rollercoaster I rode with my eyes squeezed shut when I was seven, the day I decided rollercoasters were the worst and probably the most dangerous thing a person could ever do. I carried this belief with me till the next time I found myself staring down the iron gates of the evil theme park. I was twelve at the time and taking a field trip with my school band. We were split into groups, and I knew no one in my group. None of my friends wanted to take the trip, so I was stuck in a group of adrenaline junkie twelve-year-old strangers. They all wanted to ride the big roller coasters, but naturally, I refused so we wound up just walking around the park for a good five hours until it was time to load up the bus again. This experience set me back several more years until the cruel mistress of fate had my family move to a city just twenty minutes away from a major theme park. Trips were inevitable, but I was able to hold off riding anything ridiculous. For a long time, I stayed mostly grounded and definitely didn't go upside down since this theme park had a wide variety of spinning, and regular people rides which were my favorite. But not for long. One fateful day, my good friend asked me if I wanted to accompany her and her brother to this park. My answer was obviously no, but that is not what I told her. I had a great desire to spend time and have fun with this friend and how embarrassing would it have been if I had shown my cowardice to her? So I went along secretly terrified, and it didn't take long until we were looking up at our first rollercoaster. My friends quickly ran up to the line, excited for the ride with me trembling by their side. They were sweet and put me at ease by telling me that I didn't have to ride the rollercoaster, just stay in line with them so we could spend time together! Well alright, of course I will, I'm not a monster. So there we were, pleasantly waiting in line with cheap smiles and charming conversation. But as all lines do, this one moved along and soon enough we were at the front of it. Not a big deal, since I was getting ready to casually step across the tracks to get to the other side when an employee made it clear that it was not safe for me to so, and that the only safe way to get across was to ride the roller coaster so that I can step across on an actual platform. This made no sense to me, and I was horrified. My friends started laughing because they knew this all along, and to my dismay, I found myself stuck between the two of them on a cushioned seat wearing a suffocating seatbelt. This was my nightmare. Stepping off the rollercoaster was one of the most liberating experiences of my life. I felt free of a burden that had weighed me down and cost me countless memorable experiences. I had done it, I was forced to, but I had done it. The rest of the day was a blast, still not easy, but much more fun than any trip I had ever taken to a theme park. Maybe it was the people I was with, maybe it was the rollercoaster not being as intense as my very first. But what I think made all the difference was the fact that I opened my eyes. Something seemingly insignificant that completely changed my life. With my eyes shut tight, the twists and turns came completely unexpected, the drops unknown and unwelcome. This came as a revelation to me. The thing is, when it comes to life, the future is always going to come with our eyes shut tight. We have no control of the things life is going to throw at us, and we have no way of knowing what is going to happen. Life is scary that way, being constantly vulnerable to the ups and downs life throws at us. It's hard to feel secure in any situation. What we can do is stay informed, and know the facts so that when life turns us upside down, we'll be able to look at it with our eyes open. I spent my whole life afraid of something when the answer was right in front of me. And because we don't know how the future will turn out, we have two options. We can spend our lives afraid, refusing to try anything and never experience the thrill life brings, or we could embrace it, jump into the unknown to feel the wind, to laugh with friends and to anticipate the unknown with excitement. I know for a fact that I don't want to sit timid in my room my whole life, I want to experience all that life has to offer, but that will never be the case if I let the untold scare me into a lonely corner. I want to open my eyes when I can, and feel the exhilaration when I can't. From now on, I have the freedom to rule my own life instead of letting life rule me.

"Everybody is a genius...". Words of comfort to a troubled mind. Living a life bound by one definition of what genius, or pretty or talented means is a life sentence for torment and the constant miserable companion of comparison. Taking shelter on a boundless world, occupied with people every shape and size who innovate and inspire, create and destroy, comparison should be impossible. Deciding to discount my efforts and my own individual talents and skills because they were not equal to another was a dangerous mentality and undoubtedly would have lead to my downfall. "But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree..". The expectation for one to perform the same as another is unrealistic and foolish. Why would I be asked to create an artistic masterpiece when my strengths lie in comforting friends, and when I have been studying to go into the field of marketing and advertising? Why should a master artist be asked to create an advertising campaign for a major company? Doing what I love and what I feel I am gifted at does not make me worse than someone who has gifts in other fields who ended up successful. There also is the matter of my goal to start a family. Which ties directly into the societal belief that when it comes to marriage and family, one size fits all. A completely false narrative, because just like I am different from anyone I want to compare myself to, my future partner and husband will also be different and will look for different things in a wife. "....it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”- Albert Einstein. The notion that one is not only expected to perform equally to another, but then is emotionally and mentally punished for not being the same person with the same strengths is a cruel and unusual torture. Not only inflicted by ties to society, but most of the time expected by one's self. Why we set unrealistic expectations for ourselves instead of celebrating the things that make us special is a part of human nature that will only lead to individual sef imprisonment. This beautiful world needs all types of talents and skills without such, society would not function. I feel inspired every day knowing that I can reach my goals, not because I am exactly the same as everybody else, but knowing I'm not, and that my individual talents are needed because they are unique. Metaphorically cutting off the chains we bind ourselves in when we try to compare and contrast is a necessity to not just financial success but true happiness. Because I am not a monkey who can climb, but I am not a fish either. I am me, and I love it.

Legacy is a word that carries dignity and grace to me. When I hear legacy my mind thinks strong, majesty and regality. Sort of like the grandmother from Downton Abbey. But to me, leaving behind a legacy doesn't mean I lead this graceful life and people only remembered my soft-spoken, delightful presence. To me, leaving behind a legacy means children and grandchildren, building a loving family, and teaching them the important things in life. In no way is that the only valuable legacy to have. Surely Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos are going to leave behind a memorable legacy. Starting and running a successful company has to be considered impressive, and I will feel perfectly satisfied if that is the legacy I leave when I pass from this Earth. I just don't think it's the most important legacy for me to have. I don't feel pressed to leave behind a memory for the world, it's not essential that the world mourns when I leave. I will feel like a success and I'll be happy if I have a future family that misses me. If I have grandchildren come to my funeral I will be satisfied with the life I lead. Of course, it is important to be realistic. I do have plans in place if my life doesn't pan out this way. A sort of secret dream that I have is to start my own publishing company. Not just any publishing company, but one for kids aged zero to eighteen to submit their manuscripts for a chance to get their books published. It may sound silly, but I know as a kid I had a ton of ideas and if I knew that there was an opportunity out there like that, I would probably have acted on it. The only reason I even bring this up is that I wanted to call it Legacy Publishing because getting a book published before eighteen I think is the coolest legacy to leave behind. So when I hear legacy, I think of kids working hard to accomplish something they've dreamed about. When I hear legacy I think of anyone who ever had a hidden or secret dream and acted on it, and it turned it into something wonderful. That to me is absolutely the best kind of legacy to leave behind. If I get lucky enough to get married and have kids one day, I want them to dream big, and not be afraid to act on their dreams. If anyone in this world was to ever get anything they wanted out of life, then they need to be brave enough to leave a legacy. To jump into unknown waters because it's the only way to get to where they want to be. I'm going to look for opportunities and find them because when people look back on me, whether it be my family or the world, I want them to know that I was brave enough to create my own legacy.

There was a time I would throw myself off a cliff to defend my brother's honor. I know that sounds a bit dramatic but it was true. I may not idolize this glorious man to the extent that I once did when I was younger, but my respect for him has only grown. Some might not understand my reverence for this older brother of mine, but for years I couldn't think of him any other way. The only reason I don't worship him the way I once did is because I'm older now and my awe has transitioned to respect and admiration. My brother Gavin is the best kind of person I've ever met. He is everything I strive to be and has taught me what a true Christian is. He is kind, understanding, a peacemaker, inclusive, and most importantly, so incredibly fun. Allow me to explain what I mean, Gavin is the kind of brother who would invite his annoying little sister to join him and his friends when they would hang out. Gavin had the power to bring me along because he was always the one initiating things. He was the one who would drive to everyone's houses to pick them up, he was the one to drag reluctant friends literally out of bed because he knew they would enjoy themselves, he was the one to ask "when are we doing this?" Every. Single. Time. Gavin taught me not to wait for someone else to ask, if you want to hang with friends, you make it happen. Not only would he initiate things, he would ask everyone to come. He would ask the person who always said no, he would ask the person who was new and didn't really know anyone yet, he would make sure they had no excuses and would bring them in his old van he dubbed the "trappmobile" along anyway. He would play his funky tunes on the way, and make sure everyone was dancing. Gavin taught me that it's always more fun with more people dancing. Long before he could drive, my brother still stood as a shining example. In a church that's mostly frowned upon by plenty of Christians and others, my brother is a proud member. Not only is our church ridiculed but it also has lots of standards that many would call strict. Gavin has always and continues to follow each and every one of them. Gavin was a part of a theater program and was very adamant about his beliefs. Now, I'm not sure how familiar everyone is with the attitudes of most people involved with theater, but they typically don't take very kindly to Christians or really anyone with different beliefs. Nevertheless Gavin stood his ground, spoke his mind and still was friends with everyone. People love Gavin no matter where he goes because he is such a fun and friendly presence. Gavin has taught me to be proud. Stand out where most people sit in, and love every side of every story. You're not always going to get love back, but at least you know where you stand with God. Full confession, I am not my brother. Unlike myself, Gavin was a peacemaker. But me? I get frustrated when people don't accept me right away because of my beliefs, I am sort of a trouble maker at home, I get into plenty of fights with my siblings and was pretty quick to anger with them. My younger siblings that is. I have two older brothers who I love more than anything, a younger sister who I did not get along with for a long time, and then a younger brother who was either my buddy or my worst enemy. Gavin wasn't like that. We were all younger siblings to him, and if he saw us fighting or yelling at each other for no reason he would quickly put an end to it. Not by lovingly stopping us and reminding us why we should love each other and not fight, but by telling us how stupid we looked, and ask if yelling about this stupid thing was worth our time and dignity. That got annoying, but man was it effective. Gavin taught me to pick my battles, and that most of the time, there really doesn't need to be one. True to his promises and who he is, Gavin decided to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. He moved out the November of my Junior year and is returning home this next November. Talking to him on the phone about his experiences and every thing he is doing on his mission only proves to me what I knew about him all along. Gavin loves everyone, he makes peace on the daily as a true disciple of Christ and has taught me to be the best example I can be to my younger siblings. Now that both of my older brothers have moved out, it's my turn to set the stage and to show them how to be loving and understanding. Because of my older brother Gavin I know just how to do that and I've never gotten along better with all of my siblings. Because Gavin taught me the most important thing in my life, you are only ever going to have as many loved ones as you love back. And that it's always more fun while dancing.

My song would have to be Someone To You by BANNERS. Because before this was a TikTok song, it was my absolute favorite. The only song I have ever listened to that makes me want to dance and cry at the same time. The rest of my playlist is for dancing. I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and I like to listen to clean music. But do you know how hard it is to find clean songs that you actually want to dance to? That's what this playlist is.

I don't want this to be an essay on how hard my life was. I live in the suburbs of America, with two loving parents, and a sibling for every finger on my hand. On top of that, I have Jesus with me. I'm super religious by the way. I am probably more blessed than fifty percent of all mankind. Though don't quote me on that, I don't have my exact percentages down in that particular area. Although I am such a lucky duck, I still had a difficult time seeing past my own insecurities. For years, they stopped me from enjoying all the blessings that were laid out in front of me. I felt below average for a long time. Most of it having relating to my relationship with my body. I was never what one would say, obese, but I definitely fell in the overweight category. And I hated it. I hated that I looked that way, I hated that I wouldn't do anything about it, and I hated looking at myself. Pictures-gag, mirrors- don't get me started, every now and then I would catch a glimpse of myself in the reflection of my phone screen and that would set me back for weeks. It definitely affected who I am today. I wore ugly, baggy clothing because I didn't believe I was pretty enough for nice clothing and that if I attempted to ever wear makeup, I would get laughed out of school because there isn't enough makeup in the world for that face. I wouldn't tell my friends about my crushes because I just assumed they would think I was too ugly to like anyone. I'm pretty confident most of them assumed I was gay for a while there. This was my entire middle school experience. High School came and that didn't really change until junior year. I started dieting, exercising, the usual. I didn't see any real results on my body, the only result I really saw was in my confidence. Still would never wear makeup, but I did start to dress nicer. Finally, quarantine came the second half of junior year and things really started to get put into high gear. I lost twenty pounds and stopped worrying about what people thought. I got pants and blouses that actually fit me until they didn't and overall just felt better. I feel more confident than ever in my ability to one day become a mother. Much due in part to my relationship with Jesus. I feel that without Him I never would have felt motivated enough to make the change. I could have loved myself anyway I was. But I made the change because I felt it was the best thing for my body, and my overall health. I'm no model, but I am happy, and I am proud of who I am, and what I've done.

I began chess in the dark hours of quarantine's free time. I was contemplating how interesting things to do were coming to an end when I remembered the old Care Bear chess set I had when I was just a lass. The elegance that this old game of mine carried was something I wanted once more. As I was pondering my history with chess, playing chess with my Webkinz online, playing with an experienced friend, and beating her when I hadn't played chess in years, the memories all seemed delightful. It was official, I needed this game in my life again. I quickly got on Amazon.com, searching for an elegant version that was refined, yet cheap enough for someone saving for college. I soon found a version for only twelve dollars and it was soon purchased. I waited with delight only to discover that once it arrived it was a miniature version of the game made with cheap plastic. My surprise was imminent, this would not do. It did, however, reteach me to play chess, which I quickly transferred online as the internet had much more class than plastic. As I honed my skills, a family I nannied for showed me their chess set, and the tournaments began. My victories came one after another stacking themselves like pancakes of victory. Those six-year-olds didn't stand a chance. And while my ego and pride were quickly inflated there came a day of reckoning. At this point, I considered myself a master. I was better than any child aged zero to nine, I had beaten the computer a solid two times, and my younger brother once. Sure he was twelve and had already won five games before that, but when I did beat him, it was a legendary defeat. It wasn't until my family entered the home of chess fanatics that I met my demise. I should have known it was a trap from the moment I walked in. While our families disguised the event as "dinner" I knew it was my moment. A young man about my age mentioned something about them "owning three separate chess sets", and "playing chess since they were young" and the most taunting, he said he had " memorized the chess rule book." The fool. Surely chess was too old to even still have a rule book. My challenge to him came quickly. As did my defeat. It didn't take long until we started playing that I realized that I had been playing chess wrong this whole time. Needless to say, I was soon humbled. Chess is fickle that way. One victory, you feel like the smartest cat in the alley, but as soon you lose, you're just some regular old alley cat, eating scraps from the garbage to get in a good meal. Once I thought about this principle for a while I realized it's much like my real life. I needed to learn to take the victories as they come. There is nothing wrong with winning, there is nothing wrong with losing, the only harm comes with how I come back from both. I'm extrodanarily gifted at accepting victories, but my confidence gets squashed the second someone who is obviously better at me, metaphorically buries me into the dust. The timing of this lesson could not have come at a better moment. At the time I was learning to drive. I had my permit for the last six months and my test was approaching fast, and I felt ready. You know, every now and then. The second I would hit a curb, or turn a corner too fast, I felt too dangerous for the open road and thought that me getting my license would make me a danger to society. Little did I realize that I was not my parents, who had over twenty years of driving experience, and that the reason they did not hit curbs, and that they turned every corner at the exact right speed was because they did not start driving five months ago. This is where chess came in. Losing that chess game at the time seemed like I was a disgrace to my family name. As if beating a young man around my age, who has been playing chess much more often than I since he was a young'un was the only thing that would have brought honor to my family, but I was wrong. You see, me and this young man were still friends after I lost. I haven't quit chess for all time, I actually learned much from him because of the game we played together. Chess is what has taught me to take my victories, as well as my losses in stride. Confidence doesn't have to come right away with all things, neither does perfection. It is alright that I am not an amazing driver just yet, and it is alright that I lose a game of chess every now and then. I don't think people really play chess to win. It may be what chess is all about, but I don't think it's why I played it. Winning felt good, but that time spent with my brother was priceless. Then teaching those six year olds that you can't save the pawn's two space move for later, time and time again was really why I played it. Plus little kids faces in concentration is too cute. It reminded me of all the reasons I want to be a mom. To teach that losing is okay, and that winning is only great, when you are great about it. To comfort and love on when my tinies are disappointed is everything I've ever dreamed of. Chess hasn't changed my life. Chess just changed my outlook. Where there was once nothing but hills and valleys, I now see the road between. Knowing there is more to living then my victories and downfalls, that right in between the two, you find life.

I have been dreaming of college ever since my third-grade teacher told my class stories of her adventures in college. But as we all know, you can't have a dream without a plan. And there is the little detail that life doesn't end once college does, so I know I need to do something that's going to set me up nicely. My plan is to study marketing in college for several reasons. One, I want to go into advertising because advertising is tons of fun. Two, if advertising doesn't work out, a degree in marketing can be useful in many different areas seeing as marketing covers many more areas other than advertising. Three, I've been taking marketing classes my entire high school career and am ready to finally put some of that knowledge to use. I believe that with a useful degree that can apply to many different areas of business and life, I will be ready to face the real world with rosy cheeks and a high flying spirit. Of course, I know things don't always go according to plan, but what better way to prepare for any situation than to have a bachelors degree always in the back of my pocket. I don't know where I'll need to move, or what my future family or career is going to take me. All I can do is prepare the best I can by getting my education. I strongly believe it will be the best thing for my future family and my future career. When my dad lost his job five years ago, my mom had to go back to work for the first time in sixteen years. This soon proved to be a difficult task for her because not many places wanted to hire someone who had been out of work for sixteen years, on top of that, she never finished getting her degree, so when she finally found a job, it was not something that could support a family of five. I have learned from my mother's mistake. I plan to graduate with honors after experiencing the best four years of my life.